The Secret Mrs Carson: Chapter 4
Anna had been sitting by Mrs Hughes side for over an hour and a half when she finally heard groggy moan from her. The time had gone by so slowly – but the reward was worth it.
By Anna's reckoning, the operation itself could not have started until gone eight o'clock that morning, possibly half past. Mrs Hughes had not come back up stairs until gone four and the day had been agonising, for them all. Anna had been so worried the entire time. She had felt as if any moment they could all tip over into the black hole.
The housekeeper was pale and clearly exhausted as she came round from the sedative...
"Anna?" if a pin had been dropping at the same time, she was sure she would have missed her speaking.
"I'm here, Mrs Hughes."
"Is it over?"
"Yes. It is."
"And was it successful?"
"From what Dr Clarkson said."
"Thank god," the patient sighed as she allowed her heavy eye lids to close.
It took her all of five minutes to drift back off into a very deep sleep. She was silent, apart from the occasional grown of pain and the only audible word she whispered as she lingered in her state of semi conciseness: 'Charles.'
XXX
"Mary and I will go in with Carson tonight, Matthew. If you can take Daisy home and settle back in that would be a great help," Robert told his son in law.
"Of course."
Daisy turned to Mr Carson about to protest at being sent away when she had done so much for them that day, but silenced herself before she begun. He did not need to hear her moaning.
Nevertheless, Carson had seen the look on her face. Her silence spoke volumes of her maturity though. Once he had shut the door of the car, he looked back in. Daisy leant forward and gave him a small smile.
"Tell Mrs Carson, I'll be in to see her tomorrow if she is well enough. I'll say a pray before bed too."
"You did very well today, young lady. Thank you for everything," he nodded. "Now go and tell Mrs Patmore all about your adventure and then get some sleep. I fear its back to reality for you tomorrow, my girl."
"Yes Mr Carson."
With the Earl of Grantham, his daughter and Carson out the car, Matthew Crawley Esquire turned the engine back on. Looking in the mirror, he was struck by Daisy's wide smile. For the next ten minutes as they drove home, she felt as if, just for once, she was queen of the county – after all, it was everyday a kitchen maid was chauffeur driven by the heir to the Earl of Grantham.
She remembered how she had felt when she had set off that day – rather scared, timid and nervous. And heart sick over poor Mrs Carson. But she had a feeling that everything would be ok. After all, the last thing Mr Carson would permit was his wife's death.
Perhaps everything would be fine after all.
As they drove up in front of the house, Matthew stopped. It probably made more sense just to drive Daisy straight to the garages but he had seen her expression and was willing to play along. After the day she had had, she needed some fun.
Opening her door after getting out the car himself, he gave her his hand. "My Lady."
XXX
Charles Carson arrived at eight o'clock at the hospital. All in all, it had been a long day already – not that he was willing to acknowledge that yet. After all, it was far from over.
As he walked down the corridor, ahead of his lord and lady, he looked round the doors to try and find his wife.
Where are you darling?
Turning into a new corridor, he finally felt his heart settle, for ahead of him, he saw Anna Bates and Doctor Clarkson.
Upon hearing the footsteps, they stopped talking.
"Thank god – Daisy did it!" Anna expressed her joy as Carson came up to the doctor and removed his hat.
"How is Mrs Carson?" he asked, all but ignoring the lady's maid.
Dr Clarkson smiled. "So the rumours are true."
"Entirely – now can somehow please tell me how and where my wife is?"
"Mrs Carson is much better than she was this morning and the operation, for now, seems to have been a success."
"Thank god," The Earl of Grantham spoke for them all – but Charles felt caught up on one word.
"Seems?" he asked.
"Mr Carson, come to my office. I can explain things in private there," Clarkson told him, conscious that the Crawley's were listening. He had a mind to the dignity of his patient, but he had no qualms about explaining things to her husband.
Charles hesitated. His natural instinct was to go straight to his wife's side. But he had to know what they were up against.
"Anna, Mary and I will sit with Mrs. Hughes," said Robert, realising that it was going to be quite some time before he got use to using his house keepers married name. If it offered Carson some comfort to think she was not on her own, that was something the otherwise powerless earl could do. "Just until you can come."
"With all due respect, my lord," Clarkson begun. "I do not mind either of the young ladies going in, but given the nature of the surgery Mrs Carson has under gone, I really think her husband should be the first man to go into the room asides myself – and only then others when she feels the time is right."
"Of course, sorry." He had not even considered that side of things. "Then the girls can go in," Robert nodded, as he spied a chair. "And I shall wait here for you all."
"My lord, thank you very much for everything today," Carson said through a thick throat. He had been worried that Lord Grantham was going to feel as if he had betrayed his trust. Yet if Grantham did feel that way, then he was not showing it.
"Go on Carson," Robert nodded.
Within three minutes, the butler was sat down in Clarkson's office, his coat removed and his face set grim.
"Mr Carson, as you know, I operated on your wife this morning. She had a lump in her breast which was malignant and had it been left as it was, would have almost certainly have lead to her death."
Carson nodded, going cold as the doctor spoke of his wife's potential death. If he was alive when the real thing came to pass... it did not bare thinking about.
"And it was a success? The operation?"
"As far as we can say at this stage, yes. When she has regained her strength, Mrs Carson will need to return so we can check things are progressing nicely. You must understand, while she has been out of the operating room four hours, things are still very unsettled."
"Of course they are. Doctor Clarkson, Mrs Carson has felt rather – embarrassed, by her condition, I think. As such, she shared very little of it with me... when did she become ill?"
"She was referred to us from Guys in London, having found the lump when she was visiting. I assumed she was there with the family."
"No, she was aiding a friend in need," Carson shook his head. "Presuming things have gone as well as we hope, how will things go forward?"
"Well, I anticipate that she will remain here between one or two weeks. She will then need bed rest and quiet for another six to eight weeks. She is in for a pretty rough time of it; I am not going to lie. We have given her pain killers but they will only work so far."
"And after, say, three months has past?"
"You're wife should be as well as she ever has been."
"Thank you," for now, that was all he needed to know.
"Mr Carson, I should prepare you however, for when you go into see your wife. Due to the invasive nature of the surgery, her right breast has been left quite misshapen. Once the swelling goes down, it will not be painful for her – yet she will always be, for want of a better word, rather uneven."
Carson nodded. He did not think his wife had ever been a vain women but he knew she was going to struggle with the after effect on her body. He'd help her through it, but it did not matter to him much. "As long as she is healthy, I don't care."
"Very well. Have you any other questions?"
Carson shook his head. "I am almost sure that I will have tomorrow. But it has been a difficult day and – and my head is spinning. Please may I..." he said as he rose.
"Of course."
And with that, Carson was out of the office and retracing his steps. Walking past the Earl of Grantham, he gave a tense smile but said nothing. He did not know what to say. There were no words.
Also, there was far too much going on in his head for him to be coherent.
Pausing outside of his wife's door for just a moment, he shut his eyes and relived the past few weeks. His wife had said he was not to blame himself for leaving her but how could he not? He should have seen it coming... All the tears and the distance, all the lonely nights and the stressed out days.
He knew her better than that. And yet he had left her alone.
Whether or not she would allow him to take the blame, he had to shoulder his own part in his own head at least. And it weight on his conscience.
Finally summoning the courage to opened the door, he walked into his wife's sick room.
The first thing he noted was Anna and Lady Mary standing at the end of the bed together in quietly conference. The chair beside it was empty.
As soon as he looked at the two girls, they took the hint.
"We'll be just outside with papa," Mary told Carson gently as she brushed past him and squeezed his arm, giving him a reassuring smile.
"Thanks you, milady."
It was not until the door had shut behind him that he at last allowed himself to look at his wife.
His dear, darling wife.
Against his will, tears streaked down his face at the sight of her and there was nothing he could do to stop them. He had been holding his emotions back all day – but as ever, he could only be himself when he was alone with his Elsie. And he had had to be strong throughout the rest of the day. Yet a voice told him, he had never had to be as strong as he had to be then.
Taking his position in the empty seat, he took his wife's hand by instinct. Had it really only been four days? Because it felt as if a life time has passed since he had seen the most beloved face in the world.
"Oh, you're cold, angel," he said as he encased her hand in his and then begun massaging it, trying to put warmth back into her icy finger tips.
She was cold and he anxiously begun looking about for another blanket. He was pretty sure she was already under about three and there was a fire burning not so far away – but it was not enough.
He had been about go out in to the corridor to ask for a nurse, but when he tried to put her hand down, the action was resisted.
Turning back to the bed, he failed once more to hold his tears back as he looked into the beautiful eyes of his wife. It occurred to him how amazing their love was, because even though the bags under her eyes were prominent, to him, they only made her beautiful brown eyes shine even more to him.
Cupping her cheek, he pushed a gentle, lingering kiss to her forehead, stroking her hair as he did so. Pulling back, he looked down on her and swallowed hard.
"Oh Charles," she whispered. "I'm so sorry... so very sorry..."
"Hush woman."
But she went on as if he had not spoken. "So glad... so glad you're here." A tear rolled out of her eye, ran down her cheek before it dripped on to the pillow.
His poor wife looked as exhausted as he felt – and with a much better reason.
"Where else would I be, my darling?" he asked shaking his head.
"I'm not well."
"It's a little late for that now," Charles almost chuckled as he brushed away more of her tears with a clumsy, shaking hand. His wife continued to grasp at his other hand weakly.
"I love you."
"And I love you too – more than ever before."
"I haven't lost you?"
He shook his head. "Why would even think that? It takes more than this to put me off. Elsie, you beautiful, beautiful woman..."
"But I'm not, am I? Not anymore," her quiet voice broke.
"Hush," Charles said more firmly than before. "I will not have you speak like that, nor tire yourself out. Sweetheart, we're together and we will get you well again."
She nodded.
"I'm here now. I promise, I'll never leave you again – and I mean it this time. I'm here," he repeated as he kissed her.
Sitting back down, he pulled the chair closer to the edge of the bed so that she could hold on to him, wrapping her hand round the back of his neck. It seemed a very awkward attitude to him, but if it brought her comfort, he wouldn't stop her. Laying his head on the pillow by her side, he kissed her lips and continued to plant kisses all of to her face till she had calmed.
"Your letter was lovely by the way... parts of it anyway," he told her, in a slightly mournful tone.
"I left it on the desk. You were only meant to get it if..."
"I know. You were going to remove it if you got home before me, weren't you?"
She nodded - and he could see even that small action seem to cause his poor darling pain. "How comes you've read it?"
"That's a rather complicated, but from what I gather, interesting story. Even I don't know all the details yet. I shall let Daisy tell it to you when you're feeling better."
"Daisy?"
"Oh, yes. She had quite the adventure today."
"That sounds dangerous."
He chuckled as he stroked her hair. "Do you know what got stuck in my head on the way here though?"
"I think I can have a guess," she gave him a sleepy smile.
Leaning close to her he first begun to hum gently, before quietly singing to her:
'Elsie, Elsie give me your heart to do
I'm half crazy, hopeful in love with you
It won't be a stylish marriage
I can't afford the carriage
But you look sweet upon the street
On a bicycle built for two'
Please review!
Author Note: Thank you all for reviewing! I really appreciate it. I hope you guys enjoyed the reunion. You can look forward to more Nurse Charles in chapter 5!