A/N: So...I lost my brother!

...heh heh heh...

….shit.

Well don't worry cause this isn't gonna turn into some dumbass drama involving me and Max running around everywhere looking for Zane.

I put it as a humor for a reason, people! DUH.

By the way, thanks to Peace shadow, daydreamer1008, and Kyonkichi9. A cookie to you all :)

Oh, and this is my first attempt at a humor story, but I think it's pretty good. I don't know what you think, and if you don't like it, well, I honestly DON'T GIVE A FUCK!

Flame me if you wanna, doesn't matter to me.

One of my teachers said he had 4 simple rules to life that he followed, and personally, I like them. And #3 was take nothing personal. Which I don't.

So, on that happy note,

ENJOY DAMMIT!

Damn.

Karakura Town is a helluva lot bigger in real life.

The characters make it look like it's super easy, running from one side of the town to the other.

Well guess what?

IT FUCKING SUCKS.

Me and Max have been running around ALL FUCKING DAY looking for Zane.

And I still have no idea where the hell he is.

That little son of a bitch.

It's, like, 100 fucking degrees out, there are no goddamn clouds to provide any shade relief, I'm not very athletic as it is, and guess what else?

Mother Nature decided to be a mega BITCH.

I'M ON MY GODDAMN PERIOD.

So I'm not in a very good mood, and I swear the first bad guy I see is gonna get a major cussing out just because I need to be pissed at SOMEONE.

Ya know what?

I'm taking a break.

I don't care if Zane's soul is in danger of being sucked up by Yammy right now.

Or if Zane is in danger of getting his ass handed to him by Ulquiorra.

I'm fucking tired, so I'm taking a fucking break.

And that's that.

Looking around, I realized that I'm in the same general area where Yammy and Ulquiorra fight Orihime and Chad.

Oh fucking joy.

I heard something rustling in the bushes.

So I spun around all ninja like and yell, "Who the fuck is there? Leave me alone, dammit! I've had enough shit today! Don't make me rip your fucking intestines out!"

...And Max comes out.

She rolls her eyes. "You are such a drama queen." she said.

I flipped her off.

"Have you found Zane yet?"

She shook her head.

"Dammit."

She came and sat next to me on the grass. "Ugh, I'm tired." she complained.

"Holy shit, do not EVEN go there."

Max giggled. She looked around, and after a minute, I heard the gasp I was waiting for.

"OH MY GOSH THIS IS THE PLACE WHERE YAMMY AND ULQUIORRA COME TO!"

Damn, she can scream loud.

"No shit, Sherlock."

Then, speak of the fucking devil, this huge pressure came crashing down on us.

...Goddamn spiritual pressure.

"I...think they're...here...now."

I barely managed to choke out the words, the damn spiritual pressure was so intense.

Max just nodded.

Then her eyes got huge and she started pointed and grunting like a fucking retarded monkey.

I turned my head and followed her gaze and...

GOD. DAMMIT.

Fucking Zane was just rushing into the area, but was now on his knees because of the spiritual pressure.

"ZANE!"

Ha. I can still yell.

"RUN!"

He glared at me.

Oh yeah.

Spiritual pressure has a tendency to kinda incapacitate a person.

Heh heh heh...

My bad.

So then the stupid friggin' Garganta decides to open up.

Right above us.

...And Max is still pointing and grunting like a fucking retarded monkey, but now she's aiming at the sky.

Because her ever precious Ulqui-kun is coming out of the Garganta.

….

Oh. My. Gosh.

Every Ulquiorra fan girl is gonna be soo jealous of me right now.

Because if you thought he was hot in the anime/manga, you should see him in real life.

I nearly fainted, he was soo hot.

Yeah, I know I said I'm a Grimmjow fan girl, WHICH I AM, it's just that Ulquiorra comes in a very, VERY, close second.

And DAMN, was he fine.

...So now we're both pointing and grunting like fucking retarded monkeys.

Yammy and Ulquiorra come down to the ground, and they're both just freaking staring at us.

Yammy has the most perfect WTF look on his face.

And Ulquiorra comes as close as I think he ever will to also having a WTF look on his face.

Damn, I wish I had a camera right then.

That was freaking priceless!

Their spiritual pressure FINALLY eased up, and me and Max burst out laughing our asses off.

I laughed so hard I couldn't breath, and Max had tears in her eyes.

I looked over at Zane, and he was on the ground.

I immediately had one of those mini-heart attacks. You know, like in that one moment when you rock just a little too far back in your chair and you almost fall back but don't?

Yeah, one of those.

It's only a mini because I realized he's on the ground laughing.

And not injured.

Yay!

"You-you-you...HAHAHAHA!" Max attempted to say something and pointed at them, but doubles over in laughter before she can really say anything.

"You should see the look on your faces!"

I had to scream it for Max, because she still can't talk.

I'm surprised I can.

Cause, ya know, I still can't really breath. From laughing so hard.

So we finally calm down, and then it's just kind of a staring contest between the four of us. Excluding Zane, cause he's way the fuck on the other side of the area-place-thingy.

Yammy still has his WTF look, and Ulquiorra is back to his normal "I'm emo and bored so don't fucking bother me" look.

And I swear I heard Ulquiorra mutter "Trash."

-insert fan girl scream here-

And I guess Max heard it too, cause she joined me in my fan girl screaming.

Then Zane walked over, and just to be a dick towards Yammy and Ulquiorra, he struck a very gay (and funny) pose and started screaming just like us.

It was effing hilarious.

Then Ulquiorra raised his finger and aimed it at us.

In preparation of a cero.

...Shitballs.

"Ulquiorra's firin' his lazah! RUN!" Max screamed.

Zane didn't know what the hell was happening, so he just kept screaming like a retard. I grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the way right as Ulquiorra's cero blasted the space we had just occupied.

….

DAAAAAMN.

Our asses almost got CERO-ED.

"HOLY SHIT!" Zane yelled.

"Max yelled 'run' for a reason, stupid."

He glared at me.

"Uh guys? I think we should leave now." Max whispered. "Yammy looks pissed."

I looked over and...whaddya know, he does!

Which probably isn't good.

"Yeah. Let's go tell Kisuke they're here. Him and Yoruichi have to come and save everyone's ass."

Max and Zane nodded and we started running (AGAIN) to Kisuke's shop.

Stupid lack of public transport.