Coping with Menstruation

Oh, happy day, I got me a raise! Now I can get a fancy font for myself! Of course, you can't see it, but it's there, alright. CA would like to thank all who reviewed (a Guest and Caitey); they made her smile, and got me a raise, so thank you from me too. I shall continue to work for this idiot, who is making up this story as she goes. Anyway, on with the story! Takes place on a Monday, by the way.

"You look well rested." Harvey looked at Mike, or rather Sue, as s/he called him/herself now. He was right; usually his associate had dark circles and a rumpled suit. Today it was a woman's suit, impeccably neat, and though she wore no makeup, Sue's face appeared to glow in the fluorescent lights.

"Yeah, Louis didn't approach me even once on Saturday (he thinks that since I'm a woman, my capabilities are automatically subpar), so I was able to finish your work and get a good night's sleep." Sue looked pretty happy with herself. Harvey allowed her to bask in her good luck, before handing her a pile of sheets.

"Finish this by one; we'll be paying our clients a visit." He waved her out, and she rolled her eyes as she walked out, and tried not to peep at the fan letter Donna was writing to someone called 'C. Acidity'.

"You wish," muttered Donna. Let it be known that I agree. Yet again Sue wondered who Donna was talking to, but hurried to her cubicle to finish her work. She wanted to get her work done as soon as possible, as she rather liked to visit clients. Plus, she needed something to distract her from the events of the weekend. Saturday had been dreamlike, punching a woman at a lingerie store, and then crying all over Rachel. How she made it home, she didn't remember (actually she did, but she'd rather not think about it, thank you very much), but when she did, she had no idea what to do. What did women do before sleeping? Was there a secret ritual she wasn't aware of? It took a lot of guts to undress, as simply looking at herself felt like cheating on Rachel, even though they weren't involved, and she was pretty sure lesbians didn't face this problem. Then she slapped herself to get herself out of that train of thought, and I slapped CA for writing with such long sentences.

Sunday had been a little better, although Rachel had kept glancing at Sue like she was about to jump off a cliff, which was actually pretty close to what she was thinking, and had paid for everything, i.e. - two pantsuits, because she looked ridiculous (which is officially CA's favorite word) in normal suits, and some jeans, because her jeans hung off her at weird angles. Never before had she been so aware of the anatomical differences between men and women. But it had passed relatively uneventfully; Rachel had even brought chocolate ice cream for them, and told her that if she ever needed anything she was there for her. Then she had asked if she had enough… sanitary pads, and Sue had borrowed some of hers, in the event that she did start bleeding in her underwear, she could minimize the damage to her clothes, although the idea of bleeding for twenty eight days scared her a little.

But the weekend was over, and now it was back to working with Harvey. She finished her work, and excitedly deposited it on Donna's desk, before retrieving it, and personally depositing it on Harvey's desk, lest she face the wrath of The Great Donna, who blackmailed CA into writing that.

"Done so soon?" It usually took Sue a long time to finish Harvey's work, but now that Louis was practicing misogynism with her, she was able to do things incredibly fast, with a smile on her face (well, not exactly, but she was as happy as someone with a pile of paperwork could be). But she had holed herself up in the file room to do it, as Harold kept sending weird looks in her direction, and she could almost hear the universe laughing at her misery. You are, aren't you? Sue grinned. Finally out of the office, where everyone seemed to have their eyes on her, even Donna, who she swore was laughing at her behind her back. She followed Harvey into his limousine, trying to ignore the looks she was getting from most of the associates (except Harold, who gave her a good natured smile and wave).

Most of the ride was lost in trying to find a comfortable way to sit, and Harvey tapping her for fidgeting too much, but they soon reached. 37 Brooklyn avenue (CA is not American, but even if she was, she's no good with geography. She made that up. Hopefully). Home of the genius scientist Maude Islington, creator of the infamous Ultratocin. Sue wondered why she had expected to go somewhere else.

Ah, CA would have ended the chapter here, except that she hasn't actually written anything of substance yet.

You're welcome.

"Harvey, what a lovely surprise!" Maude smiled warmly at her lawyer and his companion. Such a lovely lady was she, smiling politely, and keeping to herself, almost as if afraid of contracting a disease from her home. Luckily she had some leftover lasagna she could heat.

"Okay, Maude, let's cut to the chase." Harvey's voice held no indication of seriousness, yet Maude could tell he meant business.

No, you can't stop now, CA.

Sue was feeling very uncomfortable. She was in the home of the person responsible for her… condition. Said person had also served her lasagna, and told her that she and Harvey looked cute together, making her choke on her own spit.

Harvey blinked.

"I see." Sue looked up, and realized that she had missed most of the conversation so far. Miss Maude was nodding her head to something Harvey had said. She looked at her.

"Mike, how are you feeling?"

"Fine." She replied before she realized what she was doing. Maude nodded again, eerily reminiscent of a doctor nodding at a patient.

"I see." She turned to Harvey, now looking more like a pediatrician than anything else. "Ultratocin can't spread through the air, so your associate must have somehow ingested it by accident. Changes this extreme don't usually occur, so either Mike has an unusually low level of testosterone, or he OD'd on the drug. Either way, the effects probably won't last longer than a few weeks, a month at the most." She turned back to Mike. "So, young man, do you prefer tampons or sanitary pads? I have both, if you need any."

As Mike assured the doctor he was fine, he made a mental promise never to ask his future children anything like this.

CA worked hard on this, so I will refrain from insulting the moron, who totally deserves it, today. Besides, she bought me a new font. It makes me look very thin, and emphasizes my curves. You know the curves in the letter C, and U… Such a dirty mind you have. Anyway, CA is relatively new to typing on Microsoft word, as she used to do the majority of her writing on a tablet. There are going to be mistakes, so do report them to her, and she will work on fixing them. In other news, the letter from Donna:

To: C. Acidity

Regarding my role in your recent story, Embrace you Feminity, I feel I have little significance, except to make fun of Mike, or Sue, as s/he calls him/herself. Which is not the point, it's just that… I fell ignored. I work so hard to make it here, and you just don't include me? I'm not saying that I need the attention, it's just that I want my efforts (*tear-stain*) be acknowledged. I can forgive my role in Suitcases, as you're only insulting the people who (*tear-stain*) the advertisement. (*tear-stain*) Sorry for crying all over the paper, but… I feel I deserve the respect I'm asking for.

Okay, let's put it another way. If you give me a better role, I won't tell anyone about what you do every night… Deal? Good.

Love

Donna.

Not much of a secret, but CA doesn't want it to get out. So, of course, you will be seeing a bit more of Donna in the next chapters. If you don't, Donna will tell you what CA does every night. Don't worry, it's legal. Just embarrassing.

CA says I'm too mean, so she's hiring an assistant for me. If you review, I might be able to get a good one. Or better yet, I won't need one.

That's me saying review, by the way.