A/N: Hello everyone.

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Not sure what I think of this chapter? Hope you will like it better than I do. Thank you for reading.

She had wanted to go to London. Wanted to at least feel closer to Michael then she did in Yorkshire. She knew she was damping the mood and her family would only blame her for ruining her fathers birthday party that was the following night but she didn't care. Though she had reason to suspect her mood was also down to Anthony. Leaving the dinning room she was so lost in her thoughts she did not see Carson approach her. Something about her meeting with Anthony had stayed with her. She was too tired with it all. He would say he would never be good enough and there was Michael to think about. Why am I even thinking Anthony would want to reconsider what we have? She had done it many times her self. She still loved him but now she felt she were not good enough. She couldn't blame him at all, he must have known deep down she would end up this way. She wasn't angry, just hurting. Hurting and wishing she could make it hurt a little less.

"I do apologise to you my lady this came in the evening post and appears to have been over looked." Her heart jumped seeing the white envelope in Carson's hand and tried not to let her voice shake.

"Not to worry."

Dear Lady Edith

I am writing to confirm my findings of our recent consultation, in that your signs and symptoms are consistent with those of the first trimester of pregnancy.

I look forward to being of further assistance to you

yours sincerely

Dr T Goldsmith.

The room span as the letters blurred on the page. A thick fog taking hold. The worst had finally been confirmed. All she could see on the page now were questions marks. Large dark clouds, her love for Micheal dropping like a stone. She could not comprehend it. She had always been a Lady through everything and now, now she was not even that. Ruined. It hurt more than she could have ever thought it would. The fall that she had taken when she slept with Micheal was further then she could have ever guessed, she had finally hit the bottom. The dark depths of fear and doubt. She wanted something, someone just to get her away from Downton away from the situation. With a heavy heart she knew that would not be Anthony, no. Not now.

"Is anything the matter?" Her eyes darted to her fathers. The worried look was unusual for him.

"No. Not at all."

It nearly choked her to say those words but she had no choice. This would destroy him before it ever ruined her. Nothing was the matter at that moment because Micheal would be back. Wouldn't he? She had fallen terribly hard for him, she couldn't say she didn't want him and protect him. She just wasn't sure how far she carry on lying.

Anthony's car sat in the small train station car park as he mused over the ticket in his hand. Although his luggage had long been loaded on to the train his mind wasn't made up. He had thought it sounded like a grand plan at first now, he just felt like a fool. He wanted to go to London to find out more about Edith's publisher. He was sure he had something to do with what ever was going on. Though he knew in his heart if he were to go he was sure to bump into Edith and she would not be pleased. He couldn't sit and do nothing. He wanted nothing more than to fix their relationship and if that made him a fool then he wouldn't be happier to be a fool. Hearing a tap on the window he jumped taken from his thoughts he turned to his find his chauffeur.

"I'm afraid you've just missed the train sir. What would you like me to do? Take you home?"

"No. There has to be a train leaving from Ripon if we hurry I might be able to catch it."

Rushing into Ripon station he found the train had already pulled in, the crowds disappearing. Opening the carriage door he faulted for a second. A man with a large broadsheet was sitting to his right. He didn't mind at all but to his left he saw Edith. His heart jumped in his chest. Surely their paths couldn't have crossed already? Deciding better of it he was about to close the door when he heard the train guard behind him.

"All aboard sir."

The train guard helped him on to the train and then slammed the door shut. Like fate was pushing him in to the carriage, like it had changed its mind on them all together. She stared at him. Silence overtaken by the sound of the train pulling away. He knew anything could happen in that moment, his heartbeat filling his ears, breath caught. Is it really too late? Have I missed my chance? Ignoring her gaze that burned though him he took off his hat and placed it on the shelf above him before sitting next to her. I must at least try.

"How long will you be in London for?" He ignored the man opposite who briefly looked over his large newspaper in annoyance.

"I'm not sure." She sounded distance as she gazed at the floor.

"Will you be staying with your aunt?"

She was silent and he wondered if he had pushed her too far. He looked up as the man who was sitting opposite them exited their compartment. Should he do the same? Looking from the doorway he saw Edith silently watching him. He wasn't sure when he had started to fall in love with her again. Maybe he had never stopped loving her. Something seemed wrong and he noticed her eyes were puffy and red. He lowered his tone of voice reaching his hand out across the seat.

"Edith...I know what you said but I... I can't leave things this way. Please wont you tell me what the matter is. If it's me..."

"Anthony how could you ever think that?" She seemed upset as she turned to him.

"The way I left things. I was awful and you deserved so much better." She shook her head so he questioned her. "If it is not me then what can it possibly be?"

"Nothing is the matter." He opened his mouth to say something, anything but her gaze told him not to. "Please Anthony why wont you let this die? Why wont you make this easy for me? "

He felt confused and hurt. What could he say? He knew then that he had ruined everything and worse, it was permanent. He was about to move his hand away when he felt her hand brush his. His hopeful eyes caught hers.

"I wish I could only take it back. I don't know why I walked out that day. I don't know. I can't even give my self an answer let alone you. I am happy for you but only if you are happy. I will leave it at that and say no more but are you happy?"

I wish I could leave you alone Anthony. She had wanted to say as she quietly watched his tormented face. I wish you could let me love you. He had wanted to say. She placed her hand against his and they settled into the silence. Almost as if they were that married couple, the married couple that they should have been. The question long being forgotten. He had wanted nothing more for months but now he was feeling so terribly weak and unsure again. He couldn't keep up, he felt as though he was riding a fairground ride. Glancing at Edith he realised he didn't care if he felt like that forever, he'd rather that then feel nothing at all.

Seeing the countryside slip away into the city he felt almost disappointed. Would he see her again in London? He felt surprised when she jumped up almost straight away climbing out of the carriage on to the busy platform. She couldn't look at him knowing it would be too much. She had let her guard slip and although she wanted to be friends again she wasn't sure she could. Not when she could face losing him again when the truth came out. Which it would. It always did. He dashed after her unable to breathe or think straight.

"Edith!" She paused in the crowd, him only able to spot her because of her green hat. "Meet me tomorrow."

"Anthony I can't." She shouted over the noise of the station, steam filling the platform as she was pushed forward. Guilt taking over.

"The tea shop we went to a few weeks ago at two. Please."

His voice faded out as she turned forward disappearing into the sea of people. He was sure she had taken his heart with her as he sank back into the train. He decided not to go to his gentleman's club first. He needed to find the publishers and get there before Edith. All he could do was hope she would turn up tomorrow and that he would have a solution.

"Are you going out this morning?" Rosamund asked not glancing up from her book as her niece sat opposite her finishing some needlework.

"I might visit the publishers."

"Edith dear I am sure you did not visit me just to do some needlework and sulk around the office. Is Micheal back?"

"No."

She said rather heavily as she kept her eyes to the floor. She could feel her self going hot, the blush creeping up her neck. Her aunt would surely be able to tell. She glanced up briefly at the clock on the mantle piece. Midday. She still have time to make it to the teashop for that afternoon. Must you always come back to him. She pushed Anthony far from her mind trying hard to stop her self from feeling sick. It was awful, everything either reminded her of Micheal or Anthony. Life was better when I was a spinster. Hearing Rosamund put her book down she sighed heavily.

"Edith if you need to talk to me about anything..."

"Why would I need to talk to you about anything?" Edith hadn't meant to be rude or snap but she was feeling tired, it was hard to control.

"You've just been very distracted lately that's all."

"If you must know I bumped into Anthony a few weeks ago and then again on the train yesterday morning."

She swallowed hard trying to get rid of the lump in her throat. She hated lying to her aunt but she needed her to leave her alone. Rosamund looked Edith up and down unsure if she should believe her not. It seemed reason enough but still there was something she couldn't work out.

"What did he have to say for himself?"

"Not very much. He was very sorry of course."

"Do you think you will see him again while you are in London?"

"I doubt it."

She mumbled feeling rather miserable. The clock ticking filling the silence reminding her how time was marching on and that if she wanted to see him then she would have to go to the publishers to be there on time.

"Do you think it would be okay if I did?" Edith felt weak saying it but she had to put it out there.

"No it wouldn't be okay. He humiliated you. Not to mention you're meant to be waiting for Michael. " She did not approve of either man but she did not want her niece to be known for associating romantically with more than one man.

"Meeting him would not mean I forgive him nor would it mean that he forgives me. It would simply mean whatever I want it to mean."

"Lady Crawley. I'm glad you're here."

Edith paused on her way through the office. She hardly visited the publishers now for she knew what people were saying behind her back. Looking up at the young journalist she vaguely recognised him as she replied with a hint of curiosity. Was Michael back?

"Why would that be?"

"An old friend of Michael's is here. Said he wanted to have a look around. He's in his office now."

Opening the door she saw the figure of a man going through a filing cabinet by the window. She wasnt sure if she should feel pleased or not. Clearing her throat the man stopped but did not turn around.

"Can I help you?"

Anthony cursed himself for thinking she wouldn't come here. It was out of character for him but he had such a strong feeling about this publisher, his enquiries confirmed it. His feeling for her clouding his judgment on coming to London, driving him mad. Remembering what they had, the feeling cutting through the loneliness. What would she say now? Turning round he met her shocked face as she leant forward on the chair opposite the desk.

"Anthony...You're a friend of Michael's?"

"No. I knew you needed help and I thought..."

"And you thought that you could just walk in?!" She didn't care that her voice was rising. "You have already trampled so much through my life you thought it wouldn't hurt if you did it again?!"

"Believe me that was not my intention and yes possibly I should have done it in a more sensitive manner..."

"Sensitive..."

She muttered as she shook her head collapsing in the chair. Not only out of shock but exhaustion. She guessed that's what pregnancy did to you. He came to the chair next to hers not sure if he should keep his distance or not. He whispered trying to calm her and take attention away from them, a glass office was not the most private of places.

"If you tell me to go and never bother you again then I will. I wish I wasn't such a gentleman about it but I am. In these past 6 or so years I haven't changed, you know me inside and out. You know I will keep my word."

"I wish I could say the same for me." He ignored her silent declaration. Pressing her for an answer, feeling as if his heart was hanging in the balance of being shattered. Her eyes fixed on the carpet, her heart beating out of her chest.

"Do you want me to go?"

"No I don't want that at all." She sighed and finally met his eye, it was time to tell him the truth. She thought that even though her present situation clearly showed she had a disregard for consequences, this was going to be hard.

"I think you best tell me everything then."