Hi, Just two short notes. Firstly I just wanted to make anyone reading this aware there is a little swearing in this chapter. But I promise it is mild and I think inkeeping with the character. Finally please forgive me for this chapter. I am pretty rubbish at conversations. But once everyone knows I can get back to the story properly. So for those of you still reading and reviewing thank you very much! Enjoy :)
Chapter 4 - Confessions
His mind spun out of control. He imagined the conversation; every word, every nuance. Had played it over so many times he almost believed it was real…almost believed. But it was nothing more than a condemned man's fantasy and he knew it.
Common sense and reason had all but deserted him as he left the confines of the city hospital. His mind unable to give him the direction he so desperately needed. Almost of its own volition his body seemed to take over, somehow finding a way to flag down a passing cab. The once vibrant vet sat on the back seat stagnant and silent. His eyes stared straight ahead cold and unseeing. But beneath the vacant exterior a raging torrent of emotion flowed through him. Battling the deluge that threatened to overwhelm him Danny tried desperately to concentrate on the task at hand. Knowing that he could no longer continue to carry his secret alone he had to find a way of telling Dup, telling Alice, telling everyone…
Maybe calling a family meeting was the way to go. Get everyone together, tell everyone together. Short, sharp and painless…like ripping a plaster off. But emotionally fragile the mere thought of the mass of pitying looks, countless 'I'm so sorry Danny's' and numerous uncomfortable silences was more than he could bear. So he formulated a plan, decided to pick them off one at a time. He knew the first should be Alice, knew he had to tell her everything, it was only fair, but couldn't even begin to find the words. So he settled on telling Dup to start with. It was still going to be one of the most difficult things he could ever imagine doing; only one thing made it bearable…..he wasn't Alice.
His mind spun out of control. He imagined the conversation; every word, every nuance. Had played it over so many times he almost believed it was real…almost believed. But it was nothing more than a condemned man's fantasy and he knew it. He tried to take comfort in the awesome scenery that passed him by, the beautiful lush greenery of Mara in the distance intermingled with the unique charm of the dusty amber bush and the strangely enchanting rock formations. Seeing just the tip of Leopard's Den on the horizon he asked the Taxi Driver to let him out. He needed air, needed time and space to think. Slowly he started the long walk home, a deep breath filling his lungs.
From his very first moments here he had sensed a special something about the place. It had grown more intense every day since, but even now after all this time he couldn't put it into words. It was a spark, a kind of electricity that had the power to excite, soothe, comfort, captivate and devastate almost at the same time. Now as he prepared to fight for his life he tried to take as much solace from this magnificent country as he could, because before the day was out he knew he'd need every last bit.
He walked round the house and the grounds on which it stood in a kind of daze until he eventually found Duplessis working on the generator round the back. As he inched closer the conversation that until now had been on constant replay deserted him, the ability to form words suddenly and inexplicably lost the younger man could do more than watch the veteran bushman at work and silently panic. It felt like he'd been stood there hours but logic told him it couldn't have been more than a few seconds. He was part way through berating himself in a bid to motivate his mouth to speak when Dup took the decision out of his hands. "Trevanion, don't just stand there like a spare part. Grab that Monkey Wrench." Picking up the requested tool, cautiously Danny began the diatribe he had rehearsed so diligently. "Dup, we need to talk."
Anders Duplessis was a stereotypical man's man, dirty vest, unkempt hair, beer permanently in hand and an outspoken Afrikaner to boot. But this particular man had an extraordinary gift, an innate and inexplicable understanding of the African bush. Nothing on four legs or two could outwit his superior skills, tracking his quarry with pinpoint accuracy. But reading people, understanding feelings and emotions, he had yet to master. So it was no surprise that at first Danny's urgency and pain had passed him by. "Can't it wait? I'm a bit busy here. Someone has to fix this heap of junk."
So Danny tried again. "No it can't. Dup, we need to talk. It's important."
Starting to get a little impatient with Danny's persistence Dup attempted once again to make his point. "So is this bloody generator. Without it we're royally screwed. No heating, no hot water, no electricity, warm bloody beers…."
"Dup…." This time Danny's raised voice and sharp tone caught his attention.
Now it was firmly on his radar and there was no question that if Danny needed him, anything and everything else could wait. "What is it?"
Bracing himself for his business partner's reaction he gathered every bit of strength he had and began to talk. "I didn't go to the suppliers this morning, I went to the doctors… had some tests a few days ago …"Danny's courage deserted him and the words dried up. "and?" The older man softly prompted. He'd never seen Trevanion like this, nervous, frightened, almost childlike. He'd never known him to find it so hard to look him the eye. Jesus he was scaring him now. Sorrow and hurt almost radiated off him. A block of ice, cold dread settled in the pit of the bushman's stomach. He felt himself torn in two. Wanted to know, had to know the truth; yet a part of him wanted to cover his ears up and pretend it wasn't happening. In no more than a whisper, he encouraged the younger man again "Tell me Trevanion."
Danny continued "I've got a Brain tumour. They want to operate… soon. But it's dangerous and…and…"
"You might not make it"
"No"
The elder Afrikaner was devastated. He cared for this man like a son and would gladly have given his life for Danny's. He'd had a good run, been privileged to meet some good people, had seen and experienced more than most in a lifetime and knew without any shred of doubt that he would be proud to leave Leopard's Den to the young vet. So why was this not happening to him? The young man beside him was one of the kindest, bravest most compassionate people he had ever met; he lived for his family and they needed him; So much for him to live for. He couldn't help but flick his eyes skywards and silently ask the one question that haunted him, why Trevanion? Finally he spoke "I'm sorry Danny, really bloody sorry. But I want you to know I'm with you every step of the way…whatever happens." Searching for something to say Dup fell back, as he often did, on his family history "You're gonna be fine right. My uncle Francis had something wrong with his head once. He lived until he was 99 and died with a beautiful woman…"
"It's Cancer Dup."
Danny's revelation stopped the stunned bushman in his tracks. "It can't be….But you're Danny….No I don't believe it. Doctors make mistakes…go back...go back and give them a mouthful….No I'll give them a mouthful….they must be wrong…"
But the words died on his lips as he felt Danny's hands clasp his shoulders and turn him so the two best friends were face to face, eye to eye. "It's Cancer Dup." Those few words so soft, like a whisper on the breeze, yet the bushman had never felt a blade cut as deeply. The older man felt his world crumbling around him. Danny Trevanion was the heart of Leopard's Den. He'd taken that mantle the day he'd arrived with Sarah and the kids and kept it ever since. He was the safe port in a storm, the calm head in a crisis, the rock everything and everyone looked to when the chips were down. Only now it was the rock that needed help and support. The outspoken Afrikaner wasn't a natural carer; he wasn't into the medical side of things that was Danny's domain. So nursing him wasn't really an option. But determined to stand by him he made a promise to himself there and then to help him in any way he could. Doing his best to pull himself together he tried to think about practicalities "You said you needed surgery?"
"They need to remove as much of the tumour as possible as soon as possible. They wanted to take me in today. But I needed to come back here and talk to everyone…"
As he tried to take in everything he was being told his mind ticked over the last few weeks. The clumsiness, baseball caps, haircuts, reluctance to drive. It all began to fall into place. Without warning a blind rage he couldn't control took over him and the words just spilled out. "You knew didn't you? You knew you were ill and you didn't tell anyone. Why Danny? Why couldn't you talk to us? To me? You didn't trust me did you? Old Dup's just a drunken fool; can't handle the big stuff, the important stuff…"
The beleaguered vet couldn't believe the change in Dup's demeanour, the switch from pity to anger had been rapid and Danny knew he had to stop it before it got out of hand. "Trust had nothing to do with it Dup, nothing! Yes I knew something wasn't right and I knew it could be serious. I have spent the last few weeks praying every night for good news, but every time I spoke to the doctor it just got worse and worse." In trying to calm Dup down the younger man had broken down the barriers of his own emotions and once he'd started he found he couldn't stop. His voice rose in volume and depth mirroring the strength of feeling that came pouring out. . "I'm scared Dup, more scared than I ever thought it was possible to be. I didn't want to burden all of you with that, at least until I knew properly what I was dealing with. How could I? How could I tell Alice the man she agreed to marry could be dying?" Bitterness crept into Danny's voice and what he came out with next shocked the older man "Croaking before the wedding day wasn't part of the deal. Still what can you expect getting engaged to a sugar daddy?" A part of him realised how unfair he was being. But he still couldn't bring himself to stop. "And Olivia, I'm not her real father. Who am I to expect her to stick around? She's done nothing but fight with Alice since she got here and I just don't have the energy to referee anymore. Maybe she should go back to England." The younger man suddenly slumped forward, his shoulders hunched, the fight he had so far displayed leaving him as quickly as it had flared and his next words were soft and heartfelt. "She's sixteen Dup, sixteen. Too young for something like this. I love her and I just couldn't do it to her. And you, You're my business partner and my friend, my best friend. But when you offered me the chance to stay here I don't think either of us ever envisaged this. I'm not your responsibility Dup. I understand if you want to rip up the contract. Get someone else in…."
Dup's anger had faded as quickly as it had blown up. But realising that the younger man needed this release, needed someone to listen, needed to finally rid himself of everything he had kept bottled up for so long, the grizzled bushman had quiet kept and taken everything his friend had thrown at him. But when he started to talk about ripping contracts up he could stay silent no longer. "Danny….Danny look at me, if you decide to go back to England for medical care I'll understand. I'll miss you like hell but I'll understand. If you decide that you want to stay here for treatment then I will be with you every step of the way, come what may. This is your home Trevanion and don't you forget it! Understand?" The younger man just nodded. "Good. As for Alice, Olivia and Caroline let them decide what they're gonna do. You might just be surprised." Danny surprised Dup by asking one last favour. "Dup I need to ask you something. Will you speak to Olivia and Caroline for me; tell them what's going on. I want them both to have the chance to decide what they want to do without me hanging around.
"Oh and what will you be doing while I'm doing your dirty work?"
"Talking to Alice."
"Yeah I'll tell them. But you owe me Trevanion, you owe me big. I'm thinking it'll involve whisky..several bottles…."
"Thanks, Dup."