Chapter 4
The Doctor had to admit that helping out at Torchwood was fun. He had finally finished with the storage room below and all the alien tech was now sorted. He just wished Jack had employed someone to bring things in order around here. An archivist was what Torchwood really needed. He took a sip from the tea Rose had made and thought that an archivist who was also able to make a decent tea would be even more perfect as an addition to the team.
He had even managed to have a calm conversation with Suzie Costello, who had been grateful when he had volunteered to go out with her to bring a Weevil in. Now Rose was sitting with Toshiko in front of the computer and seemed to be very interested in the program that the tech specialist was currently working on. Owen Harper had returned to work a couple of hours ago and the Doctor was sitting beside him, patiently enduring the medic's examination.
Owen looked up and the Time Lord could tell that his results did surprise the medic. "Well, your body seems to have an unbelievable amount of healing energy. If I didn't know better, I'd say that nothing was ever wrong with you."
The Doctor gave him his brilliant smile. "Oh yes, part of being a Time Lord, you know. Superior healing skills and all that. Well, there's no reason for me to stay any longer then? Do I get medical clearance to take off and save the universe again?"
Owen gave him a scowl. "You wish," he replied. "I know that you won't listen to me, Doctor. But as your medic I'd like you to stay a bit longer. I am a bit concerned about your general weight and I think a few days of rest and decent food would do you an awful lot of good."
The Time Lord's face fell at that. "You're telling me that you want me to stay grounded just to get some sleep and eat properly?" he asked, his expression incredulous.
Owen gave him a nod. "Honestly, I think that you're neglecting your health. Well, I can't blame you, being equipped with these healing skills. However, your body won't thank you in the long run. A week on Earth to take a breath won't kill you but it would do wonders for your general health."
Briefly the Doctor considered snapping at the bold medic but then he remembered what Rose had told him. Owen Harper had done everything in his power to help him and he owed him as much gratitude as Jack. Well, he could do a lot more here before leaving and Rose could use a break, too.
Before he was able to answer though, he felt a mental nudge and sprung up. "We'll talk about this later," he said and rushed toward Jack's office, ignoring the incredulous glances from the others.
In an instant he was down besides Jack's bed just in time to see him coming awake. The Captain stretched himself looking sleepily toward him and he grabbed the chair opposite the bed to sit down next to him. "Slept well?" he asked, his face showing his joy at seeing his friend looking much better than a few hours before.
Jack gave him a surprised look. "Have you been here all the time?"
The Doctor chuckled. "Oh no, my Captain. I had so many things to do while you slept. But I wanted to be here when you woke up."
Jack's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "And you somehow managed to be here exactly now?"
The Doctor shifted a bit uncomfortably. "Well, let's say I have my ways of knowing things. How do you feel?"
"Much better," Jack responded, motioning into an upright position at the edge of the bed. "At least my headache seems to have settled."
The Time Lord looked at him with worry. "Jack, the human mind is delicate and I'd really like you to get examined thoroughly by Owen. We don't know what long-term damage your bold move might have done."
Jack waved his hand in dismissal. "I'm fine," he said but at seeing the concern in his friend's eyes he added, "Oh okay, I'm going to do what you want. If it helps you to calm down. . . ."
The Doctor gave him a satisfied grin. "You must be starving," he said and hopped up. "Rose has prepared pancakes. I'm sure there's something left. Just come upstairs when you're ready."
With that he climbed up the ladder, leaving a startled Captain behind.
Jack was a bit overwhelmed by the Doctor's constant babbling. It had resumed the moment the Captain had stepped into the kitchen and after having had banana pancakes, the Time Lord had led him into the storage room, showing him his day's work. He was behaving like a child giving his mother a report and expecting to be scolded or commended. Jack's responses were short and he had hoped that the Doctor would realize that he was once more rambling without end. However, the Time Lord kept on talking and talking.
There had been suggestions on how to improve Torchwood's work, ideas what Toshiko could work on and even a brief tale about the Doctor talking with Suzie. It seemed that his second in command was indeed coming around. Jack was trying to catch the important glimpses in the constant flood of words and his head began to spin. Then there was a brief pause and he looked up questioningly. The Doctor was looking at him with worry.
"You haven't interrupted me once, Jack," the Time Lord commented flatly. When the Captain failed to react, he walked over to him and placed his hand on the younger man's shoulder. "You always interrupt me when I'm starting to babble. What's wrong?"
Jack shook his head. He hadn't wanted to worry the Doctor. "I don't know, something isn't right. Maybe I really should go to Owen to get properly examined. My head spins and I can't seem to concentrate."
Jack was surprised to see an almost embarrassed expression on the Time Lord's face and frowned. "You wouldn't happen to know what's wrong with me, would you, Doctor?"
"Weeellll," the Doctor replied, his eyes fixed on the floor. "I can guess, I mean, I'm fairly sure, given that I am able to feel your confusion quite clearly. Um. . ."
Now the Captain was worried. The Doctor was never speechless. It had only happened once before when the Time Lord had to tell him about the TARDIS rejecting his presence. Whatever this was, it was definitely not good. "What's happened? Did I do any permanent damage to myself?" he asked, barely containing the surge of fear.
The Doctor gave him a puzzled look. Then he shook his head and a smile crossed his face. "No, no Jack, everything is fine. Well, I say fine. But it's for you to decide that. As far as I'm concerned it's more than fine. I actually quite like it. I mean, you will have to get used to it but it could really help. That's when you decide to accept it. If you don't. . . well, we can always try to. . . ."
"Doctor!" Jack exclaimed with exasperation. "You're not making any sense!"
The Time Lord cringed at his tone and he was obviously chastised enough to look a bit guilty. Well, Jack didn't want to see anymore guilt in the Doctor's eyes, not after what had happened to the Time Lord before. He ran a hand over his face and tried to regain his composure. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to startle you. Just tell me what this is all about and I promise you to deal with it calmly."
The Doctor gave him a nod and took a deep breath as if to gather up enough courage to tell Jack the truth and his gesture made the Captain even more uneasy. "When you made the connection with me all your defenses were down. You instinctively tried to get to the part of my mind that was reaching out, which was my telepathic center. It's only natural that I tried to get some help as this was common among Time Lords. If one of us wasn't able to deal with his emotions on his own, he would draw on his bonds to help him. Well. . . As there are no living Time Lords left. . . I wasn't able to get any help. My mind is trained to take what it gets though. I mean, in a desperate situation where my life is at stake, it would reach out for any connection. . . ."
"Doctor," Jack said softly. "You're losing me there."
The Time Lord shook himself. "Yes, sorry. The moment my mind felt you reaching out for it, it entwined itself with you. The TARDIS was able to pull you out again, but she couldn't sever the connection completely."
Jack gave him a frown. "I'm not sure I understand. . . ."
The Doctor raised his eyebrows. "You're not that slow on the uptake normally, Jack. . . ."
"Are you suggesting that we are still connected? That we have. . ."
The Doctor nodded enthusiastically. "That's it. We have formed a bond. It's not a strong bond, mind you. It would be much stronger if you were a Time Lord. But for a human it's quite an achievement."
Jack inhaled sharply. "You're telling me that you can feel me inside your head?"
One more a nod and a broad grin. Then a frown. "Oh, I can't feel what you're thinking. No, you still have your privacy. I just feel strong emotions and your general condition. You shouldn't even be bothered by what you're going to feel from me when I'm not here. It's just that now your mind is adjusting and you need to get used to reading the things you feel. The headache and the confusion is certainly due to that. It should fade over the next few days."
Jack couldn't believe what he was hearing. He had a bond with the Doctor? What would that mean? How was he meant to deal with this? He shook his head and ran his hand through his hair. "Sorry, Doc," he said, his voice strained. "Just give me a moment to process this. Would you mind leaving me alone for a bit?"
He immediately felt bad when he saw the crestfallen expression on the Time Lord's face. The Doctor gave him a silent nod and with a wan smile he walked out of the storage room and left Jack to his thoughts.
Rose was beginning to worry. It had been almost an hour since the Doctor and Jack had disappeared into the storage room. The look that the Time Lord had given her before leading the Captain away had told her that he needed to talk to his friend alone. However, now that they were missing for such a long time, she couldn't help becoming restless.
She descended the stairs and carefully opened the door to the room where she suspected them to be and was surprised to find Jack sitting there alone. When he heard her, he looked up and she saw that he seemed to be confused about something. She approached him and sat down on another chair. "What happened?" she asked and placed a hand on Jack's arm.
He shook his head. "I really don't know. . . ." He fixed a distant point with his eyes and then began to explain. "He was babbling constantly. Normally I am quite able to follow him but this time. . . He just seemed so agitated. Oh, the speed this man is able to talk. . . It made my head spin. When I asked him what was wrong with me, he suddenly told me that we have formed a telepathic connection while I was in his mind. I mean, a bond with the Doctor. . . How did he expect me to react?"
She gave him an incredulous look. "What do you mean, a bond?" She wasn't sure she had understood what he had tried to explain.
He ran a hand over his face. "Telepathic beings like the Doctor have the ability to connect on a psychic level. He can do it all the time. Normally he just pops in and gets the information he needs. You wouldn't even know it if he weren't a touch telepath. He places his fingers on your temples and enters your mind. When he withdraws the sensation disappears. However, somehow when I was in his mind, he made a permanent connection. He is able to feel me all the time now. . . ."
Rose narrowed her eyes, trying to process this. Then she began to understand. "Oh, that's how he felt that you were waking earlier and he told me to prepare some food even before he actually knew that you would be hungry. He is able to feel that?"
He gave her a nod. "Yes, he said that he can sense general emotions. Telepathic bonds differ greatly. If two telepathic beings connect they can even talk to each other over such a connection. However, me being human, he can make out what I need or how I feel. It's. . ." His gaze became almost desperate. "It's a bit overwhelming. Oh god, Rose, I am able to feel him, too."
She tried to wrap that around her mind and then she frowned. "Is that bad? I mean, is it bothering you?"
"It's just weird and it makes my head ache. You know him. He is kind of intense. . . ."
She nodded, having a picture of the Doctor's carefully contained emotions in mind. To suddenly feel them must be more than intense and maybe just a bit too much for the Captain to bear. "Well, such a connection can be severed, can't it? I mean, if you can't deal with it, I am sure he is going to help."
He gave her a brief nod and seemed to think about this prospect. "Yeah, yeah it can be severed. However, the mind is a delicate thing. You had to be really careful when breaking such a connection. But with the help of the TARDIS and his experience he should be able to do it. . . ." He trailed off and Rose saw his face falling a bit.
"Well, it's the Doctor we're talking about," she tried to reassure her friend. "He would do everything to help. You know that, Jack."
Suddenly his eyes widened as if a realization had hit him in this moment. Then he sprung up. "Rose, I am an idiot," he exclaimed. "I reacted badly to his revelation. Where is he?"
She was confused and stood up following him out of the storage room. "We don't know. He didn't come back after he left with you." She saw that the Captain was becoming more agitated by the second. "What is it, Jack? Talk to me," she said, trying to stay calm.
He turned toward her and swallowed thickly. "I sent him away. Told him I had to think about this. He must think. . ." he ran a hand through his hair. "Oh Rose, he is so alone in this mind of his. He told me about it. Time Lords have telepathic connections with each other. He lost all of that when his planet burned. Ever since then he was craving something like this and I just told him to leave."
She was taken aback by this news. How much did Jack know about their friend? The Doctor had never mentioned this to her before. Wasn't she his companion? The woman he shared everything with? She felt a spike of jealousy but in the next moment it disappeared. Why should he tell her something like that? He wouldn't, knowing well enough that she wouldn't be able to fill this void for him. She wasn't even able to connect with the TARDIS properly. It would have made their traveling awkward if he had told her about this.
"The TARDIS," she said and took Jack's hand. "I am sure he is there. You need to talk about this." She shoved her own feelings about this to the back of her mind, deciding that sorting things out between those two was the first thing to do right now.
The Doctor was sitting on the jump chair in the console room, trying to process what had happened. He hadn't done the best job in breaking the news to Jack. He should have known that the Captain would be too confused to accept what had happened straight away. Jack was a very private man like he himself was. Having a connection with someone else on a telepathic level must be a shock for him. He should have reassured him that it was possible to break the bond.
A wave of sadness rolled over him at the thought. He had been overwhelmed with joy when he had finally felt another being in his mind again and knowing that it was permanent made it even more wonderful. That it was Jack, the only being in the universe who seemed to be able to just accept him, had made him happy, knowing well enough that this bond would connect them as long as the Captain lived which was a rather long time, considering Jack's life span. However, he hadn't thought about what this would mean for his friend. While he himself had to deal with human emotions which had become like second nature to him, Jack was confronted with the mind of a Time Lord. No, he couldn't leave the Captain to deal with this. The bond had to be severed for Jack's sake and even if it was a delicate process, he knew that with the help of the TARDIS they would succeed.
The ship sent him her disapproval at this and he shook his head. "I know, you wanted to help me. But we can't do that. Didn't we already burden him enough? I won't accept this gift on his expense." He knew that she would have been able to pull Jack out of his mind permanently. She hadn't done it. No one knew better than her how much he wished to have this feeling again, knowing that someone was there in the back of his mind. She also knew that he would have suffered greatly, had she broken the already grown bond. Well, it would be even worse now. But she had meant well.
He heard a knock at the door, followed by Rose's voice. "Doctor, I know you are in there. Just let us in!"
He had overrode the possibility for Jack and Rose to enter with their keys when he had fled into his ship. He just wanted to have some time to prepare himself for the inevitable breaking of the bond. A final probe toward the TARDIS told him that she was as ready as he was to do it and he stood up, slowly walking over to the door and opening it.
His breath caught in his chest at seeing Rose and Jack standing in front of the TARDIS. A long time ago these two had been the center of his world, until they had been separated by the events on Satellite Five. For the last few hours he had been sure that both of them were again a part of his life. The bond would have prevented the TARDIS from being hurt by Jack's wrongness because he would have been able to shield it from her. However, there was no point in dwelling on that now.
Rose rushed in while the Captain remained outside waiting for permission to enter. He gave him a nod. "It's safe," he reassured his friend. "I am able to protect her."
Jack slowly came in and the Time Lord had to smile when he saw the Captain's hand touching the railing reverently. Never had he met a human being who was so in love with the TARDIS before. He shook his head, shoving that thought away. Time to do something about this bond.
He sprang toward the console with enthusiasm. "Now, I know that this was a bit much to take in, Jack," he began and the he looked toward Rose. "I am sure he filled you in," he said and began tapping wildly on the buttons below the screen on the console. At Rose's nod he continued, "I've already prepared everything. This should be dealt with swiftly. The TARDIS is going to sever the bond and," he looked up toward Jack with an apologetic shimmer in his eyes. "I'm sorry, but it will hurt a bit. However, as you're not a natural telepath, the pain should fade quickly enough." He didn't look up again, while springing around to get everything ready.
"But," Rose interrupted him in his frantic preparations. "You are a natural telepath. Wouldn't it hurt you to break the bond?"
He stopped and locked eyes with her. "Yes, but it will fade. Anyway, there is not much choice is there?"
Jack cleared his throat. "Do I get a say in this at all?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.
The Doctor gave him a confused look. "I thought this is what you wanted? You didn't give me the impression that a bond with me is something you wished to have." He began moving around again. Time to finish this, he didn't think he could bear delaying it any longer.
"For someone who is able to sense my emotions you're quite daft, Doctor," Jack said dryly. "What did you expect? You tell me that you have formed a bond with me. After having waited to meet you again for over a century, you pop into my life again and not only once but regularly. As if this wasn't confusing enough you just gave me the news that we will be connected as long as I live on a level no human could possibly understand. I think it isn't too much to ask for a few hours to process the implications of this. And now? You've already made up your mind and jump to conclusions." The Captain walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Let me guess, the severing of this bond would cause you more than a little pain. Am I right?"
The Doctor fought against the flicker of hope he felt at Jack's proximity. He couldn't allow it to cloud his judgment. With a dismissal wave of his hand he replied, "Nah, Jack, you know me. It's not the first time I have to break a telepathic connection. The TARDIS is going to help me."
Jack shook his head, his eyes wide. "No, it's not the first time. . . And doing this will trigger all the emotions of losing the bonds with your family and friends. I won't have that."
The Time Lord cringed a bit, then he straightened himself. "You don't need to sacrifice yourself to protect me, Jack. You've already saved my life once today. There is no need for you to deal with this just to save me from a bit of pain. No, you've made it quite clear that this isn't what you want. Just let me take it away and we can return to being the friends we were."
Rose had grown silent and her eyes were shimmering with unshed tears. It made the Doctor sad to see it and he gave her a reassuring smile. "It really isn't that big a deal, Rose," he said and moved Jack to the jump seat. "Just sit down and close your eyes. It will be over in a moment."
Jack struggled against his grip and freed himself. "No," he exclaimed. "I know this is difficult for you, Doctor, but now you're going to listen to me. I never said that I didn't want this. I just asked for a moment to get used to a concept which is new to me. You, walk around the universe and tell people what to do. And you're usually right. I would follow you without question in almost everything. I even followed you to the year 200.100 not questioning once what you were about to do with that delta wave. I never needed to. You were the man who changed my life for the better and I would have gladly died for you. In fact I did. But I won't let you rummage around my mind and destroy something I haven't even got the possibility to get to know properly." He took a deep breath and calmed himself down. "I can't help noticing that you've closed your side of the bond, which explains your cluelessness. Now, why don't you open it and try to feel what I want rather than assuming anything?"
Rose had moved to the Doctor's side and took his hand in hers, squeezing it gently. The gesture brought him down from his nervous frenzy almost instantly and he looked at Jack with wide eyes. "Do it, Doctor," Rose encouraged him and he slowly placed his fingers on the Captain's temples opening his mind.
A rush of feelings waved over him and he tried to sort them out. There was a deep confusion about what had happened, a tad of fear mixed with anticipation and a slight bit of awe. But the dominant sentiment was an eagerness to welcome the Time Lord in his mind. It spread into the Doctor's telepathic center, shoving away all the anxiety in his consciousness. The acceptance in it made the Doctor's breath hitch and with wide eyes he took a step back. Rose's hand steadied him not to stumble and with astonishment he looked at the silent Captain, who had his eyes closed, a slight smile crossing his lips.
The Doctor began to channel his own feelings, knowing that the impact of all the emotions in his head would overwhelm Jack. The Captain staggered a bit when he was met with the Time Lord's clear expression of joy but a moment later his face lit up in a broad grin and the Doctor knew that his message had been received. They locked eyes with each other, briefly indulging in the warm feeling of the bond.
"Blimey," Rose shook them out of their trance. "You two must be the most stubborn men I've ever met. . . ." she said with a satisfied smile and both men couldn't help but chuckle at that.