A/N: In which I bravely attempt to write my own dialogue. (Go, me!) Not to be repetitive, but Heidi Thomas' is in italics. Mine is not.
"If you light a path for someone else, it will also brigten your path" ~Gautama Buddha
With Jenny spending all of her time assisting the Roberts, Trixie and Cynthia had generously split her regular round between the two of them. As worn to the thread as they were, they didn't think twice about doing what they could to lighten Jenny's burden.
When Tuesday came round, Trixie found herself the owner of two tickets to the dance that she could no longer use. Sister Bernadette came across them in the treatment room deep in discussion as to what to do with the tickets.
"Excuse me. Might I make a suggestion?" Sister Bernadette offered.
"Please do, sister. I am simply bereft of ideas!" replied Trixie
"Might I suggest that you offer the tickets to the Reverend Appleby-Thornton? I believe that he would enjoy the opportunity."
"That is a wonderful idea, don't you think, Trixie!" placated Cynthia, "But that only accounts for one ticket. It wouldn't be polite to ask him to go alone."
"Well, don't look at me! I'm not condemning myself to an evening of just-so stories about his African adventures!" Trixie teased.
"Jane." Sister Bernadette ventured again, "He could take Jane. It would do her a world of good."
"Splendid idea!" crowed Trixie, "Why, Sister Bernadette, you sly thing!"
Sister Bernadette opened her mouth to defend herself when the man in question passed by and diverted Trixie's attention.
"Oh, Reverend," twittered Trixie, "Might we have a word with you?"
"Certainly. I am always pleased to spare time for the younger members of the Lords flock. How may I be of service!" He smiled sincerely.
Trixie flashed her most charming smile.
"Well, every Tuesday there is a dance that we usually attend. We feel that it would be rude of us to not offer the tickets to our guest."
"Oh. Well. That is very generous of you. But there are two tickets there. Which one of you lovely young ladies do I have the honour of accompanying?"
"Oh, lord no! Not us!" Trixie said a bit too quickly and then explained, "We would love to, but quite unfortunately, Cynthia and I are On Call this evening. However, Jane is not and we promised to take her. She was dearly looking forward to it. You would be doing us the greatest of favors."
"Well, um, it's been many years since I attended a dance." the Reverend said nervously.
"Oh, but you must Reverend. I couldn't bare to see these go to waste" Trixie coaxed charmingly.
Seeing he was still unconvinced, she tilted her head to one side and purred,
"I'll bet you are a wonderful dancer."
The Reverend laughed uncomfortably,
"Quite the opposite." he countered, too guileless to be taken in by the flattery.
"What a perfect opportunity to learn then." Cynthia offered sensibly.
The Reverend looked to Sister Bernadette for guidance,
"I'm sure Jane would enjoy herself." Sister Bernadette chimed in encouragingly.
"In fact, I have the perfect dress for her." Trixie placed the cherry on top with practiced ease of one who enjoys orchestrating the happiness of others.
"Oh, well, I must confess it would be a wonderful way to spend the evening." He conceded, "Is Jane agreed?"
He looked to Sister Bernadette, then back to Trixie and Cynthia.
Realizing he was surrounded and out maneuvered, the penny dropped,
"Oh!"
Sister Bernadette took it upon herself to break the uncomfortable silence that followed.
"I believe Jane is in the treatment room. Why don't you go ask her now? I am certain she will say yes." Sister Bernadette encouraged.
"Yes. Yes, of course." He replied not feeling the least bit confident.
After personally accompanying him to the treatment room and informing Jane that he had something to inquire of her, Sister Bernadette left them to themselves.
Upon leaving the room, she turned the corner and almost bumped right into Trixie, who, with Cynthia in tow, positioned herself to listen in on their conversation. With a quick, "Trixie!" and a good mannered yet cheeky "Spoil sport!" from Trixie, Sr. Bernadette bundled them away.
Minutes later, Sr. Bernadette ventured back to the treatment room to find Jane frozen in a state of shock.
"Jane? Are you alright?" Sr. Bernadette ventured.
"Yes, sister." Jane whispered.
After waiting a few moments for Jane to elaborate, she ventured further,
"Is there anything I can do?"
"No, thank you, sister."
Feeling as if she had once again failed, Sr. Bernadette turned to leave the room. As she moved to the door, she heard a quiet,
"Except..."
That evening, dress in tow, Trixie and Cynthia set to work on Jane in the privacy of her room.
At the same time, the Reverend nearly paced a trench in the entry way until Sister Bernadette put him out of his misery and sent him ahead, thinking that it would be less embarrassing for both if they met at the hall rather than walk alone together.
Not long after, Trixie and Cynthia appeared with Jane between them. Jane had the form fitting sleeveless red dress Trixie had found for her. Her hair had been taken down from her usual dour bun and placed in a high pony-tail with the fringes of her bangs framing her delicately featured pretty face in soft waves. They had even convinced her to wear a bit of make-up.
With eye twinkling, Sister Bernadette exclaimed sincerely,
"Oh, Jane you look very nice! You really do!"
A glow spread cross her chest. She remembered the last time she had uttered almost the exact words not long after Jenny Lee had joined them.
That night long ago, she watched the young nurses readying themselves for the dance. She had complimented them with admiration and no small amount of yearning. Only after they had passed her did she allow herself a moment of remorse. She was tempted to allow her hair down for just a moment. To see the stranger she used to be. She had gone directly to her cell and removed her wimple and allowed her hair to cascade down her shoulders. Even though she was completely alone, she felt a bit uneasy about doing it. It had been a gesture of mild defiance and had embarrassed her.
Besides, it was folly at best. She had made her decision long ago. She would have to content herself with watching Jane blossom and grasp at the golden ring of her life. Sister Bernadette envied Jane her freedom. Perhaps envy was too strong a word. She did not envy them exactly, but she did envy what they were well on the road to finding with each other.
After Jane had gone, she went straight to the Chapel. Helping Jane was supposed to cleanse her of these feelings but they only made them stronger, more difficult to suppress, and infinitely more confusing.
Try as she might, her thoughts always went to him. It felt as defiant as letting her hair down. As wrong as staying and taking tea with him on the night he stayed late at Nonnatus House to prepare for the Kelly baby inquiry. She had been strong then, although she wanted nothing more than to take tea with him. Help him through his moment of confusion. But she had shocked herself once again.
"Is there anything else I can get you, Dr. Turner?"
"Some of your faith perhaps. It's at times like this I wish I had one.
"It's at times like this I wish it made a difference."
Why had she said that?
She was so shocked with herself, she turned on her heel and, unlike Jane, almost ran from the room. It was all so frightening. Was she losing her faith? She didn't know what to think anymore. The thought of turning away from everything she had ever known tore that hole inside her ever wider. What was she to do? She was beginning to feel as if she could not trust herself any more.
She knew she needed to seek guidance. She had tried in her private meditations in the chapel, but God was not providing her with the proof she required. Or if he was, He was not telling her what she needed to hear.
Why wasn't He speaking to her anymore? Why wasn't she hearing Him?
TBC...
A/N: One more chapter to go. If you have been holding back on clicking that old review button, don't be shy. We're all kindred spirits here. Even if you are not the cyber-gregarious type, a follow or favorite is much appreciated too!