We Have Mummies

Present Day—

Nigel's head snapped towards the sound of his girlfriend's scream. She came charging into the door, throwing it so hard, it bounced back and hit her as she barreled through it. Her face was flushed and she was shaking violently.

"What's wrong Jody," he asked as he reached out to her with concern.

"Mummies, we have mummies," she exclaimed as if she was stating there was a massive cockroach infestation.

"Awww, dammit," he said as he craned his neck to see into the next room.

Jody had just moved in with Nigel, where they shared the living area of a large storage facility that held quite a few ancient Egyptian artifacts that had been collected over the years by Nigel's father, grandfather and great-grandfather, Nigel the VI, V, IV respectively.

Nigel the VII not only wasn't too enamored with his name, but he also didn't care much for Egypt or what the land of sand and pyramids held. But in exchange for keeping an eye on the artifacts among other things, he was allowed to live there rent free with enough of a stipend to survive in the modern world as well as take care of what needed taking care of.

The place was no palace but it had a bedroom with an adjoining bathroom, a good sized living room as well as a kitchen with all the amenities and a separate dining room. It was also on enough land that they could escape the view of the public when mishaps occurred, which they often did. There was also a storage area and several nooks and crannies that held quite a few treasures according to the Egyptologist that came in Monday through Friday to analyze the ancient finds. It also was the home to Java, Spaz, The Pole, The Flu, Cass, BB Queen, Rah and Eddie. Two of which had just scared poor Jody nearly to death.

The mummies hung out in the underground quarters known as the crypt. They had a rather large area in which to sleep, roam and do whatever it was they did to keep themselves occupied. They would often come upstairs to raid the kitchen or watch TV on the big screen. But Nigel thought he had made it abundantly clear that those forays up to the apartment were to no longer take place. Except he never knew exactly what the boys understood as they could only, moan, growl and jabber at him, unless there was music playing and Java was around, otherwise everything remained a mystery. Now Jody was here and had found out what had been in hiding before he could gently break the news to her that he had mummies in his basement.

"Awww dammit, is all you have to say?" Jody shrieked. "Mummies chased me, mummies Nigel, mummies," she said emphatically once again.

"Yeah, sorry about that."

"Sorry, sorry, you didn't tell me you had supernatural creatures lurking in the shadows. Please tell me there aren't any werewolves in the closets."

"God I hope not," Nigel said, putting his arm around Jody.

"So then tell me why you have two mummies running around and where did they go?" She asked as she suddenly realized that they hadn't followed her into the living room.

"Two?" Nigel said grimacing. "I imagine they went into the kitchen. I just bought a giant tub of hummus."

"What? Hummus? What is going on here, who are they?"

"Well first, there aren't two of them and second hummus is a spread made out of chickpeas that's popular—''

"I don't care where hummus is popular or what it is for that matter, what I care about is why you have mummies running around our house."

"Well, it's kind of a long story, you see it all started back when my great-grandfather was in Egypt—''

"So you take care of them," Jody asked after Nigel finished his much abbreviated story. Nigel nodded his assent. "So, besides the two I saw, exactly how many more are there?"

But before he could answer, Spaz and Cass came into the room interrupting the question and answer session.

Spaz had a fistful of crackers in one hand and a gallon container of hummus under his other arm, while Cass had the toaster in his hands grinning at the two pieces of newly toasted bread that had recently popped up.

"Do they have names?" Jody asked eyeing the new entrants.

"Yes they do," Nigel began, "the one with the toaster is Cass. He's so fascinated with that damn toaster. He must eat nearly a loaf of bread a day."

Pleased with himself, Cass sat down next to Jody on the couch, the toaster in his lap and the cord bouncing around at his shins. Jody gave a forced smile and scooted a little to her left, away from the mummy.

"How did he get his name?" she asked.

"One of the members of the group that found him was named Cassie and apparently whenever she would wake up, while they were transporting him back, he would be sitting next to her just staring," Nigel explained.

Jody's face took on a worried tone as she glanced to her right and the grayish looking face. "So he was named after her?"

"Sort of, she began calling him Casanova because of his—well his wandering eyes. And since her name was Cassie it all seemed to make some kind of sense. Eventually it just got shortened to Cass."

Jody looked over at him one more time to find him munching away on a piece of freshly made toast, crumbs scattering everywhere around him. She gave him a weak smile and was ready to scoot a little further away from him when Spaz sat down on her other side.

"Tell me about his one?" she asked, her voice as frayed as her nerves.

Nigel cleared his throat and tried to act as casual as one possibly could when introducing a mummy named Spaz. "That is Spaz, he, well, sometimes he's just a crazy fella, in an innocent sort of way of course."

"Of course," Jody said nodding as if it all made sense. She took a deep breath as she glanced at her two seatmates and decided that an open window was most definitely called for. She stood up and turned around, placing her knees in the spot where she had just been sitting to reach the window behind the couch, but before she could get the window up very far she let out a very loud screech.

"What happened?" Nigel asked as he stood up. "Did Spaz grab your ass?"

"Did he what?" Jody asked her eyes growing huge as she turned back to Nigel.

"Nothing, nothing at all," Nigel muttered.

"I thought I saw something outside," she said still facing her boyfriend. "But I'm sure I was mistaken, at least I hope I was mistaken." Jody slowly turned her head back towards the window, only to be met with a grinning red and black face that was busy chewing on a piece of the bush just under the window.

"I think you have more," she said, her voice quivering.

"More what?"

"More mummies—a total infestation."

Nigel got up and peered over Jody's shoulder as both Cass and Spaz remained quite content with the comfort of the couch and their afternoon snacks.

"That's Java," he explained, realizing that he had never had the chance to elaborate on the number of mummies. In fact his summarization was rather brief as he had left out a lot the story.

"Of course it is. Why is he eating the bush?"

"He's vegan," Nigel stated matter-of-factly.

"Of course he is," she repeated. "What has just happened to my life?"

"It got more interesting?" Nigel offered.

Jody turned and looked back at Nigel and shook her head at him and when she turned back around Java was standing inside the living room, having crawled up through the open window. Jody did her best to squelch the scream that had jumped into her throat but wasn't the least bit successful. It didn't seem to bother Java in the least as he stood there happily grinning and clutching a branch from the bush that he had brought inside with him.

Jody moved away and walked over to Nigel. "Don't you have something else he can eat, besides the bushes out front? At this rate all of our landscaping will be nothing but twigs."

"He knows where the kitchen is, we always have plenty of vegan offerings for him. I think he just wanted to get a better look at you."

Jody once again shook her head and sat down in her previous spot on the couch only to find it had been taken by Java. She once again screamed, only it wasn't as loud as before; her body becoming accustomed to the continual surprises she had been encountering. She tried to stand back up but found two arms holding her in a fairly gentle manner.

"He won't hurt you, he just doesn't want you to get up," Nigel explained.

"I can see that," Jody answered. She then reached over and took the hummus from a surprised Spaz and offered it to Java. But he didn't take the bait and continued to hold tightly to his new friend.

"So tell me how he got his name?" She asked.

"He kept chewing on the coffee beans so they were calling him Java like the coffee with the short A, but then the guy who was somewhat in charge of him was named Jay and decided he like the long A better. So he became Java. Also, his favorite meat substitute is tempeh, which is very popular on the Indonesian island of Java. So, take your pick of how he ended up with the name."

"Right, I see, yes—this all makes sense now," she said, taking a deep breath.

"It does?" Nigel asked.

"No, of course it doesn't. Please tell me there are only three, we never did get to discuss specifics like how many there are?" She asked as Java squeezed her a bit tighter and buried his face in her back.

"Eight," Nigel mumbled.

"I'm sorry, I didn't get that."

"Eight, I said eight, there are eight of them in total," Nigel said loud and clear.

"Eight, eight mummies roaming around here? How come in all the times I've been out here I've never seen any of them?"

"Because I would time your visits when they were out."

"Out, out where?"

But before Nigel could answer something outside the window caught his attention. The golf cart that was used to patrol the grounds went flying by with three mummies hanging on for dear life. The driver made an abrupt turn causing two of them to fly off and then the cart promptly crashed into the side of the shed.

"Let me guess, the other five just showed up and are crawling through the window?" Jody asked. She had finally given up on escaping Java's grasp and just leaned back into the mummy.

"Well three of them anyway. Come on we need to go see if anyone is hurt."

Jody managed to wiggle her way out of Java's clutches and follow Nigel out the front door. They made their way around to the back to find a bright green faced mummy climbing out of the golf cart while a mummy with a black face was running back and forth between the cart and a third mummy who was strewn atop a flower bed.

"Names?" Jody asked dryly as she decided being blasé might be a better approach.

"The driver is The Pole, the highly caffeinated one is BB Queen and the one in the petunias is The Flu."

"Do I even want to know?" She asked.

"The Pole, well, there's a few stories," Nigel began.

"Say no more," Jody interrupted.

"The Flu, well one of the Egyptologists got sick after studying that particular mummy and insisted that he gave him the flu. It eventually stuck and everybody just began calling him The Flu. And BB Queen, well he plays the trumpet." Nigel finished as if that made any sense.

Jody turned her head, raised her eyebrows and just stared at her boyfriend.

"I know BB King plays the guitar, but for some reason this guy err, mummy became fascinated with him so they changed it up a bit and everybody was happy. Also he loves barbeque."

"Well what did they call him before? BB King and barbeque as both are fairly modern compared to these guys?"

"I think it was simply Hey You, because he was always into everything. As you can see he has a hard time sitting still. He loves coffee and all things caffeinated."

"But Java is the one who liked the coffee beans?"

"And tempeh, but yeah, just because he didn't want to eat any of the meat that was being served. Java is always on a natural high."

"I can believe that," Jody said as she surveyed the scene around her. "Wait a minute, you said the one over there plays the trumpet?"

"Oh yeah, they are a band."

"A band?"

"Yep, like a musical group."

"A musical group?" Nigel nodded his head. "They're mummies," Jody pointed out.

"Well remember I told you that they were cursed by the Pharaoh because they were caught with his daughter or daughters depending on which story you believe?"

"Go on."

"They were a band, playing music; it's what drew the ladies in got them dancing and such."

"And even as mummies they can still play music?"

"Better than ever. Earlier when I said I only had you come over when they were out, that's what they were doing; concerts."

"You've got to be kidding."

"Nope, not at all. They are good, really good in fact, and the ladies still love them and they still love the ladies.

"I must be dreaming, either that or you drugged me with something. None of this makes any sense—mummies, concerts, instruments, ladies?"

"You're not dreaming and I didn't drug you, it's all real; from Cass to Eddie to Rah."

"From Cass to who and to who?" Jody asked.

"Eddie and Rah, you haven't met them yet," Nigel said as he helped The Flu up. BBQ came over and dusted his friend off and then ran back to check on The Pole. All three seemed none the worse for wear, no body parts fell off and the bandages were only slightly ripped.

Jody shook her head back and forth and folded her arms as she began to wonder if Nigel was worth all this drama. "So where are the other two?" She asked.

"Rah usually sits out in the sun and ponders about life."

"Is that how he got his name—Ra the Egyptian sun god?"

"I have no idea," Nigel admitted, "I just know he makes sweet music."

"What does he play?"

"The Saxophone."

"What does everybody else play?"

Nigel took a deep breath and counted out everybody and what their instrument was. "We are only missing one," he finished.

"Right you said there was eight and only counted seven. Who's left?"

"Eddie."

"Eddie," she responded dryly. "There's mummies named after coffee, inanimate objects and illness and then there's Eddie?"

"Guess they ran out of ideas," Nigel shrugged.

"What does he play; the sousaphone?"

"The drums."

"You said Java played the drums."

"Ah, you were paying attention." Jody narrowed her eyes at him and her lips became a thin bloodless line. "Of course you were paying attention." Nigel said coughing slightly. "Java is percussion; the bongos and such, Eddie works the drum set or kit or whatever the kids call it these days."

"Wow, they must really put out quite the sound."

"That they do. We'll sneak in on a rehearsal sometime."

Jody sighed deeply and headed back to the house as Nigel went back over to the trio who were trying to right the golf cart from its side. She just couldn't believe that this was all happening to her. Did she really need all these complications to her life? Wasn't there enough drama around her with just normal issues? But no, she has to be dating someone who had eight mummies as pets or perhaps it was the mummies who were keeping Nigel as a pet; either way she wasn't sure she was at all interested in any of it.

She opened the front door and stomped through it only to be met with yet another mummy. This one was pretty good sized and had a purple face. Jody scrunched up her face and gazed upwards trying to remember the names of the two mummies she hadn't yet met. "Rah?" She asked first. The mummy merely tilted his head. "Eddie?" She tried. This time the mummy elicited a large smile.

"Eddie, the drummer. I'm Jody, Nigel's girlfriend, and introducing myself to a mummy almost seems normal to me at this point. Nice to meet you," she finished with a small wave, leaving Eddie standing there.

Jody marched her way to the kitchen trying to remember what she had decided to make for dinner before all the madness had started. But of course when she got to the kitchen she found Cass pouring something down his throat and Java was sitting on the counter eating something leafy and green.

Suddenly the oven timer went off and Cass tossed the bag of whatever it was he had aside and headed towards the oven only to be met by Spaz who had seemingly appeared from nowhere. The two tousled a bit before Jody gave a sharp whistle and yelled for them to knock it off.

The two just stood there, unsure what to do until Jody finally told Cass he had permission to take whatever it was out of the oven. He carefully donned an oven mitt and pulled out a large pizza with everything on it. Spaz reached out to grab it before Cass could even put it on the countertop causing Jody to slap his hand.

"You two will share. Spaz you cut the pizza, but Cass gets first choice. Then take your pizza out of my kitchen!" She yelled.

Java continued to munch away, slightly amused by everything taking place in front of him. Jody looked over at him and shook her head. "I suppose that would be the fixings for the salad I was going to make to accompany our spaghetti?"

Java just shrugged and ate another mouthful before jumping down and hugging Jody. She let him pull her close for a moment but quickly put an end to the display of affection when his hands began to wander a bit too far south.

"No way buster. You are a few thousand years too old to be doing anything in that category."

Java let go and backed up and violently shook his head no. "Well not with me then. Now be a good boy, mummy, whatever and take your dinner down to wherever it is you live."

Java looked heartbroken as he gathered up a cucumber and some spinach. He gave Jody a backward glance and followed Spaz and Cass downstairs.

Jody grabbed the broom and began to sweep up whatever it was that Cass had tossed aside earlier. She dumped the contents into the trash can and couldn't believe that she was feeling bad for pushing Java away. She just couldn't get that sad face out of her head. She rummaged through the pantry and found a can of beans and dumped them into a bowl, grabbed a fork, she then stopped at the hall closet for something and then cautiously made her way towards the basement also known as the crypt.

She could hear noise bouncing its way up the stairs making her feel like she was heading into a frat house. She thought about turning around more than once, but all she could see was that sad black and red face. It was something about those brown eyes that tugged at her; they had been so electric and then it was as if all the light had gone out of them when he had been rebuffed.

It was dark and a bit chilly down there, but the atmosphere wasn't as dank as she had expected. It almost had a party vibe going. Eddie was the first to see her and grunted loudly to announce her arrival. But as Jody reached the bottom of the stairs the hum died down to complete silence. She squinted in the semi-darkness to see mummies scattered about like dirty laundry in a dorm room. But once she was completely in view they all were instantly up and quite interested in what had brought her to their inner sanctum. Despite their last parting, Java was up and heading her way in no time, his smile shining through the dimness.

"Can we turn a light on?" Jody asked despite the fact that her eyes were beginning to adjust.

Suddenly the lights began to get brighter as Jody realized they were on a dimmer switch and Spaz was adjusting the dial to accommodate her request. With better light, she began to look around the spacious area and was pleasantly surprised with what she saw. The area she was currently in was set up like a living room with couches, chairs and a fairly large flat screen TV. Another area of to the side had been separated by drywall and she could just make out what looked like at least one bed on the other side of the open door. Another door appeared to lead to a bathroom and had Jody wondering if there were perhaps a shower in there. Towards the rear of the room it looked like a small studio and guessed that must be where they practiced. Nigel hadn't been full of shit, they were a band.

"I um, well—um, Java, I felt bad how I left things upstairs and I brought you this to say I was sorry," Jody began, holding out the bowl of beans in the mummy's direction.

Java's smile grew even bigger. He reached out and took the beans and carefully set them on the coffee table behind him and then opened his arms wide and moved towards Jody.

"Just hang on a second," she stated, switching the Febreze from her left to right hand and gave him a good spraying. "There, that's better," she said after sniffing. "But watch your hands, I have a boyfriend."

Java seemed a wee bit disappointed with the limitations placed on him, but nonetheless hugged Jody for all he was worth, appreciating her efforts and apology. He was never one to hold grudges and despite his earlier disappointment he had already gotten over it and moved on, fully aware there would be more opportunities for him in the future. And here he was all wrapped up around a pretty lady.

"Okay," Jody mumbled through the bandages, "times up, that was great, but I have to get back to making dinner."

Java let go and stepped backwards, clearly pleased with the turn of events. Jody sighed and felt much better and less guilty. But when she turned to leave she found that another mummy had stepped up in Java's previous spot with his arms wide open waiting for his hug. Jody tried to remember his name as she sprayed a coating of the fabric refresher all over him. "You are—let me think a minute," she said to nobody in particular. "The Pole, right?"

The Pole nodded and quickly swept her up in an embrace. And so it went, mummy after mummy appearing for their hug, each getting doused with meadow fresh scent beforehand. Finally Jody looked up to find a face she didn't recognize. "You must be Rah, the one I haven't met yet."

The mummy smiled and bobbed his head up and down. One final hug and Jody had officially met everyone. Before she could make another move Eddie grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the open door on the other side of the room. "Wait a minute there big fella, don't get any ideas," she stammered. But Eddie continued to tug her along. He was grunting as they went but of course Jody couldn't understand any of it.

When they got to the door he stepped inside the room and held his arms out away from his body, showing her the room as several of the other mummies slipped in behind them. It held eight twin beds with a trunk at the end of each one. She noticed there were no dressers, which made sense since they probably had no clothes. Next to each bed was a nightstand complete with a small lamp and a book or two. Most, she noticed were of the large picture book variety. She saw bright nature pictures as well as the pyramids and the endless sand of their home.

Eddie, still quite proud of himself and his tour guide skills, sat down on what was presumably his bed and patted it as he smiled. Jody smiled back but shook her head from side to side. She was impressed, as well as surprised that each bed was neatly made and assumed it was merely due to the fact they always wanted to be ready to invite someone to cuddle or more. Jody smiled and told them she had to go start dinner and backed her way out of the room. She managed to get halfway to the stairs when she stepped on something and nearly fell. She picked up her foot to find a piece of pizza stuck to the bottom of her sandal.

"Cass, Spaz, get in here right now!" She barked just as her mother used to when she had left a mess. The two named mummies hustled out of the bedroom with high hopes that were quickly dashed. "Who is responsible for this?" She asked lifting up her leg to show off the glop that was attached to her footwear.

They both looked at each other and shrugged. Jody stood there with her arms folded. She began to tap her foot but forgot about the pizza and didn't get the effect she was looking for. "Would somebody get this off my shoe!?" She snapped.

Spaz bent over and peeled the cheese infested crust off the sandal, stood back up and proceeded to finish eating it.

"You've got to be kidding me that is disgusting! I'm going upstairs to fix dinner would you all please stay down here for a while and give me a break."

Jody took off the offended shoe and limped towards the stairs in a huff. Behind her Eddie smacked Spaz in disgust and the others just shook their heads.

The rest of the evening remained quiet as the boys stayed in the crypt giving Jody time to digest their existence.