Always on my mind

A/N: Hi, I am back to writing this story. Not sure why I stopped. You might want to read the previous chapter to recap. I made a small change in the last chapter right at the end too. Thanks for everyone who has been reviewing. It really encouraged me to continue.

Disclaimer: I do not own CCS

Chapter 4

Humiliation

Utter humiliation. Sakura thought. How could Syaoran acted so oblivious when it was obvious why she was there. She buried her head in the pillow on the brink of tears. She screamed into the pillow. The moment repeated itself in her mind. Nami...in Syaoran's boxer. In Syaorans house. She was ready to cheat on her fiance over a silly fight. Where was her integrity.

She looked up at her closet. She had to get up and go to work. She would be late but she could not just take leave. It was silly for her to even consider it. She would have to see him again. She would act normal around him and laugh about that morning.

...

Syaoran returned to his apartment. He walked slowly, he did not desire Nami's company and he had to think about Sakura and the events of the morning. When he finally returned, as he opened the door Nami was sitting on the kitchen counter with a bowl of cereal while looking at her iphone.

"So, when are you planning on going home?" He asked her closing the door.

She laughed "You are so mean to me sometimes."

"And yet you keep coming back." He said.

"Are you mad?" She asked placing the bowl on the counter.

He said nothing. Why did she have to show up on his doorstep in the middle of the night claiming she had nowhere else to go. He was sympathetic and understanding. He gave her the one spare room and went to sleep in his own bed. She crawled into his sheets when he was asleep. She kissed him and he woke up. She whispered dirty things in his ear and climbed on top of him. He was not able to resist her. It was against his better judgment. He thought of Sakura, the woman he desired. Why could it not have been Sakura rubbing his chest and kissing his mouth. Sakura was with someone else...despite their obvious flirting. She was not his and would probably never be his.

"So who was that girl?" Nami asked.

"No one." Syaoran walked into the kitchen to prepare coffee.

"She is not no one." Nami said.

"She is that girl from your office." Nami said confident "You like her."

Syaoran said nothing.

Nami jumped off the counter.

"You love her."

Syaoran ignored her.

"She is not even that pretty you know. Like I know tons of girls who are prettier than her."

Syaoran sighed and took a deep breath "Well, I think she is beautiful."

Nami made a gagging sound "You so whipped. Whatever happened to the Syaoran I knew?"

Syaoran drank coffee and watched Nami speak. She was animated as she spoke. He had never met someone so vain.

"You used to be fun. I mean today you would have skipped work, we would have gone shopping, drinking." She said clearly trying to convince him that was the best option for him.

"I think we should not see each other anymore."

Nami rolled her eyes, she was frustrated now "What makes her so special."

Syaoran smiled for a moment thinking about her "Everything. The was she tangles the bangs of her hair when she is busy reading a book. She is kind to everyone, some think she is a pushover but she is just kind. The way she covers her mouth when she is laughing too hard." He found himself in a daze.

Nami shook her head "Fine. I'm gone. Next time you want a booty call, don't call me."

"I did not call you. You just rocked up on my doorstep."

She gave him a long angry look before dramatically exiting the room to get her things.

...

Syaoran sat in the parking lot for 15 minutes before he walked through the office door. He was thinking strategically about his next move. He practiced what to say to her. He was not sure if he would explain himself. What was the point, he was as guilty as sin.

He took a deep breath and walked past Sakura's cubicle. She was sitting there focusing on the computer screen. She wore a white cotton shirt and light gray skirt. Her hair was a neat but. She seemed perfect in every way. He did not want to ruin this moment but it would be more awkward if he didn't greet her at all.

"Hi Kinomoto." He said casually.

She looked up at him. Her bright green eyes glaring at him and she smiled "Hey."

"Are you looking at the yearly budget?"

She looked at the computer screen then back at him. "Oh yes."

He nodded.

"It's pretty fair."

"Yeah." He said casually.

"I will see you at the meeting." He said walking away.

"Syaoran." Sakura said.

He stopped walking and turned around "Yes Sakura."

"Um this morning...I was just confused about a few things. But its clear now." She said clearly and quickly.

"What's clear."

Sakura raised her shoulders "Just everything." she put it simply. What was clear to Sakura was that she was marrying Ryu. Syaoran was always going to be a player, and she was not going to jeopardize a life with a respectable man like Ryu for him. Her family adored Ryu and despite his recent breakdown, he was a good man.

Syaoran nodded and walked off. He was certain that he had done something wrong and this was possibly the end of what ever would have been between him and Sakura.

At the meeting that day, he tried not to allow himself to let his gaze linger on her. She was taking notes while her husband CEO spoke. Syaoran glared at Ryu, he was beginning to resent this man. He was jealous of him for the most part. Syaoran hated his curly hair, the shape of his eyebrows...he looked like he was born angry. Even when he told jokes it didn't seem genuine. He started to imagine him and Sakura in bed and wondered if they genuinely enjoyed each other.

He quickly shook off the thought.

"So this weekend is trip to Kyoto for the finance department. Prepare for team building exercises and guest speakers from all over the globe."

As he spoke Syaoran blacked out again...this weekended was the trip. He had forgotten completely. Perhaps the universe was giving him a second chance with Sakura.

"I will also be attending." Ryu said sternly "Any questions?"

Syaoran exhaled noisly grasping the attention of everyone.

"Mr. Li, do you have any questions?"

Syaoran sat up and smiled "When will we get the itenary?" Syaoran was proud of his ability to think on his feet. Sakura had clearly noticed what he just did.

"Oh yes, of course."

After the meeting all the employees in the finance department were in the break room for lunch. Primarily discussing the trip. Apparently, according to on Koji who worked across Syaoran, the company was going to provide everyone their own hotel suite, room service and free porn.

Syaoran settled at a corner listening attentively, hardly contributing to the conversation while Sakura on the other hand was fully engaged. She gave everyone information about the different speakers. Everyone enjoyed her way of story telling, she made even the most boring topics interesting.

The topic shifted to Kyoto and everyone was telling jokes. Soon, the 5 people out of 8 people in the room were gone. Some returned to their desks while others went out for a smoke break.

It was now him, Sakura and a female colleague, Chiharu, whom Sakura was fond of.

"I better get back to work." Syaoran said now embarrassed at how long he spent there anyway. He was waiting for a moment alone with her.

As Syaoran walked away Chiharu laughed. Her eyes shifted back and forth as though she was looking around to make sure the coast was clear before she starts to gossip.

"Sakura, can I ask you something?" She said.

Sakura was taking a sip of an icy fruit-shake that gave her a brain freeze. She wrinkled her nose and clear her throat."Sure, what is it?"

"Don't be offended." Chiharu warned.

Sakura relaxed her shoulders "It takes a lot to offend me."

"Okay. There is a rumor going out that you and Syaoran...um how do I put it...you...did some things...sex things."

Sakura's jaw dropped and she blushed.

"Well." Chiharu asked "It's none of my business but I can't help but look at him when you two are together wondering."

"We...haven't um...done such a thing." Sakura said coyly.

Chiharu put her hand on her heart "Good. I know you are engaged and Syaoran is not a settling down kind of guy. Very handsome. Good for a night, but he is not boyfriend material."

Sakura wanted to say something. She wanted to defend him but only worried it would only feed the rumor.

She was quiet while Chiharu spoke. She despised Chiharu for speaking so of Syaoran while hardly knowing him. And then Sakura thought of Nami. Perhaps Chiharu's assumptions were correct.

...

The keep went by faster that they had imagined it would. Syaoran and Sakura shared brief friendly conversations. On Tuesday morning there was a bouquet of flowers on Sakura's table which became the topic of the office.

"He is romantic."

"When will we meet him?"

The women of the office asked. Syaoran just sat at his desk pretending not to notice.

He missed Sakura, despite the fact that she was a desk away, she was more distant than she had ever been.

...

On Saturday morning, the finance department gathered in front of the office. It was cold and everyone was shivering while they waited for the conference bus. Ryu and Sakura were talking to each other. Syaoran spoke to another colleague.

The big black bus finally drove into the parking lot after nearly an hour behind schedule. Ryu was like a school boy, he was fascinated by the bus and sat in front. While Syaoran settled in a seat in the back of the bus he saw Sakura walking in the bus isle looking for a place to seat. She looked confused then her face lit up when she saw an empty seat.

She hurried to it then the smile disappeared when she saw it was Syaoran. His arms folded across his chest. He looked relaxed.

"Hi." He said to her.

"Hi." She said looking to see if there was another seat.

She sat next to him. She sunk into the chair and took out her phone from her pocket. Thinking her rude, Syaoran closed his eyes as though he was about to fall asleep. Only 6 hours to their destination.

Sakura put away her phone after 30 minutes and Syaoran was awake. They didn't speak for another 30 minutes and pretended to be preoccupied in their personal thoughts.

"Its gonna be a long trip." Syaoran muttered to himself.

Sakura nodded "and Kyoto is much colder than Tokyo. I am not looking forward to that."

He looked at her. "Have you been there before?"

She nodded "Yes. My father used to take us there every winter to see family." she spoke formally.

They kept their conversations short and formal for the rest of the trip. She was worried about the rumor. What if it reached Ryu. Things were good again between them. The best thing to do would be to be honest with Ryu and she promised herself that she would...eventually.

...

That evening, everyone ate at the hotel restaurant before leaving for their hotel rooms. Syaoran spotted Sakura secretly entering Ryu's hotel room. She looked around to see if anyone was around. However, she did not see him behind a fake plant.

Sakura was two doors away and it killed him.

He could not sleep. He got out of bed and wandered in the hotel corridors. There was a balcony at the end of the corridor. He saw a figure standing at the balcony. She wore a while dress and looked upwards.

He knew it was Sakura. This might have been it. The moment he had been waiting for.

"Hi." He approached her slowly startling her. He imagined he came off with a stalker vibe.

She turned around.

"Hi."

"Are you going to leave now?" He asked her fearfully.

She turned around "No. I could not sleep." she said. "I can never sleep the first night in a new bed."

"Yeah, I could not sleep either." he said moving towards the other side of the balcony; creating a safe distance between them.

"It's beautiful here." She said. The stars sparkled in her eyes and she seemed more alluring under the moon light. His mind momentarily went to the image of her on the bed. In her yellow cotton panties and a shirt.

"Sakura, I'm sorry." He said finally.

"Sorry?" she was surprised. Sorry was confessing you did something wrong. In all honesty, he did nothing wrong because Sakura had a finance and he was single. She did not tell him she felt anything for him.

"You just changed when you saw Nami at my apartment." he told her "So, I am assuming you did not like what you saw. And I don't know why." He swallowed hard "I feel ashamed and I feel like a jerk."

She tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Well you need not feel that way." her demeanor changed and she seemed uncomfortable.

"That's how I feel."

She nodded.

"So why did you come to my apartment that morning. Its quiet a distance from your place."

"I just wanted to see you." Sakura confessed "I had been thinking about you so much and I was sad and thought you might take my sadness away."

"I think about you all the time Sakura..." Syaoran said walking towards her.

"But I know that was not smart of me. Syaoran, you are not a commitment guy and I wanna get married and have kids...and all that normal stuff. If anything happened between us, its just physical right. And then what?"

Syaoran took a deep breath.

"Is that what you really think about me?"

She nodded. "For as long as I've known you, you have a new woman every two weeks."

He sighed feeling a pain in his heart.

He wanted to say "That's because I have never been in love Sakura. All I do is think about you. I haven't been with anyone since our night together after the Christmas party. Nami was a mistake. I never wanted her. I don't want her...you are all I want."

Instead he walked away tucked his hands in his pocket and muttered "Okay, good night."

...

To be continued