3. Music is … a challenge/call to fight
There had been a time when I had very nearly given up on my own happiness in the past … well, two events to be honest. But this song always reminded me of that first time I had felt shattered beyond repair. I had found out about Richard's engagement to Lynnie Lott, that mouse. I felt not so much anger or sadness, just a deep sense of betrayal. Richard and I had promised each other to be honest and not make this relationship according to our parents' rules … but he had failed me. On both accounts he had lied to me.
One way or another I'm gonna find ya
I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha
one way or antoher I'm gonna win ya
I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha
one way or another I'm gonna see ya
I'm gonna meetcha meetcha meetcha meetcha
one day maybe next week I'm gonna meetcha
I'm gonna meetcha I'll meetcha
I will drive past your house and if the lights are all down
I'll see who's around
One way or another I'm gonna find ya
I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha
one way or antoher I'm gonna win ya
I'll getcha I'll getcha
one way or another I'm gonna see ya
I'm gonna meetcha meetcha meetcha meetcha
one day maybe next week I'm gonna meetcha I'll meetcha
And if the lights are all out I'll follow your bus downtown
see who's hanging out
One way or another I'm gonna lose ya
I'm gonna give you the slip
a slip of the hip or another I'm gonna lose ya
I'm gonna trick ya I'll trick ya
one way or another I'm gonna lose ya
I'm gonna trick ya trick ya trick ya trick ya
one way or another I'm gonna lose ya
I'm gonna give you the slip
I'll walk down the mall stand over by the wall
where I can see it all find out who you call
lead you to the supermarket check out some specials
and rat food get lost in the crowd (one way or another I'm gonna getcha)
Where I can see it all find out who you call (one way or another)
where I can see it all find out who you call (one way or another)
where I can see it all find out who you call (one way or another)
oOoOoOo
"I saw you going out with that bear of a man," Sweetie teased me. She had a merry twinkle in her eyes and was obviously enjoying herself at my expense. Very unladylike I stuck my tongue out at her. (To this day I hate being teased – something Richard is so fond of.) It was her favorite pastime.
"So what if I step out with him?" I shot back, clearly showing that I was in no mood to indulge her hobby. Either my eyes must have been shooting off sparks or she was truly concerned for me, in any event her stance and features softened. All of a sudden I didn't want to know what she had to say on the subject. "Don't … just forget it …"
It was meant to sound foreboding, but it sounded rather weak and pathetic even to my own ears. Sweetie, being the dear friend that she was, softened even further, but delivered the blow nonetheless. She lived by the philosophy that bad things were better indured when told by a friend, who comforted you later on. I never truly believed her. Bad news were bad news … period.
"I saw him last night. He was visiting the new Bach concert the Yale orchestra put on that Preston took me to. Since it was boring me to tears, I had a chance to look around and noticed him sitting there. He was with another woman …"
"I don't want to know, Melinda!" This time my voice was more forceful. The use of her full Christian name also indicated that I meant it, but she obviously had more to get off her chest.
"Later, when we met him and his companion in the foyer, he introduced her as his fiancée, Pennylynn Lott, to us."
I was very quiet and apparently it wasn't the reaction Sweetie had expected of me. In all honesty it wasn't the reaction I had expected of me, but I was numb. My hands were cold and clammy, no blood was being pumped through my body for it had turned into ice. A deafening roar filled my ears and Sweetie's face before my eyes became suddenly blurry and unfocused. I'm ashamed to admit that I fainted dead on the spot.
oOoOoOo
For days I was devastated. Every night I cried myself to sleep. Neither Sweetie nor Hope could say anything to make me feel better.
Richard had betrayed me, had taken my love and thrown it back in my face. What was the heights of his deception, was that he showed up the next day to take me to the same concert. He didn't even have enough imagination to come up with something different. It clearly showed where I ranked in his list of priorities.
It also irked me that he thought so little of me and my reputation to make me into 'the other woman' of loose morals and no standards. I was a good girl of my time and upbringing; I would never have allowed him to corrupt me … even though, at times, the temptation had been great and very nearly unbearable.
For those reasons I refused to open the door for him, refused to hear his feeble explanations, refused to talk about him … and stubbornly tried to refuse acknowledging how hurt I really was …
To be absolutely honest I was heartbroken. It truly felt as if Richard had torn out my heart with his actions and shredded it into pieces, brutally stomping out all emotions. Under different circumstances I would rage, throwing things and screaming in the private sanctity of my apartment, but all I felt was a profound loneliness.
After two weeks Melinda had had enough. She finally snapped at me. At the time I was angry at her, but in retrospect I can admit that it had been what I needed to hear at the moment to stop wallowing in self-pity.
"Emily, if that man is really worth all this crying and moping, don't you think, that he is worth fighting for?" she had asked me exasperated. "Stop this nonsense and get up. If you want him back, go after him, make him fall in love with you all over, make him forget Lynnie the mouse. You are so much better than she is … so start proving it!"
I had stopped crying, from sheer surprise at her words, but they had struck a chord. Melinda was right; Pennylynn Lott was a plain-looking mouse of a woman. Richard had often remarked that I had a certain fire and that I was unlike any other woman he had ever met before. It was high time to remind him of that.
oOoOoOo
I knew that Richard's sorority had a party on Friday night and that Richard had said that he would definitely be there, because the Wiffenpoofs were supposed to sing the sorority song and thus open the party. I planned to be there and never let him forget that evening.
Blue had always been my favorite color, because everybody told me it made my vibrant red hair stand out. I regarded that to be my most attractive feature. Shortly before I had found out about Pennylynn, I had bought a new blue dress for this very evening to make Richard proud of having me on his arm and to impress his friends. It had a tightly-fitted bodice and a full skirt that stopped just above the knee. The highlight of the dress (and the reason I had hesitate buying it before Sweetie practically forced me) was that it was backless. It was risqué, but I was feeling daring.
"One way or another, I will know where I stand with him after tonight," I muttered to Sweetie before I raised my chin, squared my shoulders and strode into the room.
And the rest, as they say, is history.