Guilt

Author: angel17712

Date: 12/21/06

A/N- this is set right after Rock Solid. Thanks SO much to Pink-Green-White-4ever for editing this! You're awesome!

Enjoy!

Nick's POV

It's been two days since we last talked. Two days since I said words that have continued to eat at me. Since then, I've tried to apologize and she brushed it away as though my words made no difference. I think, on some subconscious level, we've been avoiding each other. Neither of us wants to have the conversation that we need to have about the things that I said to her. After an argument that we had a few days ago, Maddy got turned into a statue. She'd stormed out of the record shop, as though the devil himself was chasing her. She had been walking around and happened to find herself in the same place as a monster that had been sent to terrorize the city. Once she was free, I was relieved to see her back to normal, but since then, I've had this building sense of guilt over what happened; I've been feeling that if it hadn't been for me, she wouldn't have gone off and been turned to stone. I know that I need to talk to her and let her know that I'm truly sorry. If anything, I need to talk to her in order to rid myself of the guilt that's eating me whole. The words that I said to her still ring through my head as clearly as if I were saying them now.

"Gotcha," her voice rang gleefully.

"Oh, no, get that thing away from me."

"Come on, Nick, don't be shy."

"Me? I'm not the one who's always hiding behind that camera," I shot back at her.

"I'm not hiding," she justified as she closed it.

"I've watched you, Madison," I told her. "You're so busy filming everyone else that you never get out there and have fun yourself."

"I have fun," she said as she backpedaled away from me.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she replied.

"When's the last time you went out there and did something different, something spontaneous?" I asked her as I tossed an orange at her, trying to get the ball rolling.

"Spontaneous? Okay. Yesterday, I went to buy toothpaste. I always buy peppermint, and I thought, 'No, I'm gonna do something different, and I bought wintergreen."

"Wintergreen?" I asked her incredulously.

"Yeah, I—wintergreen," she said, trying to convince herself.

"You're a wild woman, all right. Whoo! She's a wild one!" I exclaimed as I exited the office.

"Hey, hey, hey. It just so happens that defending the world takes most of my free time."

"Uh-huh. That's just an excuse, admit it: you're too shy to put it out there," I harshly told her.

Thinking back on it now, I hate that I said those things to her. She replied the way she did because she wanted me off her case; my words might have been harsh, but they were still the truth. I look over at Maddy and watch her work. It's never occurred to me how much I watch her. She doesn't seem like her usual self; it's as though she's lost whatever it is that makes her Maddy. I sigh, knowing that it's probably my fault that she's feeling like that. Before I made up my mind to talk to her, Vida came over to me.

"Hey, I need you to do a favor for me," Vida requested.

"Okay, what?"

"I need you to go and talk to Maddy. Something's up with her and I don't know what it is. She's been like this for a while now and I'm starting to get worried about her," Vida confided.

I already knew what it was that was bothering Madison, but I nodded to Vida, letting her know that I would talk to her. As I started the walk over to where Madison was working, my legs felt like lead. Time seemed to slow down, and with it, my nerves seemed to be out of control. 'Come on, Russell. You can do this, you have to.' The closer I got to her, the more my courage seemed to grow. I reached my destination and with a deep breath, I tapped Madison on the shoulder.

She jumped slightly and turned around to see who it was who had scared her. "N-Nick, hey; how are you?" she asked me shakily. I could tell that she was just as nervous as I was, if not more so.

"I'm good, and you?"

"I'm doing fine, just great. Need anything?" she questioned, hoping to get rid of me.

"Yeah, actually I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute alone. It's kind of important," I told her. I motioned towards Toby's office, and she nodded her head yes, following after me. I closed the door behind her and took a breath to calm myself down.

"Listen Maddy, I've got something that I need to tell you, but I want you to promise me that you won't say anything until I'm done, okay?"

"Okay," she answered.

"I want to apologize for everything that's happened. No, don't even start to tell me that I don't need to," I cut her off when I saw her trying to stop me. "I need to do this. I'm sorry for what I said a few days ago when we were working. It was stupid of me to say that, cruel and completely rude. If I hadn't said what I did, you wouldn't have left here and gotten yourself turned into a stone statue. I shouldn't have done that, and I'm sorry."

Madison shook her head vigorously. "No, it wasn't cruel. Yes, what you said was harsh, but I needed to hear it. It wasn't your fault that I got turned into a statue, Nick. I forgive you. It could have happened to any of us. As much as I hate to admit it, you were right about me, Nick. I'm an extremely shy person, but it's a part of who I am. In a way, I needed to hear that. I never want you to not be honest with me because you're afraid that you might hurt me, okay?" she murmured.

I looked into her eyes, and I could see all different feelings in them: pain, regret, love. I could see that spark that was such a big part of her coming back slowly. She would be all right; she wasn't angry with me, she only wanted the truth from me. "Okay, I promise. I'll always be honest with you."

She flashed me a grin, and I couldn't help but heave a sigh of relief. The guilt from what I had said was still there, but it was starting to ebb away, slowly but surely. Maddy was starting to act and sound like Maddy again, and she accepted my apology. Maybe if Maddy can get over the harshness of my words and forgive me, I can get over feeling guilty for something that I helped cause but didn't have any control over.