Chapter 4

Begin stuck in the little village was actually good for them. Their rather unsavory contacts thankfully spoke English. They had to, as a lot of their clientele was in the states. Both Kyle and Sarah hated to contribute to the gang violence that gripped Los Angeles, but they needed these people for now. Their Spanish improved daily, but between that and their connections, the rest of the villagers would have little to do with them. These people became their friends. It was the only other relationship they had. Sometimes after a haul or loading up a truck, the guys would come back to the little trailer. Sarah was a decent cook and still made American meals, not yet having learned the primary South American dishes. Everyone enjoyed the different food, even if it was rather bland. Sometimes the guys just dropped by for a couple beers. Kyle wasn't much of a drinker. He didn't like the way alcohol made him feel, as it often just made his head hurt. But he would nurse one with the guys as they could polish off a six-pack each.

There were jokes made of him. Mostly in Spanish but Kyle knew when they laughed about "el gringo" they were having fun with him. He didn't really care. He would always be able to anticipate danger while they were sleeping off their intoxication. Only occasionally was he made fun of for his devotion to Sarah. If they were all hanging on the little porch Kyle had built and Sarah's silhouette would appear in the window, Kyle would watch her. The sly smile that often graced his mouth in those moments made the other men laugh with machismo. They all knew she carried his child.

He liked to watch Sarah when she wouldn't notice. The awkwardness of being in her last trimester balanced with her new found efficiency of movement. The solid stance that could hold up to the kick of a high powered rifle and yet the awkward way her belly caught a glass on the table. Of course the guys he was with would try to tease him about his prowess in the bedroom.

The subject of sex always made him uneasy. It was something he thought should only be discussed with whom it was taking place. Although he and Sarah rarely spoke about what happened in the bedroom. Only as a lead-in to it.

"I love the way you touch me," was once moaned prior to diving into bed. "I wish you would rub my clit more," was another whispered suggestion. Otherwise it wasn't brought up.

Trying to silence the sex talk he'd said, "I happen to love my wife. That's all." They used the titles for simplicity even though they'd never been formally or informally married.

"That much? All you do is watch her. I think your beer gets warm before you stop looking at her. Are you sure it's not just 'cause you can't wait to get her back into bed?" A general chuckle.

"I'll wait. When she's ready maybe. That's all." It wasn't working; they just wanted to ask more questions. One man understood Kyle though. He had married his wife ten years ago, had had plenty of children and he knew. The wistful gaze at Sarah's form was not about the last time they had sex, but with worry something might happen. How the child would change everything.

This man often provided Kyle the kind of jobs that were less illegal and closer to the trailer. He often had Kyle repair sheds, fix vehicles or other random handy-man jobs. Both Sarah and Kyle relished those jobs. It kept Kyle thinking about current cars and working with his hands. It also kept him close to home. And were usually wrapped up in an hour or so. They worked well for what he was willing to do as Sarah neared her due date.

Him and his wife were the closest thing to friends Sarah and Kyle had. Maria would help Sarah around the trailer, taught her some of the local cuisine and introduced Sarah to the town mid-wife. Hector helped Kyle build the porch and had tried to prepare Kyle for fatherhood, but Kyle was hard to talk to. Sarah was the only one that could talk to him and he wasn't listening to her much either.

February and John's birth were fast approaching. Sarah barely left the trailer, between the physical limits of being nine months pregnant and the rather shady nature of their contacts in the village, it was inadvisable. Her ankles refused to fit in her shoes and most days she preferred to hang around barefoot learning the new additions to their gun cache or playing with the dog. Kyle didn't seem to think a name for the dog was important, but to Sarah he was as much her friend as Kyle, so she called him Buddy. She loved to throw a ball for him around their trailer. It kept her occupied and helped Buddy stay fit.

It had become Kyle's job to do anything in town. He picked up provisions, made any purchases, but taking jobs that took longer than an hour or so was out of the question. He would not leave her alone much longer than that. Those hours to Sarah felt longer. Even if Kyle had closed himself off from her, his presence always made her feel safer. She thought Kyle's distance had to do with John's impending birth, and in a way she was right. The legend John Connor had told Kyle about was blossoming before his eyes. He couldn't see the woman who he had fallen in love with. He loved the legend too, but the vulnerable woman he'd met and seen in the photograph was who he fell in love with. He hadn't found that both the legend and the woman were one in the same, yet. He liked to hold her when she was sleeping because he could replay their days in the cabin and still cling to the woman he loved.

Being in such close quarters everyday made Kyle's lack of conversation a blaring omission. He never went beyond weapon care and maintenance, tactical support, latest purchases or a possible job. He never talked about his past or even John's birth. Even Sarah's attempts to interest him in her preparations for the birth, or even some of her plans for John couldn't get him to talk about it. She wanted to get some books to teach him to read. She was looking forward to his first words. Whether it would be "mama" or "dada" she hadn't decided. Kyle would never engage with her speculations. He couldn't think that far ahead. He wasn't as interested in this forward thinking. He was proud to be John's father, but was unsure what being a father entailed. He wasn't used to the idea. He didn't know he would have to play hide and seek with John. Or teach him how to build a temporary shelter. Or how to hot-wire his first car. He didn't know he would be the one teaching John all these things in the way only a father can. He couldn't see these things.

Sarah was worried. She didn't like how little he wanted to talk about these things. She tried to bring up her meeting with a midwife. "I had a meeting with the midwife today. She was trying to get me all prepped and I think she said something about how to breathe. I didn't understand her, so she just pointed to her mouth and went 'hehe, hoho'. Then I got it. It was funny." As she smiled in conclusion, hoping Kyle would too, he got up and went outside. He either hadn't heard her, or didn't want to. She pushed herself to her feet and followed him out. He was just standing in front of the trailer either thinking or scanning the perimeter again. She placed a hand on his shoulder and he spun to face her.

"Did you forget I live here, too?"

"What? No," he was confused. He hadn't expected her to follow him out. She never did anymore being either too tired or too preoccupied to want to know what he was doing.

"Then why did you leave just now?"

I thought I heard something, was the phrase on the tip of his tongue, but he hesitated to say it. It wasn't really true. The only thing he heard was Sarah joking about what to do in labor. Women died in childbirth. Both in the future and now. He knew this. He'd asked around and heard some gruesome stories of mothers and children dying. He regretted dragging her out to the middle of nowhere with no hospitals. Her chances would be better with in a hospital. Here there was an old woman. He was still unclear if she'd actually had a child herself. So Sarah's levity had appalled him. Did he really want to admit the truth to her? Her hand pressed his cheek when he didn't answer right away. That pressure told him he had to. He had to tell her the truth, even if it meant losing her.

"I'm scared." There he said it. It was just further proof he wasn't good enough for the mission. For Sarah. She seemed stronger than him now. She wouldn't need him anymore. Not if he was this scared over her giving birth.

"Scared? Of the birth, right?" He nodded. "Hey, I'm scared too, but we'll get through this. Just like everything else. We'll beat it, together. Besides John couldn't tell stories about a mother he never met, right?"

That comment stopped him in his tracks. That only reminded him of the future he lived. The one where John never really had a father. "But his father dies long before the war, remember? I'm still here. What if that changes things?" a trace of panic had laced his voice. It reminded her of the tense tone as he narrated the story of her future.

She hated to remember Kyle was supposed to die before the war. The tense tone of voice told her he didn't want to think about it either. It meant any day could be his last and he hadn't learned to be happy yet. "Well even if things are different, you'll be right here to protect me." She'd smiled both to reassure herself and Kyle. He just shook his head, in amusement at her optimism. He was still very, very worried about, well, everything. He was still worried something would happen. That John might not make it. That Sarah might not. That he wouldn't be the father that John needed or even be there at all. They weren't going to agree, but things could only get better after John's born and that hurdle was climbed over.

Which weren't many days after that conversation. The first contractions were nearly unnoticed. It took a little longer before Sarah needed to sit down and Kyle started to pace. He was worried and she was uncomfortable. They had been told they wouldn't need the midwife until labor actually started. It took hours more until Sarah's water broke and Kyle nearly tripped over his own feet running to get the midwife.

"El niño! El niño!" He had yelled while banging on the midwife's door. "Uh, agua. Mas." His limited Spanish not letting him say that her water broke, but really just "water" and "more". But the midwife understood. She laid a calming hand on Kyle's arm and said, "Toma tiempo." He understood that. "Takes time." He still ran back to the trailer.

Sarah was just getting comfortable on some old blankets. "Is she coming?"

"Yeah, I think she's on the way. Said it was going to take time." She nodded. He took her hand. The contractions hadn't even started yet, but he was beyond worried. The midwife arrived, and the waiting began. The midwife hadn't been exaggerating when she said it would take time. An hour in and Kyle was left just pacing the length of the trailer making everyone dizzy. The contractions were much closer, but still no sign of John.

"Can you stop pacing? Or go outside?" an irritated Sarah asked. He stopped and went back to her hand. She started to scream in pain as another contraction racked her. Finally it looked like it was time to start pushing as the midwife said, "Ya está listo." Sarah, ground her teeth and pushed. Her knuckles turning white around Kyle hand. He never noticed, not until much later when the purple bruises showed up around his hand. It took an hour before John finally showed his face. Screaming and pink. There he was. "Es un muchacho."

They already knew their baby was a boy. "Yes, his name is John," sighed Sarah.