AN: Sorry it took me so long to update. I had a load of schoolwork. Plus, I couldn't get ahold of my dear friends who get to check if the chapters I made were funny enough or not. So, yeah. Here it is. Please review as well. :)
CHAPTER 4: NARCISSA.
*Narcissa apparates into the room.
NARCISSA: Lucius, Bellatrix, Severus, what in the world is going on? Are you trying to wake the Dark Lord?
BELLATRIX: Cissy! It's that stupid voice, wherever it is coming from.
*Bellatrix's eyes dart around the room
NARCISSA: What ever do you mean?
SEVERUS: It's, ah, never mind. We better leave before you get dragged into this as well.
LUCIUS: He's right. We better go, darling
*Lucius takes her hand and they turn to leave when suddenly…
VO: Know your wizards. Know your lizards. Know your gizzards. Know your Death Eaters.
BELLATRIX: Shit.
NARCISSA: Bella!
VO: Narcissa Malfoy.
NARCISSA: Yes?
VO: She is the ugliest witch ever!
NARCISSA: I am not! In fact, I am the fairest with in all of Wiltshire. It said so on Witch Vogue. My mirror said so as well.
VO: Was your mirror by any chance the Mirror of Erised?
NARCISSA: *gasps.
*the audience laughs.
LUCIUS: You scoundrel! You take that back this instant! My wife is not ugly!
SNAPE: I agree on that. Narcissa is quite pretty if I do say so myself. She may not be the prettiest, but there are a lot of withces uglier than her. Like… ahem… Bellatrix.
*Bellatrix glares at Snape
VO: Narcissa Malfoy. Her signature scent is eau de werewolf piss.
NARCISSA: Are you mad? Have you even smelled that? The one time Fenrir forgot to flush, it stank up the whole bloody manor!
LUCIUS: Indeed. It took a very strong charm to get rid of the scent.
BELLA: And then Cissy banned him from ever setting foot inside the Manor. *cackles
NARCISSA: Well what did you want me to do? Congratulate him and pat him on the back with something heavy?
VO: Narcissa Malfoy. Her patronus is a toenail.
NARCISSA: Preposterous! My patronus is a lioness. I'll show you. EXPECTO PATRONUM!
*A silver lioness appears.
VO: Oh, I was wrong.
NARCISSA: And you realize that just now?
VO: Narcissa Malfoy. Her patronus is a GIANT TOENAIL.
NARCISSA: Are you blind? It's a lioness! A very majestic one, if I do say so myself.
VO: Yep, that is indeed a majestic giant toenail.
NARCISSA: You are just stupid!
VO: Narcissa Malfoy. She makes the worst Cauldron Cakes.
NARCISSA: *eyes widening
SNAPE: Oh my.
BELLATRIX: Uh-oh.
LUCIUS: Narcissa…
NARCISSA: BE QUIET!
LUCIUS: Ma'am, yes, ma'am.
NARCISSA: NO ONE. INSULTS. MY. CAULDRON CAKES.
VO: You Cauldron Cakes taste like mandrake dung.
NARCISSA: …
VO: It tasted so awful I had to get a tongue transplant because the taste won't go away.
NARCISSA: FUCK YOU!
BELLA: CISSY SWORE! *jumps up and down and cheers.
VO: MWAHAHAHA. Now you know Narcissa Malfoy.
NARCISSA: NO THEY DON'T. SHOW YOURSELF YOU COWARDLY WANKER!
BELLATRIX: *does a happy dance* CISSY'S SCREAMING! AND SWEARING LIKE A SAILOR. I LOVE IT!
NARCISSA: SHUT UP!
BELLATRIX: ….
AN: Not my best chapter, I know. But I promise to redeem myself on the next one. The next Chapter is Draco :D
Review, please? :D