Charles moved his knight forward and knocked Erik's pawn off the board. Erik wondered briefly if Charles ever cheated during chess by reading his opponent's mind, but that wasn't the important matter at hand.

Tomorrow, they were to fly to Cuba to avert a missile crisis caused by Shaw and save the world. It sounded utterly ridiculous, no matter how it was worded. Erik could laugh at the ridiculousness of it all, but that was decidedly out of place, and he remained silent.

He moved his bishop thoughtlessly, and it was Charles' move again. They were discussing the events that clouded Erik's mind. He always hated it, the silence before the storm. He hated not knowing: what Shaw had in store for him, if he would survive, if mutant-kind would be revealed to the world, what the reaction to this superior species would be…

If Charles would survive.

Erik shivered and pushed the thought to the back of his mind. He couldn't stand not knowing that. He knew very well there was a high risk of dying on their mission. Averting nuclear war is no easy task, and chances of survival are minimal. Erik just hoped that the only person that would die tomorrow is Sebastian Shaw. He knows that killing Shaw will not bring his mother back, will not make the gap in his heart feel whole again, and will not fill him with happiness. But he needs to do it anyways. The reason is inexplicable; it is just fact. Erik can't stand to live while he still survives. He can't stand to think of anyone else falling victim to that man again. Especially Charles. He is so petrified of Charles being the next "project" of Shaw that he thinks he must kill him as soon as possible. It's not even for him anymore, it's for the future captives.

"Killing Shaw will not bring you peace," Charles finishes, just as Erik zones back into the conversation.

Peace. Peace. Like that was what he was looking for. No, he knows he will never find that. That hardly matters to him anymore. He has learned to live without it.

"Peace was never an option."

They were all sitting in the plane designed by Hank, or Beast, as they referred to him as now, heading for their imminent doom. Erik felt like a damn kamikaze waiting to die, clutching his knees and sitting straight up in anticipation, wearing the ridiculous matching outfits that Hank-Beast-also designed for them.

Charles sat across from him, looking no more at ease, fingers to his temple in an attempt to detect the minds of the close-by soldiers. Raven was sitting next to him, a radiance of red and blue-natural and beautiful.

Erik angrily blushed at the memory of that night, just a few days ago… it had all felt like the right idea at the time. They were both caught in their whirlwind of confusing emotions towards but not reciprocated by Charles, and they understood each other, and they both knew what to say to each other, and it was just so easy. In the heat of the moment, under the covers, they both shamefully released their pent-up emotions to each other. Erik, guiltily, imagined Charles there instead, and he was relatively positive Raven did the same. It was difficult for the both of them. Charles being Raven's step-brother, and Erik was acutely aware of the fact that he was a man. A man. Erik was very shamefully aware of that, and he hated himself inside for it. But he hid this shame and hatred and adoration all at the pit of his mind, where it was too deep to ever be recovered by Charles unless he tried, which he knew the telepath was too afraid to do, in order to keep the trust he had gained.

Raven had confronted him later that what had been done was a mistake, and she realized that. She told him to forget that it had ever happened, a cold detachment in her eyes, like she had already forgotten herself. He was pretty sure something had happened between her and Charles as well, because they had refused to speak to each since then.

Everything was going to hell.

Sean-Banshee-had become a human sonar system and located Shaw, at least, hopefully he did. The plane almost got blown up under Charles' own command, Erik had lifted an entire submarine out of the water and dragged it to shore, their plane was literally blown out of the air by a silly-looking Spanish man in a purple suit, and two major nations were a breath away from engaging in nuclear war.

It was hard to imagine that things could get any worse. But, of course, Erik had spoken too soon.

He entered the submarine easily, getting sweet payback on that silly Spanish man who had almost killed him, and more importantly, Charles. He had deserved to get crushed up against the side of the wrecked submarine by a large piece of metal.

Erik was just lucky enough to survive the whirlwind that man had created when they were still in the plane by grabbing on to Charles' steady grip and being pulled into the plane. It could have been a disaster. Neither of them had seatbelts, and Erik swore his heart jumped into his throat when the plane started spinning out of control and he saw Charles begin to slip away from the floor that was quickly becoming the ceiling. Time moved in slow motion when he once again found that perfect spot between rage and serenity-that point between his hatred towards Charles for loving him so inexplicably much and the bliss and warmth that he encompassed him in whenever he was around-and he jumped over Charles at the same time as gripping the floor-wall-ceiling with his magnetic force and they were spinning. Spinning and screaming and Charles gripped his wrists for dear life as he tumbled underneath him. Erik felt him pressing against him and almost slip through his arms but then he held tighter, and he was safe, and the spinning had stopped and they were still on the ceiling. Erik slowly lowered them, groaning, and it hurt a little when they finally touched the ground, like recovering from whiplash. And Charles was lying on top of his stomach, and the weight kind of felt good, and then he immediately raised himself, and Erik noted the cold feeling he left in his wake before he realized that, wait, they're in a the middle of a war zone and its no time to be thinking about petty feelings.

So, yes, Erik concluding, coughing in slight embarrassment at how distracted he got in his own mind, he definitely deserved it.

He just hoped Charles wasn't reading his thoughts as he was barking orders at him through their telepathic link as he searched for Shaw in the submarine. He swallowed that thought down and entered the room Charles figured he would be in, after promptly shutting down the nuclear power. Erik's stomach was in knots as he frantically looked around, and no one was there.

"He's not here, he's not here!""What do you mean he's not there? He has to be there, there's no where else he could be!"

"Well I'm saying he's not here goddammit!"

"Little Erik Lehnsherr…"

Erik froze when he heard the familiar voice behind him that was not Charles.

"He's here."

He heard Charles start to yell out to him, trying to stop him from what he knew he was going to do, but Erik ignored him as he stepped forward. In the back of his mind he was sad that he was betraying Charles, but the front of his mind was filled with hatred and bloodlust and revenge. So much so that it clouded out the part of him that realized he might just be falling in love with Charles, and this was why he realized he could never be with him, even if Charles did have feelings for him back, because he was too selfish and tainted to ever deserve the love of someone so selfless and perfect.

Herr Doktor, I will kill you.

He fingered the coin in his pocket, the one he had been keeping for eighteen years, and laughed at the irony of it all.

Then he stepped into the void and heard the doors slide shut behind him, at the same time as Charles' screaming voice fading from his head, and he knew there was no turning back.