I awakened in a dark room. I was unsure just how long I had been out, but the nightmares of the surgery still haunted me.
My ears rang with the sounds of the nanobots skittering and biting through me, though I knew by now they had long been extracted from my body.
The pitch dark of the room didn't give me much impression that the operation had been successful.
It didn't give me much of any impression at all.
I could hear rats scurrying across the floor, the moans and groans of what I guessed was other patients, and the swinging of the light above.
The rusty fixture creaked as it moved, combining with the false sound of the nanobots to give me a pounding headache that soared to the front of my head.
Was I whole again?
The restraints had been lifted from my arms, so I quickly reached underneath the blanket to see if the operation had been truly successful.
I felt bandages, layers of them.
An attempt to wiggle my new toes went awkwardly, but I felt a one of two of them move at my command.
In the dark it was senseless to get up, so I slid my hands up from my bandages and sat them at my side.
I didn't need to make my wish to be out of here as soon as possible any more apparent. I might end up getting sawed in half again if I made myself too much of a burden.
There was, without a doubt, lingering soreness throughout my entire lower body. As such, it was outstandingly difficult to recognize exact what was what. Sure, I had legs, and presumably feet and toes, but I just didn't know what kind of condition they were in.
Everything hurt.
The soreness throbbed beneath the bandages in addition to my headache.
I was still a bit drowsy from the anesthetic as well, so I allowed my head to sink into the hard, cheap pillow and attempted to rest.
I'd been through some horrible days, but this, this was something new. My entire body felt foreign, pieced together and awkward.
I'd have to wait for the lights to come back on before I could make any further analysis.
My eyes slowly closed, and I tried to drift off to sleep, putting my thoughts aside.
She died in mortar fire.
It seemed like so many of my friends or subordinates died in mortar fire, or survived with a gruesome injury and a horrid tale to tell.
I didn't quite understand the enemy fascination with the device, perhaps they admired their ability to devastate our front lines with it on a consistent basis.
Mayala hadn't been able to use the sword skills I taught her - she was caught in the middle of heavy fire while working on a repair for another battalions weaponry. She never got to utilize any of my advice, and more so, she never got to see her family or friends again.
She was incredibly young, and her life was swallowed up by a conflict that she had no business being in, and no clear memory of existing within.
She was drafted, stripped from her home and placed in the middle of a war. Her people were friendly, intelligent, and strong. But they were not Warmongers.
Not like the people here.
I stood over her casket, my military Dress A's tight bound around my body. For such a formal attire, it clung to me tightly, as if to display both femininity and strength simultaneously.
I didn't mind.
The short grey skirt was sewn with two black stripes along the side, signifying my rank as Captain. The single-breasted jacket, grey and black in color, was adorned with my commendations, and several battle tassels showing fights I had been in. My hair was done up in a tight bun, and my military cap sat squarely above on heavily-sprayed hair.
Over my face was the traditional State Veil, always worn by female officers during mourning.
Rain poured down from overhead, two privates holding an umbrella over me on each side.
The patter of the rain reminded me of more peaceful days, and the sharp contrast been that - and this - was stark.
I allowed myself to cry, as the rain when it met the ground would hide any tears that I could showcase.
The salinity of my tears, and the bleak grime of the rain melded as they fell to the ground, indistinguishable from each other.
"Corporal Mayala was a brave Soldier, a loving sister, daughter and friend. She was inquisitive, helpful and selfless, a true prodigy."
The elder priest spoke with conviction, but his platitudes were simply copied and pasted from State-approved dialogue. He wanted to be more in depth, more genuine, but it was impossible due to the rules.
"She served The State with honor and class. A marvelous lady with a beautiful mind, great discipline, and an enlightened smile."
"May the State hold her forever."
I sneered a bit at his last comment. Since the abolishing of religion, priests were used merely as pawns, placeholders, and set pieces. They did and acted according to government rules, and churches were used more as government meeting rooms than places of worship.
Whatever idols we had of any Gods before had been wiped and defaced, replaced only with the three spear and circle symbol.
He was nearly empty inside, though compassionate. His God was his life, and now he no longer had that. He could only phone in empathy through these scripted words.
I remembered the tears that dropped from her eyes that day on the beach.
This funeral, the seventeenth of the month, truly stomped over the fragments of what I once considered a heart.
This wasn't what I dreamed. It wasn't what I thought.
It wasn't even what I had nightmares about. It was so horrible that I was left numb, searching for any speck of hope or consistent feeling.
I shed tears, but it was difficult to reconcile all the reasons. I still felt the same emptiness that Priest did.
Mayala's family, large in number, weapt real tears. I turned my face over to them, and I could swear I saw sneers and dirty looks. Perhaps they blamed her commanding officer for allowing her to transfer to another battalion. Perhaps they wanted to wring my neck, asking my why I didn't do more.
I turned away after seeing her 145 year old grandmother cry. It was unlikely the worst pain she felt, but it seemed to be the deepest and carry the most impact.
The tears on my face dried up as the priest concluded, shutting his book of oaths.
The Funeral Detail gathered around me, setting up a tarp above us so that we may commence the burial properly.
"Captain." one of the privates intimated, grabbing my attention.
"Right."
"Detail, post!"
My voice was free of emotion, as it was required to be. At my command, the privates picked up the sides of the gray, ineffectual casket, heads faced.
"Riiiight, FACE!"
A shift of boots in the dirt.
"Fo'wardd, MARCH!"
"Left...Left…"
We moved slowly, gradually, until we reached the plot, setting the casket in slowly and gently. I gave the command for the troop to head back to the tarp, face the burial ground and salute. As the overtures played, we held our salute, allowing the family the customary ability to walk towards the casket and witness the proper burial, along with the tombstone of their choosing.
They didn't get to have much say, but at least they had that.
"Order, arms!"
We placed our hands back at our side, and with that, the ceremony was over. I dismissed my troop, grabbing my pitch black overcoat and a black umbrella, heading out into the rain and towards the SUV that was awaiting my departure.
Before I reached it, I was encountered by Agent Dice.
Dice.
Dice was supposedly a handsome man, but it was impossible to tell as he always wore a mask on his face.
It was white and jagged, with horns on the top of it and only thin blue slit for him to view anyone out of. He always wore a white set of battle armor, which hugged his muscular and powerful physique.
Standing about six foot six, he towered over me. He had no umbrella, allowing the rain to slowly smother his armor and tail into the muddy overgrowth of the graveyard.
"Cecilia."
I snorted, curling up my face as if I was in grade school.
"Agent, I told you not to call me by my first name. What can I do for you?"
A hollow laugh from underneath the mask.
"My apologies. You can do me a favor by destroying that retirement packet, as well as your statement on these events."
My eyes became slits as thin as his visor.
"I've removed enough depositions. This is one that I had to take, I told you."
"I'm reporting nothing but the accurate facts. Do you think every family, every citizen, every Serpent, Man, or Wearyl will simply accept the war as an accident?"
"No."
"Well then you understand." I said, pivoting my black heel into the dirt.
"I've avoided enough depositions. I'm done. I'm retiring and submitting an accurate report. No one is going to know the better of it. The Leader will remain whole, the State succinct. I've done my duty and I'm gone. I've had enough death."
"Don't be so sure of that."
He moved forward and looked down. I could sense a sneer behind his mask as he breathed out heavily and stared at me.
"You will change the deposition. And you will finish your contract."
Steam nearly exploded from my ears.
"I don't obey the private industry. I follow my own orders in this position. Now the Leader can either trust me, or he can do his worst. But I've made my mind up, and I have more than the tenure to prove it."
He sighed.
"Go right ahead then. You know what will happen. We'll meet again, and the warning won't be as subtle. You are free of debt, and free of obligation in just a few more years. Do this, and you are risking injury, maybe even death."
I snapped.
"I fucking risk injury every day I serve in this shithole! Out of my way."
I pushed passed him, only to hear his snide laughter as I got into the SUV, rain smothering the windshield.
"Motherfucker…" I muttered, my face contorted in an angry expression. I tapped the front of the seat where my driver sat and signaled forward, proceeding to sit back in my seat, legs and arms crossed.
"Everything alright Captain?" the driver asked. If it was anyone that I would confide in, it wasn't going to be one of my own troops, especially a subordinate.
It was not professional, nor safe. I'd made that mistake one too many times already.
Like with her.
"Everything is fine, Private. Now drive."
"Yes Ma'am."
With that, we sped off into the muddy roads.
I thought deeply about what Dice said.
But parts of me could care less.
Finally a light was on in the recovery room.
I wasn't sure how long I'd been out, but judging by the daylight scorching through the far curtains, it had been at least twelve to fourteen hours.
My headache was gone, and my mind was a bit more settled. Though I still shuddered at the thought of the nanobots.
Ugh...
Some of my soreness had faded away, and I was able to move my leg around a bit. At least, what was now "my" leg.
I quickly lifted up the blanket to make good on all the wares, but everything was tightly wrapped up and covered.
I moved my body upwards to see if I wasn't going to split in two.
All in one piece. Good.
The quality of the hospital was terrible, but the medical staff seemed to know what they were doing.
I wasn't sure how much of that could be attributed to the nanobots, and how much was due to actual expertise.
All that matters was I was a whole woman again, and I could begin, at least after rehab, thinking about my revenge in earnest.
"Miss Juventus…"
The door swung open, and moments later, my curtain.
A bit flustered, I shook my purple locks out of my face, trying to clear room to get a better visual in the dim room.
There was no mistaking it though, the sweet, saccharine voice that permeated the hall was none other than Nurse Esternasia Nausicaa.
Her long nails moved the curtain across effortlessly, staring down at me with her singular, penetrating glance.
"You did great. It's time to get those bandages off you know."
She smiled, as if she had some sort of surprise for me. Always a horrific glance from your primary caretaker.
"I'm feeling a combination of eagerness and dread."
I said, my sense of humor still somewhat intact after the horrifying ordeal almost a day earlier.
"Mostly dread."
I let an uneasy laugh escape me, but taking notes from Mr. Emotionless, she simply ignored it. She sauntered her way up towards me and flitted her tongue in and out a few times, considering, thinking, plotting.
"You don't have anything to dread. You should be right as rain after all this. It'll take you a few weeks to…"
She placed a warm hand on my thigh, using the other to adjust a ratchet on the side of the bed, one which would make it more like a chair. My legs lowered, and she glided her hand across me to stand in front.
"Adjust."
She ripped off a bandage with as little care and concern as possible, invoking a wince from my face.
"Damn! Ease up a bit!" I shouted, my face blushing from her touch, but also sneering in utter pain.
"Alright, don't be such a baby.", the Serpent teased.
She carefully lifted my thighs, unfurling bandage after bandage. Soon one of my legs, feminine, shaved, and rather muscular, was revealed.
Not so bad.
She shifted her hands to my other leg, slowly working the bandages around in a circular motion to reveal another, very similar leg. This one was a bit different, as it had stitches and markings throughout. It looked as if many tissues and nerves had to be reconnected and reconfigured, and the back of the thigh seemed to be missing a slight bit of hamstring muscle.
In the place of that was a patch, likely filled with nesting nanobots to provide "faux-muscle".
Not terrible.
As she worked to my feet, I could see several more "patches" on the top of my right foot and the Achilles of my left.
The muscles and tendons either decayed or died. The grey blotches were hardly sexy, but they were a necessary evil of this whole procedure. I'd have to be a walking, breathing nanobot system until those little bastards devoured me.
"Heh, I guess you were right about all this. This could have been a whole lot worse." I pursed my lips into a cute expression, feeling the first genuine joy in a number of months.
Though it wasn't over.
"Don't count the chicken before it hatches, Miss Juventus."
She hissed, sending genuine unease throughout my entire body.
As if to save the best for last, she slowly - and I mean excruciatingly slowly, unraveled the bandages that covered my waist and my groin.
That's when I felt it.
She traced a hand down my groin and smiled, moving back and crossing her arms, snickering.
"What in fucking hell is this!"
I looked down, then up, then down again, my face smothered in disgust.
I pointed at her as I scowled, my eyebrow twitching in anger.
"Why didn't you say something? Stop them? Ask for someone with…."
She shrugged.
"You think they could replicate something like what you had before? I personally know all the intricacies, and I can tell you, that's not an easy thing to do."
She shrugged again, her slender shoulders continued to accent her nonchalant attitude.
I pulled my gown down to cover the area, crossing my arms and looking away.
"It's so embarrassing! It's...ugh! I don't even know how to…"
She hissed a little bit, moving towards my seat and placing both arms on the railings, the heat of her body close to mine.
"It's not so bad…"
She ran her hand on my thigh again, and I could feel something move and change.
"Stop that!"
I turned my head back towards her with a scowl, my entire complexion burning with a red blush.
"Damn, I knew this was part of the deal but shit! What does this make me now!? Some kind of freak? Some kind of….what?"
She made a teasing motion with her face, using her hand, long green nails and all, to hold my cheek, massaging it gently. She dug into the blush, as if trying to knead a sore muscle.
I quickly crossed my legs and pulled the gown further over myself, shuddering.
"You are still all woman to me, Cecilia Juventus."
She gave my cheek a firm slap, and began walking away, quickly shuttering the curtain behind her.
I continued to scowl as I rubbed my cheek, shaking my head shamefully in the process.
"Call me when you are ready to begin rehab…"
Her heels clicked on the cheap tile floor as she exited, leaving only me, the odd sensation, and the other patients who had heard the awkward exchange.
"Mr. Juventus!" One of them crowed, causing my blood to boil. I picked up a nearby drinking glass and chucked it across the curtain, smashing it into his head and causing him to howl in pain.
"Oh just shut the hell up! It just came with the territory."
Jackass.
I continued to hold my new legs together, ignoring the new problem that had sprung itse-
Ugh.
The new problem that had arrived in the form of personal parts.
I had to deal with this, and recapturing my life?
For a minute I wondered if I should have remained a corpse.
I wanted to die now, perhaps simply out of embarrassment rather than pain.
I sunk into the depths of the hospital bed, hitting the ratchet to readjust my sore legs, keeping them crossed and throwing the blanket over myself.
My hands covered my eyes as I dragged them down my cheeks, thinking on the words of the doctor.
"You are guaranteed nothing."
Of course.