OK long winded AN alert!!!
AN: Hey everyone sorry I'm a little slow in getting this one out. I decided to try my hand at grammar editing. I probably did a horrendous job since I'm so out of practice with grammar (commas and semi-colons are the bane of my existence). Anyways I hope you all enjoy, this is a super long chapter and we get to see more jake and ness interaction. Also I've received quite a few pm's and one very kind review about Leah's imprint. While this will be explained later in the story I figured now would also be a good time to point this out. Many have said that imprinting is purely for reproductive purposes. This although partially correct it is only a theory of imprinting. In Jacob's book of Breaking Dawn we see a conversation between him and Leah about imprinting. It is said of Sam's theory is that it's purely genetics and who would produce a stronger wolf. Another theory widely argued is that it's purely soul mates and that it's their own version of a mystical kismet. I'm inclined to agree with the second theory. We have no knowledge that Renesmee will be able to reproduce or not. In Breaking Dawn since she is just a baby that is not touched upon. So if she couldn't have a child that could kill Sam's theory right there. If she could that also could be interesting as well since it would make for one hell of a mutant wolf. *giggles* Anyways, I believe this conversation takes place on or around page 317 of the book when Leah's talking about being a genetic dead end. Technically her body cannot change to have a baby until she stops phasing. Another idea for why she would imprint on a human woman is that what if she was meant to be male, but too much of a certain hormone produced a feminine body? It's entirely possible since she is the only female wolf in Quileute history. Anyways that is just my idea on the matter and it will be addressed in the story as well after we meet the mysterious Amber.
Also! I have completely forgotten to do this for past chapters but to catch us up here is my playlist by chapter! =) My iphone is full of Jake and Nessie songs lol.
Chapter One - Life in Technicolor (instrumental) by Coldplay, Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield, I Miss You by Incubus
Chapter Two - VCR by The Xx, Well Thought Out Twinkles by The Silversun Pickups, Extraordinary by Mandy Moore, Don't Give Up by Peter Gabriel (feat. Kate Bush)
Chapter Three - You Picked Me by A Fine Frenzy, Hey Jealousy by The Gin Blossoms, No Air by Jordin Sparks (feat. Chris Brown), Lovers in Japan by Coldplay
Chapter Four - Soulmate by Natasha Bedingfield, Suddenly I See by KT Tunstall, I'll Be Your Lover Too by Van Morrison, They by Jem
Chapter Four: On the Street Where You Live
I watched as Jacob quickly cleaned up his office, only grabbing his wallet and keys. It was odd to see him with either. In fact, the only time I'd ever seen him with a wallet and a set of keys was when he was at work, or had to drive somewhere. Any other time, he preferred to travel light, and more importantly, on four paws instead of wheels. "I rode with Collin today. It was supposed to rain. Not exactly a good idea to ride a cycle in that."
I smiled at his logic. Since when was Jacob so… practical? "Right, well I brought the Volvo."
"Sweet. Do you mind if I drive?" His eyes sparkled at the chance to drive one of the family cars. Jacob was so much like us in that sense. He ardently loved driving fast.
I rolled my eyes. Such a man – always had to be in control. Nonetheless, I acquiesced, unable to deny his childlike enthusiasm. "No problem, where are we going?" I asked even though I knew he'd never tell me.
"If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise, then, would it?" He shot back, his eyes sparkling with mischief. It was looks like this that were my undoing. Jacob was up to something, and I really had no choice but to play along for the time being. That is, if I were reluctant to find out what else he had to show me. So far his surprises had been pretty amazing, aside from his irrational jealous streak. Although that did tell me of his feelings for me. So I guess I could lump that into the amazing category as well then.
He took my hand, lacing our fingers as he led me out through the main part of the garage, earning more amused stares and mumbled double entendres. I tried not to notice them. Still, my face burned bright. Whether from the current running between our hands or the stares it garnered, I couldn't decide.
"Col, watch the place. I'm going to take off early today."
"No problem. Got a hot date I see," he remarked, making me blush even more furiously. I laughed at him.
Jacob laughed as well and shrugged. "There's something she hasn't seen yet," he said cryptically and Collin smiled. In that second, I was sure that the pack knew all about these surprises he kept springing on me. As much as I was excited to find out each one, the suspense was beginning to get annoying.
I guess that's what I get for being away from home for three whole months. I leave on vacation only to come home and find so many things had changed in my absence – things I should have expected but hadn't. Jacob's promotion was very near the top. I knew he was completely deserving of his bump in title. At the same time, though, I didn't necessarily think it would happen so soon.
"You're taking her now?" Collin asked with very little surprise lighting his eyes. All of the wolves had wonderfully expressive eyes. I'm sure it made things easier when they were all phased, to communicate with sometimes just a look, even though their thoughts were so intertwined.
"Yeah, lock up for me? Do you have patrol tonight?" He asked, lowering his voice so that the humans couldn't hear. Sometimes being more than human was particularly beneficial. To anyone else it would just sound as a concerned boss and friend, but I could hear the unmistakable double timbre to his voice. The undisputed tone of the Alpha in him. Even I was impressed with the authority laced through his words.
Collin sighed and shook his head, "No, it's Quil and Embry's night. I have tomorrow morning with Jared."
At the mere mention of them, I longed to see the other wolves. It had been too long since I'd been amongst my second family. The raucous laughter and ribbing was something I truly missed. Just hearing some of the names spoken made a lance of pain strike my heart. I hadn't realized how much I'd truly missed all of the wolves while I was off exploring the far corners of South America.
"Okay, take it easy tonight. Lock up early and get some sleep," Jacob instructed, his tone full of authority but with an edge of fatherly concern to it that made my heart warm. The depth of his concern for his pack ran deep and showed so completely in this moment. Keeping his pack well rested and ready for the unexpected was what I'd grown to expect from him. Great leaders always focused on the good of the whole as well as the good of the individual. There was just no denying how great of a leader my Jacob was.
I looked over my shoulder as we made it to the door. "It was nice seeing you again, Collin! And nice meeting you too Luke," I added, just for the flair of politeness. Luke smiled warmly and blew a kiss flirtatiously. I rolled my eyes and pretended not to notice.
Jacob grunted as we walked out to the Volvo and I grinned. Oh, I guess he could be jealous of more than just Nahuel. Interesting.
"Oh come on, you're not jealous of him?" I asked indignantly. In what world would a human such as Luke, perfectly ordinary and special in his own right, I'm sure, but completely not my type, stand up as competition to Jacob? I preferred something a little more feral than the average red-blooded American male.
"No, just he's a flirt and –" he trailed off, his back stiffening slightly as he averted his eyes. I hated when he did that. His eyes and his face were my two favorite ways to decode his mind. A complex mystery that I wanted to solve.
"And what?" I asked, huffing in annoyance. If he thought somehow that Luke was competition for my affections as well, then I think we were going to have a larger issue to discuss.
Jacob stopped, opening the passenger door for me. "And you're a very beautiful woman, Ness. He has a weakness for pretty girls," he explained and I wanted to smack him upside the head. Sure, I knew I was attractive to the opposite sex. I was half vampire; our looks were all a part of our allure. But to be defined as just a pretty face, he certainly knew better than to think that.
"Don't most men?" I countered. From my experience, many human men were slaves to their hormones. When they found a woman who appealed to them, they usually didn't stop until their conquest was made.
"Touché. But at least there is a good number of us who know how to treat a lady such as yourself with respect." Jacob replied with an air of superiority.
I smirked, placing my hand on top of his as I inched closer to the open door. "Well, then, I'm glad I lucked out and got you instead."
His face crumbled then into a warm smile at just my words. I loved being able to drastically alter his mood in just a matter of seconds. It was one of the things I loved being capable of within regards to his mental state. Reading his mind, however, was one thing I desperately wished I could do. If only I could switch abilities with my father for one day… one minute, even.
I pushed my selfish wishing aside as we both got into the car with a small grimace from Jake at the smell. "Sorry, it is my father's."
"I know, and I should be used to it by now, but still, it's difficult going from clean air to vampire stench," he said dramatically holding his nose for added effect.
I chuckled, "I honestly don't get why you haven't gotten used to it. No one smells bad to me."
"Well, we wouldn't. You're part of both sides; best of both worlds, you know?"
"Yeah, human and vampire, I know," I muttered back as I watched the scenery begin to fly by. To human eyes, this would be a vibrant green and charcoal blur, but I could still make out every detail as if we were standing still. One of the enhanced abilities that were all a nice plus to being a hybrid.
"Yeah, but you wouldn't notice the bad smell on either side since genetically you straddle the line," he reminded. My curiosity piqued. His scent was so distinct to me. I was certain I could pick out his scent, just like his heart beat, amongst a crowd of hundreds, thousands even.
"So what do I smell like to you? Since I'm part vampire, it can't be all that good."
"Quite the contrary, you smell amazing to me," he admitted then grimaced at himself. His hands tightened on the wheel like he didn't want to admit it to me how much I appealed to him. Still stuck on being my friend and protector, I was sure of it.
"Really?" I enthusiastically asked. It pleased me to no end that I appealed to him in any way no matter how menial.
"Yeah," he allowed then managed a small crack of a smile.
"Explain please," I coaxed. I'd beg if I needed, but I knew I wouldn't have to. The imprinted wolf always gave the imprint what she truly wanted. And it was my desire to know everything about his attraction to me.
Jacob shifted and sighed. "It's hard to describe. Sort of floral but sort of not. Definitely strawberries, honey, and maybe gardenias. But it's subtle – not overwhelming in the least."
"Huh… strawberries and honey? That's kind of funny. I could tell you which parent gave me which." I laughed at his description but oddly it fit so well. I was half and half after all. The wonderfully human parts of my mother, and the powerful durability of my father all joined in me. Even down to their abilities, my genetics had taken them and flipped them, creating my ability to project my thoughts through touch.
He chuckled, "No, I know exactly which scents you got from them. The human part of you balances out the vampire parts rather nicely in that department. You just smell nice I guess. Why are we even talking about this?" He asked, suddenly more embarrassed by his admission that I was at the very least olfactorily appealing.
I smirked and placed a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay. I think you smell nice too." More than nice – incredible, if that was possible. I replied, making him blush worse than before. I had rarely ever seen him become abashed by anything before, but it was thrilling to see.
He sighed and shook his head, laughing a little. "Thanks, I think."
It was so Jacob to reply in such a way. Sure, he was confident and rightfully so. He had so much to be confident about, but at the same time, his humility even about the most inconsequential of things, like his looks, was endearing to a fault.
I laughed and looked back out the windshield, noting the rain had begun to pick up. "The surprise is in La Push?" I asked, noting my surroundings with pristine clarity.
Were we going to see Billy? The thought excited me. I hadn't seen him in so long. It would be well worth it to visit him. Maybe Rachel would be there as well. It would be so lovely to see how her pregnancy, her second with Paul, was coming along. Their daughter Sarah-Ann was already five-and-a-half and the most adorable little girl with flowing jet black hair, and the same expressive black-brown eyes and high cheekbones that were markers of the Black family.
He grinned and nodded, bringing me from my thoughts of his family. "Yep, it's the surprise I'm kind of most proud of because I did it all on my own, for the most part. Emmett did enlist the family to help me move things and such."
"Move things? Did you redecorate the house?" Now I was perplexed. How would he have rearranged the things in Billy Black's home? The house was so small that it barely fit the two men and Billy's wheel chair.
"Not exactly," he replied, the cryptic talk was certainly one of his less appealing traits.
"I am confused."
"It's about to become clear, so quit digging for information. We'll be there in five minutes," he assured me with a firm squeeze to my knee. I sighed and watched the rest of the drive, not entirely surprised when – not more than five minutes later, as he promised – we pulled up to a house. It was larger than his home and was cream colored with brown trim on the awnings and windows. I turned to him, confused, and he grinned. "Come on." He said as we got out.
I slowed, exponentially suspicious. "Jake, whose house is this? Charlie wouldn't be exactly thrilled to hear about his granddaughter getting arrested for breaking and entering," I remarked as I lingered by the Volvo's door, keenly listening for the sounds of sirens in the distance.
"Well, I'll make sure not to inform the authorities then," he smirked back as he revealed a small gold key. He read the confusion on my face and smiled wider, taking my hand once again as he lead me up out of the rain and into the house. "Welcome home."
"What?" I stared at him in disbelief. This was his home? When did this happen? How? Why did he move out of Billy's house?
"To answer your questions," he began, reading my face so easily, "I moved out a month and a half ago. It was time. I'm technically in my thirties now. This little place was falling apart so I bought it on the cheap. It was a great find – only a stone's throw away from First Beach."
Without missing a beat he brought me into the home and within seconds I felt completely at ease, like I belonged here, with him. "Esme did help me fix it up," he continued, "though it was my idea to keep it pretty much structurally the same. Raised the roof a bit since I was hitting my head on doorways when I first bought it."
"You bought this place?" I asked in shock and literal awe of this revelation. I looked around as he flicked on lights in the cozy home. It was small, tidy, but perfect for my Jacob because it was also warm and inviting, just like him.
"Yes, do you like it?" he asked, the expectant anxiety written across his brow.
I shook my head and he smiled more.
"Love it?"
I nodded then in agreement and he beamed truly the brightest smile I'd seen since I saw him at the airport. My heart and stomach did a simultaneous tap dance at the sight. "You live here by yourself?"
"No, I had Leah move in. Thankfully we have two bathrooms and the bedrooms are on opposite ends of the house so if we annoy each other too much we can avoid any interaction if necessary," he replied, speaking like a true brother.
I smiled, it fit him so well to move in with Leah. She was his second in command, after all. "Does she like it?"
"I think she likes a quiet place to think without the reminder of her dad or her past with Sam. Let alone without Seth bouncing around like a kid cracked out on sugar."
I laughed at the image of Seth's over exuberant energy. He did look like a kid on a sugar high most of the time. Even still, I loved the punk.
"So… um… do you want the tour?"
"Of course."
He grinned widely and began, "Living room. Don't mind the television. That was all Emmett's doing. He's got a thing for flat screens."
I smirked as I looked around. There was a large L-shaped sofa that could literally fit two people lying shoulder-to-shoulder, and some driftwood carvings hung on the walls along with matching colored bookcases filled with CDs, DVDs, and books. Jacob didn't seem the type to be big into books, just looking at him, but as he grew older he grew into reading more and more. I suppose it was my voracious appetite for literature that got him in the first place.
In fact, one of my fondest memories, aside from my mother reading to me, was when I would read to Jacob. He found my voice soothing, and I often read him classics by Shakespeare, Austen, and Dickens. His favorites, though, were slightly more modern. Fitzgerald, Lewis, and Twain were his favorites by far. It didn't surprise me to see Gatsby, Huckleberry, and Narnia nestled amongst his massive amounts of car manuals and engineering trade journals.
He took me around an alcove into the kitchen where a small stove, full-sized fridge, and sink were kept, along with the beautiful teak colored cabinets with frosted glass doors. The countertops were a sleek, green granite with flecks of gold and swirls of obsidian. It was in a word, beautiful. The entire house was shaping up to be completely amazing.
"Wow, you really fixed this place up."
"Yeah, Esme has great taste. Most of the furniture were her suggestions. She's brilliant."
"That she is. So you got advice from her on the décor?"
"Yeah. I'm not exactly all that brilliant with colors. If it were up to me there'd be a black leather couch infront of the television, a bed in my room and that would, pretty much, be it."
Once again he didn't give himself enough credit. Anything he would have decided on would have been perfect to me. But just the fact he'd gone to Esme for advice to make this a home and not just a place to eat and sleep brought a warm smile to my face. I wondered briefly if he'd done this with me in mind. Much of the style and décor fit him completely but it also complimented things I liked. All earthy tones and reminders of the wonders of the forest I loved so infinitely were all captured so completely.
"I like this. It's comfortable," I replied, noting the small breakfast nook booth that sat adjacent to the kitchen. It was like a booth at a restaurant, cushioned wooden bench wrapped around a small table, enough for four or maybe five people to sit.
"Yeah, I like it, too. It's home now."
"So, show me the rest of the house," I encouraged. I could tell he was waffling between showing me the rest and just chilling out in the living room for the rest of the afternoon. But I wanted to see everything – the bathrooms and most especially his bedroom.
We'd never had a problem before with his room at Billy's house. I'd actually napped in there several times when I'd come over and was tired after a long run. But this would be different. A culmination in the entire house that was distinctly all Jacob. I wanted to see it with my own eyes.
He smiled and nodded before leading me around, showing me Leah's room, her bathroom and then we walked directly around the house, through the living area to the master bedroom, presumably Jacob's room. I smiled when I walked in.
It was exactly as I had expected, greens and browns. Like Esme had brought the ethereal wonders of the forest into his room. All of the furniture was dark mahogany, and deep green and white fabric covered his king sized bed. A stereo sat on top of his dresser, which was the same mahogany of the bed. I walked around and sat on the ottoman chest at the end of his bed. "I love it."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." I mirrored and he smiled awkwardly.
He stood in front of me, his hands stuffed into his pockets, looking like he was trying to keep them from reaching out to me. I realized what it must look like to him, with me sitting so close to his bed and our feelings for each other just coming out into the open. My cheeks burned slightly as I stood quickly before we went out into the living room. The chocolate brown sofa was soft as a marshmallow, and we both sunk right into its cushy confines.
I settled next to him, our arms perfectly aligned, deep russet and alabaster side by side. In an effort to get more comfortable, he moved his arm, adjusting it to wrap around my shoulders. I tensed slightly in surprise and he hesitated.
"Is this okay?" His arm hung loosely against the fabric of the sofa, awaiting my answer.
I scoffed internally at myself. Of course he wants to hold you, Renesmee, stop being such a freak. I relaxed into him, slumping my posture to mold into him. "Yes, it's completely okay." More than okay, it was down-right wonderful.
He grinned and his arm encompassed my shoulders, the pad of his fingers tracing languid circles on my arm. "Good. Just let me know if you don't want anything – I mean with us," he corrected quickly. "I realize this is entirely new for you. I've tried to do the whole dating thing before, so I do have a little experience with this."
I turned my face to him and smirked. "Are we talking about you putting the moves on my mother?"
He grimaced his teeth making an audible snap. He sighed and shook his head unconsciously. "That's never going to be comfortable to talk about is it?"
I shrugged, I didn't mind so much anymore. When I was much younger it bothered me intensely that he'd had feelings for Bella, of all people, only to figure out later that her child would be his soul mate. I had resented it for a long time; however, with time I realized that it wasn't Jacob's fault, or anyone else's. So really, how could I resent something that was completely out of everyone else's control?
"It's not something I like to dwell on but it's a part of your past, and whether I may like it or not, I realize that you had no control over the imprinting. But I also think that you were drawn to her because she would bring you to me." I believed that now more than ever. It was the only explanation that fit our arrangement.
Bella had always said that Jacob belonged in her life, as a part of her family. The imprint was proof of that intuition of hers. He did belong in her life, in her family as her best friend and brother. Maybe even her son-in-law one day. My heart stuttered at the thought.
His returning smile was full of relief as he kissed my temple. "Thank you. I've always worried whether that bothered you."
"You're right to worry. It bothered me for a long time." I sighed and his face grew solemn again.
I touched the edge of his mouth, which had frozen into a thin line. "Don't be sad."
His frown softened infinitesimally, and I realized I had more explaining to do.
"I just I want to be honest with you, completely. It bothered me, past tense, I wasn't always so emotionally stable and mature. I did go through puberty at an accelerated rate and it wasn't easy to suddenly have all these – these desires about you let alone know that if I hadn't come along you'd still be pining for her."
He snickered at my wording. "Pining? I don't think I would be for this long. I'd eventually have moved on."
"You think?" To me, emotions as strong as love were rare, permanent. They weren't transient like they were to humans. Jacob had been fully human when he had fallen in love with her, though. Love for humans is rarely, if ever, permanent. When it is, it takes work and a choice to love that person everyday. For beings like us: an imprinted werewolf and a hybrid, love was much more permanent. I didn't even know if I could classify these intense emotions that he was causing in me as love. I knew , though, that they were strong.
"Yes. I was nearly seventeen when your parents got married. I didn't know squat about love back then. Did I feel it? Yes. Did I do everything I could to get the girl? Yes. And I failed miserably, but I won't regret it because I tried. I went for it even though I knew it was a lost cause."
I sat there quietly processing everything. He was so secure in himself as a person, even his past mistakes he didn't regret in the slightest. "Do you ever wish you could go back and do things differently?"
"No," he answered simply. I quirked an eyebrow at him. Elaboration would be nice. He shrugged as he explained, "I learned from any mistake I made. I won't regret something that made me become a better man. And I certainly won't regret anything as far as Bella is concerned. If anything, it showed me what not to do when the time came for us." His certainty was so reassuring yet so unnerving at the same time. How could he be so settled, so certain when I sat here, a mess of confusing emotions?
I moved from his embrace. "How can you be so sure of us? I realize that's part of this connection we have, but what choice do you have in the matter? What if I didn't – " I struggled with the words, " – didn't want you this way?"
I had to ask that question. Even though it was absolutely impossible for me not to want him. He was my inevitable. Not a means to an end but an end in himself. Any path I chose would certainly lead me back to him. My mangled mess of emotions didn't stop me from knowing that.
He sighed and pulled me back into his arms. Warm, safe, and oh-so-distracting arms. It was inconceivable not to feel the certainty of our connection when he held me this way.
"Because of our connection I'm sure," he replied, his voice just barely above a whisper, but the tone was steadfast and true. "If you ever choose not to be with me, I would understand completely. Would it hurt? Hell yes. However, I will not force you to stay with me if you're unhappy."
The thought of hurting Jacob sliced through me. I couldn't hurt him. It would destroy me to cause him pain.
I also realized the possibility of being unhappy with Jacob was completely ridiculous and I felt silly for even thinking it. I turned in his arms so that I could look into his eyes. "Impossible," I said with an absolute certainty.
"What is?" He questioned with his eyes darting between my eyes and my face, searching for what I meant.
"You, making me unhappy," I replied with a soft smile.
I could see this pleased him endlessly, if only by just the smoldering smile that lit up his entire face like a child on Christmas morning. "Yeah?"
"Yeah," I added in turn. It was hard to explain as my own mind was struggling to word this in a way so that he would be infinitely aware of how happy he made me. "Even just sitting here with you makes me happy." His arms tightened reflexively and I settled more against him. "I care for you, you know that. But it's different now. This, whatever it is, is not something I've ever felt before and it came at me like a flash fire. I don't fully understand it."
He sighed a much softer teasing grin turning the corners of his mouth up, "I'm nothing if not extraordinarily patient."
I glared at him for a moment with incredulity. Jacob and patient were two words that I'd never heard uttered together in my entire existence.
He read my face and let out a sharp bark of a laugh. "Okay, I can be patient. Remember, honey, I have been waiting for you for over sixteen years."
"And to a normal person that would sound entirely creep-tacular."
His frame shook in laughter. "Believe me, I know."
"So what do we do now? We both – "
"I think, now this is just my idea, that we should just take it as it comes. Don't stress about anything. I guess you could say we're dating?"
"Dating implies actual dates, Jacob," I retorted, settling back into his chest, my head resting in the crook of his neck.
"Well, that's kind of the idea," he replied and I felt my face scrunch in confusion. Dates? Was he really asking me out in his own weirdly round-a-bout way?
"What?"
"You're going to make me ask you aren't you?"
When he still received no reply, he sighed and turned me to him, separating us for a moment.
"I would like to take you out, on a date. Traditionally, dinner, movie, and you're not allowed to pay."
"I'm not allowed to pay?" My tone screamed indignation. "Jacob, this is the twenty-first century, not the Fifties," I reminded him, growing more defiant. Who was he to say I couldn't pay? I felt every fiber in me bristle at the idea of him thinking I was too fragile, too feminine and needed to be taken care of. I was not that kind of girl. Not in the least.
He grinned at my fury, "I fully understand that. And you are welcome to take me out on occasion and pay. However, since I am asking you, I by default am obliged to pay."
I huffed, annoyed at not only his logic, but also my knee jerk reaction to bristle at his suggestion. "Am I allowed to take you out, or are you always going to instigate?"
"I think a fair trade would be fine," he replied coolly, "I know you're not exactly comfortable with being taken care of. You've been taken care of your whole life, but believe me when I say it's not because I think you're incapable."
"Then why?"
"Because it's a guy thing. We like being providers and protectors. It's how we work as a species, I guess. You've studied gender roles. You know what men, at our base, are all about. And you haven't answered me."
"I will when you ask me," I shot back with a grin.
He sighed, "You're impossibly irritating sometimes."
"Yes, I know." I replied, the teasing evident in my tone. I loved to tease him, as he loved to tease me. Our easy banter had started the first time I'd shown him my thoughts. We'd always been able to be that comfortable with one another.
He grumbled under his breath and took my hand in his. "I can't believe you're making me do this." He added, making me smile at him. "Renesmee, would you like to go out on a date with me?"
I wondered briefly if I should drag this out. Make him grovel and beg. However when I glanced at him sideways, I realized I shouldn't be so cruel and put him out of his misery.
"Yes."
He relaxed his posture then and rolled his eyes. "I thought for a second you were going to mess around or make me beg."
So perceptive. "The idea had occurred to me. But I'd rather not make you suffer anymore. You looked like it was very difficult to ask me."
"Not difficult. Formality is just annoying. This thing with us shouldn't be complicated or something that either of us stress over. It's natural; we're meant to be, so pressure is kind of off."
"Pressure?"
"Yeah, to say the right thing constantly. You don't have to impress me. I know you're scarily intelligent and you know exactly how I am. There's no real getting to know you phase in the classic sense."
"Very true, but there's other ways to become acquainted with each other."
He arched one eyebrow at me and I snorted. "Other ways, hmm?" He asked as he leaned in, our faces now just inches apart.
I rolled my eyes, distracting myself from his proximity and my desire to kiss him. He was such a boy sometimes. "I don't necessarily mean only that. But learning how we fit together romantically. Even without the physical side of things, there's still a lot that I do not know."
"Ask me anything and I'll tell you."
"Not anything you can tell me, but how this is going to work, how we work this into our already established relationship. How the roles change and adapt."
"This is a very intense conversation for just starting out."
"I know. But I think it's only right we are like this now. I mean if we're meant to be and all that, then establishing our pace now is a good idea." It was a good idea, in fact. I certainly did not want to rush into things. I may be numerically a teenager, but emotionally I knew much better than to just throw myself headlong into a relationship that had this amount of potential.
He pursed his lips thinking about what I had said. "How about this – " he began, "I'll make you a deal. You pace it how you see fit. But if I think we should take something slower, or speed things up, we'll discuss it together and go from there? I realize it's going to be hard enough with your family scrutinizing every move, but this is just you and me."
I gave him a speculative glance. That was certainly a much more well thought out answer than I had anticipated. "Thought about this much, have you?"
"For quite a while, yes. I won't lie. I've been secretly hoping you would be in this sort of place in your life and maturity before we started anything."
"So that's why you didn't kiss me when I became an adult?" I asked, trying to avoid looking at his eyes. I remembered back to my birthday. The knowing smiles from my family had increased my anxiety exponentially only to have my hopes completely dashed when he made no overtures, no romantic gestures that I wanted so badly.
He placed a finger at my chin and tipped my face upward. "Is that what this is about? A kiss?"
I shrugged, feigning nonchalance. "Not exactly. I mean I'd wondered why you never did anything then. I thought I sent out the appropriate signals."
He sighed, "I ignored those signals on purpose. You weren't ready."
I bristled again and he shook his head in defense.
"Not that you didn't think you were ready. But you were just still so young. I swore to myself a long time ago that I would give you as normal of a life as possible. You didn't choose to grow up so fast. And expecting you to just be ready to be with me just as you reached maturity didn't sit right with me. You deserved better. Still do. You're everything to me, and I would be a horrible person, a horrible soul mate, if I didn't give you everything you needed before we could ever be.
"Did I want to kiss you? Intensely. Your signals made it just that much harder to resist. I knew, though, deep down, I was doing the right thing by keeping things platonic. You needed a friend more than you needed a lover. So I've been here, biding my time and waiting until you are ready."
"Am I?"
He smiled at me. "I think you are. You've changed again. Not on the surface but beneath there's a maturity in you I've never seen before. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't extremely proud to have watched you grow into this."
I felt a surging warmth throughout my body. Jacob was proud to know me? The idea of that alone was immensely pleasurable. "I like that."
"What exactly?"
"That you're proud to know me. Proud to see me grow up. It makes me unbelievably happy."
He took a breath and nodded. "I'm glad."
I leaned in a little closer our noses just brushing slightly. "I'm glad that you're glad," I teased, a smirk playing upon my face. He chuckled softly but didn't break eye contact.
I knew that now was the time that I had to bring up the inevitable subject of my family. It wasn't going to be an easy conversation in the least. It had to be done, though. I couldn't have their embarrassing side commentary, their scrutiny while I tried to figure out exactly what I felt for this man beside me. Keeping them in the dark as long as possible would be the only way to keep something for myself. To keep Jacob and our budding relationship just between us.
"Jacob?" I asked softly.
"Hmm?"
"Something you said about my family, I mean," I began as he continued to lean forward, our faces were ever closer and the proximity was almost enough to make my head swim.
"Yes?"
I chewed on my lip but didn't dare break our stare. "I think maybe, just for now, that less is more."
His eye brow arched and he sat back for a moment. "Meaning what, exactly?" His tone was more than slightly incredulous. I expected that.
I took a breath, readying myself for one hell of an argument. I knew he wouldn't want to keep this a secret from my family and no doubt all the work that entailed.
"There is no privacy in my house, in my family. With Alice, Jasper, Edward, it's nearly impossible to have any semblance of privacy. But I feel very protective of what's happening between us. You said we would be under the scrutiny of my family. You're one-hundred-percent correct."
He nodded as his brow furrowed, "So what you're saying is that you don't want them to know?"
I sighed thanking him silently for putting it out there for me. "Yes," I replied but held my hand up when his body grew still and he went to counter argue his agenda. "Only for a little while. You know how they are, Emmett will be making a play-by-play of every time we touch in that house, Jasper will of course try to respect our privacy but at the same time Alice will want to color coordinate everytime I leave the house to be with you.
"Not to mention Edward. He's my father, Jacob. No father should be privy to the thoughts of his child and her boyfriend," I tried to contain my extreme pleasure at the title of boyfriend. We hadn't discussed titles though, but I assumed boyfriend would be the appropriate term for what would be our outward appearance if my family were a part of it. I sighed in resignation, "yet he is privy to all of it, and it seems just insulting in a way to flaunt it in front of him.
"Everyone else will want to weigh in on the subject of us and I don't think I'm ready to deal with it yet. I don't know if I'm ready to handle the questions they'll undoubtedly have."
"Like if you're in love with me?" he asked as he averted his eyes to my hands then back up to my face.
My breathing stunted and my heart began to thump more rapidly in my chest. Way to hit the nail directly on the head, Jake. "Yes, questions like that. I don't know the answer to things like that yet. I just want to find those answers without any outside pressure from them."
He sighed and ran a hand over his face, "I can control my thoughts around your father. But I cannot control my emotions. I may look controlled, but just ask Jasper. He's going to know something's different, and Edward will read that in his mind no matter how well we are able to control our thoughts around him."
"I know. I realize this means we'll probably avoid the house at least for a little while. It's just, I want to own something. Something that's entirely mine. You have no idea how difficult that is to accomplish in my family. And this thing between us is special."
"What about the pack?" He countered, "I can hide this from Edward, but I can't hide it from them. The pack mind doesn't work the same way his ability does. We hear every thought, whether we want to or not."
I sighed warily. I knew the pack was going to be an issue. "I know, I guess we'll have to think of something."
Jacob chewed on his lip, his face scrunched in thought. He seemed to be vacillating between an idea he had to solve our quandary or continue pushing for full disclosure. Hopefully he would decide to share his idea before he made a decision. "I could," he paused, "put out an order – " his voice was resistant.
Immediately, I felt terrible for even suggesting this ruse. Oh what a tangled web we'll have to weave.
"Jacob, you hate giving out orders," I reminded.
"I know, let me finish," he gruffly interrupted giving me a stern glance. "I would be willing to put out an edict or whatever to keep us out of their minds around your father. And to keep their mouths shut. It would solve the problem pretty easily."
"You don't have to do that, we can find another way," I suggested. I couldn't make him do something like that. That was the part of being an Alpha that he truly despised. Taking away his pack's free will was something he was never willingly inclined to do. Just the idea that he was willing to do this for me, to keep our relationship a secret, showed that he was willing to sacrifice for me.
He brushed my attempt to find some other alternative aside, "no, there isn't another way. The others will understand. You want this to be hush-hush for a while. I get that, Honey, really, I do. I'm willing to do what I can to let that happen. Promise me something though?"
"Anything," I breathed. I would give him anything. Even things I didn't know I was ready to give. Like my heart, though I was sure that he'd have it. It was meant for him, but that didn't mean I was exactly ready to part with it, yet.
"When you're ready, I would like for us both to tell the family. Nothing formal or attention seeking, but just the two of us coming out with our relationship. Is that an acceptable compromise?"
I smiled and nodded. It seemed we'd struck an amiable accord. A compromise, though I felt as though I'd gotten more out of it than he had.
"Good," he grinned. Jacob moved back toward me again and I found myself once again lost in his awed stare. "Now where were we?"
I wanted him to kiss me and more than anything else I wanted him to be my first kiss. My only kiss.
He seemed to understand what I so desperately wanted as the hand that had tipped my chin up just a few minutes before came back and lingered at my jaw. The backs of his fingers brushing up to my cheekbone. My eyes kept themselves locked on his to the point where I could see the question in them. I nodded so quickly that only he could have caught the difference.
The recognition sparkled in his eyes and he moved forward just about to press his mouth to mine when a loud creak of old wood floorboards snapped us out of our intimate moment.
He growled under his breath in annoyance, and I turned, seeing an extremely amused Leah Clearwater standing on the edge of the room. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"
I felt the heat rise to my face, flushing it to a deep crimson. Leah took that as a yes and sauntered into the room, flopping herself down on the couch adjacent to us with a flourish.
"Leah, why do you have to have the worst timing ever?" Jacob almost snarled at her.
She sighed. Apparently nothing could kill the glow that surrounded her. I wondered momentarily if it had anything to do with Amber. "Hey, you're the one who offered me to be your roomie."
He let out a breath and shook his head as he began to pull his body away from mine. He was already in the mindset to keep this a secret. I stiffened and placed my hand on his knee.
"Don't."
I knew that it wasn't fair to him to ask him to agree to my selfish request and Leah would find out soon enough. As soon as they were both phased, she'd see our conversation. How we'd decided that friendship simply wasn't enough anymore.
He sighed and gave me a look. "Are you sure?"
"She's going to find out on patrol, anyways."
Leah looked between us. Her face turned from puzzlement to recognition in a matter of moments as she took in our intimate contact, as well as the scene she'd walked in upon. "Oh!" She let out a yelp, seemingly surprised by the news.
"Oh. Wow. Really?" she asked, looking directly at Jacob. He grinned and squeezed my shoulders. I fought the urge to smile.
"Yeah," I added with a glance to Jacob. He was beaming down at me, his eyes crinkling at the corners. I returned his smile and he placed a sweet kiss to my temple.
She grinned. "About damn time," she mused and a giggle bubbled up inside me. "You're happy?"
I nodded, "Yeah, I am. We are, right?" I looked to him. I wasn't used to speaking as a 'we' instead of just me. However unfamiliar, I couldn't deny that I really enjoyed it.
He smiled at the inclusion and nodded enthusiastically. His fingers on my shoulder picked their pattern of circles back up. His fingertips igniting a fire beneath my skin, like kindling to the already smoldering fire within me, I suppressed a shudder while the electricity that surrounded us crackled once more in response.
Jacob tapped his other hand on his knee, trying to do something to contain his glee. "It's great, however, we've mutually decided to keep this on sly from her family," he deftly explained and I looked to Leah for her response. She was always one to play devil's advocate.
She didn't disappoint me at all in my assumption. As if right on cue, Leah arched one eyebrow. "How exactly are you going to do that?" she asked, a challenging note in her voice. "Daddy dearest is going to pick it right out of your heads."
Jacob took a breath, and his arm grew rigid around my shoulders. I knew he was going to be reluctant to fulfill my self-serving request, though he would never say anything more.
"I'm going to give the pack an order not to think about it around Edward or talk about it around the family. I'm very good at controlling my thoughts around him, as is Renesmee. If needed, we could always ask Bella for assistance."
"Yes, ask her mother for assistance in keeping the kissy faces you two make out of your heads around her father. Smart move, Jake," she scoffed, giving him a narrowed clip of a look.
Jacob laughed a little, "If I asked her, she'd do it without questioning me. She is one of my best friends, Leah."
"I know, but, still, it's going to come out eventually."
I nodded again. "Yes it will come out eventually. However until that time I want to just own something," I replied, my voice growing in confidence as I tried ardently to explain my reasoning.
"There is absolutely no privacy at home, and it's difficult to live like that. You of all people should know what it's like to have someone in your head all the time, Leah. You've got a bunch of boys able to spy on whatever happens with you and Amber, don't you?"
She winced, and immediately I felt bad for bringing up her lack of privacy, especially now that she, herself, had found her mate. Controversial as it was.
I gave her a sympathetic expression and tried to explain.
"Until I'm ready to stand up to my family's certain scrutiny, I just want this to be ours. Surely you would do the same with Amber if you could."
Leah's face turned pensive, hard, and serious. I'm sure she would give anything to keep something sacred about her whirlwind relationship with Amber from the pack. A girl who I still had no knowledge of aside from what she'd already told me.
"So, how's Amber?" Jacob asked teasingly in an effort to diffuse the thick tension.
Leah grinned then threw a pillow at Jacob's face with impeccable aim.
He dodged it expertly and chuckled.
"Ooh, did you kiss her?" he asked, the same teasing tone in his voice.
Leah flushed and glared. "Shut it, Black."
Touchy. A definite sign something had gone on between them. They'd already been together just a few weeks and they'd just progressed to kissing? I sighed. I wanted that particular step sooner rather than later. Could I go weeks before he kissed me?
Shaking the thought from my head, I grinned at her. "I like seeing you like this, Leah," I remarked, making her look at me quizzically. "You're happy. Even with Jacob teasing you about kissing someone, you're happy."
Leah sighed and nodded, "I guess I am happy. I mean, Amber is more than I could have ever asked for. It's still so odd to be so attracted to a woman, but I'm glad if I had to imprint on anyone that it is her.
"I can't wait for you to meet her. She's already so excited to meet you, too. Someone couldn't shut up about how amazing you are," she finished, tossing a pointed once-over at Jacob.
I too gave Jacob a look and his eyes shifted downward, playing with the hem of my sweater. Clearly put out of countenance, his cheeks reddened and I smirked as I snuggled into is chest more and placed my hand to his face, showing him how much I liked that he talked about me. He tightened his arms around me reflexively, and a choking noise gurgled up across from us.
We both glanced up, seeing Leah fake gagging. "Sorry I'm just choking on the cuteness of you two."
I cracked up, my shoulders shaking with laughter. Leave it to Leah to break up any intimate moment with something facetious. "Why don't we watch a movie? So there's something to distract you from us," I suggested, and Leah smiled slyly.
"I knew I liked you for a reason," she replied, bouncing up off the couch as she began to peruse their limited selection of movies.
AN: Thank you so much for reading! Please press review and leave your thoughts. I respond to each and every review because they truly mean so much to me! Tha