Disclaimer: I do not have any affiliation with Grey's Anatomy. I do not own the characters either. This is simply for fun.
A/N: I apologize for the wicked long wait. School, skiing, and life got in the way. But it's summer now and updates will become more frequent. I try to keep chapters long too, so take that into consideration.
Chapter IV
I Just Wanna Live
Dr. Elizabeth McCartney was a surgical resident. She had long hours at Seattle Grace and five interns. She worked under Dr. Meredith Grey, Dr. Christina Yang, and Dr. Alex Karev. Dr. Christina Yang was her resident when she was an intern and now Christina was an attending and she was a resident.
Dr. McCartney walked down the hall on a Sunday afternoon. She hated working on Sundays, but she was on a 48-hour shift with her interns and it wasn't fun. She walked down the hall past the Chief's office. She saw Derek Shepherd in his office talking on the phone. He was in casual clothes but still; he usually didn't work on Sundays. He and Meredith Grey both had Sundays off. She knew they spent time with their kids. She walked past Derek's office and past some patient rooms when she heard a lot of noise coming from one of them.
She walked into patient room 4446 and found where the noise was coming from. Dr. McCartney found one of her interns, Jeff Elgert throwing a football around with one boy who looked to be somewhere around eleven years old. Another boy was zipping up a bag on the bed and a third boy was receiving the football from Dr. Elgert. She recognized the boys. The one zipping the bag up was James Shepherd, he had just had a surgery a week ago and the younger boy was his brother Logan. The third boy was Matt Sloan.
"Dr. Elgert! What are you doing?" Elizabeth exclaimed as she walked into the room.
"Dr. McCartney!" Jeff swirled around as he got the football back from Matt, "What? I, um…" Jeff stumbled.
"Go, now. Sutures in the ER." Dr. McCartney ordered and Jeff quickly ran out of the room. Dr. McCartney walked further into the room and took a look at James' chart, "Looks like your going home today Mr. Shepherd." Matt laughed at the casual tone in her voice.
"James, please call me James." James shook her hand and smiled.
"Alright James, I see your packing up. You get to go home, remember to use the cane. I saw your father here, is he bringing you home?" Elizabeth asked.
"Yeah, well my Mom's here too. She's just checking on some patients. She brought me this duffle bag to pack myself up with." James zipped up his bag and took the hat on his nightstand and placed it on his head.
"James! Is that new?!" Logan yelled from where he was standing, it was a new Seahawks hat and Logan being the hat junky he was wanted it instantaneously.
"Yeah, Dad bought it for me. 'Cause I have no hair." James said.
"Correction," Matt started as he sat down on the swirly chair, "You have hair, just not the girl magnet hair you want to have."
James laughed and Matt swiveled around. "So James Shepherd, you'll be free to go after your parents sign these papers Dr. Elgert left for you." Dr. McCartney told the boy while she signed some stuff off on his chart.
"Cool, so am I free to walk out of this room, I mean I am unhooked from the IV. With my cane of course." James smiled hoping to charm the-what-he-thought-seemed-to-be-a hard-ass doctor.
"As long as you people don't 'cause any trouble then yes, you're free to go." Dr. McCartney smiled and took his chart and walked out of the room.
"Thanks Dr. McCartney!" James yelled after her, "C'mon let's go." James, Logan, and Matt all walked out of the patient room. The three walked down the hallway passing the football back and forth as they did so. Logan followed the two boys occasionally receiving the football. Matt was hanging out with them today, Addison was on call today and Mark had to work and Matt had nothing to do so Derek and Meredith took him to the hospital with them. The three boys reached Derek's office and walked inside.
Derek was sitting at his desk doing something on his computer when he saw the three boys walk in, "JJ, it's good to see you up and walking, your new cast looks good." Derek said while he flipped his laptop shut and walked out from behind his desk.
"Can we go home soon?" Logan asked eagerly.
"Yeah, I've just got to fix up the OR board and then find your mom, oh and Richard is coming this afternoon." Derek said as he walked past the boys
"Oh sweet!" James exclaimed excitedly.
"So I've got to fix up the OR Board before we go, so will you guys for find your mom?" Derek asked the boys.
"Sure." Logan replied.
The trio walked down the hall with Derek until they reached the OR board where Derek started to look over the board. Then the three boys broke off from him, "Wait." Derek said and they turned around. The blue eyes of his sons and Matt's eyes meeting his, "Give me the ball." Derek put his hands out to catch it.
"Fine, here." James said as he threw over the football.
"Thank you, now go find her." Derek smiled and then the boys continued down the hall. Matt put his hands into the pocket of his jacket and continued to walk down the hall. This is where Matt grew up, the surgical wing was where he was as a kid. His parents rarely took time off and he was always there. Sometimes Matt wondered if he wasn't planned, and when his parents split up when he was ten, he blamed himself. James had been there for him then and told him it wasn't his fault and when he didn't believe James, Derek set him straight. When Addison and Mark split, Derek took Matt and James on a two week camping trip just to get Matt away from it all. That was one of Matt's fondest memories.
The three walked into the gallery to see if Meredith was in there and she was in the corner, "Hey mom, look I'm up and at 'em!" James smiled proudly as he walked on his weak leg with the help of the cane and held his plastered arm in a heavy-duty sling.
"Aw, that's great JJ." Meredith smiled as she gathered some things from beneath her chair, "Hey Matt, hey Logan. So I'm ready to go, if you're ready." Meredith said as she got up and walked over to the boys.
"More than ready." JJ let his mother wrap her arm around his shoulder and the four walked off.
"Pregnant lady coming through!" George ran through the E.R. with his wife Erin he got a wheel chair and had her sit down, "I've got to page Dr. Montgomery!" George stopped for a minute to page Addison.
"George, calm down." Erin put her hand on his arm comforting her very anxious, nervous husband, "Second timer, remember?" She looked at George with soothing chocolate eyes.
"Yeah, so Addison should be on her way." George told Erin and then nervously wheeled her very slowly to a room up in Pediatrics. As they reached the elevator the door opened carrying five people, four of which Shepherds.
"George!" Meredith greeted surprised, "I thought you were off today." She then noticed Erin sitting in the wheelchair, "Oh my God."
"Exciting huh?" Erin answered smile plastered on her face.
"Yeah!" Meredith smiled. Ever since George had met Erin, Meredith and Erin had been friends, "Hey guys I'm gonna stay here for a while."
"Aw Mom!" Logan cried out from the back of the elevator.
"I promise, next week, you and me bud, we'll go to the movies together." Meredith smiled kneeling down to her son's level playing with his hair.
"I'm sorry to interrupt but we should move this outside the elevator." Derek said leading the family out to where the O'Malley's were.
"It's okay Mom, we'll be fine." James smiled as Meredith stood up and grabbed Erin's wheel chair and wheeled her into the elevator, George followed behind.
"Alright, and JJ, I want to see you using that cane we bought for you." Meredith said, considering James had lost some nerves and activity in his right leg Derek and Meredith had suggested that he use a cane until they decided it was okay not to.
"Mom, that's so weird! What fifteen-year old do you see walking around with a cane!" James complained.
"You apparently." Matt said and Derek laughed. Just then Erin grimaced with pain and yelled out.
"Contraction?" Meredith asked as George nervously tapped the elevator's side.
"Yeah, I think so." Erin half smiled.
"Alright, we're off. I'll call you guys later."
"I'll be back later," Derek said and Meredith smiled and pushed a button on the inside of elevator and the doors closed leaving the four boys alone. Derek ran his hand through his hair and James readjusted his new hat, Logan just stood there and Matt put his hands in his pockets.
"So…" Derek said, it wasn't much fun when no one was there to plan what they would do next. Once again the four of them just stood there. It was rather amusing that now that Meredith wasn't there, none of them could think of anything to do…well except for Matt.
"So I'm thinking we hit up Joe's get some drinks, and then we go out smoking and sky diving." Matt laughed putting his arm around Derek smiling.
"You do know, they say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree for just any reason." Derek laughed, "Get off of me!" Derek flipped under Matt's arm, "So I'm thinking home." Derek said.
"Dad come on, that's boring." James said as the four started walking back to James' room. James had a distinctive limp but that didn't stop him from wanting to through balls around or go golfing or skiing or most importantly play soccer.
'Yeah but we 'could hang out, play X-Box or something." Derek tried to spice up the idea of being home.
"How about hot tub, girls, strippers?" Matt muttered under his breath to James and James started laughing.
Derek drove one of his few cars down the street his house was on. Today he drove the blue S.U.V., it made the most sense today considering it was carrying three boys. The sun was out today and it was reflecting on the water that Derek could see through the woods. Soon enough Derek reached the house and drove the large vehicle into its garage. He turned the car off and turned around to address the two boys in the back seat and the one sitting next to him.
"I'm going to walk down to the water for a little while, maybe do a little fishing. Anyone want to come?" Derek asked the boys, "Then Richard is coming by for dinner tonight so we have to be all dressed and ready for your mom at the latest at four."
"Yeah sure." Logan responded and the other two nodded and jumped out of the car. Derek laughed at how the word fishing could get the boys up in a second; they had completely disregarded the fact that their surrogate grandfather was coming over. Derek sat in the car for another minute or so just thinking to himself and then Logan came out in a pair of old jeans and a raggedy old t-shirt with his black fleece jacket over it, he always wore that black jacket when he went fishing.
"Dad! C'mon!" Logan tapped on the window of the car.
"I'm coming," Derek said as he stepped out of the car.
"Hey dad, how is James going to fish?" Logan asked Derek as he got the tackle box and poles out of the garage.
"Eh, I don't know. We'll have to help him." Derek said as he grabbed his fishing vest from the hook of the garage and put it on. Then turned around to look at his son, "Where's your fishing hat?" Derek asked, he had bought his son the fishing hat he had to have last month.
"Um…" Logan looked down at the floor avoiding his father's skeptical blue eyes.
"Logan I swear to God if you lost that $75 hat!" Derek flipped at his son.
"Dad I'll find it I swear!" Logan yelled.
"You better find it. Mere…mom will be so mad if you lost it!" Derek ran a hand through his hair. Logan was prone to losing things.
"I know, I know!"
"Go get James and Matt, 'cause I'm going out." Derek said as he pulled the tackle kit in his hand and walked out of the garage.
Logan ran back into the house haphazardly opening the screen door on his way in. He ran through the mudroom that connected the kitchen to the garage and then ran through the spacious kitchen and bumped into the island of the kitchen briefly. This didn't stop him, the boy ran up the backset of stairs where the walls were covered with family pictures. When he made it upstairs he ran by his old playroom which now held all sorts of electronics, and then past the guest rooms and his parents room. He finally ran down the end of the hall and approached another set of stairs that led him to the third floor of the Shepherd near-mansion. The small spiral staircase led to another small hallway that only contained two rooms. One was his own and the other, larger one (Logan always made that know), was James'. The door was open and Matt and James were zipping up jackets.
"Dad's going out to the lake, he wanted me to tell you." Logan said as James took out his fishing vest and placed it over his fleece jacket, "Do you know where my fishing hat is?" Logan asked.
"No." James answered as he grabbed his cane and the three boys walked out of James' room.
"Oh well, I have no idea where it is and mom is going to murder me." Logan said as they walked down the spiral staircase.
"Sucks to be you." Matt smiled as Logan just glared back.
It was around two in the afternoon and James was sitting on the rocks by the lake on the Shepherd's property. Matt was skipping stones because he had given up because the fish were not biting. Logan was up to his waist in the water but wasn't getting wet because he borrowed a pair of Derek's old rain boots. Derek stood next to the boy and was pretty much giving up on the fishing as well.
"I'm going in." James said standing up carefully, his cane in his hand.
"Yeah I'm pretty much right behind you." Derek said as he ran a quick hand though his hair and shrugged, "Fish just aren't biting today."
Just then they all heard a noise and sure enough a car was pulling into the driveway
"Must be Richard, perfect timing." Derek said.
Richard got out of the car and started to walk into the house when Derek yelled out, "Hey we're down here." Richard looked around and saw the four people down by the water and walked toward them.
"James, congratulations on being out of the hospital," Richard said as he approached the water.
"Thanks," James said walking toward Richard as everybody else did.
"Richard, did you hear?" Derek asked as he shook the man's hand and gave him a hug.
"No, what?" Richard replied releasing Derek's hand.
"Erin went into labor." Derek said.
"George's wife?" Richard asked.
"Yeah, I was going to go back to the hospital soon, want to come?" Derek asked as everyone walked back to the house slowly.
"Aw, Dad, do we have to go?" Logan pouted.
"No, you can stay here." Derek told him, "However, JJ, you and Matt better be good and look after Logan."
"Yeah, sure." James reassured his father.
"So Richard, I'll go change and I'll be ready to go." Derek said, "Entertain him boys."
Derek ran off into the house and the three boys and Richard walked into the house at James' pace. Soon enough Derek was done changing into his casual attire and out of his fishing clothes. Derek and Richard left for the hospital and were driving when Derek asked Richard what he was dying to know, "So, not to sound rude, but, why are you here?"
"I knew this question was coming." Richard said shifting nervously in the passenger seat.
"That meeting you had the other day at the hospital, what was that about?" Derek asked as he tapped the steering wheel.
"You have to keep this quiet Derek, because I know that I have to tell you because you won't let it be if I don't." Richard paused and looked out the window, "Right after Christmas, after I got home from Seattle, I started to have minimal seizures, I went to the hospital and they told me that not much could be done about it, partially because of my age. It's a grade four astrocytomic tumor." Richard finished.
"Glioblastoma multiforme" Derek said quietly, that was what Richard had. It was a hard to cure tumor, "Richard there must be something…"
"No, there's not. That's why I was at Seattle Grace, that's what my meeting was about. The specialist said there was nothing he could do."
"You and I both know that Meredith and I are the best neurosurgeons on the West Coast, except maybe for LA. Who did you meet with?" Derek asked.
"Dr. Pudutski." Richard answered simply.
"Oh come on Richard! Let Meredith and I take a look at it." Derek pleaded.
"No, I won't drag Meredith into this." Richard said firmly, "Thatcher died two years ago, she didn't take that well."
Derek nodded as Richard continued.
"She doesn't need to worry about me. Now I'm here to look for a place to live for the next couple of years that I have. Let Meredith be. I'll tell her when the time is right. For now I need you to be quiet about this."
"Richard…"
"Derek. Just keep it quiet." Richard begged.
Derek nodded and the two continued their drive in silence.
Meredith, Christina, Alex, and Izzie were all sitting in the waiting room. It was around three in the afternoon and they had been kicked out of Erin's room as Addison saw it fit to dry and deliver. All four were granted the afternoon off, by their own will. Interns and residents could do the work; one of their best friends was about to become a father again.
"So, if it's a girl you all owe me 40 bucks." Alex laughed as the four settled on a bet.
"Well you're on, because it's so going to be a girl." Izzie said.
"Oh yeah? And how are you so sure?' Alex asked.
"Hello, we all need another boy around here." Christina said, "all we've got are James and Logan. And they're old."
"Don't even say that, my kids are not old." Meredith said as Derek and Richard walked in.
"Hey!" Izzie said.
"Hello everybody, any news?" Richard asked.
"Addison went in about an hour ago so I guess we should be hearing from someone soon." Alex said.
"Aren't you supposed to be working?" Derek asked after he gave Meredith a kiss and sat down next to Alex.
"Oh we gave ourselves the afternoon off." Christina said opening a magazine. Derek gave her a raise of the eyebrows and smiled, "Chief." Christina added and rolled her eyes.
"I'm glad you all took that liberty." Derek smiled folding his hands over his lap.
"Hey don't drag me into this, I don't even work here. So chief, I heard you were here but I couldn't believe it." Izzie said greeting Richard, "How are you?"
"I'm good. But how are all of you?" Richard aksed.
"Fine, the same as Christmas," Christina said, "So why are you here? You never come unannounced…"
Just then George walked into the room smiling.
"George!" Everyone got up to greet him.
"It's a boy!" George yelled happily.
"Aha! Pay up Alex!" Christina yelled.
"What, you guys were making bets on the sex of my kid?" George asked.
"Well duh." Alex said taking out his wallet.
"Where are my brothers?" George asked rolling his eyes.
"Um, on their way." Meredith supplied as she had called them earlier.
"Okay, I'm going to get back to Erin and no-name. I guess we need to work on it." George stammered out through his excitement.
"Yeah, I would say you do." Derek said.
"So, when Ronnie and Jerry get here, and whoever else is coming, come on in." George said and walked out of the room.
"If everyone would excuse me I just want to check up on the surgical board." Derek said and walked out of the room.
"I'm telling you Derek, you can't stay away for one minute!" Alex shouted after him, "The lack of self control is sad!"
Derek just laughed and walked down the hall. He had said that he was on his way to the board but that was not where he was going. He walked to the elevator, seeing he was not on the surgical floor, and got in. While on the elevator he took out his pager and paged Meredith to his office. When the elevator got to the surgical floor, Derek got out and walked down to his office.
Back in the room Meredith got the page and quietly excused herself from the commotion of the light chatter between friends. She took the same route Derek took to get to the office. When she arrived to his office she could see him sitting on his desk through the glass windows. She quickly walked over to the door and opened it.
"Derek, what's wrong. Do you need me for a surgery or something?" She asked quickly as she walked into the office and stood by the chairs.
"Richard isn't here just to visit." Derek stated flatly.
"What?" Meredith asked confused as she looked at the way Derek's forehead had the lines that appeared when he was in thought.
"I shouldn't tell you this, but I have to." Derek said looking up at her, "I have to tell you because if I don't, things will be…" Derek trailed off for a second and thought, as Meredith looked at him with wide eyes, "painful." Derek finished.
"What is it?" Meredith asked.
"Richard, he has a tumor." Meredith just stood there, "He asked me not to tell you but I couldn't. I just, he's the one that's been there." Derek said watching Meredith's face for clues as to what she was thinking. "Everyone that was ever close to you in the past has, well you know, not made it to be with us today," Derek chose his words carefully.
"How bad is it?" Meredith asked.
"Decently bad, from what I've heard he's probably got a year, two at the best." Derek said looking down at his hands again.
"And there's nothing anyone can do for him?" Meredith asked.
"I don't think so." Derek said standing up from his desk to give Meredith a hug but Meredith quickly backed away. Derek was not surprised by this, she closed up when it came to pain.
"And Richard told you not to tell me?" Meredith asked confused.
"Yes, but I had to." Derek explained.
"No, I just. I have to go." Meredith said and quickly walked out of the office.
"Meredith, wait." But it didn't work. Derek saw her storm by the glass window and he sat back down on his desk. He now regretted telling her but it probably would have gone worse if he hadn't. He walked back to the waiting room where everyone was. No one was there so he walked to Erin's room. Everyone was in there to greet Austin O'Malley. He told his friends that Meredith had a surgery to get to seeing as she wasn't there and obviously hadn't returned. After spending the next couple of hours with his friends and the happy O'Malley family, Derek excused himself and tried to find a surgery to oversee or work on. He found Burke and assisted him and some intern on a pretty intense surgery. After that had gone well he returned to his office and did mindless paperwork to avoid home. He knew that Meredith needed time alone and he knew she was home because he had talked to Logan on the phone.
It was after ten when Richard walked into his old office where Derek had fallen asleep at the desk. Richard walked up to the desk and shook Derek's arm to wake him up. Derek picked his head up and rubbed his eyes.
"Go home, Derek." Richard told Derek sincerely.
"I guess I should." Derek said sitting up in his chair.
"Why are you here, didn't you have the day off?" Richard asked obviously having no knowledge to the fact that Derek had told Meredith about his brain tumor.
"I, uh, needed to assist Preston on a surgery." Derek supplied telling Richard the half-truth.
"If there's one thing that I've told you one million times and you have not listen to it, it's the fact that surgery is not the answer to avoiding home, Derek." Richard said sitting down in one of the chairs across from the desk, "It's why I lost my wife, and giving up the job is the only way I eventually got her back. And now she's gone, and I curse myself for all of those moments I spent doing the same exact thing you're doing right now."
"I'm not trying to avoid home. Meredith and I had a bit of a fight today," Derek once again half lied, "and I'm trying to give her some space. And I fell asleep." Derek finished.
"Alright, just trust me." Richard said, "Go home."
Derek got up from his chair, he was still wearing his coat that he had put on after the surgery. He figured he would wear it home and wash it.
"Where are you staying?" Derek asked Richard.
"A hotel, I'm fine Derek. Don't worry about me. Just go home." Richard said.
"Alright, I'll see you later." Derek said and walked to the door, "Are you leaving?" Derek asked Richard when he noticed the other man didn't leave.
"I think I'll stay in here for a little while, if that's okay with you, chief." Richard laughed to himself at the irony.
"Way to be sentimental and depressing Chief," Derek joked and walked out of the room leaving Richard sitting on the couch.
Derek arrived into his garage a little less than a half an hour later. He closed the garage and walked into his house. The house was quiet and only a couple of lights were on which told Derek that everyone was upstairs. Tomorrow was a school day, and a work day; which meant that everyone was probably in bed considering it was around eleven. When Derek made it to the top of the stairs he immediately went into his room, he did not find Meredith there. Immediately confused he took off his coat and laid it on his bed.
Derek quietly walked up the third set of stairs that lead to his kids rooms. He saw James asleep in his bed. Derek noticed that his hair was growing back, and growing back fast. In about a week he assumed it would be back to normal. Derek walked passed James' room and into Logan's where he found Logan and Meredith on Logan's bed. This didn't surprise Derek, Logan was still young enough that he wasn't completely against cuddling with his mother. He walked up to the sleeping pair and placed a kiss on both of their foreheads and ruffled his son's thick hair.
He then picked up Meredith and carried her out of the room after he shut the lamp that had been on off. He carried Meredith into their bedroom and placed her on his side of the bed. Derek grabbed a pair of pajamas for himself and walked into their bathroom and changed, brushed his teeth, and washed his face. He walked into his room and got on his bed. He put on his earplugs that had been on his night table for the past 18 or so years. Derek got under the covers where he had previously placed Meredith and wrapped a protective arm around her.
Soon enough, even after this day full of life and prospective death, Derek fell into a peaceful sleep.
Next: James goes back to school and Meredith confronts Richard about his tumor.
A/N: Once again, I am sorry for the wait. I also apologize for any errors or typos. All of that aside, please review! )