Chapter Four - You say to yourself somebody better will understand you more than I ever…

An hour later Natsuki was mentally kicking herself. She should have known what her red headed friend would choose to do. And she should have known to stay far, far, away. But since she hadn't she was merely going to have to endure the hell Mai was attempting to label as 'fun'…

Shopping.

It wasn't that Natsuki hated shopping. It was more that she hated unnecessary shopping. If she needed to go shopping because there was something in particular to get? No issue. But shopping for the sake of shopping? That made her want to kill herself.

"Hey Mai?" She waited for the other woman to draw her eyes away from the light blue top she was eyeing with interest then continued. "You didn't just sporadically want to hang out today did you?" The question was rhetorical and they both knew it. Which was why Mai gave her friend an innocent, wide eyed stare and Natsuki responded by rolling her own eyes.

"Seriously Mai, I know you. You're the type that would force yourself to spend time with someone you hated just to make sure they were okay. Be it emotionally or physically okay. It's why you make such a great nurse." She stopped as Mai gave her a dark glare that clearly meant to shut her up. She merely raised an eyebrow as she waited for her friend to say her piece. But Natsuki was determined to finish what she had to say once the red head was done.

"First, thank you very much for the compliment. I work hard to be good at what I do. And second, you're right, I do sometimes put up with people I dislike to make sure they aren't going to do something like drink themselves into a stupor, take drugs, or even worse, kill themselves." She frowned as she thought of those darker possibilities then eyed Natsuki with another stare that was less threatening and more stern. "But that's not why I'm here with you. You're my best friend Natsuki and that means that while I want to make sure you're okay, it's perfectly allowable for me to subtly torment you while I do so."

Emerald eyes narrowed at the implication. "So you purposely brought me shopping with you knowing it would be torture for me." When she received a bright grin she had a moment of uncertainty as to whether she should laugh or attempt to throttle her friend. Instead she merely rolled her eyes. "Does it also mean that you have secret plans to make me want to off myself before the day is out? Because if that is your goal, I think you should know that you're definitely on the right track. I might even throw myself into traffic after the next store."

A flash of intense worry flickered in Mai's eyes before she realized that Natsuki was completely kidding. She shoved the other woman and rolled her eyes. "Don't worry Natsuki, I don't have any such evil schemes. Trust me, I wouldn't take you shopping just to get you to off yourself. Way too much whining involved. If I wanted you dead, I'd shove you into traffic myself."

Mai's initial reaction didn't escape Natsuki's notice. And though she had no intentions of addressing it she did take it to heart. Apparently she was looking much worse than she thought she was if her best friend was beginning to worry about her offing herself. She stifled a sigh and snorted instead. "Thanks Mai, glad to know you care so much. Jerk."

Warmth filled violet eyes and the other woman grinned brightly. "But of course. I'd say it's the least I can do for my best friend but I have to be honest and say it's the most I can do. If you weren't such a pain in my butt I'd probably love you so much more."

Natsuki rolled her eyes. "So let me guess, you're subjecting me to all this torture to make an example out of me?"

It was Mai's turn to roll her eyes. "Yes Natsuki, taking you shopping with me has nothing to do with me wanting an honest opinion and everything to do with me wanting to prove to the world that bad temperament deserves punishment via shopping trips from hell."

Natsuki snorted again then caught on to a specific part of what Mai had said. She felt her interest piqued and couldn't help but question her friend. "You wanted an honest opinion? On what?"

A dark flush rose on the red head cheeks and she looked away quickly. "Uh…nothing? I don't want an honest opinion at all. I want you to lie to me and tell me how wonderful I am?"

Natsuki stared at her friend, trying to assess what was going through her mind. After a moment she chuckled. "Nice Mai. Not even sure if you want me to compliment you? Are you finally realizing how difficult such a thing would be?"

Mai rolled her eyes and made a few unintelligible but clearly grouchy noises. Suddenly her eyes lit up and she turned to Natsuki to say something. But before any words left her lips something clouded her violet eyes and she remained quiet.

The blue haired woman studied her intently, trying to discern her friend's thoughts once more. This time it was a lot easier for Natsuki to pick up on them. She had seen Mai's eyes alight on the lingerie store across the street and she was fairly sure the look she'd seen in Mai's eyes was a mixture of worry and hesitation. She sighed internally as it all came together and she also found out what Mai had initially wanted to ask for help with. She wanted to stun her boyfriend and her plan was to do so through lingerie.

She grabbed the other woman's hand and hauled her towards the store. She'd been there before herself, though it had been a long time since Natsuki had indulged her love of fancy underwear. She had never really pinpointed why but in hindsight she knew it was because she had stopped feeling even remotely confident about herself.

As Mai opened her mouth to protest Natsuki's movements the older woman came to two simultaneous conclusions. She knew how to get Mai in the shop and trying things on without a fuss, and at the same time, she could work on one of her own personal issues.

Once they had reached the other side of the street and were standing in front of the shop Natsuki halted in mid stride, nearly sending the red head face first into the sidewalk. The only thing that kept the woman's pretty face from the unfortunate incident was Natsuki's firm grip on her upper arm. She looked over at her friend and gave her a light glare. "Trying to kill me now? Hold a grudge much?"

Natsuki blinked as she tried to follow her friend's meaning. She was so involved in her plan that it took her a bit longer than usual to catch up. After a few seconds she laughed aloud as she realized that Mai was referring to her plaintive whining about the other woman trying to kill her with a tedious shopping trip. "Normally, yes, I would be holding a serious grudge, but because we've been friends for so long I'm going to be the bigger man and forgive you."

"Uh huh. Of course you are. Either way, there's no way we're going in there. You cannot make me." Mai felt as though her firm words had settled the matter and was feeling rather triumphant. At least, until she look over at the blue-haired woman who still held her arm in a steely grip. "I'm going in there whether I like it or not aren't I?"

At first Natsuki merely stared at her in silence, something that they both recognized as an intimidation tactic. Then she grinned. "Exactly. But if it makes you feel better, going in there with me will help me work through some sort of personal issue. So, are you still adverse?"

In spite of Natsuki's teasing tone Mai knew that the other woman was dead serious. And after a moment of thought she could see how going in with her would be beneficial. She wasn't completely sure if Natsuki believed it would help her, but Mai was more than willing to turn the tables and drag her friend in on the mere chance. She launched forward and smiled brightly. "Then in we go."

Once they were inside Mai flushed a dark red. "I…uh…what do we do?"

Natsuki turned a surprised gaze on the other woman. "Are you embarrassed to be looking at underwear Mai?" When the red head refused to meet her gaze she chuckled. "You do realize that everyone knows you wear these things underneath your clothing right?" She didn't expect a response and instead of waiting for one she took the other woman's arm and led her to the back of the store. "So what is it that you were looking for Mai?"

If it were possible, Natsuki was sure that Mai's cheeks were reddening further. "Uh…s-something to…" Mai trailed off and gave Natsuki a slightly desperate look.

After a great bit of stuttering and blushing on Mai's part, Natsuki finally gained a solid idea of what it was the other woman was looking for. She hadn't expected to, but she ended up finding the process of sorting through the store's selection to be therapeutic in a way. Though it wasn't merely the process, it was something more. If Natsuki tried to put a finger on it she would have to say that the therapeutic portion was more that she felt…like herself. It was the first time in a long while that she'd felt like herself.

For the longest time she hadn't been able to feel like herself, not even with Shizuru. And she knew that it was no fault of Shizuru's that she'd felt like someone else. It had been her own fault she'd ended up that way. She had chosen to act like someone she wasn't, and as a result, the obvious had occurred. She'd lost who she was and the ability to define herself.

None of the blame was Shizuru's to bear though. Natsuki had been the one to assume that she wasn't good enough for the other woman, even though Shizuru's actions had always proved otherwise. Natsuki had let her insecurities take over and run her life. She'd begun to assume she knew what everyone expected of her and based those assumptions on common societal views. She'd tried to conform to the perfection society attempted to impose on people. And in the process she'd become someone that those around her couldn't recognize.

Before, she hadn't been willing to admit to herself that she was allowing other people's thoughts and wants, people she didn't know or care about, to define her and the way she saw the people around her. By doing so she'd turned her closest friends into strangers and she'd made herself a stranger to them. All because she hadn't wanted to give up her pride and ask them what they truly thought and felt. Because emotion was weak and of course she couldn't let herself be weak.

Natsuki nearly scoffed aloud as she fully admitted to herself the extent of her recent behaviour. She'd been ridiculous. No, she'd been more than ridiculous she'd been idiotic bordering on pathetic. She'd nearly lost everything. And it was all because she'd held on to her father's beliefs. He'd been the one that had told her emotions were weak and he'd been the one to tell her that she needed to be strong to be worthy.

So she'd unwittingly followed his example her entire life. And eventually, she'd let it take over. Seeing that showed Natsuki that she'd never really retained the pride she'd sought so hard to maintain. She'd blindingly followed the philosophy of a man who had cheated on his devoted wife and left her and their daughter for a twenty something secretary who was only after him for his money.

"Natsuki?" Mai's voice broke through her whirling thoughts and she turned to meet concerned violet eyes. "Are you alright?"

A weak smile curved her lips as she nodded. "I'm a lot better than I've been in a long while."

It was obvious in the warm smile her friend gave her that Mai had seen the small smile for what it really was, one of the first genuine ones she'd managed in a long time. With a laugh Mai tugged Natsuki towards a section with darker hued undergarments, knowing that pastels weren't entirely Natsuki's favorite. "Now, if I have to buy something you do to. I'll die of embarrassment if I have to go up there alone."

Natsuki laughed. "How have you survived this long Mai? Surely you've had to buy underwear before."

The entire time they'd been wandering through the store Mai had maintained a slight flush to her cheeks that would darken periodically. This was one of those moments and Natsuki was fairly sure that the specific colour of red Mai was turning was unique. "I have. Once my chest stopped growing I went to a store and got sized and now I just grab my size at department stores. I've never really come into a place like this. It's…definitely got a different atmosphere."

Natsuki laughed a bit, internally wincing when her voice broke a bit. She clearly needed to try laughing a bit more. It was beginning to sound a bit worn and unnatural. "Jesus Mai. You certainly are an odd one."

The other woman rolled her eyes. "I'm the odd one? How long have you even been coming to places like this, huh?"

"For…" Natsuki paused and frowned gently as she tried to remember the age she'd been when she'd first starting buying lingerie. "I think I was about fourteen or fifteen when I really started to develop. I was pretty freaked out. I'd always been quite the tomboy. But then I started filling out and my gender became pretty hard to deny. At first I wasn't sure what to do so I just went to a nearby mall and entered the first store I saw that looked like it sold the things I needed. I got lucky and met a really nice woman who told me everything I needed to know. She figured out my size and my preferences and everything. She made the whole ordeal a lot less traumatic for me."

A small smile curved Mai's lips as she studied the more relaxed look Natsuki had obtained as she talked. "And that turned into your hobby?"

Natsuki snorted. "You make it sound so much worse than it was. It wasn't a hobby so much as a…stress reliever? I liked the atmosphere and after that first time, I found that I was really comfortable in lingerie shops. I like the colors, the quiet, and there was just something about the stores that I felt comfortable in."

"Makes sense I suppose." Mai pursed her lips for a moment then focus her gaze back on her friend. "So why'd you stop?"

Green eyes widened in surprise before filling with realization. "You asked me to come with you specifically to see why I'd stopped collecting lingerie didn't you?"

Mai bit her lip. "Sort of. I also really needed help and you were the best candidate. But it has been something I've always worried about."

The blue haired woman suppressed an annoyed groan and instead elected to answer the question. "I think…I think it was because being with Shizuru made me feel so good, especially when we first got together. I didn't really need that atmosphere anymore. I didn't stop completely, at least not at first. But eventually I just found that I didn't go anymore. And my collection was big enough by that point that I didn't have to."

"And when things started going less well between you two? What then?"

"Then…" Natsuki sighed. "I thought about it sometimes. But by that point, it was just easier to bury myself in work. And…I think there was a part of me that thought…I don't know maybe I just felt that I shouldn't?"

Mai reached out and settled her palm on her friend's arm. "Well, maybe now is a good time to start. And if you want…I wouldn't mind tagging along every once in a while."

Natsuki chuckled. Her friend's concern for her was evident in her eyes and Natsuki knew that Mai was serious about her offer. That was the most endearing aspect of it all, that Mai would go out of her way to do something that made her nervous, just to make sure Natsuki was alright. She would have taken the other woman up on her offer just for that, but Natsuki couldn't have resisted saying yes either way. The chance to see Mai bashful and stuttering again was too good to pass up. "Alright. You got yourself a deal. From here on out we can be lingerie shopping buddies."

A spark of acknowledgement flared in violet eyes as Mai recognized the hint of mischief in her friend's expression. She rolled her eyes and laughed. "I have a very bad feeling that I'm going to regret making this offer."

Natsuki smothered her urge to smirk and instead gave the redhead a solemn look. "Of course you will."

A loud buzzing sound erupted and Shizuru nearly jumped out of her chair. She'd been so focused on the case she was currently putting together that she couldn't manage to recognize the intrusive noise for a few long moments.

She frowned as she looked around her office and tried to locate it. Just as the door to her office opened she remembered that she'd set an alarm on her phone to make sure she managed to leave work on time. She'd promised her mother she'd at least attempt to start heading home at a reasonable hour as her trend of working ridiculously late was beginning to become an issue that required concern.

Rather than checking who'd entered her office she began to scan her work area once more to see where she'd put her phone only to be interrupted by a syrupy sweet voice. "It's in the drawer to your right Ms. Fujino."

She glanced up quickly to see her assistant before fishing her phone out of the drawer the other woman had suggested. It had indeed been there. As she dismissed the alarm Shizuru felt a flare of unease float through her mind. It was unsettling to realize that Tomoe watched her closely enough to know where she put such personal things. She supressed the frown that she felt tugging at the corners of her mouth and tried to dismiss the anxiety, trying to convince herself that Tomoe was merely trying to do her job.

"Thank you Ms. Marguerite. For some reason I couldn't remember where I'd put it. I was a bit too involved in this case." She waved her hand over the papers in front of her easily and gave the other woman a polite smile.

"No need to thank me Ms. Fujino." The younger woman stepped further into the office and took a seat in one of the chairs in front of Shizuru's desk "I was wondering if you had a few minutes? There's something I wish to speak with you about."

Another sigh was stifled as Shizuru felt herself nodding slowly. "Of course Ms. Marguerite, what is it that you need?" At her continued use of her formal address towards the younger woman, Shizuru saw a flash of irritation shoot through the other woman's eyes. Knowing she didn't have the time to think about what that meant right away, Shizuru filed it away for further thought.

"I need a bit of a favour." Tomoe made a show of looking sweet and flustered before she continued. "I have a date tonight and it's the first time I've seen this person so I want to make a really good impression. But I don't really do things like this…go on dates that is, very often so I really don't know what I should wear or what kind of perfume I should use or...anything really. I'm at a complete loss. And I was hoping you could come out with me after work and give me some advice?"

It was a struggle for Shizuru keep her emotions out of her expression as she listened to the younger woman speak. She knew the woman's demeanour, all of the nervous smiling and blushing, was an act. And she was sure that her assistant had been lying when she said she needed help. The way Tomoe attempted to flirt with her on so many previous occasions showed that the woman knew her way around such social engagements.

Knowing she was being lied to made Shizuru less than pleased and she was on the verge of refusing the other woman when something occurred to her. If she helped the younger woman out she might be able to divert her attentions to someone else. Even though asking for her help was a pretense, Shizuru was also aware that Tomoe Marguerite did indeed have a date. And even if it went nowhere, she knew she could use it to her advantage later.

So rather than turn the young woman down, Shizuru grudgingly agreed to lend her aid, mentally resigning herself to another worried look from her mother. It was the last thing she wanted to do but the possibility of directing her assistant's affections anywhere else was worth it. The last thing Shizuru wanted to do was fire the girl and then go through the tedious process of familiarizing a new person with everything. Even if Tomoe was an annoyance, she was very good at her job. She'd be hard to replace.

Shizuru steeled herself and gave the dark cyan-haired woman a smile. "Of course Ms. Marguerite, I'd be happy too. Though I do think you should be aware that I'm not much of an expert in that area."

Tomoe gave her an insipid smile. "Don't be silly Ms. Fujino. I wouldn't have asked for your help if I didn't think it would be valuable. Anyone with eyes can see that you know how to enhance your good looks. I could definitely use any tips you have to offer."

Shizuru barely managed to avoid making her displeasure abundantly clear as the younger woman flirted with her. The flattery had been smoothly delivered and most people would have warmed to the compliment but Shizuru had never been one to respond well to such treatment. Instead of reacting the way she was expected to Shizuru maintained her polite smile. "If you're sure Ms. Marguerite…" She trailed off, half hoping that the younger woman would withdraw her request.

As Tomoe practically beamed at her Shizuru accepted that she was stuck. "I'm completely sure. So once you're done…?"

Once again Shizuru supressed her initial response and instead nodded. "Yes. At about five I'll finish up and meet you out there." She made a vague motion towards the outer office where Tomoe's desk was. She'd expected the other woman to leave directly after their plans had been confirmed only to realize that her assistant had no such intentions. "Now, if that's all, I need to get back to work."

Shizuru hadn't intended there to be a slight edge to her voice but it didn't seem to matter. The lavender eyed woman was completely oblivious to her irritation. She merely gave Shizuru another sugary sweet smile before sashaying her way out.

Once the door clicked shut behind her assistant, Shizuru allowed the frown she'd been holding back to flow onto her features and emitted a low groan of annoyance. The last thing she wanted to do was spend personal time with the woman. But if it meant she could deflect the younger woman's intensely unwanted advances…

For that, Shizuru would do almost anything.

When the end of the day rolled around Shizuru found herself deeply regretting agreeing to go anywhere with her assistant. And that may or may not have had anything to do with the looks the younger woman had constantly been giving her every time they crossed paths.

She could stand her on a working basis but on a personal one? Shizuru would be lucky if she managed to keep her cool for even one hour. And that definitely said a lot considering that she was known for her calm demeanour and cool head when it came to a crisis.

But this situation didn't count as a crisis. A part of her was enjoying likening it to a ticking time bomb. Though she wasn't entirely sure which part of the entire ordeal was to be the bomb.

There was a knock at the door and Shizuru felt herself tense up for what felt to be the millionth time that day. She knew she was over-reacting but she couldn't help but feel that the younger woman had gotten under her skin. And she'd done so in the exact opposite of a pleasurable way. The better analogy would have been to say the teal haired woman was a thorn in her side.

There was another knock, this time more urgent, and Shizuru repressed a sigh and called out in response. "Come in Ms. Marguerite."

The door opened to reveal her beaming assistant. The smaller woman sauntered in, already wearing her coat and carrying her bag. "Everything's finished up out there. Are you ready to go?"

Shizuru forced a smile and tried to ignore the more immature part of her mind that insisted she should pout and whine about not wanting to go. "Of course Ms. Marguerite. Just let me get my things and I'll be out in a second."

It was clear that the other woman wasn't pleased with the subtle but clear dismissal but she took it in stride. With another wide smile she exited the office, presumably to wait for Shizuru outside.

Shizuru set about finishing the small tasks she'd started and made sure to attend to each one thoroughly. It had only been a few minutes when she had to admit to herself that she was procrastinating. She quickly shut down her computer and gathered her things. As she was slipping on her coat Tomoe showed up in the doorway once more.

"Oh! Wonderful. I'd begun to think that you'd passed out or something." Violet eyes practically glowed with delight and her smile spoke of flirtation.

Shizuru chuckling dryly and grabbed her bag as she moved to exit the office. "Fortunately that wasn't the case. I was just finishing up some things. I take it you're ready to go?"

"I'm more than ready." Tomoe moved out of the doorframe and began to lead the way out of the building. "I'm so glad you were able to come with me Ms. Fujino. It's always more fun to have someone along for things like this."

As they walked Tomoe continued to chatter on about a myriad of things. For the most part Shizuru just let it all pass in one ear and out the other, taking cues from the other woman's body language on when and how she should react to her statements. And judging by the way Tomoe's smile only seemed to grow Shizuru was doing a rather good job.

It seemed like a much longer walk than Shizuru remembered to reach the closest department store. She'd been there a lot of times before when she needed to pick up the odd gift or other item. It had been perfectly placed between her office and her and Natsuki's apartment.

A small sigh slipped through her lips and she tensed as Tomoe looked over at her. She didn't relax again until it became clear that the other woman hadn't noticed. The last thing Shizuru wanted was for her assistant to have yet another opportunity to attempt to cajole her into talking about her feelings.

Once they'd entered the building Tomoe headed straight for the women's clothing department. She dove right into the racks and began flicking through item after item.

Shizuru stood back, much less enthused about the whole ordeal.

Natsuki entered her apartment and set her things down by the door, too tired to deal with them straight away. She'd had a long day and nearly lost a patient. The only thing she really wanted to do was lay down and try to sleep.

Once she was inside, Natsuki began to mentally list the things that she needed to do before sleeping. Judging by the way her stomach was growling it seemed that food would be coming first. A quick look into the fridge was enough to make Natsuki growl in annoyance. Her fridge was just as empty as her cupboards. "This is what I get for avoiding a thorough shopping trip." She sighed and rubbed her face over her hand.

Once she'd come to terms with the annoyance of having to leave her apartment again Natsuki decided to go to a nearby shopping center that had a grocery store as well as a myriad of other ones.

The small mall wasn't very far and Natsuki found herself enjoying the walk. The air was crisp and fresh and she could feel the tension flooding out of her shoulders. A small smiled played at the edges of her lips as she reached the entrance to the mall.

Her good mood held up through the menial task of collecting enough groceries to make a few meals and paying for them. It wasn't until after she'd exited the grocery store and was passing by the neighbouring department store that Natsuki remembered that she was running low on shampoo and conditioner.

It wasn't until she'd collected the items she needed and started to head back to the cashier tills to pay that her mood was sent plummeting once more.

Standing in front of the perfume samples Natsuki could see a very familiar brunette. At first she was able to brush it off as one of the many tricks her mind had been playing on her since she'd last seen Shizuru. But once she saw the woman standing next to the brunette there was no doubt left.

No matter how much she wanted to deny what was in front of her, it was uncomfortably clear that the teal-haired woman was Shizuru's young assistant. The very same one that Natsuki knew was head over heels for the brunette. And that left no doubt that the brown haired woman beside her was none other than Shizuru.

The real question was why would Shizuru be at the store with her assistant? As far as she had been aware, assistants weren't so integral to a lawyer's life that they even accompanied them shopping. And even if they were, Shizuru had never had that much to do with hers. Hell she'd barely ever even mentioned the woman. Natsuki wasn't even sure what the girl's name was. Was it Takara? Tomiko? It had been something that started with a 'T'. Shizuru had only mentioned her in passing.

Realistically Natsuki was aware that there were many possibilities as to why Shizuru was out shopping with her assistant but her mind could only focus on one. That Shizuru had taken advantage of her newly single status and finally welcomed the younger woman's advances.

A part of her screamed out that the mere thought was ludicrous. That Shizuru wasn't the type to do something like that. And at first, that part was winning out. Then the teal-haired woman reached out and wrapped her hand around Shizuru's forearm and leaned in towards her.

Before the woman could finish whatever it was she was starting, Natsuki turned tail and ran. She made her way through the store to the tills and paid for the items she held in her hands. She couldn't remember what she'd gone in for or whether or not she'd gotten it but she couldn't find it in her to care. She just wanted to be out and as far from the building as possible. With that desire driving her she made the trip from the store to her apartment in record time.

She'd barely made it through her front door when she felt herself start to fall apart. The first sign was the hot prickling of tears behind her eyes. Next was the tightness in her chest that made breathing more difficult than it should have been. Natsuki bit down on her lip, not caring when she nearly broke through the skin. She looked around frantically, desperately attempting to locate something that would distract her.

She grabbed the first thing she saw, the bags she'd dropped at the front door. Though the process of putting away food and other necessities didn't normally involve a great deal of attention, Natsuki made the task much more difficult by reorganizing the entire kitchen. The set-up had been decided by Shizuru as she'd been the one that spent the most time in the room and somehow undoing what she'd done felt therapeutic.

Natsuki wasn't sure how long she spent doing that but by the time she was finished she was far from hungry. All she could manage was a quick shower before falling into bed and praying for the comfort of sleep. It wasn't long before she got it, but there was no comfort to be had, only nightmares.

A loud banging at the door woke Natsuki from a fairly restless sleep. She sat up slowly, trying to comprehend why there was a loud noise and how she could make it stop. Before she came to any sort of decision the banging stopped and she grunted as she proceeded to lower herself back onto her pillow.

A groan escaped her lips as she slowly felt the haze of sleep slip from the edges of her mind. And though she was far from willing to wake up and face the day, Natsuki was aware that there was little chance that she'd be able to fall asleep once more.

Following that less than enjoyable realization was an overwhelming feeling that Natsuki couldn't fully comprehend. She almost felt…sick to her stomach but not at the same time. It was almost as though she felt so wrong that it was manifesting as physical illness. Just as she began to delve into why she felt so horrible she caught a hint of movement in the periphery of her vision. Her hand immediately shot out towards her bedside table and she grasped the first heavy thing her fingers touched, which just happened to be her alarm clock.

"You know, if I really was an intruder, here to do you harm, you'd be in some serious trouble."

Emerald eyes flicked up to settle on a beaming red head, a hint of the glare she'd been giving her alarm clock remaining. "How in the world did you get in here?"

Mai grinned and practically bounced over to her bed. "Well I was going to attempt getting in the old-fashioned way and pick your lock but it turned out to be unnecessary. Your door was already unlocked." She made a 'tsk'ing noise and gave her friend a reproving stare. "You should be more careful Natsuki. You never know what kind of weirdoes will pounce on you while you're sleeping."

Natsuki gave the other woman a pointed look. "Well, if I didn't before I definitely do now. Is that what you're here for? To demonstrate the types of mental people that break into the homes of unsuspecting women?"

Mai crossed her arms over her chest. "So mean Natsuki. That's not why I'm here at all and you know it. But we'll get to the reason for my wonderful arrival after you tell me why your door was left unlocked in the first place." At the bland look the blue haired woman gave her Mai continued. "You're usually very methodical Natsuki. It's not like you to forget something as essential as locking your door."

"Why do I have this feeling that when you say 'methodical' you actually mean 'anal-retentive'?"

"Because that's exactly what I mean. I was just trying to be polite about it. Now don't change the subject." Mai sat down on the end of the bed and made a show of making herself comfortable to emphasize that she wouldn't be moving until she had answers.

A small sigh escaped Natsuki's lips. She had finally awakened enough to remember some of what had happened the night before but hadn't really processed it. And now that she was given the time to think the events over she couldn't restrain the mess of emotions that resurfaced. "I saw Shizuru last night."

Concern flooded the red-haired woman's features. "What happened?"

Natsuki breathed deeply and tried to maintain a fairly blasé tone as she told Mai what she'd seen. "I was grocery shopping and then I remembered I had to stop by the department store and as I was passing that aisle with all the cosmetics and perfumes I thought I saw someone familiar." She grimaced slightly as the emotions she's felt the night before came flooding back. "At first I thought I was imagining it but then I recognized the other person. She was there with her assistant."

Mai frowned deeply. "You mean that girl with the messed up haircut?"

A wry smile twisted Natsuki's lips and she nodded. "That would be the one. Anyway, just as I recognized them her assistant touched her arm and started to lean in…"

A moment passed as Mai waited for the other woman to continue. Once she realized that Natsuki wasn't going to say anything more without prompting she spoke up. "Was that all?"

Natsuki shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not sure. It could have been. I wasn't exactly willing to stay and watch. My mind started running through a hundred scenarios and I didn't want to see if any of them became a reality. The mere idea was bad enough. So I got my shit and got out. And that was it."

Violet eyes softened with compassion as Mai shifted forward to rest her hand on her friend's arm. "So the question of the hour becomes, how are you doing?"

Natsuki bit her lip then blew out a shaky breath. "I'm not exactly thrilled, especially considering the circumstances, but I'm holding up."

Mai smiled gently. "Well that's good at least. I mean really, you could be sitting in an alley getting hopped up on prescription drugs, convincing yourself that living the life of a prostitute is the best choice you have left."

For a long moment Natsuki could only blink in response. Then, slowly, she lifted bewildered eyes to focus on her friend. "Prescription drug abuse and prostitution? Where in the world do you get these ideas?"

A light blush crossed Mai's cheeks and she smiled sheepishly. "Um…I've had a bit too much spare time on my hands lately. And let's just say it's been wasted on nothing worthwhile. And on that note, let me say that TV dramas are a bad, bad thing. Don't say yes. No matter what you they try to tell you."

Natsuki merely stared at the red head for a few long moments before nodding slowly. "Right. Um, I think we should take away your TV. As soon as possible. At this rate you're going to be staging interventions for my heroin addiction."

Mai's eyes widened to an almost impossible degree as she gaped at her friend. "You're addicted to heroin? Natsuki I thought we talked about you taking care of yourself. You said you'd try. Trying does not involve selling your soul to the devil!"

Natsuki exhaled slowly as she tried to contain a small burst of laughter. She kept her face as stoic as possible. "Mai...It's called sarcasm. Look it up."

"Now you're just being mean." Mai pouted and crossed her arms. "I hope you know that you've hurt my feelings."

Natsuki rolled her eyes and chuckled before she remembered what they'd initially been talking about. The remembrance sobered her quickly and her laughter became a wry smile. "You did all that on purpose didn't you."

Even though it was clear that Natsuki's words were a statement rather than a question Mai responded with a nod of affirmation. "I was hoping it would make it all a little more bearable."

Natsuki sighed and gave her friend a pained smile. "It did Mai. It helped a lot. And don't start freaking or anything. I'm still here and I promise I'm not on the verge of going off the deep end or anything." She swung her legs off the side of the bed and stood. "Besides, it really helped me comes to terms with how things are. Shizuru and I aren't together anymore. She can be with whoever she wants. And I think there was a part of me that still wasn't really grasping that."

At Mai's look of confusion Natsuki elaborated. "I mean, I think a part of me was still frozen in wait or something. I was still expecting everything to stop and rewind or somehow things would work themselves out and Shizuru and I would go back to being what we were." She rolled her shoulders back and stretched as she tried to come up with the right words to express what was going through her head. "It's kind of like…I was grieving but I wasn't really accepting it. So yeah, seeing her with someone else hurt. More than I would have expected. But it was a beneficial pain. And now I can start again, but this time maybe I'll make more progress, maybe now I can start moving on?"

Mai's lips twitched into a smile as she stood and wrapped her arms around her friend. Her smile grew as the other woman shifted uncomfortably. "Well then, I'm glad to hear it. And if you need anything, just let me know. I mean really, I clearly have way too much time on my hands so you'd probably be saving a lot of people by occupying some of it."

"You mean I'd be saving them from false accusations of unlawful activities and shameful morals?" Natsuki rolled her eyes as the red head laughed. "Alright then, I'm going to start warning people that you've lost it."

Mai just laugh once more and shook her head as she released her friend and started for the kitchen. "Do you mind if I put on some coffee and scrounge up some breakfast? I haven't had time to get groceries so I haven't eaten yet this morning."

Natsuki rolled her eyes and began gathering some clothes to take into the washroom. "Fine by me. I'm going to take a shower alright?"

There was a clattering of metal and a grunt followed by a muttering about badly placed pans before Mai responded. "Got it. You have any preferences?"

"Anything you feel like is good by me." Just a Natsuki was about to enter the washroom she considered something. "Hey Mai?"

There was some banging and clattering once more. "Yeah?"

Natsuki made a mental note to worry about her kitchen later. "What exactly brought you here this morning?"

"Uhh…do you want the honest answer or the non-creepy one?"

Just as she was about to respond she heard the tap turn on and waited for the sound of rushing water to abate. "The honest one would be nice."

Mai appeared in the doorway, having already donned an apron that Natsuki didn't even know she had and waving the coffee pot she held in her hand. "I was lonely. And since I'm used to having someone around in the morning I figured I'd come over here and make you my stand-in."

Natsuki snorted. "Oh joy. Whatever then. I'm going to take my shower now. Have fun being all…domestic and such."

As Mai grinned and practically danced away Natsuki raised her eyes heaven-ward shook her head. Even while she was mentally bemoaning the fact that her best friend was most likely a lunatic, Natsuki couldn't help but feel a bit better. She may have lost the woman she loved but at least there was a bright side. No matter how shitty she felt, she could never feel completely alone. Not with someone like Mai around. With that thought lingering in her mind, Natsuki set about her day feeling the most okay she had in a while.

So I should definitely start with an apology. Thank you all for being so patient. I hadn't meant to take this long at all. It was just one thing after another. My girlfriend and I went on a trip, then the fall semester started, then we had a wedding to go to, and then all of my assignments came up and...yeah. Basically I've just been flooded with obligations. You have my sincerest apologies and a promise that the next chapter won't take as long. Though it will be a little bit. Early December at the latest since I have over five papers due in the next couple weeks.

And a big thank you to my girlfriend who used our three year anniversary to get me to finally throw this chapter up for you guys. Also for reading it over and giving me her opinions. Though any spelling mistakes or grammar errors are still my own.

On another note, this chapter isn't exactly my favorite. I had a fairly hard time with it so my apologies if it seems forced or boring. Either way, I hope you enjoy it.