To Have and Have-Not
Chapter 4.
By: PriyaLaLita.
Once inside the bar, a laid back Hell's Kitchen dive, a place Quinn and Drake had inhabited in their "younger days", Drake went to get the drinks, knowing he needed something to take the edge off.
"So, JJ, what have you been up to?" Quinn asked as JJ unwound his scarf from his throat.
"Working, mostly. It's been really crazy lately. We've both been maxed out on overtime for the past three weeks."
"Shit, that's rough."
He nodded and tugged at the hem of his sleeve. "It is, but, we've been making progress at least. Our clearance rate is stable at least. What are you working on this semester?" He asked, as Quinn smiled.
"Still working at NYU as an Assistant Professor, in the Physical Anthropology department. I'm hoping that by next year a spot in the CSHO will open to start some of my doctorate work."
"English, lovie." Ashima laughed quietly.
"Sorry, um, the Center for the Study of Human Origins. But, regardless, I'm having a great time, and Ashima is the consultant from the Museum of Natural History, so, it's very cool."
"It's incredibly interesting, I'm kind of jealous."
"I can't lie, it's really fucking cool," Quinn grinned happily, "But, I've been met with blank stares from most of the family since I learned to read."
"Are you calling me stupid?" Drake said, humorlessly, kicking the back of his chair, carrying a pitcher in one hand and a stack of plastic cups in the other.
"Not you, or Noah, for the matter, but Shawn? Jaime? Rob?" He laughed gently. "They still think that I'm some bizarre Indiana Jones rip-off."
"Oh my god, you mean you're not?" Drake asked with mock surprise, then snickered, sitting down next to JJ.
He poured out four beers and sat back.
"So, what are your plans for the Holidays, JJ? Are you heading back to Los Angeles to see your family?" Ashima asked as Drake frowned.
"JJ's working." He answered for him.
"Oh, how horrible." Ashima said with a little pout.
"I don't particularly mind. I don't feel like going back to L.A. and there are plenty of others who could use the day off."
--
Quinn cornered Drake again while Ashima distracted JJ on the other side of the bar, pouring another beer.
"You've been staring at him adoringly all night, Drakey." He said, as his brother winced. "Have you even thought about talking about dating? I mean, you two are dating without labels--"
"No."
"No, what?"
"No, it's just sex. It's not dating. There's no romance involved it's just sex."
"So, you're going to tell me you don't want more?"
"It's not about what I want."
"But you do want more." Quinn smiled. "You haven't even tried talking about it?"
"I tried."
"And how did you word things?" He asked as Drake glared at him.
"I said something like I like this, I like what we do, or something." He said, cheeks red as Quinn gave him a blank look.
"You're not even saying it to me and I want to fucking slap you."
"What? What?"
"Now, I know you're emotionally challenged, but, think about what you two currently do, and put that together with what you said."
"Just spit it out."
"You two just fuck, right?"
Drake nodded shyly. "He won't even let me kiss him..."
"I don't blame him." Quinn rolled his eyes. "So, you told him you like how things are."
"That's not what I meant..."
"But it's what you said."
"But…"
"Well, tell him what you meant."
"I...I can't."
"Why not?"
"Quinn...as much as I want to--"
"Oh, so you're going to be a pussy?" Quinn tipped back his beer easily. "You're attracted to him, you, dare I say, love him, and you're going to say you can't because you're what? Scared?"
"I want to get married, I want a family, I want to be a part of my family still..."
"What did mom say when I came back from England with Ashima?" He asked, propping himself up on his elbow. "Why couldn't you marry a nice white girl, right?" He said, answering his own question, continuing. "Right...Does it bother me? Yes, it does, but it wasn't enough to stop me."
"This is a little different."
"Yes and no. Tell me, are you going to be able to keep up like this?"
"Of course we can--"
"Maybe. But are you willing to gamble that? You might be wrong." Quinn asked, looking out at JJ chatting with his wife across the room. "Marriage is a state of mind, and adoption isn't out of the question, you know."
Drake sighed and rested his forehead on his arms. "I can't tell him..."
"Yes, you can." He smiled and watched him lift his head, then punched him heartily in the arm. "Don't be a pussy." He looked away and grinned at his wife, who was approaching with JJ.
"Quinn, it's getting late, the babysitter needs us home by midnight." She said sadly, as they nodded.
"Ash, let's go pay the tab..."
"Um, hey, I'm gonna walk JJ to the subway, I'll meet you back here in like 15 minutes?"
"Oh, you don't have to walk me, it's fine."
"Nah, it's alright." He smiled at him and handed him his coat. "I want to."
"Okay..." He slipped into his coat, and wound his scarf around his neck.
JJ said his goodbyes, thanking them for the drinks and the company.
"Have a wonderful Holiday, JJ, even if you are working." Ashima said, kissing his cheek as she hugged him.
"Thank you, you too!" He smiled, and moved to Quinn.
"Be good, JJ, see you soon, alright?" He grinned and hugged him tight.
"Of course, be well."
Quinn shot Drake a look while JJ's back was turned, the two heading for the door, a silent warning to not chicken out.
-
Drake anxiously puffed on a Newport as they walked, his stomach fluttering around. He hunched into his jacket, frowning a little. It had started to snow, tiny flurries floating around in the chilly breeze. JJ's teeth were chattering loud enough for him to hear. He slowed down as they approached the steps leading down to the subway.
"Thanks for walking me." JJ said, with a slight smile. "Have a good time at your mom's."
"No problem, and I'll try."
"Drive safe." JJ added, arms crossed over his chest to try and hold his warmth in.
"Yeah, thanks..." He watched JJ smile again and turn to head down the steps. "Jem, wait."
JJ stopped, sidestepping a group of young women heading down. Drake took his arm and guided him to a spot along the wall of a building, out of the flow of the foot traffic.
"Jem, we need to talk." He cleared his throat nervously and rubbed his bare hands together trying to fend off the cold.
"What?" JJ said after a moment, shooting him a funny look.
"Um, okay...just listen to me okay, because I know this is going to come out funny."
"Okay?"
"What...are we doing?"
"Standing here freezing our asses off?" He answered, teeth chattering.
"JJ, seriously. I mean...us." He huffed, and shook his head. "I mean this has been great, really, really great, but..."
"Oh." JJ said simply, nodding slowly, leaning against the wall. "Don't worry, I get you, it was a really bad idea." He shrugged, looking down at his boots.
"Yeah—wait, no." Drake shook his head again and stepped closer to avoid a passerby. "No, JJ...I know that we agreed that this was just sex, but I've really been thinking and I know you probably don't feel the same but...I want more."
"What?"
"I won't lie that I'm petrified about what it means, but I want more, I want to..."
Suddenly, JJ laughed, covering his mouth with his gloved hand.
"What?"
"You thought that I don't feel the same?"
"Well, I know how you won't let me touch you half the times--"
"I just thought it was habit...I didn't think you were serious." He grabbed Drake's hands, tucking them in the pockets of his Pea-Coat.
"Of course I'm serious." He sighed and huddled closer, touching his forehead to JJ's. "I'm sorry...you know I'm...what did Quinn say? Emotionally Challenged?"
"Very." He smiled and placed a gentle kiss on his lips as Drake's hands left the warmth of JJ's pockets and cupped his cheeks. He could feel JJ shiver at his touch, and couldn't quite tell if it was the cold or not.
"God...I've never been this happy and freaked at the same time, I never expected this to happen..."
"You didn't?"
"No. Wanted it to, but, wasn't sure it ever would..." He grinned and nuzzled his temple. "If you haven't already given away your time off...I'd love it if...if you'd..."
"Yeah?" He nudged him gently, wrapping his arms around his neck.
"I'd like you to come spend Christmas with me and my family—I know it's not your thing, and you hate Christmas, but, it just won't be the same without you there."
"So...is this your big coming out plan?"
"I don't know...I'm going to play it by ear..."
"Drake, I'm not sure...your mom, and a few of your brothers already don't like me too much, and it's so soon...I need to think about it."
"Of course...I understand." He smiled and gave him another kiss. "I just wanted to extend the offer, no pressure, or anything."
"Thank you." He buried his face into Drake's neck and inhaled the mingled smells—ivory soap, a dim hint of cologne, cigarette smoke, and the leather of his Bomber Jacket, all tangled with the delicious scent of his skin.
"Fuck...what time is it?" He asked, lips brushing JJ's ear, letting go of his lover only enough to let him fumble for his phone in his pocket.
"Mmm...11:30." He mumbled as Drake rattled off another string of curses.
"I gotta head back...God, I don't want to go..."
"Sorry," JJ said, pouting a little as his leather gloved hand brushed his cheek. "You have to, though, you've skipped going to your Mom's for like three weeks now..."
"I had a good reason." He grinned and leaned in for one last kiss. "A very good reason."
"One of the weeks, sure." JJ smirked and disengaged, letting his hands fall to his side. "Alright, enough stalling...drive safe, and call me tomorrow."
"Nope." He shook his head, a playful smile on his lips as he walked him back to the entrance of the subway. "I'll just stop in on my way back into the city."
"Even better." JJ laughed quietly and kissed his cheek. "See you tomorrow then...now, scram, before you lose Quinn and Ashima a babysitter."
--
Drake couldn't wipe the grin off his face as he made his way back to the bar, puffing on another cigarette. It was everything he could do to not turn back and follow JJ home. The menthol tingled on his lips as he walked, weaving in and out of the various people enjoying New York City's nightlife. He rounded the corner quickly and stabbed out the butt in the ashtray by the door to the bar.
He cleared his throat and pressed his lips together, heading in. Quinn was sitting at their table, finishing off the last of the pitcher, Ashima sitting at his side, her slender hands tapping the back of the chair anxiously, watching the door.
Her face lit up when she saw him. "Drake! Well?! What did he say?!"
Drake watched Quinn twist and look over his shoulder, smiling. "Don't trust that face, he's fucking faking us." He nudged his wife affectionately with his knee. "Did you really think JJ would say no? We Parker men are irresistible." He laughed loudly as Drake smirked.
"Oh, Drake…" Ashima got up and hugged him. "I'm so happy for you."
"Shit, Ash it's nothing." He said, trying for a bashful look, which turned out funny seeing as there was a goofy grin on his face.
--
Quinn turned the key in the lock and pushed open the door to their apartment.
"Mama! Daddy!" Came the happy squeals and patter of bare feet, then an excited gasp. "Uncle Drake!"
Quinn opened his arms, ready for a hug, frowning as a tiny blur sped past him and tackled Drake's legs. "Sheesh, what am I? Chopped Liver?" He asked as Drake scooped her up and hugged her tight.
"Hey, Peanut, I missed you!" He gave her a big smooch on the top of her head and listened to her babble.
"Sorry, Mrs. Parker, she just wouldn't go to bed."
"That's okay, Jayne, I had a feeling she wouldn't."
-
Drake looked down at his niece, sleeping peacefully, thumb in her mouth, and he couldn't help but smile.
"All afternoon, she kept asking when you'd be here." Quinn said quietly. "I knew she was going to stay up."
Drake carefully transferred her over to his brother, getting a grin.
"You're such a softie, you know." Quinn said as Drake scoffed.
"What are you talking about?"
Quinn rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Never mind. You know, you just won't admit it."
"Whatever." He said, shoving his hands in his pockets, looking away as Quinn went to put Dhani to bed.
He wandered to Quinn's office to help Ashima set up the futon.
"She sleeping?" Ashima asked, slipping a pillow into the pillowcase.
"Yep. Can I help?"
"Nope." She smiled. "All done." She sat on the side of the bed and patted the space beside her. "So? Details!" She said as Drake sat with a shrug.
"He thought I wasn't serious, I thought he wasn't serious…so basically we were just wasting our time, well, not I wasting, but, you know."
"How romantic." She smiled, and he lay back across the bed, the top of his head brushing the wall.
"I invited him to come to our Mom's for Christmas."
"What did he say?" She asked, pulling her feet up under her.
"He said he'd think about it. I'm not sure why I asked him…I mean, I know why…but…"
"You're not sure if you're ready?" He nodded and sighed as she gave his hand a comforting squeeze. "You'll know…you've still got another week or so. Just tell Sheila that he's like on call, and you're not sure if he can make it. Regardless of your relationship you're not the type to let him spend the Holidays alone, Drake."
"What if she says no?"
"She won't."
"Ash, she already doesn't like him."
"She's met him twice, it took her half a dozen times before she would even talk to me."
"Yes, but whether we keep this quiet or not it looks bad. Me, bringing my gay partner home for the holidays? It sounds like a movie plot."
"Then write the screenplay and get rich, love. You've brought him along with you enough times to make it somewhat common."
"Yes, but my mother has been on the warpath lately, I swear, I had ten voicemails in the past few weeks with various attempted blind dates. All her friends from Church's divorced daughters, and other chronically single volunteers." He frowned at Ashima who couldn't help but laugh. "I go through life under my mother's radar for 20 years, and but by the time I hit 25 I'd turned into the family Charity Case. Poor Drake, he's so unloved, now it's time to give a shit, it drives me up the wall." He groaned as she sighed.
"At least she cares; she wants you to be happy, Drake."
"I know…but she's going to stroke out when she learns about me and JJ."
"If she didn't when Quinn and I eloped she'll live through you."
"Yeah, well, Quinn's her favorite, he could do anything and still be an angel in her eyes." He smiled at her and sighed. "I'm just waiting for the fire and brimstone speech…"
"Drake…I don't know what to say, love, but you know Quinn and I love you no matter what." She smiled and kissed his cheek. "Now, go to sleep, you're going to wear yourself out with all this worrying."
"Alright…thanks for letting me spend the night."
"Anytime, you know that."
(to be continued).
Another long chapter…. Soooorrrry. Not really, but :P FLUFF. *coughs* yes. Fluff. Thank you for the well wishes as too, I am feeling almost human again. Enjoy. xoxo PriyaLalita.