May's Awesomely Youthful and Stupendously Unique Expedition
Story Written by Freedom Fighter
Maybe I'm lucky I started with a blanket PG-13 rating. This is starting to get dodgy...
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters portrayed in this fanfic. They all belong to Nintendo and Pokémon USA.
Chapter Three (03.15.07)
Whiscash Pond
"It's about time you arrived! I was beginning to think you hadn't survived!"
May and Bulbasaur were standing in front of Whiscash Pond. There, Whiscash, the town sage, was in the midst of officially greeting them.
"Ah, welcome, Torchic! You peck with an ounce of flight! You orange chicken!"
"Huh?" May asked, confused.
"And you, Bulbasaur! With your leech seed and vine whip! A new job, I see!"
"Yep!" Bulbasaur replied. "I'm part of Rescue Team Chic now!"
"Wait a minute!" May exclaimed. "You understand what he's saying?"
"Oh we officially welcome you, yes! They call me Whiscash, fave food is the yam! Half the fun is figuring who I am! It is too bad you only get one guess!"
"Um... the town sage?"
"May guesses that you're the town sage! Whiscash, for the grand prize, is... that... your... IDENTITY?"
May stepped back in surprise as tense music started playing and several spotlights whooshed around Whiscash, despite the fact that they were in an open space in the middle of the day! After a few seconds, the music stopped, the spotlights froze on Whiscash, and tense silence gripped the pond and its inhabitants.
"I cannot tell a lie! I'm a poet... and a town sage, by and by!"
May screamed with happiness. "Sweet! I got it right! So, what do I win?"
Whiscash opened his mouth wide in order to reveal May's prize. There, on his large tongue, rested a freshly minted...
"Rescue Team Badge!" Bulbasaur said, grabbing and bringing it over to May.
May facefaulted.
"Don't I already have one of those? Oh, wait... YOU MEAN I'VE BEEN DOING RESCUE MISSIONS WITHOUT ONE?"
"Blame the bureaucratic red tape," Bulbasaur said. "You already got your 'Being a Rescue Team for Dummies and Humans Who Have Been Turned into Pokémon' kit a few days ago, so you're alright."
"Well, at least it's the official badge for an official Rescue Team on the official order of the official town sage, Whiscash."
Bulbasaur nodded. "It's official."
"Wait, why are we referencing lines from the first season of the anime dub?"
"It's called filling time because the producer couldn't come up with a good joke for this moment. So STOP ASKING QUESTIONS ALREADY!"
"Fine, fine."
May then turned to Whiscash and bowed before him.
"Thank you very much! I promise to uphold the ideals and expectations thrust upon me, as leader of a Pokémon Rescue Team! I will fight for truth, justice, and the Torchic way!"
Whiscash nodded in agreement, then raised his huge tail fin in the air. May and Bulbasaur watched as he dropped it back down in a snap, causing a huge Earthquake that broke the ground beneath them, sending them flying through the air, backwards and away from each other.
"What's going on?" May shouted.
"The next scene takes place tomorrow, so we have to fall asleep first," Bulbasaur told her. "And Whiscash is helping with that!"
May hit the ground head first, knocking her out instantly.
"Nighty night..." she muttered as she lost consciousness and landed flat on her belly.
"May..."
Nothing.
"May..."
Again, nothing.
"Oh, well. Looks like I'll have to punish you..."
The ground began to shake, as if another Earthquake was starting...
Next morning, Team Chic Headquarters...
"Gak!" May shouted as she awakened after her dream's abrupt end. "Wait... what do you mean by that? Mysterious Dream Voice? Answer me, please!"
"May?" someone yelled from outside.
"Is it... really you? The Mysterious Dream Voice?"
"No... it's the Voice of your Rescue Team Partner, who's been waiting for hours for you to get up! Get out here... we've got a client!"
"A... client?"
"Everyone loved me so much last time that I had to come back for a repeat performance!" Caterpie smiled as she wrapped her body around May's entire left leg.
"If I find the fanboy who thought Kelly should be smitten with me..." May growled as she clenched her right wing.
"But enough about you and me!" Caterpie said as she crawled away to a safe distance... to May's relief. "You did such a great job rescuing me for my Mom, so now I wanna hire you to rescue a friend of mine."
"A... friend?"
"It's Metapod. She went out to Sinister Woods to pick some Blast Seeds for an excursion we're going on next week. Problem is... that was two days ago."
"And she hasn't come back, huh?" May deduced, rubbing her chin as she began to think. "I guess it's up to Team Chic to find her and bring her home!"
Caterpie squealed as she embraced May in a hug... around her leg. "I knew you'd do it!"
"Like I said before, I like you, BUT NOT THAT MUCH!"
"Aww, hon, but I do!" exclaimed a strange voice.
May then heard a rattling sound behind her. She, Bulbasaur, and Caterpie turned towards the mailbox, where a Medicham was using telekinesis to pull all of Team Chic's mail out, while an Ekans grabbed it all with her tail.
"Hey! That's our Pelipper Post Office mail!"
"Ha ha ha ha!" the two laughed. "Prepare for trouble and make it double, Rescue Team style!"
"An evil as old as the galaxy..." began Ekans.
"Sent here to fulfill our destiny!" finished Medicham.
Out of nowhere, a Gengar appeared, hitting both Ekans and Medicham in the back of the head with his feet as he landed in front of them.
"What are you doing?" Gengar chided them. "We don't have a motto! We're too fabulous for that!"
"But how will people know who we are?" asked Ekans.
"Our motto is our passport to the world!" exclaimed Medicham.
"Like I said... only losers have mottoes."
"WHAT?" the two of them yelled.
"People who spout out truths about what they believe in and such every single time they show up are the worst kind! It's just an excuse to give them more screen time without objection! I mean, how would you like it if I rambled on and on for minutes at a time?"
"Like... like you're doing now?" pointed out Medicham.
"Yes! Now you're getting it!"
"Ahem," May coughed. "Excuse me, Harley AND Team Rocket! We don't have time for you today!"
"Who now?" Bulbasaur and Caterpie both asked.
"Today's the perfect time..." Ekans stated.
"To capture your... mail!" Medicham snickered. "Ha! Thought I was gonna say Pikachu, didn't ya?"
"This fanfic's been treating you like a goddess so far!" Gengar stated aloud. "Therefore, I must enter the story to make sure you get screwed!"
"Ahhhh!" May screamed. "I'm gonna get screwed! By Harley!"
"Psst..." Ekans whispered to Gengar. "It's 'screwed over.' Not 'screwed.'"
"Are you sure?" Gengar asked as he pulled out his script for this chapter. "You see... right here, my last word is 'screwed.'"
"Don't you see that there's an 'over' there?"
"Over? But doesn't that mean 'over' as in 'turn to the next page?'"
"No, it means 'over' as in OVER! SCREWED OVER!"
"Like May and her boy-toys did to you on a daily basis?"
Medicham sighed. "That's not the type of screwing I like..."
Gengar, Ekans, and Medicham then glanced over at where May, Bulbasaur, and Caterpie were standing. Only... only Caterpie was standing there alone now.
"What happened to the tart and the drip?" Gengar asked.
"If you mean May and Bulbasaur," Caterpie said, pointing out of the village, "then they left for Sinister Woods already!"
"What?"
"I'm still holding their mail hostage!" Ekans exclaimed.
"And I'm still holding three years of grief and anguish that I want those brats to feel!" yelled Medicham. "All night long!"
"We can beat them to that Metapod if we take a shortcut!" smirked Gengar.
The trio then ran off towards Sinister Woods, leaving Caterpie and an abandoned pile of mail standing guard at Team Chic's base.
"If they expect me to pay babysitting charges, they have another thing coming!"
Sinister Woods 2F
"This is gonna be easy!" May claimed. "Sudowoodo that don't move, Swinub and Oddish that are pretty much useless... this is a piece of cake!"
"I hope you're right," Bulbasaur stated with doubt.
Sinister Woods 6F
May had become paralyzed thanks to Stun Spore, as she watched Bulbasaur do his best to fight off a grouping of Shroomish.
"Being paralyzed... isn't that... bad! I... mean... it could be worse..."
"I hope you're right," Bulbasaur said again, using Tackle on one of the Shroomish.
Sinister Woods 11F
"I'm... strong..." May quivered, paralyzed once again, but still having enough strength to dodge Scyther's Quick Attack. "I... can... do... this..."
Exeggutor had put Bulbasaur to sleep using Hypnosis, and it and Shroomish were closing in on him.
"Zzzzzzzzzzz..."
"It really can't get..."
Sinister Woods 12F
More Shroomish and Exeggutor were closing in on May, as Bulbasaur had just succumbed to a Leech Seed, dropping dead before May's eyes.
"Reviver Seed, Reviver Seed," May panicked as she searched through her item kit. "WHERE'S MY REVIVER SEED?"
Sinister Woods 13F
May and Bulbasaur, having been brought back to life, were panting heavily as they stood in an empty meadow.
"May... are you sure... this is the right... floor?"
"I..." May began to cry, "I just wanna go home!"
"I can help with that! No ruby red shoes required!"
Gengar, Ekans, and Medicham appeared before May and Bulbasaur, smiling as they observed the state of our heroes.
"Such amateurs! Why that Caterpie asked you to help, I'll never know."
"How did you beat us up here?" May asked.
"Plot device, dearie! PLOT DE-VICEEEEEEEEE!"
"How's this for a plot device?" Bulbasaur shouted as he plucked a batch of Gravelrock from the Rescue Kit and started pelting the trio with them.
"EEEEEE!" Medicham screamed. "I'm only insured for being pelted by rotten tomatoes!"
"Knock it off, you lover of fruit!" Ekans shot back.
After a couple of hits, Ekans and Medicham retreated from the battle, leaving Gengar alone to face May and Bulbasaur.
"Forget those two... I can handle you by myself! And that's a promise, my sweet little cucumber!"
As Gengar closed in on May, her Torchic body started to glow a bright orange. Bulbasaur gasped in amazement.
"You must be learning a new attack!" guessed Bulbasaur.
A small ball of fire launched itself from May's mouth, landing right in the center of Gengar's face. In an instant, Gengar's head lit up like a torch, and he started running in circles around the meadow, screaming. May looked up and saw the number '10' flashing over her head.
"That must mean I just got to Level 10!" May remembered, then gasping with glee. "And at Level 10, Torchic... I mean, I, learn Ember! Which also has a slight chance of burning whomever the attack is used on!"
"You're tellin' me, hon!" Gengar screamed.
Gengar was trying his best to put the fire out, but his short little hands weren't helping. May smirked as she came up with an idea.
"You know there's a way you can put him out of his misery," she said coyly to Bulbasaur.
Quickly getting the idea, Bulbasaur nodded and fired Leech Seed. The seed planted itself in Gengar's head, instantly putting out the fire... to his relief. That is, before the seed exploded vines, wrapping Gengar in an inescapable cocoon that sucked the life out of him.
"Doyyyyyyy..." Gengar muttered as he lost consciousness.
"WE DID IT!" May and Bulbasaur shouted, joyfully.
Near sunset, Team Chic Headquarters
A few hours later, May and Bulbasaur returned home with the newly rescued Metapod, to the jubilation of Caterpie.
"Thank goodness! I thought Team Meanies would beat you guys up there!"
"Team Meanies?" May wondered out loud. "Who's that?"
"The guys you were calling Harley and Team Rocket," Bulbasaur told her. "They're well known around these parts. But I guess you didn't know that."
"YOU GUYS DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING!"
"Metapod!" Metapod said. "Metapod metapod, Metapod!"
"That's right!" Bulbasaur and Caterpie nodded in understanding.
"AND HOW COME NOBODY TOLD ME ERICA COULD ONLY SPEAK POKEMON?"
"She asked for the immortal sin," Caterpie told May. "She asked for a pay raise."
"BUT THIS IS A NON-PROFIT PROJECT!"
"At least she didn't end up like that girl from 'Heroes.'"
"Meta!" Metapod bobbed in agreement.
"I'VE GOT AN IDEA!"
"May," Bulbasaur shook his head, "why are you shouting every line now? Is your volume control on the fritz or somethin'?"
"I HAVE NO IDEA, BUT KELLY GAVE ME A GREAT IDEA! WE SHOULD FORM OUR OWN TEAM OF HEROES!"
"Yes!" Caterpie nodded. "We shall call ourselves 'The Gals!'"
"'THE GALS!'"
"'Metapod!'"
The three girls raised their wing/tail/nothing into the air, therefore sealing their decree as official! Suddenly, out of the blue, Bulbasaur used Leech Seed on all three of them, sucking all of their remaining HP out for his own gain and wrapping their bodies in vines.
"Sorry, but the writers said we need to keep the story moving. And that we needed fanservice. Oh, and that name's copyrighted, too..."
The next morning, Whiscash Pond
May and Bulbasaur were standing in front of Whiscash, with Caterpie, Metapod, and Jumpluff off to the side, watching everything unfold.
"Stop skipping missions!" Whiscash berated May and Bulbasaur. "It's not good to skip... missions!"
"Wow... that's the worst rhyme ever, Professor Oak!" May shot back.
"You expected him to keep it up forever?" added Bulbasaur.
"You should talk! At that retort, I balk!"
"I refuse to be a part of this ode and nod!" stated Caterpie.
"Metapod pod, meta meta, metapod!" recited Metapod.
"I wanted you two to save my friend, Jumpluff," the Jumpluff there told May and Bulbasaur.
"Let's see... I think you sound like Max's classmate, Timmy. Don't ask me how I know... I think him and that girl that were supposed to be the Jumpluff got cut out of that scene."
"That's why I called on Shiftry to save her! Her and her team, Team Shiftry... I paid them to save Jigglypuff."
"And let me guess... they didn't come back and now you want us to save them?"
"No. I just feel better telling you what you missed out on."
"Whiscash told me Team Alakazam was there too," Bulbasaur told May. "They were on an unrelated mission in the same area..."
Silent Chasm B9F
Team Shiftry, which consisted of Shiftry and two Nuzleaf, were about to successfully rescue Jumpluff when Team Alakazam, made up of Alakazam, Charizard, and Tyranitar, arrived on the scene.
"Never fear!" Tyranitar spouted. "A battle of intense proportions is always guaranteed when we're about."
"Because we believe in giving every rescue mission and every battle everything we've got!" proclaimed Charizard.
"Now stop whining and bring your A-game... because Team Alakazam is here to save the day!" wrapped up Alakazam, the Team Leader.
"Hey hey!" objected Shiftry. "This is my team's gig, so back off!"
All of a sudden, Zapdos swooped down and grabbed Shiftry, to everyone's surprise.
"Lemme go, lemme go, LEMME GO!" screeched Shiftry.
Zapdos flew towards Mt. Thunder, presumably in the direction of her nest. Shiftry's teammates responded to the situation by grabbing their rescuee, Jumpluff, and getting out of there. Team Alakazam glanced at each other and nodded in realization of what their next mission should be.
"And so, Team Alakazam's heading towards Mt. Thunder to rescue Shiftry from Zapdos!" Bulbasaur concluded.
He then snapped out of his information session and noted that May was standing in front of a clean markerboard. As Caterpie, Metapod, and Jumpluff looked on, May wrote down the names Alakazam, Charizard, Tyranitar, and Shiftry on one side. Then, on the other, she put Brandon, Brianna, Nolan, and Tucker. She then began drawing lines, connecting the Pokémon to their true identities, spouting them out as she did.
"Brandon is Alakazam, Nolan is Charizard, and Tucker is Tyranitar, which leaves Brianna to be Shiftry!"
"Is that your... FINAL ANSWER?" asked Caterpie.
"Uh... what is Yes?"
"THAT'S CORRECT!" cheered Caterpie, Metapod, and Jumpluff.
"YOU'RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION!" Bulbasaur yelled at all of them.
"Chill out," gelled May. "You were going to say that we, Team Chic, should go up there as well. As back-up. In case they need it. But since they're the great Team Alakazam, they probably won't."
"So it's settled then?"
May nodded. "Yep! On to Mt. Thunder!"
Mt. Thunder 1F
"You know, we nearly got trashed in our last mission!" warned Bulbasaur. "What makes you think this time'll be different?"
May grinned from ear to ear. "This time, we're prepared! I spent all our Poké filling our supply kit to the brim! Reviver Seeds, Gravelrock, Cheri Berries, and Apples!"
"Apples?"
"I'm a growing girl, silly! I gotta keep my strength up!"
"One other question... should you really be carrying all of it by yourself?"
Sure enough, May had a full sack on her back, and her tiny legs were about to buckle under all of that extra weight.
"NOW YOU TELL ME!"
Mt. Thunder 4F
"Take that!"
May fired Ember off of at Cacnea. With a type advantage, May took care off the cactus-like Pokémon with two well-placed hits.
"I'm surprised this isn't getting any tougher."
"Shut up!" chided Bulbasaur. "You don't know when to keep your mouth shut, do you?"
Bulbasaur looked ahead and saw an Electrike walking towards them. Bulbasaur smiled.
"Heh heh... this one's mine. Easy win."
Mt. Thunder 7F
"What's going on with these mountain passages?" May asked as she and Bulbasaur strolled along. "It's like they never end!"
"Well, I did hear that the paths here tend to wind around a lot."
Then, unexpectedly, the two Pokémon began to hear buzzing in the air.
"What's that sound?" Bulbasaur asked.
"Every Pokémon in the world knows that sound!" May shouted. "It's the sound they all fear!"
"The call of a female Donphan during mating season?"
"That's nothing to fear unless you're standing next to one. No, what I mean is..."
May's answer appeared right before their very eyes. It was a swarm of Beedrill.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"
May and Bulbasaur sprinted as fast as they could in the opposite direction.
"We could use an electric Pokémon right about now!" wished Bulbasaur.
"I thought we established that Pikachu wasn't..."
May's sentence was cut short when she ran right smack into a wall and fell backwards onto Bulbasaur in the process.
"May... I'm about to say five words you're gonna hate me for!"
"Go ahead," May sighed, her back lying on top of Bulbasaur's bulb.
"You need... to lose weight!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
The Beedrill closed in May and Bulbasaur, their deaths apparently imminent.
"Deaths?" Bulbasaur jumped. "No deaths... we got Reviver Seeds, remember?"
May, on the other hand, had already called it a day.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! I just wish I was home right now, sucking on something fat and juicy!"
Mt. Thunder Peak 3F
Speaking of sucking on something fat and juicy...
"I hope you don't mind," Zapdos said aloud. "I like ma dinner with some flavoring."
Zapdos took a small jar of honey mustard sauce and dumped it on top of Shiftry's head. Shiftry couldn't do anything to keep it from dripping down her face and her body... especially since she was tied to a wooden post and an apple had been lodged in her mouth.
And a thunderstorm was moving in from the west.
"I know they say fried foods aren't good for the heart... but, y'all know I just can't help myself!"
Zapdos then laughed as maniacally as she could. But given her usually friendly nature, she found it tough to pull off.
"Say... can we run that take again?" Zapdos asked. "This role is kind of a stretch for me. I'm not evil. Or Southern. No? Sigh... well, at least I have a lot to fall back on..."
To be continued...
Character Guide, Part Three: More fun with peoples! Have you been keeping your scorecard handy? Any surprises yet? Let's review, shall we (listed in order of appearance)...
Professor Oak as Whiscash
Harley as Gengar
Jessie as Ekans
James as Medicham
Erica as Caterpie
Timmy (Verdanturf Coordinator, "Disaster of Disguise") as Jumpluff
Dome Superstar Tucker as Tyranitar
Factory Head Nolan as Charizard
Pyramid King Brandon as Alakazam
Brianna as Shiftry
? as Zapdos
Have you already figured out who Zapdos is? The clues are there... can you pick out who she is before it's revealed next chapter?