"Bart, why are you spying on the Flanderses?" Lisa walked up to her brother, who was in his bedroom, his telescope pointed towards their neighbors' house. "That's creepy!"
"I'm checking on Mrs. K."
"That's even creepier!"
Bart sighed and turned to face his sister. "She's been through a lot, okay? I'm worried about her."
"My teacher has been through a lot, too, but you don't see me spying on her!"
"Your teacher doesn't live next door."
"That doesn't give you a right to spy! Mrs. Krabappel is happily married now. She's fine!"
"That's where you're wrong, Lis. I've seen the old girl crying. Something is wrong." He wheeled back around and peered again through his telescope. "Huh? What's this?" He zoomed in, getting a closer look, noticing Edna's left hand was bare. "Aye caramba! Where's her wedding ring?!"
"Oh my gosh!" Lisa gasped.
He saw Edna realize it was missing, and she started to panic.
"If Flanders sees her without her ring, he'll freak out!"
"Where could it be?" Lisa wondered aloud.
Bart had been in deep thought. "I have a hunch. I'm going to Skinner's."
"Why would it be at Principal Skinner's?" Lisa raised her eyes.
"I'm not sure. I just have a hunch he has something to do with it. He's been happier the last few days, and why would that be? His mother just died." He had been rummaging in his closet and turned around, wearing all black, complete with a mask.
"What's with the get up?" Lisa scratched her head.
"Dramatic effect," Bart shrugged. He climbed out his window with his skateboard and made his way to the Skinner house.
He let himself in the unlocked front door and began snooping. He noted how clean the place looked, and he thought there was no way Skinner had been keeping his house so clean. Didn't his mother do everything for him? At the least, she made him do it for her, but she wasn't around anymore.
Ah ha! Bart spotted the ring on Seymour's coffee table.
"Just what is the meaning of this?!"
Bart turned to see Skinner already in his pajamas. "Hey, Skin-rash."
"Bart Simpson, just what do you think you are doing?"
"Saving your hide," he replied, holding up Edna's ring.
"She left that here?" Seymour asked quietly.
"So I was right. She was here. Look, buddy, I don't know what's going on, but this here ring belongs on someone's finger, and I know a certain someone who could rip you apart before you can say 'diddly.'"
"Ned Flanders?"
"Good job, Sherlock. You may think Ned would not be capable of such a feat, but I wouldn't underestimate him. He got mad enough when Homer looked down Maude's dress. He got even madder when his parents took a liking to my dad; he punched him. You heard me, Seymour. Punched him. I think you know what the possibilities are here."
"Then don't tell him. Lie. I know you can lie."
"What's in it for me?" Bart turned around and smiled smugly.
"Anything," Seymour sighed, defeated. He sat on the couch with his head in his hands. "It would hurt Edna, too. I can't have that."
"Hm . . . Get rid of this month's detention for me."
Seymour looked up. "That's all?"
"And I want two helpings of dessert for a month."
Seymour grumbled. "Fine; done."
Bart grinned. "It was a pleasure doing business with you, sir!"
He pulled off his outer layer of clothes and rode as fast as he could to the Flanderses. If he was lucky, maybe he could dodge Ned altogether. However, when he arrived, he found Ned already there. He ran to the window and peered inside to see Ned looking disappointed and Edna apologetic.
"I don't know what could have happened," she was saying. "I must have taken it off to wash my hands and left it on the sink!"
"This is awfully forgetful of you, Edna. Not only did that ring cost me a pretty penny, it's an important symbol of our marriage!"
Yikes! Bart thought, figuring now was the time to interrupt. He rang the doorbell. Ned answered. "What can I diddly do for you, Bart?"
"It's not what you can do for me, but what I can do for you." He held out his palm with Edna's ring.
"Wh-what? How?"
"Uh . . ." Think fast, Bart! "Some girl found it in the bathroom and gave it to me to give to Edna."
"How did they know it was her ring?" Ned raised his eyes.
"She's the only married woman on campus," Bart shrugged.
"And why did you wait until now to give it to her?"
"Uh, I had a dentist appointment!"
Ned nodded. "Very well. Thank you, Bart."
Edna peered from behind Ned, mouthing her gratitude to Bart. He smiled to her and then scampered back home.
Edna was not sure how Bart had been able to retrieve her ring or even how he knew it had been missing, unless of course he had been spying on her again. The thought made her shudder. But she needed to repay him, nonetheless.
The next day after class, she stopped him. "Oh, Bart!"
"Yes?" He stopped walking and turned to her.
"I don't know how you did it, but thank you." She held up her left hand. "You saved me. I want to repay you."
"Oh? How 'bout giving me an A on my math test?"
Edna flipped through the test papers, found Bart's, and instantly wrote a 100 on it. "Done!"
Once Bart had left, Edna lit up a cigarette and leaned back in her chair with a sigh.
"Hello, Edna." Principal Skinner walked in.
"Hello, Seymour."
"I, uh, see you got your ring back!" Edna merely nodded, waving her left hand. There was a silence in which Seymour stood admiring Edna as she had her smoke. "You know, I think you've only gotten more beautiful since we were together . . . "He walked over closer and spoke low into her ear, "How about we go into the janitor's closet for old time's sake?"
Edna felt chills go through her, and she shut her eyes tight. "No."
"Alright, we can wait until you bring my dinner over."
"No," she repeated, standing up.
"You're . . . not coming over?"
"Look, Seymour, whatever happened between us never happened."
"What will I do about dinner?" Seymour blinked.
"You are a grown man," she said, getting slightly irritated. "There are decent, cheap, microwave dinners at the grocery store. I lived off of them for years; now you can do the same. Unlike you, I have a family to tend to, and I can't keep coming over and playing 'mommy.' I have my own kids."
"I think you were doing more than playing 'mommy'," he said, making light of the situation.
Edna held up a hand and said nothing more as she packed up to leave.
"Mom, we're ready to leave," Rod said, coming in her classroom with his brother. He stared at Principal Skinner with his arms crossed.
"Alright, boys," Edna put out her cigarette. "I'm ready, too."
As she walked away with her stepchildren, she felt a tight feeling in her chest. She knew she had done the right thing. She could not keep being unfaithful to Ned. But it still hurt her. It was like she was reliving their wedding day all over again. She had not ever wanted to leave, but she knew she had to.
Seymour watched her leave with a sigh. You've lost her again. You weren't even supposed to have her this time, but you did for that short while.
"Damn you, woman. Why must you torment me so? With your tauntingly beautiful body, your infectious laugh, your 'I love you,' 'I love you not's. Well, mark my words—Seymour Skinner has had it!" He threw down what he thought was his hat, only to realize he did not wear a hat. He felt the top of his balding head, embarrassed.
"Ha ha! You're bald!" Nelson Muntz pointed from the hallway.
"Detention, young man!" Seymour picked up his toupee and fit it back on his head. He sat down in a student's desk and put his head in his hands. I really am a loser. How do I do this on my own? Why couldn't Mother have outlived me? I would do anything to take her place right now.
That night at the Flanderses, Ned was tossing and turning, unable to sleep. His tossing was keeping Edna awake. "Ned, what's wrong?"
Ned sat up with a sigh. "I can't sleep because something is wrong with our marriage," he replied, bluntly.
"What do you mean?"
"Something's been troubling you for months, whatever it may be, and the next thing I know, your wedding ring just mysteriously disappears!"
Edna frowned. "Bart told you what happened, and you believed him."
"Well, I lied."
"Lies make baby Jesus cry, Ned," she reminded him gently.
"I don't care about baby Jesus!" Ned said without thinking. His eyes widened, and he looked up, apologizing. "I didn't mean that!" He then turned back to Edna. "We're going to work everything out, though. I scheduled us a marriage counseling appointment."
"You whatI?!" Edna's eyes widened. "You didn't consult with me first!"
"Well I knew you wouldn't take it lightly . . ."
"Ned, I don't like marriage counselors," she said firmly.
Ned's expression softened. "I know, darlin', but . . ." he chuckled a little. "I'm not going to run off with the counselor. It's just Reverend Lovejoy!"
"Of course it is," Edna muttered.
"What was that supposed to mean?"
"Never mind, dear. Goodnight," she turned on her side and shut her eyes, and Ned wondered whether this had been a good idea or not.