"Ooh, the next one's addressed to me!" Jane said, holding the letter high above her head.
Daria smirked. "Careful that it's not a bomb. Want me to read it, and then you'll respond?"
"Sounds fair, I've read the last two after all," Jane said, handing over the letter.
"Dear J, we loved that joke you made about you and D being DJs. You're really cool, and I can't wait to hear more from you on D's show. Have a free pie on us, from K and B." Daria glared at Jane over the letter. "What did I tell you about that gag."
"Not to make it. But it's done now, and over with. Thanks for the pizza voucher guys. I'd better hide it from my brother though, or maybe just use it immediately. Can we get pizza delivered to the studio D?" Jane asked, going from momentarily bashful to excited about free food very quickly.
"Only if you want to share it with the bosses as well," Daria answered. "Get it on your way home or something."
"So, do we move onto the next letter now, or is it time for music?" Jane asked, mentally taking Daria's advice to collect the pizza on the way home.
"Music. I've heard this one before and not hated it, so here's Black Guardian by Ice Wings," Daria said indicating that Jane could now press the button.
"Start the music!" the ravenette exclaimed.
While the music played, Daria and Jane turned to the mail bag again, and started fishing around for a really good one to rip into. If Daria couldn't completely smash somebody, apart from that guy asking for a date, then her day would not be complete.
Just a half-minute into their search, Jane stopped.
"I think I've found a winner," she said, handing over the letter.
"From the president of the fashion club herself. Will you do the honours of reading it, Jane? Slowly. I want to savour this one."
The two friends shared something akin to an evil smile.
---
Trent was laughing sporadically as he and the band were setting up for a gig in Lawndale Park. It was their first performance since they'd gotten the recording contract, and they'd have their CD for sale with all the drinks and deep-fried, possibly cheese-covered food.
The radio was on to Daria's show, and the reason why the band paused in their setting up every now and then to laugh.
Trent had especially appreciated the way Daria had treated the love confession and request of some random guy to go out on a date. She'd just officially declared herself taken, and it made him feel all warm inside. He wasn't sure how he stood on Jane letting the world know she was available though, maybe he'd have to talk to her about that.
The music finished and Daria's voice came back. Trent could almost not get enough of the sound of her voice.
"We're back, and we picked out another letter. J, would you do the honours?"
"To D, from the president of the Lawndale High Fashion Club. Ooh, you just got approached by a celebrity D."
"No, I got approached by someone who thinks big of themselves. Keep reading J."
"This is the second letter from Lawndale D, we're gonna have to pick one from somewhere else next."
"I've got one from Iowa ready and waiting. Just finish reading this letter first."
"Can I summarise? Basically this person wants to know your favourite places to shop, your opinion on eggplant over leaf as a colour, and how you deal with people who seem to refuse acknowledge their place as lower than yourself on the ladder of popularity."
The whole band snickered in readiness for Daria ripping into this excessively shallow person. Jesse and Nick plugged in their last cables and Max settled a cymbal in place while Trent turned up the radio a little.
"I get my clothes from the salvation army when I go shopping at all. The clothes are perfectly wearable, and I have my own style rather than following what is dictated by those who care about what's hot or not. Eggplant is a food that I don't particularly like, and a leaf is something that makes trees look nice. As far as colours go, I like green. What about you J?"
"There's this alternative fashion place that I really like. The chick running the shop makes the clothes herself from fabric that she got from people she knows in all these third world countries, so she's giving them a good deal on the material. My favourite colour is red, but only because black is a shade rather than a colour. Hey, you haven't answered her last question yet."
The band smiled. This was going to be good. Daria on the popularity hierarchy, talking to someone who believed themselves to be at the top of it.
"How do I deal with people who think they're more better than me? Oh, that's easy. You should be able to answer that one J. I have two standard responses when directly faced with this behaviour."
"Ignore them, and if they won't be ignored, then say something that's going to take them a week to figure out. Usually insulting, but on the verge of pitying their stupidity. Unless they're asking something specific which you can then answer and send them on their mindless little way."
"Correct. People who think of themselves as at the top of the social ladder usually get to be that way by being the thinnest, the prettiest, the best dressed, or the most sociable. I have no problem with those who became popular by being friendly, they're usually genuinely nice people and great people to know. These people are also the least likely to belittle anybody, ever, without criticising themselves in the same breath."
Trent had a feeling Daria was specifically thinking about that chick Jodie. He'd heard her and Jane discussing the over-achiever a few times. He wondered what the coolest girl he'd ever known would say about the other things she'd mentioned.
"Now, my body-mass to height ratio is right in the middle of healthy, so I'm not competing to be the thinnest. I wear glasses of the hide-my-whole-face variety, so trying to be the prettiest in such circumstances is pointless. As already mentioned, I buy my clothes second hand, and don't care about being best dressed."
"In short, D doesn't give a damn about being popular, so why should she care if people act like they're more popular than her? After all, there's a difference between being more popular, and being a better person. Right D?"
"Right J. I hope that's all clear for you, fashion club president. Now, I shall read the letter from Iowa. Dearest, most wonderful J."
"Oh god."
"Still saying you're single?"
"I think maybe I'm suddenly going to go on a date with the toilette, and once I've cleansed myself I'll see if the base player in my brother's band is up for pizza after the gig tonight."
Jesse became the sudden focus for the other three members of the band. Green eyes bugging and jaw hanging open as he stared at the radio. When he noticed the way Trent was looking at him, he swallowed and tried to chuckle.
"You're not desperate, you just have a crush on that sweet ol' lug. The letter: a bunch of my friends and me have started up a club in honour of how much we adore the sound of your voice. Surely anything you do must be beautiful and pure. We all love you. Sincerely, the president of the J appreciation association."
"Surely anything I do must be beautiful and pure? Is there some way we can put photos of my art up on the website so that people can see just how twisted I really am?"
"Talk to the boss. Well, time for more music. I pulled a few strings and got this track before it's officially released. The band is performing tonight in Lawndale park to promote their first CD, before they head off on a tour up the west coast. This is Mystik Spiral and their song Little Black Dress."
Trent smiled fondly at the radio. He really loved Daria, and he'd written that song for her. Now she was helping them out by plugging their show tonight in the middle of her show. He was still going to have to talk to Jesse about the responsibility that would come with him dating Janey.
---