Disclaimer: Davy Jones sailed away with the part that says Marvel own the characters from X-Men: Evolution, and any other Marvel characters. The part that says I own Raven, Rachel, Serena and Lightning is floating on a piece of driftwood.
A/N:
This story is dedicated to everyone who ever asked me if I planned on doing the sequels! Which is way too many to mention here!
And now without further ado, Raven and Lightning present. . .
Mutants of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest.
Scene 3: Of Cannibals and Men
Rogue walks in, pulling away from Remy, in order to maintain the idea that they aren't dating. She does a double take. "Three directoh chaihs?"
Remy does a double take too. "Mais, where are t'e directors?"
"Right here," Raven says from behind them. Behind her is her trusty side-kick, Lightning, and her little sister Rachel.
"What's she doing here?" Evan groans.
"She's not allowed to be unsupervised for a while," Raven says with a shrug.
"Do Ah even want ta know why?" Rogue asks.
"She blew up Serena's dog," Lightning says laughing.
"It's not funny," Raven says, glaring at him.
"It was an accident! I don't have complete control of my powers yet!" Rachel shrieks at him.
He immediately makes a face and covers his ears, "You don't have to yell!"
Raven shrugs, "You get what you deserve."
Lightning glares at the girls, "So, I'm not allowed to tease my little sister?"
Rachel glares almost as hard as Raven, "You're not my brother!"
"Yet," Raven and Lightning both supply, causing Scott to scream like the little girl he is.
"Wait," Tabby says, "Who's Serena?"
All three directors give her blank looks, "Uh. . . never mind," they say. Scott starts crying.
"Hey!" Bobby calls. "Can somebody get me down?" He waits, "Please?"
"I'll help you!" Rachel calls, and Bobby makes his way down, very shakily and nearly falls several times on the way.
He kisses the ground once he's let down.
"Gee, I'm not that bad," Rachel whines.
Raven rolls her eyes. "Look, Rach, they've got donuts."
Rachel's eyes get wide, "Really? Where?" She runs to the food table and starts looking. She comes back a few minutes later, after they've had time to set up the stage, "Look, Rave! Chocolate! Can I borrow your pepper? Please?"
Raven rolls her eyes, but hands over the cayenne pepper shaker so her sister can sprinkle it over her chocolate donut. Rachel actually brought two and hands Raven one when she's done with the shaker. "See, I brought you one too."
"Thanks, Rachel," Raven says sweetly.
"What? No donut for me?" Lightning complains.
"I don't like you," Rachel says, sitting down, decidedly.
Lightning rolls his eyes and grabs his own donut sans cayenne while Raven starts the play with a "Lights! Camera! Action!"
Todd and Lance row a boat across the ocean. Well, technically, Lance is rowing the boat. Toad is reading what looks like a Bible with his one good eye. "Well, I say it was Divine Providence what escaped us from jail, yo."
"And I say it was me being clever," Lance argues. He looks behind him where Rahne in her wolf form pops up, whining, still holding the keys. "Ain't that right, poochie."
Rahne looks like she's about to bite him for calling her that, but remembers it's in the script.
"Well, how'd you know it weren't Divine Providence what inspired you to be clever?" Toad asks, "Anyways, I ain't stealing no ship."
"It ain't stealing. It's salvaging. And since when do you care?"
"Since we're not immortal no more. We gotta take care of our immortal souls, yo." He holds the Bible open and points at it.
"You know you can't read," Lance argues.
"I can too!" Todd says, "Just cause I can't read good, doesn't mean I can't!"
Lance shakes his head, "It was in the script, Toad. . ."
"Oops, sorry, Lance, Raven. . ." Todd smiles sheepishly at the directors, all three of them. Rachel gives a disgusted face.
"Eww. . ."
Raven rolls her eyes, "This from a girl who's best friend is a giant lizard."
"At least she doesn't smell. . ." Rachel deadpans.
"She's got a point," Lightning agrees.
Raven shrugs, "true. Now, back to the play."
Toad holds the Bible open, "It's the Bible. You get credit for trying, yo."
"Pretending to read the Bible's a lie. That's a mark against. . ." Lance is cut off by Todd slamming the Bible shut and Rahne barking. "Look. There it is."
On the shore of an island lies the Black Pearl.
Rahne, taking the keys with her, jumps into the water and dog-paddles to shore.
"What's got into her?" Toad asks.
Lance shrugs, "Must have seen a catfish." He laughs and after he gets the joke, Toad joins him.
"Stupid mongrel!" Toad calls at Rahne, who growls at him and receives a rather sharp look from Raven for it.
Rahne gets to shore and shakes off while they argue until a huge wave knocks their little life boat head over heels. The two unlikely pirates scream as they hit the warm water. Rahne wags her tail and grins as much as a wolf can.
Lance winds up a little closer to the shore than Todd when they stand up and yells, "Come on!"
They laugh as the three of them head for the huge black ship.
"It's ours for the taking!" Lance calls out.
"Tide's coming in. That should help," Toad answers, "and salvaging is saving, in a manner of speaking."
"There's the truth of it!" Lance agrees, excitedly.
Among they're gleeful laughter and planning comes the ominous sound of drums, making them pause and look towards the sound. "Suppose we better save it as soon as we can, yo," Toad says, "what with our souls in such a vulnerable state and all."
Lance quickly crosses himself twice and says, "Amen to that!"
Toad jumps up and starts climbing the rope.
The scene changes to watch the RPCEs beat their drums. They are painted like skeletons and dancing to the beat of the drums. Amara, the tribal princess, walks ceremoniously up to Johnny and hangs a necklace around his neck, giggling as she does.
"Thank you," Pyro says, not meaning it. The necklace itself is made up of human fingers and toes, which are really wax concoctions of the Blob. He bites a "toenail" and chews the wax, then, spits it out.
The scene changes again and we are now overlooking a huge cliff with a bridge and two cages hanging from ropes in the middle of it. Remy is in one of the cages.
"Why would he do t'is to us? If Johnny is t'eir chief. . ." he whines.
"Aye," Logan, who's in the same cage as Remy, answers, "The Pelegostos made Johnny their chief, but he only remains chief as long as he acts like a chief."
"So he had no choice," Remy says softer. "He's a captive as much as t'e rest of us."
"Worse, as it turns out," Logan informs him. "See, the Pelegostos believe that Johnny is a god in human form."
Pyro starts laughing, "I'm a god! I always knew it!"
Wanda hits him upside the head, "Shut up, loser."
Pyro rubs his sore head, "Seesh, Sheila, can't ya take a joke?"
"Obviously not!" The objects in the room acquire a bluish glow and start floating.
"Wanda, Pyro! That's enough!" Raven calls.
"Ah, man, it was just getting good!" Rachel whines.
"Rachel, honey, be glad you're my little sister. . ." Raven says with glowing eyes.
Rachel shrinks into her seat, "I love you?"
Raven rolls her eyes, "Logan. . ."
Logan nods and starts the line over, "See, the Pelegostos believe that Johnny is a god in human form, and they intend to do him the honor of releasing him from his fleshly prison."
At which point Piotr picks up Logan's hand and promptly bites two of his fingers. Logan cries out and pulls his hand away. SNIKT goes his claws until he sees glowing yellow eyes glaring at him. He puts the claws away. "They'll roast him and eat him."
Leech looks up, frightened.
"Where's t'e rest of t'e crew?" Remy asks.
"These cages we're in weren't built until after we got here," is the answer. Remy looks closely at the cages and realises they have been built with human bones. Actually, they're metal, covered in plastic, and Magneto is holding them up so the ropes don't break. Remy pulls his hand away and grimaces. The drums change patterns. "The feast is about to begin. St. John's life will end when the drums stop."
"Well, we can't just sit here and wait, t'en, can we?" Remy says.
Back at the cannibals' village, the RPCEs are building the fire for Johnny's ceremony. He stands up, holding a huge stick with feather's or hair stuck to it like a sceptre. "No, no. Oi, no, no," he calls. "More wood. Big fire. Big fire." His face lights up at the very thought. "I am chief. Want big fire! Come on. Oi." He turns to the nearest RPCE and start muttering in the cannibal language again, following his orders with, "tout de suite. (1) Come on. More wood." He smiles as they run to follow his orders.
They place a huge log on the pile and turn to see if the woodpile now meets with his approval, only to find him gone.
The scene changes to find Johnny running as fast as his Australian legs can carry him across a bridge and through the abandoned part of the village, only to be stopped by nearly falling off a cliff. He would have fallen, if not for Rachel's telekinesis. As it is he is shakily put back with an "Goodness, he's so heavy!"
Raven rolls her eyes, "Rachel, try not to comment on the play . . . or the actors."
"She's just pouting 'cause Scott's not in it yet," laughs Lightning.
Raven laughs too.
"I hate you both!" Rachel screams, getting up and running into the bathroom.
Raven shrugs, "Well, at least we can get some work done."
"As long as she doesn't blow anything else up," Lightning agrees.
Raven nods, "You see, this is why we can't get a dog."
He nods.
Wanda calls out, "Um, can we get back to work, now?"
"Oh yeah, sure," Raven nods.
"Whoa!" Pyro screeches. He climbs off the cliff edge and sees several long poles for pole vaulting laying beside the cliff. He picks one up and examines it, then drops it as he notices a certain hut. He enters it and finds it full of the treasure the RPCEs stole from his crew. He leaves with a rope and a can of paprika stamped with the symbol of the East India Trading Company. As he exits the hut, he comes face to face with a huge crowd of RPCEs. "Oh, bugger," he says. He drops the rope and starts shaking the paprika on himself like deodorant. . . only under his arms. "A little seasoning, eh?"
The RPCEs are not amused.
The scene changes again and this time, Pyro is tried to a pole and is being lifted up. The stick him on a spit over the woodpile which is now much higher. "Well done," he says in a rather hopeless voice.
Back in the cages, the men are rocking them back and forth. They all lean out as far as they can to grab a hold of the cliff's edge, but they miss and the cage soars back again. After two more swings, they finally grabs some vines.
"Put your legs though. Start to climb!" Logan orders.
"Come on, Men!" Remy insists. "It'll take all of us to crew t'e Black Pearl."
"Actually," Sam calls out from the other cage., "you wouldn't need everyone. About six would do." He stops and looks over at the cage with Remy in it. They look back at him. "Oh, dear."
Remy looks at Logan who nods. "Hurry," Remy calls.
"Come on!" Logan exclaims as they go higher up the cliff.
"Come on! Is that all you got?" Leech cries out.
Just then, Kitty's dad is walking across the bridge. Remy sees him, "Wait. Stop." he whispers.
"Eh?" Logan asks.
"Stop. Shh," Remy tries to get the message to the other cage.
They stop, but Sam thinks they can keep climbing without Kitty's dad seeing them. "Shh," he whispers to his cage-mates and motions to keep climbing.
"What are they doing?" Leech asks.
"Stop," Remy tries to convince them by waving his arms.
They keep going and everything is fine until Sam puts his hand on a snake and lifts it up. Now, it was supposed to be a rubber snake, but it's not. . . it's a cottonmouth. "Snake!" he screams. He drops it quickly and his cage-mates all scream and freak out, causing them to loose complete control and let go of the vines. The cage falls and the rope breaks. Magneto lowers it and then stops short of letting them crash on the rocks below.
Kitty's dad looks over and watches them fall. Logan does too, but cringes when the screaming stops. Then, Kitty's dad sees them and Remy calls out, "Move!" Everyone starts climbing faster.
"Now wait a cotton pickin' minute here!" Sam yells, after leaving the cage. "Who put the real snake on the cliff?"
"Real snake?" Raven asks, looking at Lightning.
Lightning shrugs, "I didn't do it."
"Neither did I," Raven says. They both look at Pietro.
"I didn't do it! I wouldn't touch such a creepy thing," he says with a shiver.
"Well, if we didn't do it, and he didn't do it. . . who did?" Raven asks.
Pyro is heard snickering from his place on the spit.
Wanda walks up to him, "Did you put the snake on the cliff?"
Pyro starts laughing, "Yes!"
She hits him over the head.
"Ouch! Whatcha go and do that for?"
"You idiot! You could have hurt someone!"
She receives a blank look, "What's your point?"
She rolls her eyes, "Well, now it's taking longer to get to the fire scene."
He starts crying.
She walks back to her place.
Raven sighs, "Let's just get on with the play."
"Wait for me!" Rachel runs back to sit in her chair.
"I thought you were mad at us," Lightning asks.
Rachel rolls her eyes at him, "Whatever."
Amanda's father runs with a torch across a bridge into the village where Pyro is waiting to be roasted alive. He stops next to the woodpile and screams. The tribe answers him with cheers and Pyro tries to look worried as Mr. Sefton lowers the torch to the pile of wood under Pyro. Just when the torch is about to light the fire that will end Pyro's life, Mr. Pryde runs across the bridge and into the center. He speaks in the secret cannibal language and Mr. Sefton pulls the torch away. Everyone looks at Johnny.
"Well, go on, go get them!" Pyro orders, and says it again in the cannibal tongue.
Mr. Sefton drops the torch which the crowd cheers and goes off to catch their dinner, I mean, the pirates. The torch is right next to the woodpile, on a bit of grass. Pyro sees the fire will catch because the wind is blowing in his direction, thanks to a huge fan.
"No, no. Oi! No, no!" He's completely alone. "Not good," he says as he tries to blow out the fire. Sparks land on the kindling and the fire blazes, much to his delight. He tries to blow harder.
Meanwhile, back on the cliff, the surviving cage-mates have reached the top of the cliff and are pulling themselves over it. They are still attached to the rope. "Cut it loose! Find a rock!" Remy cries out.
At the fire, Pyro is tries to knock himself off the spit by bouncing up and down. Eventually, he makes it and with the help of Raven's TK, because it's rather dangerous, and his fire control, Pyro, the rope, and the pole all land safely beside the fire. He breaks the rope around him legs and struggles to his feet.
At the cliff, Remy has managed to break the rope with his powers, instead of the script-called-for-rock, just as the RPCEs come on screen. "Roll t'e cage!" he screams. They all start rolling the cage and therefore move slightly faster the the RPCEs, who only get to use their legs.
They scream as the go round and round, and Scott shivers, but manages not to scream outright. They roll down hills and up them. They jump over valleys and up a palm tree, only to fall straight back down.
The RPCEs are still coming. "Lift t'e cage! Hurry!" Remy yells.
They struggle to their feet and Logan shouts, "Come on, lads! Lift it like a lady's skirt!" He grins, "There's a good line," he mutters under his breath. They lift it and run, only Leech's little legs don't reach the ground.
Pyro is running too, across a bridge with the pole still attached to his back. He finally has his arms free and stops to struggle with the rope. He looks up and sees Jaime in face paint, holding a knife and fork and looking very confused. He smiles at Jaime and jumps over to him, grabs the knife from his hands. Jaime take off running. Pyro grins and looks up to find Wanda and Danielle standing in front of him, holding bowls of fruit.
He screams and runs towards them, pole first. They simply move out of the way and his pole gets stuck in a pile of coconuts. He pulls it out and flings a coconut at the girls. Wanda catches it and lowers it, glaring and snarling at him for getting coconut milk all over her.
As the men run from the RPCEs into the jungle, Remy is shouting, "run!" as if his cage-mates were planning on stopping. They fall of a cliff no one saw and down into a ravine. The cage breaks and they all manage to survive.
"This way, lads!" Logan calls to them and they all swim to the shore as the RPCEs stop at the cliff's edge and throw spears and shoot arrows at them.
While this is happening, Wanda and Danielle are having fun as they throw pineapples, coconuts and other large fruit at Pyro's head. He keeps dodging but they keep throwing. One lands on his pole and a watermelon barely misses his head.
"Take cover," Remy orders the pirates as they reach a safe place.
Finally, after another melon lands on his pole, Pyro screams, "Stop it!" Wanda and Dani stop in mid-throw. Pyro's pole is covered in fruit and he looks like a giant shishkabob.
Back at the ravine, The RPCEs are about to win when Jaime runs up and shouts in the secret cannibal language and points back to the village. The RPCEs stop and run back to the village.
Remy watches them with relief and confusion.
Pyro, is running and screaming at Wanda and Dani. He misses and ends up catching his pole in the dirt. It flings him up in the air and with a little help from Jean's TK this time, he lands safely on the other side. Until the fruit start falling and shifting the weight backwards. He falls back, screaming off the cliff's edge until the pole catches between the two sides of the cliff and he unravels from the rope like a yo-yo. The rope is still attached to his foot and he's hanging upside-down.
Wanda and Dani sigh and discuss it in the cannibal language. Then, they walk away.
The pole starts slipping. "Bugger," Johnny says before it breaks and he starts falling again. He screams as he falls through several bridges that soften his fall and finally lands on the ground, no worse for wear. He looks up to see the pole fall straight for his head. His eyes widen but it misses his head by a foot. The fruit land next, having been knocked off the pole by the bridges.
When the pirates reach the Pearl, it's already back in the water. "Haul loose the mooring line," Lance is calling to Toad. "The mooring line!"
Toad is on deck chasing after his wooden eye, which has been stolen by the IAR monkey. "Thief! Little hairy thief! Give it back!" The IAR monkey starts eating it. "Don't bite it!"
"Haul loose the mooring line!" Lance calls again.
Todd jumps up to the ship's edge and shouts, "He's got me eye, yo! He won't give it back!"
"Well, how'd you get it back last time?" Lance asks.
Logan runs by him, "Excellent! Our works half done!"
"We done it for you, knowing you'd be coming back," Lance says nervously.
"Make ready to sail, boys!" Logan cries out, ignoring Lance completely.
"What about Johnny?" Remy demands. "Remy won't leave wit'out him."
Johnny rounds the bend right about them and screams, "Oi!" Remy smiles until he sees John is followed by the entire tribe of RPCEs.
"Time to go," Remy says.
"Cast off those lines!" Logan screams.
Pyro is screaming as he runs as fast as he can to the ship.
"Make ready to cast off!" Logan screams.
"Oi!" Pyro exclaims. Rahne stands still and barks at the tribe. "Good doggy."
The ship is further out to sea now and Pyro and the RPCEs are running in water.
They stop as he reaches the ship and turns to say, "Alas, my children, this is the day you shall always remember as the day you almost . . ." A huge wave crashes him right then, ruining his speech. He simply finishes with "Captain St. John Allerdyce," and turns to climb onto the ship.
As they watch the ship sail away, the RPCEs hear Rahne barking and they turn. She starts whining and runs off. They follow her.
As Johnny slips onto deck, Logan walks up to him and says, "Let's put some distance between us and this island and head out to open sea."
"Yes to the first. Yes to the second, but only insofar as we keep to the shallows as much as possible." Lance and Toad are behind Johnny. Lance puts a blanket around Johnny and salutes. Pyro is looking at them oddly.
"That seems a bit contradictory, Captain," Logan complains.
"I have every faith in your reconciliatory navigational skills, Mr. Howlett" Pyro tells him. "Now, where is that monkey? I want to shoot something."
The IAR monkey screeches and drops Todd's eye. Toad grabs it and starts cleaning it off as Johnny loads his gun.
Remy walks up, "St. John, Anna is in danger."
"Have you considered keeping a more watchful eye on her. Maybe just locking her up somewhere?" Johnny says as he walks off.
"She is locked up, in a prison, bound to hang for helping you," Remy says, following him.
"There come a time when one must take responsibility for one's mistakes," Johnny says.
Remy pulls a sword from a RPE and sticks it to Pyro's throat. "Remy need t'at compass of yours, Johnny. He must trade it for her freedom."
Pyro pushes the sword away, "Mr. Howlett."
"Captain."
"We have a need to travel upriver," Pyro informs him.
Sounding scared, Logan asks, "By need, do you mean a trifling need? Fleeting? As in, say, a passing fancy?"
"No, a resolute and unyielding need," Pyro demands.
"What we need to do is make sail for Port Royal wit' all haste," Remy insists.
"Remy," Pyro says, "I shall trade you the compass if you will help me to find this." He pulls out the cloth drawing of the key.
"You want Remy to find t'is?"
"No, you want you to find this," Johnny says, "because the finding of this finds you incapacitorially finding and/or locating in your discovering and detecting a way to save your dolly belle, ol' what's-her-face. Savvy?"
"That made no sense at all. . ." Bobby says, shaking his head.
"Since when does anything Pyro says make sense?" Jubilee asks.
"Point taken," Bobby says.
Raven growls and the play goes on.
Looking confused, Remy grabs the cloth. "T'is is going to save Anna?"
"How much do you know about Apocalypse?"
"Not much," Remy answers.
"Yeah, it's going to save Anna." Pyro says.
"And cut!" Raven calls.
"Finally! That was the most boring thing in the world! Rave, why do you do these boring plays?" Rachel begins whining.
"Sometimes I wonder myself," Raven answers.
"Boring?" Pyro says, breathing hard from his running and the fact that Wanda is chasing him with more watermelons for throwing that coconut at her, "How can you call this play boring?" He jumps as a watermelon makes contact with his butt and takes off running.
Rachel is chattering on, even though Raven is no longer listening to her.
Rogue just stares, "How can she talk like that?"
Raven shrugs, "I'm not sure, but I don't want to look inside her mind to find out."
Lightning speaks up, "It's not that hard."
Pietro nods in agreement, "Yeah,it'sreallyeasytotalkfast."
Raven rolls her eyes, "Of course it is for the two of you, but her?"
"Teenage girls. . ." Logan grumbles his opinion.
"Ah beg ta diffeh," Rogue states, "Raven and Ah are teenage girls too."
"Yes, but we aren't exactly normal teenage girls, are we?" Raven says.
"So very true," Rogue nods.
Lightning shrugs, "Kitty can do it."
"My point exactly," Raven says with a grin.
"And then I said, 'Why are you holding my cellphone and a pipe cleaner?' It was so funny," Rachel insists.
"Uh, I guess you had to be there," Raven groans.
"Speaking of which, of we're late for dinner, Mama's gonna have our hides!" Rachel exclaims.
"We should go," Raven nods, and the three directors leave.
SPLAT, a watermelon hits Apocalypse in the face.
"Oops?" Wanda whispers and runs.
Apocalypse starts trembling in anger and I think now is a good time to leave.
To be continued. . .
A/N: (1) immediately.
Part 1. . . 5 pages. . . wow. . . let's see what happens with the next 2 parts! Okay, sorry, I've been a little busy! But here you are. I wrote the last two scenes in one day! Wow! This is really long though. Thanks for your patience and please review before Raven throws a tantrum. . . and you don't want to see that. Hey, I don't want to see that, and I created her.
Next up, Rogue gets to wear pants!