Chapter 3: Crimson Flower
Kohaku's World
Accolade Etched in my chest is
I stare at the figure before me; somewhere in my mind I know this can't be real. Yet at the same time, I can't help but accept this as reality. Such beauty; like a flower in bloom at morning's dawn.
Yet so fragile, so very delicate looking, porcelain skin like a dolls, yes just like a doll. This empty shell, I touch the face gently. Revelling in the soft touch against my bare finger tips, I smile without realizing it.
In this faint light, I loose track of time, the maiden before me trapped in her seemingly eternal slumber. I do not recognize the face that mirrors my own, those amber eyes searching for something in the dark reflection. I wipe red hair out of my face, running my hand through my hair.
I do not understand this emotion; it is foreign and new to me. Tell me…why it hurts inside, why do I feel this way every time I stare at my own reflection?
A blood red rose
A faint taste on my lips, I don't like this taste. My reflection blinks back at me, still gazing back at me with that curious look. I bite my lower lip, crimson liquid pours out as I feel a sharp pain.
The pain recedes, as I taste the crimson liquid, a familiar taste. I do not like this taste, yet it is the only thing I remember from when I awoke. A metallic taste; like water that has been left to stagnate in old plumbing pipes.
And yet in this heart burns
No, that is wrong. There is another thing I remember. His face was the first thing I saw after all. How can I forget the one who has named me anew?
"Shiki," I say that name, the only other name I know besides the one with which he bequeathed upon me. The girl that stands beside him, her gaze never falters, yet I see her pain every time she looks away. She knows unbearable pain; I have felt its sharp edges cutting into me in the waning light. My twin, my sister, she is important to me. It is a feeling I have deep in my core, I do not understand this profound attachment to her.
A naked love
I love him with all my heart, for that I am certain. Nothing gives me more joy than seeing his smiling face when I step into the living room each morning.
Even I can see the tender look behind my twin's statuesque form. Or maybe perhaps that is a vision all my own. I do not know the past, and it is not spoken of. Yet I feel as if I have forgotten something important, and no one seems to want to remind me what it is.
The lengthening shadows finally merge
The days seem to be growing longer; everyday I walk through these halls. Pictures and places, I remember them all, but they do not feel right. Not even the name I was told was mine seems to fit me. Perhaps I was too hasty in accepting a new name from Shiki, but I do not regret my actions.
"Nanaya," that name that I have accepted as my own, I do not understand why it feels so…right. I do not regret casting aside my former name; I am no longer the person I once was.
Still, in the dark of night I remember something. A crimson light cascading across the sky, I see her figure before me. A girl, someone important to me once upon a time, I see the shocked look on her face. And then all is darkness, and I awaken screaming.
Lots of people are born and die
That girl with scarlet hair, she haunts my memories in these halls. I can feel her presence in this house, an unseen whisper blowing through the halls. I do not ask about her, I do not ask questions. Perhaps the past should be forgotten, but I feel as if something is missing.
Why do these emotions continue to haunt me? This empty void inside my chest cannot be filled. It tears at me in the dark hours, bringing tears to my eyes, and then I awaken in a cold sweat.
Why do humans seek a life?
Why do I live? I have asked this question many times before. Never have I found the answer that I am looking for. I must have a reason, I must have a goal of some sorts, or else this life I live would have no meaning.
I gave up my life, and in the end I was given a second chance. But why was I given that opportunity, and what am I supposed to do with it?
Simply to commit an irrevocable sin
My hands have blood on them, for that I am certain. Blood can only be washed away with more blood, so these hands will never be clean. This sin I have committed, I have gain no respite from its accursed touch. Perhaps it would have been better if my life had ended that fateful day, that day…
The prayer of incarnation
But I am still alive; I was given a second chance. Redemption from the darkness that I walked upon; heading towards unfathomable calamities. And salvation from the dark shade that gripped my mortal heart with its icy hands; choking me.
The inerasable mark of Cain
In the dark of night, I remember in my dreams. That past life, of a doll who felt no pain, I was scared; scared of the pain. It hurt so much, such miserable inescapable agony, something I do not want for myself, but cannot force upon another. I will always be tainted by it, this blurred memory from my past.
I can still feel the rough hands on my skin, the darkness, like poison invading my senses. That painful sensation, a dull ache radiating out, waves of nausea threatening to break me completely. But still, even after all I was not broken, I am a doll, I feel no pain.
Charade solve the mystery
This charade, the mask I wore has shattered into a thousand pieces.
Who am I? Who is this person that seems so familiar and yet feels so impossibly different? I cannot accept these memories as my own. So I will reject them along with everything else. Even if it was once important to me, like that vermilion haired girl, they are lost to me now. I cannot cry now for something I no longer know.
The fallen angel's wings fly
Maybe I was always just running away, scared of feeling pain, scared of being human. So that is why I became a doll, something that does not feel anything. And yet, I still feel, but it hurts sometimes, and it becomes unbearable again. But I will not run away anymore, I have run enough. I will face the pain, and overcome it, because I'm not alone anymore.
The thin blade destroys words
I do not need words, this pledge I make comes from my heart. Hollow words, I can make a thousand promises, but there is only one I will keep-
"I made a bet, if that boy noticed I switched places with Hisui-chan…that I would quit doing such things."
-I smile, griping the white ribbon I'm my hands. I will continue to smile, even if the world is destroyed and broken. And all the stars are smote by the darkness.
Towards the end of the world
My foolish world is broken now, like glass it has shattered and cracked. Irreplaceable, I will cast it away, accepting the reality in front of me.
If swaying my heart is a sin
A tear falls down my face, but I do not feel any emotions. Perhaps regret, regret for casting aside everything that I was. I do not understand this emotion called love, and yet I so readily accept its warm embrace.
Is to live my punishment?
Shiki, I have caused you so much pain, I have caused you so much suffering. Tell me, do you still love me? Do you still love that girl with blood on her hands, who watches you from afar with longing eyes?
They fall in a jail called love
I love you, yes, I love him. This heart of hearts understands this; even this once broken doll can feel the emotion called love.
So perhaps I still have hope after all, even though I do not wish for it. It has been given to me nonetheless, and perhaps I did want it after all.
Those foolish children of Abel
I want to live in this house with them, this boy who is the object of my affection, and that girl who is still precious to me.
Accolade Etched in my chest is
I turn away from the cracked mirror, wiping the dried blood from my cracked lips. In this dusty room, this room that I have been drawn too. The world seems to lose its luster, and all the warmth fades into nothingness.
Yet here in this place, I feel so warm, that familiar presence welcoming me warmly. I feel tears on my face, but I do not understand why.
A blood red rose
Her memory smiles, that doll who gave up everything smiles as well. The blood stained flower sits basking in the sun, remembering its long past.
And yet in this heart burns
"Tell me Kohaku, why did you do that?"
A soft voice asks me that, I cannot answer, I do not have an answer anymore. The presence seems to be content and turns away.
A naked love
"Perhaps I loved you as well…"
I swear to this feeling I have of you
"Akiha-sama…"
The name escapes my lips before I even realize it. I fall to my knees, overcome with a strange emotion, it bubbled up inside and threatened to burst out.
Even if it is actually blame
"I'm sorry."
I say those words, tears spilling down my face. I'm so sorry, I cannot take it back, and I cannot change my past. No matter how much I wish it, I cannot turn back the clock and alter that moment.
"I'm sorry I killed you."
Accolade Etched in my chest is
Soft footsteps, I hear him walk into the room quietly. I know it's him, that presence is unmistakable. I turn around, staring into his scarred eyes, broken and unseeing.
A blood red rose
I move towards him, placing my hand upon his chest. He reacts to my touch, wiping tears off my face as if he could still see. I smile, returning a gift to him, though he had returned it, it is now mine to give again.
And yet in this heart burns
The white ribbon covers his broken eyes; he seemingly stares down at me. Opening his mouth to speak I stop him with my mouth.
A naked love
There was no need for words; this innocent wish was all I needed. Just a boy and a girl locked together in a tight embrace. The sweet pressure of pressed lips, that dizzying feeling that accompanied a sweet flavour.
I pull back, closing my eyes and savouring that sweet taste. So I am surprised when he cups my chin with his hand and pulls me back. That passionate kiss, I melt into him, a sweet emotion overwhelming my senses.
Charade solve the mystery
My shattered world is swept away in the wind. I hold onto him tightly, not wishing to let him go. The two of us together; with nothing but the taste of each others lips. And the smell of flowers in the morning air; gently enveloping us in their sweet embrace.
The fallen angel's wings fly
The girl's memory turns away, long black hair flowing behind her. With a smile she fades away, returning to the nothingness.
The thin blade destroys words
"Shiki…"
Towards the end of the world
"I love you."