colors of love

chapter four

Summary: A myriad of colors dance across her vision. It stops as soon as it starts, and then all she can see a deep, stormy shade of blue.

It's the most beautiful thing she's ever seen.

It's also the color of his eyes.

Damnit!

A CS soulmates!au.

Neverland.

They are in freaking Neverland.

And it's nothing like Emma has imagined as a child. It's darkly beautiful, enchanting and also incredibly dangerous. Peter Pan is not just an annoying twelve year old, he's a demon who's kidnapped her son and left her with a vague map that will only be unlocked when she 'admits who she truly is'. Whatever that means.

It's their second night there and Emma is finding it near impossible to sleep. She's lived through worse conditions than this before, to be sure, but she's never had to deal with the cries of the lost boys ringing through her ears. And all Emma can think about, when she hears them, is Henry, and the fact that he might be in danger, and that she's powerless to stop it-

Emma sits up with a frustrated groan and flings off the blankets. Looking around, she can see that her parents and Regina are fast asleep, but Hook is sitting before the dying embers of the fire, his back to her.

"I thought there was no need to keep watch, since Regina put up a protection spell."

His shoulders stiffen momentarily at her words and then he turns around to face her.

"Magic is unpredictable in Neverland. I'd prefer not to take my chances."

Emma studies his face. There's truth in his words, but he's holding something back.

"That's not all there is, is it?"

Hook's eyes widen a bit at her perception and he sighs in defeat. "Aye," He admits. "It's difficult to sleep while being haunted by the cries of the lost boys."

Emma blinks in surprise, not having expected that answer. "You hear them too?"

"All orphans do," Hook responds, echoing Pan's words from the previous night. Emma thinks back to their conversation on the beanstalk.

"They all share the same look in their eyes…the look you get when you've been left alone."

He had referred to the lost boys back then, but now Emma understood that he had been talking about himself.

"You were abandoned?"

Hook looks away from her probing gaze and refuses to answer. Emma isn't all that surprise, in fact having expected it.

"Why are you here?" She asks after a beat. Hook meets her eyes once more, looking confused. Emma presses on. "Why did you offer to help us? You could've just given us the bean and could've gone on your merry way. Why come with us?"

There's a long pause before he speaks. "I once abandoned Baelfire to the mercy of the lost boys, left him stranded in Neverland, to gain Pan's favor," There's guilt and shame in his voice. "I don't want to see the same happen to Baelfire's son. This is…my way of atoning, I suppose."

Emma processes the information and Hook speaks again. "And perhaps I wanted to be a part of something."

A small smile appears on her face. "I can understand that."

And Emma tries not to think about how his eyes light up at her words, about how they seem to be even bluer and vivid than usual and about how she is once again glad that she can see colors, glad that she can see the colors of his eyes.

(She tries not to think about it, but it haunts her dreams anyway.)

(This time, the cries of the lost boys do not disturb her.)

"Excellent show of patience, love," Killian says with a warm smile as Regina and Emma's parents walk away, leaving them alone in the clearing. Emma grins at his praise and he can't help or understand the burst of warmth in his chest when she ducks her head slightly.

(It feels familiar, he thinks, to the warmth and giddiness he felt when he first heard the sound of Milah's laughter.)

(Emma doesn't smile very often, but whenever she does, Killian feels as if he would set the world on fire, just to see that smile again.)

Trying to distract himself from those unwanted feelings, Killian pulls out his flask and offers it to her. Emma raises a brow and smirks at him. "Is rum your solution to everything?"

Killian shrugs. "It certainly doesn't hurt," He quips, and takes a swig, relishing in the familiar burn of the alcohol. It works well as a distraction, particularly against budding feelings of affection, and…..no. He won't allow himself to think it. He can't.

Emma takes the flask when he offers it to her again and Killian tries not to let his gaze linger on the smooth slope of her throat as she tilts her head or on her supple lips as she drinks from the flask. Coughing a little, he rekindles the conversation again, thinking darkly that even the rum won't help him here.

"How did you unlock the map?"

Emma glances up at him. "I did what Pan asked," She answers evasively.

"Just who are you, Swan?" Killian wonders. He wants to know, wants to know so much that it's almost frightening. He wants to know everything about her, from her darkest fears to her deepest desires. Whatever he knows has only come from speculation and the rare times she decided to open up to him. Killian can't help but wish that one day; she might trust him enough to tell him everything. And maybe he could tell her too, tell her about Liam, Milah, his father-he has a feeling that she'll understand perfectly.

(She will, he knows. They're kindred spirits, after all.)

Emma hands back the flask and gives him an almost flirtatious smile. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

Yes, of course. "Perhaps I would," Killian murmurs, a little surprised at the sincerity in his tone.

(But everything is a surprise, when it comes to her.)

Emma's eyes widen-Killian can see shock there, along with another unreadable emotion-and then her walls slam back up and she quickly walks away. Killian watches her go, once again feeling like he failed, somehow.

Why does everyone in this bloody family have a death wish? Killian thinks more than a little irritably, as he helps David sit up and drink the water from the spring of Neverland. First the prince had gotten himself poisoned, and then pushed himself to the point where the dreamshade started killing him even faster, and tried to fight Killian off, even though Killian was only trying to help him. It was a good thing David had calmed down enough to listen to Killian's explanation about the cure, or else he might've died sooner.

Like father, like daughter, Killian thinks a little wryly. At least Snow White isn't as bloody reckless.

David lets out a surprised laugh as the water takes effect immediately, and the dreamshade is cleared out of his system. Killian laughs too, a little weakly, as he feels the events of the day take its toll on him, physically and mentally.

Once David is on his feet, he gives Killian a warm smile, and Killian feels his heart clench as he is reminded of his brother. If only he had known then what he knows now, then maybe Liam wouldn't have died, just maybe-

"One question," David says. "Why would you risk your life to save me, when there wasn't anything in it for yourself?"

Killian thinks of Liam-and then his thoughts go involuntarily to Emma, as always and he winks at David.

"I didn't do it for you, mate."

They make it back to the camp with no further delay, and on the trek back, Killian finds himself opening up to David, just a bit, about Liam, and how they had served in the Royal Navy together, before he had been taken from him.

(What is it about this family that makes him want to spill all his secrets?)

When they finally reach the camp, David instantly runs to Snow, greeting her with an enthusiastic kiss. Killian looks away from the display of affection and an uncomfortable Emma does the same.

Regina doesn't bother to hide the disgusted look on her face as she turns to Killian. "Where's the sextant?"

"I'm afraid Pan got to it first," Killian says. Regina and Emma sigh in defeat.

David and Snow are too wrapped up in each other to even notice. Emma shifts uncomfortably again. "Okay, I'm complaining."

"What I wouldn't give for another sleeping curse," Regina mutters snarkily.

"Hook," David says suddenly. "He saved my life."

Killian looks up sharply at him. "Are you sure you want to tell them that, mate?"

"On our trek," David continues. "We were ambushed by lost boys. And Hook- he risked his life to stop me from getting hit by a poisoned arrow."

Well, I'll be. Killian thinks dazedly. This family is full of surprises. Like father, like daughter, indeed.

David walks up to him and Killian resists the urge to run or duck for cover as he continues to talk. He hasn't expected this, being given credit; it hasn't even occurred to him that David might tell everyone. He can feel his face burn as everyone stares at him, various levels of gratitude on their faces.

Emma's stare weighs heaviest.

"To Hook," They toast to him, and Killian blushes painfully, turning away.

It's an odd feeling, being a part of something that has nothing to do with his….career as a pirate or for revenge.

It's exhilarating.

(Emma's stare continues to burn into his back.)

Emma takes a swig of rum from the flask and wonders absently if the object is enchanted, or something, because it never seems to run out. The others have already moved away, leaving her and Hook alone in the clearing.

Again.

Glancing at Hook out of the corner of her eye, Emma frowns slightly. He seems stiff and reserved, and when David thanked him earlier, he seemed downright uncomfortable.

Finally, she breaks the silence.

"Did you really save his life?"

Hook turns to face her. "Does that surprise you?"

Emma moves closer and gives him back the flask. "Well, you and David aren't exactly…how do you say it? Mates."

Hook's jaw clenches and he looks her in the eye, his tone almost challenging when he speaks. "That doesn't mean I'd leave your father to perish on this island."

"Thank you," Emma says sincerely, feeling gratitude bubble up in her chest. She just found her father, and she doesn't know what she'll do if she loses him as quickly. Looks like she owes Hook another one-first he comes back to a place he hates to save a boy he barely knows and then he risks his own life to save her fathers'.

He just continues surprising her.

Hook looks down and fiddles with his flask and Emma swallows a grin of amusement when she sees the tips of his ears burn red. So the big bad pirate captain can't take a bit of thanks, huh?

Hook glances up at her, apparently trying to recover from his momentary bout of embarrassment. "Well, perhaps gratitude is in order, now." He murmurs and taps at his lips, smiling slyly.

Emma smiles in spite of herself. She knows that the flirting and innuendo is a self defense mechanism-that much is clear but now, but she can't help but flirt back, just a little bit, feeling her heart pound with anticipation.

"Yeah, that's what the thank you was for."

Hook sways closer, and Emma finds her eyes drawn to the curve of his lips as he speaks. "Is that all your father's life is worth to you?" He taunts, and Emma wonders, why is it that he suddenly seems so vivid, so bright, that the colors of the jungle surrounding them seem to pale in comparison.

"Please," Emma whispers, with a small shake of her head. "You couldn't handle it."

Hook smirks at her, his cheeks flushed. "Perhaps you're the one who couldn't handle it."

Emma gazes at him for a long moment. She knows it's a bad idea-every rational part of her brain screams at her that it's quite possibly one of the worst ideas she's ever had.

But Emma has never been a very rational person.

And he's just there-taunting her with his eyes and words and that obscene thing he does with his tongue that makes her insides turn to mush and the blood rush to her cheeks.

He's not the only one who likes a challenge.

Emma grabs Hook by the lapels of his coat and pulls him into her, slamming her lips against his with an almost bruising force. He lets out a startled gasp against her mouth and stiffens for a moment, before tentatively cradling the back of her head and kissing her back.

Emma tilts her head and deepens the kiss. It's hot, frantic, passionate, tongues meeting and teeth grazing. Hook backs up a bit, trying to take a breath but Emma pulls him back in, not ready to stop yet. There's fire coursing through her veins and he is like a drug, and she just can't get enough of him.

(She wonders if his heart is pounding as fiercely as hers.)

(Judging by the way he moans into her mouth, it probably is.)

Hook was right. She really can't handle it.

Their lips part, but their foreheads are still pressed together and Emma nearly topples over, her knees weakening and she clutches at his lapels to keep herself steady. They simply stand there for a few beats, swaying slightly, their breaths rushed and heavy.

"That was…." Hook breathes, sounding absolutely wrecked and Emma can't even bring herself to feel smug because she feels the exact same way. There was no way that was just a kiss. If that was just a kiss, she's never been kissed before in her life.

She opens her eyes and stares at him for a moment, wondering dazedly if there's something wrong with her vision, because he's positively glowing.

And on that note, she'd better back away.

"A one-time thing," Emma replies finally, because it has to be, she can't let it go any further than this. She's so close to falling and she won't allow herself because she just can't be hurt again.

But he wouldn't hurt you, a little traitorous voice whispers in her ear.

I don't know that, Emma argues back.

She lets go of him and walks away, fully conscious of his eyes burning holes into her back. "Don't follow me. Wait five minutes-go get some firewood or something."

"As you wish."

(Emma smiles, and feels her heart skip a beat.)

(She's doomed.)

Neal is alive.

Killian is tempted to do the selfish, easy thing and not tell Emma. But he ends up telling the group anyway, because he considers himself a man of honor and he cares for Emma too much. And maybe by telling them he is a little selfish-because they finally trust him and he doesn't want to break that trust.

Oh, and he's fairly certain that he's in love with Emma.

There's also that.

It's really not much of a surprise, Killian muses, as he leads the group-minus Regina-to the Echo Caves, where Neal is kept. He's been falling for her ever since she tied him to a tree in the Enchanted Forest and threatened him at knife point. It was only a matter of time, really. The kiss-that mind blowing, life shaking kiss-had simply opened his eyes.

He wishes that he hasn't realized it.

Because now, he knows what his secret is-what he will have to confess in order to get the path to open in the Echo Caves.

And it is not going to be easy.

"Neal is alive," Mary Margaret says and Emma's first, horrified thought is, Oh God please no.

She's feels guilty for it almost immediately because while things might be strained between her and Neal (that's an understatement, really) it isn't enough to wish him dead. And if he is alive, then Henry can have his father back in his life. That's a good thing, isn't it? Mary Margaret is right; Emma does owe it to Henry.

It doesn't cure the sickening feeling in her gut though. And Emma wishes she could have agreed with Regina that this is a waste of time and could continue the search for Henry, without giving a second's thought to Neal.

If that isn't bad enough, the kiss with Hook keeps replaying in her mind. Every time she looks at him, that's all she can think about. And Emma might feel better if he shoots her one of his never ending innuendos or knowing smirks, but he keeps his gaze averted from hers and seems almost melancholy.

It was just a kiss, Emma tells herself firmly.

Then why can't she stop thinking about it?

Glancing over her shoulder, Emma makes sure that David and Hook are out of hearing range before whispering to Mary Margaret, feeling ironically like she's in middle school again.

"I kissed him."

Mary Margaret looks at her, startled. "What? Who?"

Who do you think? Emma wants to quip. There are two men here-and one of them is my father!

"Hook! I kissed Hook."

"Oh!" Mary Margaret doesn't seem all that surprised at this-which makes Emma bristle, is she really that obvious? "Why?"

Emma wants to snort-she's been asking herself the same question ever since it happened. "I-I don't know, it's been a while and I was…feeling good."

"Well, did it mean anything?"

"No!" Emma hisses and it's a lie, because it didn't mean nothing, it meant everything…..she's just not sure what yet. "It was just a kiss!"

Then Mary Margaret asks the question Emma was expecting and dreading. "Is this about the soulmate thing?"

"I…." Emma trails off. It was a factor, yes, but not the reason. Somehow Emma feels like she would've kissed him without hesitation anyway. That just makes her feel more terrified, because this whole thing is becoming too real and she's getting in too deep, and-

"Ah," Mary Margaret gives this little knowing nod that makes Emma's defenses spring up.

"I don't have feelings for him."

"I never said you did," Mary Margaret defends. "But I think there's a spark here, Emma," When the woman in question remains silent, she presses on. "You can't deny that there's something between you two, even if you're not his soulmate."

"Even if something were to happen between us," Emma says stubbornly and quickly adds on. "And it won't," she says hastily. "But if something did happen, wouldn't it be going against the laws of nature or something? After all, he probably has his own soulmate waiting for him, somewhere out there." The words taste like acid on her lips. Emma shouldn't care this much, but she does, for some reason.

Damn that stupid, attractive pirate for getting into her head like this.

Mary Margaret lets out a little disbelieving laugh. "You don't even believe in things like fate, Emma. No, what's the real reason? Is it Neal?"

"No," Emma snaps immediately. "Not Neal. There hasn't been anything between us for the past decade and there won't be anything now."

Mary Margaret furrows her brow. "But you loved him."

"'Loved' as in past tense," Emma says shortly. "You don't know the full story, Mary Margaret. You wouldn't under-"

"Then help me understand," Mary Margaret pleads. "You can tell me anything, Emma, you know that right?"

Emma exhales shakily.

And then she tells Mary Margaret everything, in as few words as possible.

Once Emma finishes her tale, Mary Margaret looks absolutely horrified, her eyes burning with angry unshed tears.

"That sick son of a bitch," She hisses, and Emma reels, because she's never heard Mary Margaret curse like that before. "When I get my hands on him-"

"-you will do absolutely nothing," Emma interrupts firmly. "We need to focus on finding Henry now. Any death threats or beating up can wait."

Mary Margaret nods and sighs in defeat. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that, Emma." She whispers and Emma's heart clenches when she sees a tear run down her mother's cheek.

Me too.

The Echo Caves are dark, dismal and sinister. Despite the layers of clothes he wears, Killian feels almost numbingly cold as Neal, trapped in a cage across the huge chasm, calls Emma's name.

Killian glances at Emma and notices that she's taken a step back, looking terrified.

He feels a twinge of exasperation as the others debate how to get to Neal. Killian can't figure out whether they're simply afraid of exposing their deepest secrets in public, or if they didn't bother to take his heeding to mind.

"I told you what needs to be done," Killian says with a sigh. "Consider this the moment of truth, literally. Now, who wants to kick things off?" Emma, ever the skeptic, scoffs a little.

"So, what, someone tells their secret and they sprout wings?"

"I don't know the particulars, only what I've been told." Killian retorts.

"How do you know it will work?" David asks warily.

"There's only one way to find out, I suppose," Killian gazes at the cage and sighs again. Turning to the rest of the group, he speaks quickly.

"I kissed Emma."

"You did what?!" David demands, outraged, but is silenced with a quick admonishment from Snow.

Emma rolls her eyes. "I already told Mary Margaret, so technically, it's not a secret," She pauses, looking up at him. "It was just a kiss. How is that your 'darkest secret'?"

Killian exhales. "It's what the kiss exposed," He murmurs. "I never thought I'd be capable of letting go of my first love, of my Milah. To believe that I could find someone else-that is, until I met you."

Emma stares at him, shock and fear painted across her features. There's another emotion in her face that's unreadable, and before Killian can think anything of it, the ground suddenly shakes, and a bridge begins to form, from Neal's cage to them.

Emma steps towards him, lips parted to say something, and for a moment, Killian can't breathe; his heart beating swiftly in either fear or anticipation-he really can't tell.

But then Snow interrupts with her secret. Killian watches Emma's face and feels sickened at the way it falls when Snow expresses her desire to have another baby. Killian knows that the princess didn't mean it that way, didn't mean to make it sound as if she wanted to replace Emma, but Emma doesn't know that, and looking into her eyes, Killian can see her heart break, just a little bit.

And David speaks his own devastating secret-that he cannot leave Neverland if he wants to live. And Killian can see Emma's shoulders slump with the weight of this new knowledge, that she's going to lose her father as soon as she found him-and quite possibly her mother, too, because there's no way Snow will leave him here by himself.

The path is formed completely now. Emma walks over it cautiously and then looks back at them, as if seeking comfort, as if trying to gear herself up before fighting a battle. Killian holds her gaze until she turns back around and runs to Neal to free him.

And as she does, Killian thinks he can hear the sound of his own heart breaking.

"Yeah, well, she's got me now."

Emma feels a twinge of irritation at Neal's presumptuous words. She knew that going to Dark Hollow to capture Pan's shadow with Hook and Neal would probably be pretty awkward, but she didn't expect things to be so strained between those two. At least Hook isn't making the situation worse with any snide remarks…..which is pretty surprising, considering that he usually has no problem retaliating to whatever insult or barb Regina or David throw his way on a daily basis. Not that David has been doing a lot of that recently, given his sudden bromance with Hook.

As Neal disappears out of sight, Emma raises a hand to stop Hook before he can follow. "What was that about?" She demands. She wants answers, and she wants them now. If Neal and Hook are going to be at each other's throats the whole time, thus most likely compromising the mission, Emma at least wants an explanation.

Hook looks extremely uncomfortable as he speaks, avoiding Emma's gaze. "I assumed he'd heard my secret. I also assumed that you told him of our shared moment."

"Why would you assume that?"

"Perhaps I was hoping it meant something."

Yes, it did, Emma wants to tell him, but that's too dangerous, and she can't put her heart at risk like that. So she diverts.

"What meant something was that you told us that Neal was still alive. Thank you. I realize you could've kept Pan's information to yourself."

Hook looks genuinely puzzled at her words. "Why would I have done that?"

"I don't know," Emma shrugs. "Maybe Pan offered you a deal or something? Why else would he have told you?"

"It was a test," Hook says and Emma sucks in her breath sharply, because of course it was. "He wanted to see if I would leave an old friend to die, even if the friend were vying for the same woman I am."

"And you chose your friend," Emma shouldn't be that shocked, not really, he's proven his loyalty over and over, after all. Still, it comes out in her tone and Hook gives a little humorless chuckle and she's reminded of their kiss, all over again.

"Does that surprise you?"

"You are a pirate." The words are meant to be teasing, but Emma can't help the little twinge she feels in her chest when Hook ducks his head in a self-deprecating gesture.

"Yeah, that I am," He looks up at her again and steps closer. "But I also believe in good form. So when I win your heart, Emma…..and I will win it, it will not be because of any trickery. It will be because you want me."

Emma stares at him. The sounds of the leaves rasping together in the breeze, the quiet chirping of the birds, distant footsteps all seem to fade away as they stand there together, their breaths held in silence. Her heart is beating fast in light of his words. He spoke them so surely, so much hope and confidence in his voice that it steals the breath from her lungs, that it makes her believe that it will happen. And part of her knows it will-knows that it is inevitable, that it was bound to happen from the moment they saw each other, from the moment he looked into her eyes and asked her if she had ever been in love. This man-this infuriating man, who makes her question her beliefs, challenges her, has faith in her and is always there, a voice of support, will win her heart. Emma knows it-but believing it is another thing.

"This-" Emma whispers, hating herself a little for how breathless she sounds, her lips turning up into a smile. "This is not a contest, Hook."

He chuckles knowingly. "Isn't it? You're going to have to choose, Emma, you realize that, don't you; because neither one of us is going to give up."

Emma exhales loudly, struggles for control-control over her heart and emotions, tries not to let the little smile on his face and his proximity affect her and speaks. "The only thing I have to choose, is the best way to get my son back."

"And you will." Hook says immediately, and that ever present confidence-confidence in her-makes the blood rush to her cheeks.

"You think so?" Emma doesn't need validation, not from him, not from anybody; but it's just nice, having someone who believes in her unconditionally. Not even her parents have that kind of faith. Only Henry does, and now, Hook.

"I have yet to see you fail." There's absolute conviction in his voice and Emma thinks it's the greatest gift he could give her-even more than grand speeches and romantic declarations, because she just needs someone to believe in her.

Emma steps closer and Hook does too, but he doesn't make a move after that, watching her. Waiting for her to take the first step. Always a gentleman, indeed. She places her hand on his chest, allowing her fingers to tangle lightly with his necklace as she leans up to press her lips against his.

It's nothing like their first kiss. This is sweet and chaste, which is odd because Emma Swan doesn't do sweet and chaste. But there's something intoxicating in the way his lips move gently against hers, none of the passion and heat from before, but simply promises and belief and Emma feels so much; that she thinks her chest might explode from it.

And she has no idea why it feels so right, because they aren't soulmates, they're technically breaking the laws of the universe, so it doesn't make sense.

(She doesn't really care, and she doesn't think he does, either.)

Emma breaks away and watches as Hook opens his eyes slowly, takes in a shaky gulp of air and then his mouth tugs into a smile as he looks down at her, joy and adoration in his gaze. Emma takes a step back and lets her hand drop, but she's unable to take her eyes off his smile.

"This-this wasn't-"

"I know," He interrupts, his voice subdued, but he's still smiling. "I know, love."

Neal comes back and nothing more is said about the matter.

(Still, the image of his smile haunts her for the rest of the trek.)