You guys all seem excited about Jeff. Well, here he is…again.
I don't own anything. Except Jeff. I own her.
Chapter 4--Lost Monkey Baby
"Emmett, where's Jeff?" I asked as he walked up to our table, empty handed.
"I don't know," he said as he sat down.
"What do you mean you don't know?" I hissed. He couldn't have lost the baby this soon! We've had it for a half hour!
"The monkey took her," he said.
"What monkey?" Jasper asked.
"There is no monkey," I snapped, not really meaning to.
"There so is a monkey," Emmett said, folding his arms.
"Okay, there's a monkey. Now where's Jeff?" I asked.
"Who's Jeff?" Rosalie asked as she sat down beside Emmett. She should've known him longer before she married him…
"I think Jeff's a monkey," Jasper said.
Emmett snorted. "Jeff is not a monkey," he said. "Jeff is my daughter," he said.
Rosalie's eyebrows shot up. "You have a daughter…named Jeff?" she asked.
"Yep. She's mine and Bella's," he said.
I slapped my forehead with my palm. Not only is he trying to fail me, he's trying to get me killed! "What?" Rosalie snapped.
"It's for Life Science," I told her.
"Oh," she said, blinking her eyes a couple times. "Where is it?" she asked, looking around.
"I don't know," I mumbled.
"You lost a baby?" she asked.
"No. I lost the baby," Emmett said with a grin. At least he's taking the blame for…he what?!
"You lost her?!" I exclaimed.
"Jeff is a her?" Jasper asked.
"Who's Jeff?" Alice asked as she sat down.
"A lost monkey baby or something like that," Jasper told her.
"Uh…okay," Alice said as she looked at all of us confused.
"Where's Edward?" Rosalie asked suddenly. Good question…
"I told you we are not really married!" Edward yelled at a girl as they walked into the cafeteria.
"You shouldn't say those types of things in front of Edward Jr. you know," she said as she rocked a fake baby back and forth.
Edward let out a low growl and came to sit down next to me while the rest of us fought laughter. "Why do I always get stuck with the crazy ones?" he mumbled.
"It's payback," Emmett said simply.
"What are you talking about Emmett? Payback for what?" Edward asked.
"Payback for when you told on me for stealing Carlisle's laughing gas," he said.
"What does that have to do with me getting the worst partner imaginable?" he asked.
"Everything! Why do you think I stole the partner's list?!" he asked.
"You what?" I nearly shrieked. He got to change the partner list and didn't even give me a non-mentally challenged partner?!
"I changed it. You and Edward were originally paired up but I figured-"
"-Emmett I am so going to kill you," I hissed.
"You wouldn't leave our baby fatherless, would you?" he asked, trying to subtly scoot his chair farther away from me.
"It wasn't my fault that crane ran you over," I said with a smile on my face.
"What crane?" he asked.
"The one I'm renting when we get home," I said with a smug smile as his eyes widened.
"Calm down you two," Jasper muttered. "You're going to rip his head off Bella," he said.
"Is that guaranteed?" I asked hopefully. Emmett just stuck his tongue out at me and I turned to Rosalie. "Rose, I will pay you twelve thousand dollars to go make out with that guy over there," I said, pointing to a decent looking human in a letterman's jacket. Oh. That was wand boy from this morning. Poor guy.
She wrinkled her nose. "Why?" she asked in a disgusted tone.
"So Emmett will kill him and get expelled," I said.
"Oh please," Emmett scoffed. "I would wait till we're out of school to kill the kid. I would rent a plane, kidnap the loser, fly it thirty thousand feet in the air, dangle him out the door for a couple of minutes, drop him and then crash the plane. I wouldn't get expelled for that," he said with a wave of his hand.
I let out a growl and lunged for him just as Edward grabbed my arm and pulled me back down. "Bella, you need to calm down," Jasper said, pushing soothing waves towards me.
"Calm down?" I asked with a laugh. "Calm down?" I asked again, sounding completely hysterical. "How can I be calm when I have every single class with that moron. I've been sent to the principal's twice today! I had to shove him in an emergency shower when his pinky caught on fire! I had to walk him to the bathroom after he had an 'accident' in Math class!" I exclaimed. My entire family was staring at me incredulously after my outburst-plus a few people from surrounding tables that heard me. "I'm going to go outside for a minute," I said before heading towards the door.
"I'm going to go with her," I heard Edward say.
"No, I'll go talk to her. It's my fault," Emmett said as the door closed behind me. I walked around to the parking lot before stopping so Emmett could catch up to me. I turned around and grinned. "That was brilliant!" he said, picking me up in a hug and twirling me around. "Edward thought you snapped your twig!"
I laughed and then a mischievous grin started to form on my face. "Ready for Phase 2?" I asked.
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