"Scarecrow, listen! There is nothing I can do about it if Bo Johnson has said the Agency isn't allowed on his ranch– he's a private citizen and it's private property. If he's taken responsibility for the security while they're visiting him, then it's a closed book as far as we're concerned."
"No, Billy, you don't understand!" Lee was pacing back and forth in his boss' office, as if he could walk off his frustration. "Someone tried to assassinate the Crown Princess of Zakir right on the grounds of their own embassy last night, they only barely missed her AND Amanda, and now she's going off to a ranch in the middle of nowhere with a hell of a lot less security and every instinct I have is screaming that Amanda has ended up right in the middle of something dangerous – AGAIN – and I know there's something we're not seeing and it's making me crazy! And now you're telling me Bo Johnson won't let us anywhere near the place because he thinks we screwed up the protective detail last time? How can he do that? They are foreign dignitaries and we are their assigned security!"
"Lee, calm down! You're starting to sound like Amanda when you don't stop for breath. Look, I understand what you're saying but I've been on the phone with State Department all morning and they won't budge. Prince Rheza and his wife are visiting Bo Johnson as family friends, not as part of their official visit, which means we have absolutely no jurisdiction to protect them while they're there. And may I remind you, we have no reason to believe that attempt is anything other than a disgruntled Zakirian opposition member! Who else would want the prince or princess dead?"
"That's just it, Billy! We ran checks on everyone that was at the Embassy that day including the roofing contractors and there's absolutely no connection to the Pan-Arab Unity League that we can find. They're just a small opposition group – they aren't the kind of group that goes around hiring professional assassins!" Lee jabbed a finger in Billy's direction. "And don't tell me that wasn't a professional hit! Amanda being a klutz saved both their lives but it was too close and that getaway was too clean for it to be anything but a pro!"
Billy spread his hands helplessly. "You're right, but Bo Johnson practically has his own army out there in addition to the Royal Guard- and there's nothing we can do without a warrant – not that we could get one - if a private citizen forbids us from stepping foot on private property. I'm sure Amanda will be fine – her instincts are good and she's lucky."
"Lucky? Her only luck is consistently showing up in the middle of something she shouldn't be in the middle of! Billy, if there's trouble, she can't even run away on that ankle! You saw her hobbling around here this morning when she came in to debrief! It's a miracle she managed to drive in this morning, even if it is just a walking cast! Are you seriously sitting there calmly telling me that the only Agency presence we can put in the middle of this is an inexperienced untrained crippled mother of two small boys because she's lucky? Do you know how insane that sounds? And you know she doesn't even want to go! She's only going because she's too damn polite to say no to the princess!"
"Scarecrow! Would you please stop pacing! You're making me dizzy!"
Billy watched as Lee flung himself into the chair opposite Billy's desk, long legs stretched out in front of him and scowl seemingly permanently etched on his face. Billy leaned forward, fingers linked in front of him and began to lecture him in a paternal tone. "Look, Lee, I do understand that you're worried about Amanda but I really don't think you have cause for concern. She's simply a nice woman who got invited to a party because the princess liked her PTA tour – there's no reason to think that makes her a target. Besides she'll just be spending time keeping the princess company – that alone should keep her safe. It's not like the Crown Princess of Zakir is going to go wandering off into trouble, is it?"
Lee started to answer that, but decided against it. It was probably better for all concerned if Billy didn't know Amanda's entire history with the princess – that was the sort of thing that could cost Amanda her job.
"Billy, she's never a target, but you know she has a knack of being in the wrong place at the wrong time!"
"From what I hear, she was in the right place at the right time at that party. If she hadn't knocked over the princess, we'd be looking at an international incident." He paused, concerned at the expression on Lee's face.
"You weren't there, Billy! When she went down, I thought she'd been..." He leaned forward to drop his head into his hands as Billy cringed – somehow, hearing the story after the fact, he'd missed thinking about those few seconds from Lee's perspective. Lee looked up and went on. "We cannot let her go out there alone. She's too inexperienced to know she's inexperienced and if anyone tries anything again, she'll go plunging into the middle of it without a second thought – you know I'm right, you saw it for yourself with Alexei!"
Billy leaned back in his chair, nodding. "You have a point but I sure hate to lose our only insider at that ranch." He sighed deeply. "You said she was going just to be polite. Do you think you can talk her out of going?"
Lee shook his head miserably. "No. She's determined to go because the princess wants her there so badly. Apparently, Penelope even called her later that night to make sure she would really come. Said she should bring her mother even, but of course she can't do that because her mother doesn't know anything about Amanda's real job. And besides, she needs her to look after the boys." He lifted his head and looked at Billy hopefully. "But if you ordered her not to go..."
"No I can't do that. If the brass found out I scuttled this, they'd have my head. She's our only eyes there." Billy suddenly sat bolt upright, an arrested expression on his face as he caught sight of something in the bullpen.
"Did you say the princess told her to bring a friend if she wanted?"
"Yes" said Lee hopelessly "But Bo Johnson met me – he knows I'm Agency so that's not going to work – not if he's explicitly said no agents on his property."
"He's met you, but I can think of someone he hasn't," Billy had started to chuckle.
Lee turned his head and looked out the office window. Francine had just walked in, dressed to the nines for the party at Senator Holcomb's house that night. "Oh come on, Billy! Francine at a ranch? She'll stick out like a sore thumb. She probably doesn't even know one end of the horse from the other."
"That's where you're wrong, Scarecrow, and you'd know that if you ever read any of her background. Francine was an amateur champion hunter/jumper rider when she was young – she's probably a better rider than you."
Lee looked embarrassed. "Oh. I probably should have guessed that, huh? Private school girls always have horses, don't they?"
Billy stood up and walked to the office door. "Yes they do - and for future reference, I wouldn't try challenging her to a fencing match anytime either." He opened his office door and beckoned Francine over. She waltzed in, in a cloud of perfume and silk.
"What's up Billy? Something I need to know for tonight?"
"No, nothing like that. I was just wondering if you'd like to spend the weekend with royalty? You'd have to be ready to leave first thing tomorrow morning."
"Are you kidding me? When would I ever turn down a weekend like that? Where am I headed? London? Monaco?"
"Virginia. Bo Johnson's ranch to be specific. I want you to go in undercover as a friend of Amanda's who's just tagging along. Lee seems to feel she shouldn't be left alone out there."
"Lee's right," said Francine unexpectedly. She shuddered slightly before adding, "I still haven't recovered from her stunt at the motel the other week."
Lee looked at Billy with an "I told you so" expression and Billy rolled his eyes.
"Well, we're all agreed then. Now Bo Johnson doesn't want any Agency presence and he doesn't know Amanda works here, so you're going to have to play fellow PTA mom or something. Can you manage that? Do you even own jeans for a weekend at a ranch?"
Francine lifted a well-manicured brow. "Of course I do. I practically keep Gloria Vanderbilt in her penthouse all by myself."
Lee snorted while Billy grimaced. "I don't mean designer jeans, Francine, you'll need Levis."
"Who's Levi?" asked Francine.
Billy's jaw dropped and he turned to Lee who was looking equally bemused. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea."
"Oh for heaven's sake, you two! I was kidding! Of course I own jeans, Billy – I don't spend my entire life dressed like this you know!"
"Good, I'll have Amanda pick you up at your apartment first thing in the morning. It'll make your cover as a fellow housewife more believable if you show up in her station wagon." Billy turned to Lee. "And you go call Amanda and tell her she's bringing a friend after all."
Lee looked like a thousand pound weight had been lifted off him. "Fantastic. Francine, did you ever find anything on the roofing contractor? I still think there had to be some insider info going on there."
"I got as far as finding out it was Endicott Roofing and Efraim's running names through the computer to see what he can find. I've invited my pet IRS guy to come with me to this party tonight – he might have come up with something as well. I'll call you before we leave tomorrow."
Lee jumped up and headed for the door. "Thanks Billy."
"You're welcome." Billy watched him stalk across the bullpen and out the doors, turning towards the elevator, before turning to Francine. "Thanks for this. I didn't think I was ever getting him out of my office!"
"No problem," Francine shrugged. "It's not exactly going to be a hardship spending a relaxing weekend in the country."
"Lee doesn't seem to think such a thing exists when Amanda's around."
"Oh he's absolutely right on that front but if my only job is to keep her out of trouble, it'll be like a spa day compared to dealing with the grabbers at the party tonight."
"Well, that will be just wonderful! No, no I'm sure the princess won't mind a bit!" Amanda glanced at her mother who was pretending that she wasn't listening avidly to Amanda's side of the phone conversation. "No, it will be wonderful to have someone who can do all the driving. Thank you for thinking of it!" She turned her back on her mother and pulled the phone around the corner so she could whisper down the phone. "Yes, I'm sure it will be fine – Penny said I should bring a friend. I'm so glad you thought of asking Francine."
"Penny? You're on a first name basis now aren't you?" Lee could afford to laugh now that he knew Francine would be along to keep an eye on the situation.
"Oh, cut it out! She insists on it and it makes me so uncomfortable. I mean, she's a princess – I shouldn't be calling her by her first name but she's a princess so I can't not do it when she tells me to, can I?"
Lee was outright laughing now. "You're an American, Amanda – you don't have to obey royalty if you don't want to!"
Amanda finally started to giggle as well. "It's all still weird – who ever thought I'd be weekending with movie stars and princesses?"
"You do seem to have a knack for ending up in unlikely places, I'll grant you that. Look, Francine will be waiting for you at her place in the morning – you can drive that far right?"
"Oh yes, the cast has helped with that but I'll be honest, it will be nice to let her do most of the driving."
"Well, she can brief you on her cover while you two drive down there. It's fine for the princess to know she's Agency but whatever you do, don't let Johnson find out – we're persona non grata on that ranch."
"Ok," said Amanda doubtfully. "It seems rude to lie to our host but then again," she added in a rush, "Penny really seems to dislike him so I think she'll be quite happy to have some extra friendly faces around."
"She doesn't like him? I thought he was an old family friend?"
Amanda peeked around the corner, relieved to see her mother had given up and gone out into the garden to work on the flower bed. "No, he's an old family friend of Rheza's father apparently, but he and Penny have been butting heads because she thinks Zakir should be keeping more oil revenue to help their own people, but Bo's oil company has the drilling rights and he's actually angling to get even more revenue not less."
Lee was stunned by the sheer volume of information Amanda had just packed into a single sentence. "How do you know all this? I thought you didn't stay at the party the other night?"
"Well, no I didn't stay but well, you see, she was telling me and Mother..."
The hair on Lee's neck was tingling again. "What do you mean 'me and Mother'?" he interrupted ominously.
"Ahhhh, well, it's like this," Amanda was hedging now, knowing he wasn't going to be happy.
"It's like what?" Lee knew he wasn't going to happy either.
"She kind of came for breakfast at my house this morning," she said all in a rush.
"She WHAT?" Lee had been sitting at his desk but he was on his feet now, yelling down the phone. Every head in the bullpen had swiveled to watch him starting to pace back and forth in the tiny space in the corner of the room.
"Well look, it's not like I invited her or anything, she just got restless and wanted to get out of the Embassy for a while and when we were talking on the phone after the party the night before, she said I should bring my mother and I had to explain that Mother doesn't know who I really work for and besides I needed someone home with the boys but that she was so disappointed she didn't get to meet a real princess and so Penny just showed up." She could hear Lee spluttering on the end of the line. "Oh look, it wasn't my fault and she did bring a bodyguard with her this time so I didn't think I needed to tell you right away and it's not like I could exactly excuse myself from family breakfast with a princess by saying I had to phone the office, could I? And she got back to the Embassy in plenty of time to get ready for their formal stuff today and my mother was so excited to meet her and the boys too and you're not mad, are you?"
She could hear the exhale of breath as Lee seethed quietly. "No I'm not mad," he said finally. "At least not at you. But I might throttle Her Royal Recklessness myself when I see her – how can she pull another stunt like that after the other day?"
"She's not trying to be reckless, Lee – she's just frustrated because she grew up just like us and now she's practically a prisoner in her own house!She just wants to do stuff like normal people. I mean, if you had to live your whole life with nothing but rules, rules, rules all the time, wouldn't you get a little rebellious from time to time too?"
If it hadn't been for the background noise of the bullpen, Amanda might have thought they'd been cut off because the silence was so complete. "Lee?"
"Fine. I won't throttle her, but only because I'm supposed to be keeping her alive," he said finally.
"That's the spirit," said Amanda helpfully. "So is there anything else you need to tell me or can I get back to my dieffenbachia?"
"Your diffi-what?"
"My dieffenbachia. It's very sick and I'm afraid it's not going to make it without me here to look after it. Mother is wonderful with outside plants but for some reason she has a black thumb with indoor plants and this one in particular really seems to have taken a dislike to her."
"A-man-da!"
She stifled a giggle at the mixture of exasperation and confusion in Lee's voice. He definitely wasn't still thinking about the Houdini-like tendencies of princesses anymore.
"I'm sure your Diefenbaker thing will be fine without you – and if it isn't, I'll get Billy to get you another one out of petty cash, okay?"
"Aw, thank you L—Mr Simpson," amended Amanda as her mother wandered back in from outside.
"Can't talk anymore?"
"No, thank you. I'll be sure to collect Ms. Desmond tomorrow morning then. Thank you again for setting that up."
She hung up and turned to her mother with a bright smile. "Well, isn't that nice? IFF got permission to come and cover some of the princess' visit to the ranch this weekend so one of the film people is coming with me and she can do most of the driving down to Los Pinos. So now you don't have to worry about me driving with this cast on."
Dotty's relief about that appeared to be tempered with some envy, however. "I simply cannot believe you get to spend an entire weekend at Bo Johnson's ranch! And keeping royalty company to boot! I mean, just the other day the closest I'd ever gotten to royalty was when I was Homecoming Queen and now my own daughter is practically a lady-in-waiting! Oh how I wish I could go with you! You know, I used to have such a crush on Bo Johnson! Your father used to tease me about it but he never really complained because he liked Westerns so then we both had a nice night out. And besides he had a thing for Lauren Bacall so that made it even – he used to drag me off to the Rialto every time they did a classics night and "To Have or Have Not" was playing. I mean, not that I need to be dragged because that is such a good movie! Have you ever seen it Amanda? It's the one where she says, "you don't have to do anything. Not a thing. Oh, maybe just whistle. You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together and... blow…" I mean, what man wouldn't want to come running when Lauren Bacall whistled? She made it so darn sexy!"
"Is that why you and Daddy had that special whistle to find each other in a crowd?" Amanda laughed at her mother, eyes brimming with merriment as she watched her over the rim of her coffee cup.
"Well, that was one reason," laughed her mother, "but really it's just because a whistle carries so much further than a voice. Anyway, Darling, if you happen to be anywhere near Bo Johnson and you just happen to have a pen and paper handy…"
"Yes, Mother, I'll get his autograph for you," smiled Amanda.
"Nothing fancy, just his autograph. Or maybe, you know, 'To Dotty with love' if it's not too much trouble. But just make sure he spells my name right: D-O-T-T-Y not I-E!"
"Mother! For heaven's sake, I know how to spell your name!" Amanda put down her coffee and leaned on the counter with a questioning expression. "Mother, what did you think about what Penny was saying today about Bo and his attitude towards her? I met him at the embassy party and I have to admit he gave me the same kind of vibe. It was all "Little Lady this and Little Lady that. I'm sure it's supposed to be folksy but it was actually kind of irritating."
Her mother looked thoughtful for a moment. "Well, of course Bo comes from a different era as far as that sort of thing is concerned but I must say, your father was the same generation, and he was never like that even if he did grow up in North Carolina. Real cowboys know it's the women who really run everything so all that kind of talk is just them trying to keep you sweet, but I'm pretty sure Bo Johnson was actually born and raised in Poughkeepsie so with him it's an act and he's probably still just playing a movie part." She sighed and picked up her own coffee cup, waving it at Amanda. "You know, Amanda, you should never meet your heroes – you're always doomed to be disappointed! Never mind about the autograph – I'll just stick with my girlhood memories before I heard what he's really like."
"Aww, I'm sorry, Mother. I didn't mean to burst your bubble about Bo."
"It's fine, Darling. The thing about getting to my age is you learn to live with those kind of disappointments from the men in your life." She grinned across the kitchen island. "Besides, I got to meet a right down regular royal princess in exchange and the ladies at the flower club will be so much more jealous of that! In fact, I'm going to take the film from my camera down to the one-hour photo booth right now and get those pictures from this morning developed! I'll get double copies so you can take some with you for the princess!"
Amanda gurgled with laughter. "Mother, I think Penny probably has enough pictures of herself – I mean there's an official photographer who follows her everywhere for one thing!"
"Well, he wasn't following her today was he? And I think she'd like a photo that's just her in a nice normal American house with nice normal friendly people, don't you?"
"You think we're normal?" asked Amanda mischievously. "I'm not sure Penny thinks so anymore after your stories about your little velour cape and crown this morning!"
Dotty's eyes twinkled back at her. "Well, we're a lot more normal than some. Did I tell you the latest about that couple down the street? Edna was just telling me that she's heard a rumor about what the cleaning lady found in their bedside table - "
"Mother!" Amanda jerked her head towards the two small heads in the family room.
"Oh right, never mind. I'll tell you later." Dotty pushed off from the counter and picked up her purse. "Now do you need anything for your weekend while I'm out? Sunscreen? Sunglasses? … Tiara?"
"Oh! Yes actually – could you get me some more antihistamine tablets? I just know I'm not going to be allowed to get through this weekend without being near a horse and you know what I'm like if I haven't taken something first."
"Indeed I do," answered Dotty sympathetically. "In fact, I'll pick you up a couple of those travel packs of Kleenex too."
"Oh that's a good idea. Thank you Mother."
"My pleasure, Darling. If I have to live through you vicariously, I'd rather it not be through a haze of sneezing."
Amanda waited for her mother to go out through the front door and down the path to the sidewalk before picking up the phone again and dialing the number of the Zakirian Embassy, shaking her head at the idea that she had the number for a direct line to a princess.
"Hello, Penny? It's Amanda. No, no, I'm still coming, but you know how I said I should bring a friend? Well…."