"Nowadays most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are one's mistakes."
Arturia watched Gilgamesh as he stood in front of the vending machine. His hand was pressed on the glass, his back facing her. She could've gone upstairs to her apartment, but that would've been rude. Arturia sat on a hard bench in the lobby and wondered what he was thinking about.
Ten minutes.
Strange, that they'd spent hours together, and it had flown by, but ten minutes seemed to stretch on forever. The silence felt like a challenge. Gilgamesh had thrown down the gauntlet, and was awaiting her response. It was one of the few instances in her life where she wasn't sure what course of action to take. She needed more information.
"Art?" called a new, yet familiar voice. Keith stood in the stairwell. He wore an old, faded red jersey and looked at her with a strange mixture of concern and curiosity. His gaze shifted to Gilgamesh and then returned to her. "What's going on?"
Arturia opened her mouth to respond and then paused. Gilgamesh was now staring at Keith with a blank expression and folded arms. Even so, she could feel the anger rolling off him in waves.
"It's nothing. I'll be up in a few minutes," Arturia said, trying to be subtle with her request. However, Keith and subtlety didn't exactly gel. He stayed where he was, and she sighed. "Keith, this is Gilgamesh. Gilgamesh, this is my brother, Keith."
Gilgamesh's expression didn't change, but the furious aura vanished. He dropped his arms to his sides. Men. Although she supposed she couldn't blame him in this case. She probably would've jumped to a similar conclusion if the situation was reversed. There was a pregnant pause.
"Uh, nice to meet you." Keith scratched the back of his head. A gorgeous luxury sedan pulled up outside. Gilgamesh smirked and ended the bizarre standoff.
"It looks like my ride has arrived. Arturia," he said. She nodded her farewell. Gilgamesh then proceeded to ignore Keith, and strode out the complex. As the door swung shut her brother shot Arturia an incredulous look.
"Who the hell was that? He seems like a massive cunt," Keith said, and Arturia responded with a flat stare.
"Shut up, Keith." She shouldered past him. Keith trailed behind her.
"Girls don't really dig guys like that, do they?" he asked.
"Some do," Arturia replied.
"Why, though? I don't get it. What does he have that manly men like myself don't?" Keith sounded disgruntled. They walked down the hallway toward apartment number seven, along threadbare carpet and past faded wallpaper.
"Charisma," Arturia said. Then, as an afterthought, "And proper hygiene."
Keith didn't respond, which clued her into the fact that a nefarious plot was underfoot. Once inside the apartment, after the door shut with an audible click, something heavy and smelling of stale chips slammed into Arturia's midriff.
All the air rushed out of her lungs. Arturia had already begun to twist in anticipation of her brother's sneak attack, but collapsed under his weight regardless. The two scuffled for several frantic, furious seconds, red faced and spitting curses. It was a familiar routine that brought them both comfort, and they knew how far to push without hurting one another. Usually.
Grunting, Arturia heaved and pinned Keith to the ground. He squirmed under her iron grip. Then he went limp, and for a time the sound of heavy breathing was all that could be heard.
"You cheated," Keith said.
"Take that back." Arturia felt offended.
"I'm, like, twice your size. There's no way you're stronger than me. It's pretty basic biology." He frowned at her. She prodded his stomach.
"You have an impressive beer gut," Arturia observed. Keith began to wriggle, attempting another bid for freedom. His face turned a fascinating shade of puce. In fact, she worried that he might pop a blood vessel at the rate he was going.
"Most would consider that a college badge of honor – will you get the hell off me already?" Keith asked irritably.
"I don't know, are you going to try anything cheap?" Arturia retorted.
"It's called an ambush. Tactics. Maybe one day you'll understand such refined stratagem, rather than brute forcing everything." He surrendered again.
Arturia rolled her eyes. Typical. Trust Keith to try put a spin on all their fights and arguments. He had a knack at making it feel like she'd lost even when she won.
Arturia flopped off Keith. They both laid on their backs and stared at the ceiling. The prolonged silence was comfortable. Despite being roommates and siblings, sometimes it seemed they never saw each other for more than a few minutes each day. The rough housing almost felt nostalgic.
"Do you like him?" Keith asked, out of nowhere. Arturia glanced at her brother.
"Who?" Of course she knew who. But she wasn't inclined to have this particular conversation.
"Don't play dumb. Goldilocks." He didn't notice Arturia working hard to keep a straight face. "You were doing that thing you do, when you're around someone you have a crush on."
"What? What thing? And no I wasn't," she insisted.
"You know. The thing." Keith gesticulated wildly, and then looked at her with a satisfied expression. "And you totally were. I've become fluent in reading brick walls."
"Ah, yes, the language of my people." Arturia shifted onto her stomach and sent him a withering glare. She could feel the rough carpet pressed against her cheek and made a mental note to vacuum later. Keith snorted and faced her as well.
"So? Do you like him?" he asked again, resting his head in the crook of his elbow. Rolling her eyes, Arturia contemplated the question before dismissing it.
"What are you, six? We're just fr..." She stopped. Were they friends? No. No, definitely not. "We're co... part... work... acquaintances."
Keith and Arturia stared at each other.
"Yeah, sure," he said, his tone skeptical. "You can be so weird sometimes."
Arturia sighed but didn't bother arguing with him.
...
Arturia left for work earlier than usual. The oak door to the office felt solid as she knocked. Investigation, start. Siduri called for her to come in, and the door swung open on smooth, well-oiled hinges.
When Arturia had her own office, she decided it would look similar to Siduri's. Minimalistic and modern, the pinnacle of form and function. Siduri watched as Arturia took a seat on the other side of the mahogany desk.
"And to what do I owe the unexpected pleasure?" Siduri asked. Arturia summoned her courage, cleared her throat, and looked her boss straight in the eyes.
"I have some questions about Gilgamesh," she said. Grimacing, Siduri pinched the bridge of her nose.
"You didn't sleep with him, did you?" she asked. Flustered by the blunt inquiry, Arturia just shook her head. "Oh, that's something at least. Has he been bothering you?"
"No," Arturia assured her, a bit defensive, after taking a moment to breathe and relax. "I just – you seemed to know him well. I apologize for being unprofessional."
Siduri waved a negligent hand and said, "It's fine. I met Gilgamesh back when I still lived in Samawah. He helped me move to America. In a way, I guess I kind of owe him. Or is it the other way around?"
A melancholic expression crossed her face. Arturia blinked. She knew the dark haired woman before her hailed from the Middle East, but it wasn't something Siduri talked about often, if at all. And Arturia wasn't the type to pry into the affairs of others. But she had to admit that when it came to Gilgamesh, she was curious enough to make an exception.
"What was Gilgamesh doing there?" Arturia asked. She was surprised when Siduri began to chuckle.
"He didn't tell you? Well. Gilgamesh is what a lot of westerners would colloquially refer to as an oil sheik," she said. "His family owns some of the biggest refineries in Iraq."
Arturia needed a second for that to sink in. Her brow furrowed. More money than sense, Gilgamesh had told her. It seemed plausible, and yet it was strange to conceptualize. Although she was too polite to admit it out loud, Siduri must've read her thoughts.
"He looks European, that's what you're thinking?" she asked. Slightly embarrassed, Arturia nodded. "Don't worry, it's a common mistake. And technically there's some truth to it. His mother's Russian. Gift from the Soviets, if you will. Apparently he's the only one of his siblings who looks like that. I'm sure Gilgamesh doesn't mind, especially when using airports."
Arturia frowned a little and said, "I see."
"Yeah, well, like I said, I'd recommend steering clear of him if I were you." Siduri tented her fingers together and peered down at Arturia, the epitome of stern authority.
"Why?" Arturia asked, getting to the crux of the matter.
"Because Gilgamesh is a rich businessman. He's very good at getting what he wants. And he knows how to make people feel like they're..." Siduri lost focus. Then clarity removed the clouds in her eyes. "Worthwhile. The problem is that once Gilgamesh gets bored – and he always gets bored – he moves on, independent of the other person's feelings. Because ultimately, Gilgamesh only cares about himself. I've seen a lot of woman try to change him. They think they're the one, for them it'll be different, and then in the end they just hurt themselves. You're an adult and you're quite mature, but, well, I like you, Arturia. I'd hate to see anything like that happen to you."
Mulling over her boss's words, Arturia squared her shoulders. It was what she'd more or less suspected, after spending time with Gilgamesh. Hearing Siduri confirm it almost made her feel disappointed. Part of her had hoped to be off base.
"Thank you. I appreciate you taking the time out of your day to talk with me about this," she said.
"Don't worry about it. I meant it when I said I liked you. You're the best damn worker I've ever had." Siduri leaned back and smiled faintly. "I'll even take you out and buy you a drink sometime, if you want."
"I'm glad to hear it." Arturia mirrored the smile, her response wry. "It's a date, then."
Siduri laughed and they exchanged pleasantries. Then the phone rang and Arturia used the opportunity to excuse herself. She changed into her uniform and waited in the car for her shift to start, as she still had some time on hand.
Taking out her phone, Arturia stared at Gilgamesh's number and tried to figure out what to do next. The answer seemed obvious, but she found herself reluctant at the thought of cutting ties with the man. She enjoyed his company, even if he could be infuriating when the occasion called for it. Still, Arturia knew what needed to happen. Nothing good would come out of the... whatever it was she had with Gilgamesh. That much was certain. She had more important things to worry about in life.
Arturia decided to inform Gilgamesh of her decision when he showed up that night. The thought made her feel a bit sad. However, she had enough on her plate without balancing a potential relationship with a flighty metrosexual on top of that, a relationship that was almost guaranteed to end in failure. And given that the only other relationship she'd ever had, had ended poorly, she wasn't eager for a repeat.
While waiting, Arturia concocted a plan. She'd explain to Gilgamesh, in logical detail, all the reasons that a continued dalliance between them was a poor idea. His attention was flattering, but it just wasn't going to work between them. Then Arturia would maybe take a picture, because she had a feeling Gilgamesh wasn't used to rejection, and she wanted to remember the look on his face. For the sake of posterity.
Convinced she was making the correct decision, Arturia got out of the car, straightened her clothes, and then marched back into the bar. With a plan in place, she felt confident and prepared to handle whatever Gilgamesh threw at her.
Her shift progressed without much incident. She kept an eye on the corner that Gilgamesh had more or less claimed, but it remained vacant. The night came to a close and he never showed. Once again, he'd surprised her. It figured that he would manage to ruin her plan by doing nothing.
Perhaps something had come up. Arturia supposed she could call him and just tell him to get another plane ticket, but the action struck her as cowardly and her pride rejected it on principal. She wanted to talk to him face-to-face.
As Arturia cleaned the tables, she decided she'd wait until whenever Gilgamesh decided to come around. The plan could then be enacted, swiftly and efficiently. And if he didn't, then there was always the chance that he'd changed his mind or lost interest. Which would be for the best, anyway.
Arturia scowled and scrubbed at a stubborn bit of dirt so hard her knuckles turned white.
...
The low murmur of the radio droned on in the background. Arturia kept her hands in the ten and two position on the steering wheel, watching the countryside slide past. It was a bright and sunny enough day that she'd worn sunglasses, and felt quite satisfied with the decision.
Irisviel sat in the back seat, content to hum along to the music and stare out the window. They were going to visit a family friend of the von Einzbern's for lunch, and of course said friend lived over two hours away. Although the drive was long, most of it was along an open, empty stretch of road. It was a tranquil experience.
Arturia more than welcomed the distraction. It had been a hectic week, and she recently received an email from her history of the arts professor, requesting a meeting. She'd been confidant upon finishing her exam, but the sight of the message induced instantaneous paranoia. The fact that she knew Professor Merle well (a little too well for her taste), coupled with his position as her advisor, somewhat alleviated her concerns. Still, she couldn't help but worry.
Then there was the situation with Gilgamesh, who she hadn't seen since they'd studied together. She mostly kept busy and didn't think about it too much, but Arturia would often catch herself turning toward the entrance of the bar every time it opened in the hopes that it would be him.
The lack of closure was irritating. She was amazed that Gilgamesh managed to annoy her even when he wasn't present. Arturia had even considered calling him and demanding an explanation, but then he would win, somehow, and that was unacceptable.
"... Saber?"
Blinking, Arturia realized that Irisviel had been trying with little success to get her attention. She shifted, inwardly chiding herself over her lack of focus.
"Ah, I apologize. I was distracted," Arturia said. In the rearview mirror, she watched Irisviel smile.
"Oh, don't be sorry. I just thought you might be interested to know that I saw Gilgamesh the other day," Irisviel said, a hint of mischief sparkling in her red eyes. Arturia let that sink in. So Gilgamesh was still around, then.
"I see," she said, as neutral as possible.
"He asked me about you." Irisviel seemed to be trying not to laugh. "I think he likes you."
"I couldn't tell," Arturia muttered, tightening her grip.
Gilgamesh was looking into her behind her back? She wanted to get mad, but then remembered she'd done almost the exact same thing. Arturia huffed under her breath. This time Irisviel did laugh out loud, hands clapping together in delight.
"Oh, Saber, you can be so droll sometimes. Do you like him, too? I think you would make an adorable couple." She brimmed with infectious enthusiasm, straightening in her seat.
"Irisviel," Arturia protested, "this is hardly what I would consider appropriate conversation."
Her pale haired charge pouted and said, "That's not fair. You get to veto boy talks, but I have to sit through seatbelt lectures whenever we go outside the city limits?"
"I fail to how such lectures are inappropriate." But Arturia could feel the corners of her lips twitching upward. "Your safety is my top priority."
"And yet, just a few minutes ago, there you were. Daydreaming," Irisviel countered with a triumphant grin. Arturia mulled this point over.
"True. I suppose we should watch driver's safety videos together in penance," she said, and changed lanes to pass someone.
"Even the one with the crash dummy?" Irisviel asked, emitting a mock gasp.
"Especially the one with the crash dummy," Arturia replied, deadpan, and Irisviel became overwhelmed with a fit of giggles.
The prior subject was then dropped, and the duo chatted about inane matters. Small talk never came easily to Arturia, but Irisviel was an excellent conversationalist. Her knack for getting someone as reticent as Arturia to open up was quite remarkable. But at the same time, Artuira found herself obsessing over Irisviel's casual admission regarding Gilgamesh.
Was he waiting for her to make the next move? Arturia felt like they were playing a long distance form of chess, except she had no idea what the rules were. It rankled that Gilgamesh seemed to be the one in control of the situation, while Arturia floundered along several steps behind him. She frowned, drumming her fingers on the wheel.
"Irisviel, what's your opinion of Gilgamesh?" she blurted out. Her friend looked surprised and then thoughtful.
"He's quite charming, yet blunt. And he holds himself in high regard. It's an altogether odd combination. He doesn't seem like a bad man, though." Irisviel hesitated. "Saber, Gilgamesh hasn't been bothering you, has he?" The question echoed Siduri's from a week ago, and Arturia once again felt the absurd need to defend Gilgamesh's honor.
"No," she said. "Not at all. I – I do find him attractive, and when we speak I feel engaged in a way that I've never, really..." Arturia trailed off, growing warm. She couldn't help but recall some of the dreams she'd had throughout the week, in distinct, uncomfortable clarity, which made her even more flustered. Irisviel's expression softened.
"But?" she asked, coaxing. There was a brief silence as Arturia tried to best articulate her feelings.
"Gilgamesh is more interested in the short term than the long term. And there's nothing wrong with that, necessarily, except that's not who I am. I like Gilgamesh, I just don't see anything between us ever... lasting." Arturia felt indebted to Irisviel, then; it was nice to get her thoughts off her chest and out in the open.
"I see." She turned contemplative. "You're a very sensible person, Saber. I must admit I'm rather jealous."
"What are you thinking?" Arturia asked, a flicker of curiosity sparking to life.
"That you're a lot like Kiritsugu." Irisviel seemed embarrassed and self-conscious all of a sudden. Arturia wasn't thrilled by the comparison, but appreciated the sentiment and kept quiet. "I'm not very good at giving advice. Especially about relationships. You're a grown woman and you should do what you think is best. But, well, I guess what I'm trying to say is, maybe, sometimes it's okay to do something, even if you know it's going to end. Nothing can change the fact that it happened, and it made you really happy. Does... does that make sense?"
Arturia could feel Irisviel's eyes on the back of her head. Arturia stared at the road and considered the new perspective.
"Don't cry that it ended, smile because it happened?" she asked. Irisviel brightened.
"Yes. Exactly."