Stuff Happens:

Author's Note:

Tequila: oh, my, Edward, I am SO sorry you guys!!

Justin: Yeah… our bads.

Tequila: we had exams… FROM HELL!!

Justin: And beyond! But anyway… we don't give up on our stories.

Tequila: or our fans!! (if we actually have any)

Justin: Oh, and to everyone who guessed Alice… here's a cookie! For those who guessed Alice and someone else… you get… half a cookie! So there.

Tequila: that'll teach you to cheat :D

Winner: anonymous (silly!!), HeartlessMagic, littlebro (we know it's Tequila's little brother… you're not as sneaky as you think you are, Ravenonawritingdesk!!)

Cheaters! (JK!) Honorable Mention: Sierra Swan, Sister-Ly-The-Abstract-Empress, Greek Bee, 13figurescater-Draco'sgirl, Insanity's Partner, HarmoniousPie, XxLostinmyemotionsxX, edwardcullenloverforever, mckellsaxey

Disclaimer: yes. You've guessed it. We're Ms. Meyer in disguise… not. Nor do we own Madonna and her songs. Thank god…. Or Nutella :'(

To: ThatPorscheIsMine

From: BarbieGirl226
Subject: Missing U!!

hi Alice!! i cant believe im gonna say this, but i miss yas! how is everything?? mom said u said to say hi, thanks… skool starts tmrw!! can u believe their NERVE?! itz august, dammit!! i be angry! so while ur off living ur fancy college life, spare a moment for ur little sister, stuck in stupid skool :( i need a shopping trip w/ u to get rid of all this sadness… but ur in oregon… life sux

Synthia, chicas!!

(lyke the s? i wanted sumthing new 4 sophomore yr.) 

To: BarbieGirl226

From: ThatPorscheIsMine

Subject: RE: Missing U!! (2!)

hey syn! i luv the spelling change… v. cool: like sin ;) and im soooooo sry! skool is hell. just keep this in mind: hawt senior boys, got it chica? ;D i miss shopping w/ u 2!! and as for this fancy college life? totally not wut it seems. my friends r evil… THEY TOOK MY CREDIT CARDS!! (i no! how cud they b so cruel!?) and a word 2 the wise… never rent a house w/o seeing the place urself and meeting ur roommates before hand. ick.

-Al  im changing this. u cannot believe how much truble its gotten me into!!

(totally not lost in wonderland :( )

To: HotWheelz109; HotWheelz901

From: PimpUrRide

Subject: My Boyz

how r my boyz! i miss u guys! yeah, yeah, yeah, i no wut ull say, mushy older sis, used to wanna be independent, w/e. srsly, u guys r the only men in my life- u no that, rite? i've met sum boyz here, ull be glad to no, but they cant hold a candle 2 u 2, u just rock so much. 3 how r u? i wanna no everything thats been goin on. dont give my luv 2 mom if u can help it, its all 4 u!

-The Wonderful Rose

To: PimpUrRide

CC: HotWheelz109

From: HotWheelz901

Subject: RE: My Boyz

hey rose, hey sean… life in chicago iz BORING as usual… no one interesting. we r starting 5 grade tmrw, and skool is boring 2… theres not gonna be anyone who lykes soccer or anything… no nice gurls now that ur gone, sis. they've all left w/ u

-Aiden

oh, theres a band named aiden fyi, they rock.

To: PimpUrRide

CC: HotWheelz901

From: HotWheelz109

dammit, aiden got there first… oh well!! IM SO GLAD UR OKAY!! life is rockin, as per usual… we start MIDDLE SKOOL tmrw! i cant w8! its gunna be so kewl! im gunna tell u all about it, ok?? even if u dont wanna hear it ;) luv u 2!

hope those "sexy college boys" dont take u away from us rosie!

-Sean

the band sucks. dont believe aiden. O:D

Chapter Four: Hot Water

BPOV

It wasn't until two in the morning that Rosalie woke me up, telling me frantically that Alice had been captured by the enemy. It took awhile for her words to reach my poor, sleep-deprived brain.

"Wha?"

"WOMAN DOWN! WOMAN DOWN!!" Rosalie yelled in my face "ALICE HAS BEEN TAKEN AS A PRISONER OF WAR!!"

"….Wha?"

I was not a morning person. Or a two-in-the-morning person. But this news woke me up faster than that time Alice threw a bucket of cold water into my face. Wait…Alice!

"OH MY GOD! HOW COULD THEY?" I screamed at the top of my lungs. Those Volterra High School scum! Was it legally kidnapping if we were in the same house?

"I DON'T KNOW! THE BASTARDS!" Rosalie was working herself up into one of her famous Rosalie 'fits'. The record currently stood at three and one half weeks—an old boyfriend had told her to 'shut up—for such a hot girl, she was damn annoying'. So no, she would not shut up. And not only that, but she would keep talking until the sound of her voice was so permanently engraved into his brain that he would hear it at all times. Anytime, anywhere. "I HAVE HALF A MIND TO GO OVER THERE… AND… AND… DO SOMETHING! BAD! AND WITH MUCH PHYSICAL PAIN!!"

"Wait.wait.wait.wait." I reasoned, finally getting a handle on things. The door was still blocked- how could anyone leave, and then block the door behind them? "You woke me up… if Alice had been taken, she would have been screaming and kicking and scratching the entire time. Have you ever seen what it's like when anyone tries to force her to do something? That girl is more stubborn than a mule!"

I saw Rosalie's gaze flicker from the vanity blocking the door, to Alice's empty bed, to the open window. "… Oh no she didn't." Rosalie drew in a deep breath. I covered my ears. "MARY ALICE BRANDON, IF YOU CAN HEAR ME—KNOW THAT YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CANNOT HIDE!! WE HAVE YOUR MAKE-UP!!"

There was a loud pounding at the door, and Emmett's voice bellowed through the wooden barrier.

"WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING? WHO WAS KILLED?!" he sounded genuinely worried. That was sweet of him. I hauled the vanity back from the door with Rosalie's help. He stuck his head in—he really did look upset. Edward was right behind him… a god, even at this ungodly hour of the morning. He too, looked worried. I was surprised. What had brought on this change?

"Alice snuck out!" Rosalie seethed in anger. "We thought you had her!"

"The pixie?" Emmett asked, wrinkling his nose. "No, not us."

"She's probably with Jasper" Edward put in. "He's gone too."

"Those conniving little…" words failed to express how angry I felt right now. I was up. At two in the morning. Because Mary Alice Brandon couldn't keep her hormones to herself… ooh… I was going to kill her. Then resurrect her, only to kill her again! Then Rosalie and I could take turns burning her body and dancing on her grave!! I had a brilliant thought. We could bury her in the hole in the living room! She didn't deserve a tombstone…

"Okay, well if you girls are done with your silly bout of hysteria, then I'm off for bed." Emmett said with a huge smirk. "…or sheet." His face fell.

I tried hard to suppress a smile. That'd show them! Rosalie wasn't even trying to stifle her laughter. "Enjoy" She sent them off with a wink, slamming the door so hard it probably smashed Emmett's nose in. We quickly dragged the vanity back into place, and turned to wait.

Alice had to come back some time. And when she did…

EPOV

"PRISONER OF WAR!!" The screech tore me from my fitful slumber. I struggled as I tried to wrestle myself from my several blankets on the floor. Jasper did not know how lucky he was to be sleeping on the bed… A beautiful, soft, bed. I turned my gaze to Emmett, whose hair looked like it had been put under a vacuum. Emmett was up on his feet, holding out his pillow and with a fearsome scowl on his face.

"CHARGE!! MAN THE BATTLEMENTS! CALL FOR REINFORCEMENTS! WHERE'S MOM?!" He yelled, and then paused when he realized we weren't under attack. He'd been playing way too many video games. "What happened?"

I blinked. I was about to reply, when another shriek tore through the air. "THE BASTARDS!!" What in the name of…I scrambled to my feet. Emmett was already running out the door, still clutching the pillow. I glanced around—Jasper's bed was empty. No wonder he wasn't screaming… was he in the bathroom? I ran after Emmett as more yelling echoed through the house—this time I was unable to distinguish exactly what was being said. Emmett had gone through the kitchen. I followed, catching my hip on the island in the middle of the floor and muttering a curse. That hurt. I turned the corner back into the living room just in time to see Emmett leap over the hole in the floor. He probably still thought he was under siege… definitely time to cut down on the video games.

I followed, somewhat more conventionally, as he began to hammer on the door, yelling the whole time. After a second or two, there was a scraping sound—had they blocked the door?—and the gateway to Girl-Land opened a crack. Bella's head appeared. I blinked. No one had any right to look that good at two in the morning. The door opened wider to reveal the blonde—I still couldn't remember her name. She was obviously furious about something. After a moment, she spoke, hissing through her teeth. "Alice snuck out! We thought you had her!"

Well that was a bit of a blow to any chivalric notions I retained. Thanks a lot, Blondie. Emmett denied it, and I suddenly remembered Jasper's empty bed. The goopy expression on his face, the romantic twaddle he had been spouting… it clicked.

"She's probably with Jasper, he's gone too."

Bella looked very angry. I would not want to be the tiny brunette right now. She muttered under her breath, "Those conniving little…" Correction. I would not want to be Alice or Jasper right now.

Emmett started in again, "Okay, well if you girls are done with your silly bout of hysteria, then I'm off for bed." He paused for a moment, remembering that we did not have beds, as such. "…or sheet." They laughed in our faces and slammed the door. I pinched the bridge of my nose as I listened to the heavy piece of furniture being dragged back across the door… this sucked. I was going to kill Jasper.

APOV

It was cold, and dark, and so late it was early. I reached up and hoisted myself up onto the window sill, and slid up the glass. It squeaked, and I froze, afraid that I would be caught. I heard nothing. The window went up the rest of the way without a sound. I slipped through the window and landed on the floor softly, without making more than a muffled thumping noise. Great. I turned around to close the window behind me. It shut silently—a blessing. I turned again, ready to sneak into bed…

And instead stared straight into the eyes of my two very, very angry roommates.

Shit.

BPOV

"So, Alice. How was your little midnight rendezvous?" She gulped.

Rosalie leaned forward. She was a good foot taller than tiny Alice, and she used every inch of her height advantage to intimidate. "I woke up. And you, you were gone. Do you have any. Idea. How worried I was?" her voice was scarily calm, especially given the explosion I had witnessed earlier.

Alice winced. "Sorry?"

"Sorry. Sorry." Rose turned to me, her expression incredulous. "She takes ten years off my life and she says sorry? She says SORRY!" she whipped back to Alice, who visibly recoiled. "I will show you SORRY!! You are going to wish you were… you were…I'm taking away your credit cards."

Alice paled. She looked as if she might faint. "Rose… not that! Please! I really am so sorry—but—but—but—" Rose showed no signs of backing down. Alice gritted her teeth. She was stubborn, when she wanted to be. "You know I'll find them."

The grin on Rosalie's face scared me a bit. "I know just where I'll put them. You can spend every single moment of every single day for a million years and you'll never find them." She stuck out an arm, palm up. "Hand them over. Now."

"NEVER!!"

I figured it was time for me to step in. I nodded to Rosalie, who tackled Alice onto the mattresses. She squirmed, and scratched, while I went over to her bags and quickly and efficiently searched them. It was not difficult—Alice needed her credit cards to be easily accessible, and after all, my dad had been a police chief. Once they were safely within my grasp, I handed them to Rose, who had stuffed Alice under the covers and was sitting on her with a triumphant expression. She grabbed them, hauled away the vanity, and was out the door before Alice could struggle out of the bedding. By then, I had the vanity back in place and was sitting on top of it, smirking.

First, she tried pleading with me, "Bella, please, you don't understand—Bella!" When that failed, she resorted to bribery, "Bella, I won't take you shopping for a month—two months!"

"Alice, if you don't have your credit cards…"

She scowled, and finally tried threats. "You know I'll find them, and when I do… we're going to Gucci!!"

I prayed that Rosalie knew what she was doing…

It was the next day, and Alice and I were anxiously awaiting our turn for a shower. We feared for Rosalie, having to manage the long walk from the bathroom back to our room alone, but we knew she could take care of herself. We huddled in the living room, wrapped in our sheets and converged around Alice's small portable T.V. The boys were across from us, sitting on a broken down couch against the far wall and playing cards. Every so often, they would cast us dirty looks, which we returned with interest. The plank was leaning against the wall on their side of the chasm- they had gotten to it first.

A bloodcurdling scream pierced the air. The guys practically fell off the couch at the sound of it.

"Rosalie!" Alice gasped, abandoning her T.V. and running to the bathroom in the master bedroom. I thought about it, hesitated, but then took the T.V. with me. They did have the means to steal it, after all…

A very angry, very wet Rosalie was standing at the door to the bathroom, only a towel wrapped around her. Her hair was half-wet and sticking up in many directions, and her eyes were glaring bloody murder.

"Three words." She snarled "No. Hot. Water."

I bit my lip hard to stop myself from laughing- in her present condition that would not be received well. Alice, on the other hand, was completely sympathetic. Her eyes were round with shock and horror and her lower lip was wobbling.

"That's terrible!" She cried, throwing her arms around Rosalie's shivering form. She came up to about Rose's collarbone, and her own hair was getting wet from the water dripping off Rose. "You poor baby! Let's check the other one- it's free."

Rosalie managed a nod and quickly made her way to the other bathroom. I grabbed her toiletries and followed with Alice close behind me. Rosalie stopped at the corner before turning into the living room.

"…I can't go there." She hissed "They are there."

I narrowed my eyes, pondering the predicament. What to do…. Blankets!

"Alice! With me!!" I yelled, handing Rose's toiletries back to her. I quickly ran to the bedroom and dumped the T.V. on the single bed. In the back of my mind, I thought of a possible installation of a chain lock. Not now. Alice and I grabbed opposite ends of a blanket, and made our way back to Rose. We spread apart, and held it up like a curtain to conceal Rosalie. She breathed a sigh of relief, and we waddled our way past the boys' line of sight, ignoring their hysterical guffawing, and collapsed in the relative safety of the bathroom.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you" Rosalie breathed. "I would've been screwed!"

Alice had a calculating expression on her face. "…Do these doors lock?" She asked, her eyes flicking from one entrance to the other.

Rose visibly blanched. "Don't leave me! Please!" She looked so miserable, there was no possible way to resist.

"Of course we won't!" I protested, but I had no idea how we would solve the door crisis. It was a bathroom, or it was meant to be, there was nothing to block the doors with. At least in the bedroom we had the vanity.

The tiles were filthy, mildewed and dank, the sink was rusted and I didn't even want to think about the toilet. The shower was mildly better: at least livable (showerable?) although the curtain was a wreck. The mirror was cracked, the ceiling light flickered, and was that… a spider web??

It was bad enough even without the clearly… male paraphernalia scattered about: shaving cream, razors, deodorant (well, at least they wore it), aftershave, toothpaste, cologne, contacts (I wondered whose they were), and gel. It was an infestation! It wasn't even arranged in an orderly fashion. These items were everywhere, scattered from the sides of the tub to the top of the sink and the toilet tank. We would most definitely have to put this place in order.

"Ew!!" Alice's face scrunched up in disgust. "Ick ick ick…"

"It's not that bad…" she stared at me in utter disbelief… "Okay, it is that bad, but let's focus on the big picture. No matter how bad it is, we can't let the boys in, right?"

Rose nodded frantically and shuddered slightly at the thought.

Alice's face lit up. "I got it! We'll block the doors by brute force!"

Rosalie lifted an eyebrow. "What brute force Alice?"

Alice grinned. "We'll sit against the doors and stop the boys from coming in!"

"Alice, you're brilliant!" I yelled, giving her a one-armed hug. We moved into position, and I turned my attention to Rosalie. "Okay, we're ready."

Rosalie nodded grimly and turned on the hot water tap. She gingerly tested the water and let out a small squeal of success. "HOT!!" She quickly proceeded to get the temperature just right and hopped in the shower. I twirled a piece of my hair and waited… and waited… and waited.

"Alice, I'm bored."

That was when the singing began.

Come on boy I've been waiting for somebody to pick up my stroll
Well don't waste time, give me a sign, tell me how you wanna roll
I want somebody to speed it up for me then take it down slow
There's enough room for both

The doorknob rattled, and Rosalie quickly shut up. We were on the alert, Alice pressing herself to the door with all her might. For such a small girl, she had a lot of might…

"GO AWAY!!" we all yelled simultaneously. The rattling ceased…

A couple of seconds later I turned to Alice again. The mirrors were already getting covered with steam from the shower and I was sweating. "Alice…" I groaned. "I'm bored again."

"Me too…" she whined "I'm already sweating like a pig…"

"Oooo!! Let's draw pictures on the mirror!" I squealed, clapping my hands like a little kid.

"Yeah!!" She joined in enthusiastically as she stretched out her arm. "Wait…can't…reach…" 

"Okay, um… let's play 20 questions" I offered, wondering what the hell I was doing. Alice always creamed me at this game… The steam must have affected my brain…

"Do you have someone?" Alice asked

"Yep."

"Is it… Madonna?"

"…yes…"

"Hah! I got it."

"Do you have someone?" I asked in reply.

"Yep."

"Is it… Jasper?"

"Nope."

"Is it… Rose?"

"Nope."

"Is it… an animal?"

"Nope."

"A vegetable?"

"Nope."

A voice called out from the shower. "Is it a jewel?"

"Hey! That's cheating!" Alice protested

"Hah! So it is!" I said in triumph.

"Yep." Alice said with a smug look. "You have fourteen questions left."

"Diamond" I said with a knowing grin. Alice let out a scowl and I knew I had it.

"Curse you Bella Swan! First my credit cards and now this…" She gave her pout… and I had to look away.

"You're turn Bells" She said after a moment.

"-Almost done guys, sorry about this" Rose cut in.

"Okay."

"You got someone?"

"Yep."

"Is it George Washington?"

"…yes…."

"Knew it."

I sighed and let the games continue…

EPOV

I woke up once more that day, already feeling out of patience. Emmett was already sitting up, watching his legs as he kicked his feet. Jasper was now back on the bed, sprawled out with his mouth open. Was that drool at the corner of his lip? Yes, yes it was.

"I'm BORED!" Emmett wailed, pouting in a manner worthy of a three-year-old, "YOU MAY ENTERTAIN ME!!" A low rumble filled the room. "Actually, can we eat first?" he asked sheepishly.

I sighed patiently. Emmett had his… moments, but I knew there had to be a reason why we kept him around. "Sure thing, Em" I teased "I'll make us some omelets"

"Can I have bacon in mine?" Jasper groaned from the bed, sitting up slowly. I tried not to laugh at this sight. Jasper who was normally perfectly groomed… his hair was alive! And dear lord… he had a hickey! Numerous hickeys.

"No. Not after you abandoned us… you…. Abandoner!" Emmett growled. "You know what? Yeah, you're getting onions in your omelet!!"

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!! BUT THEY MAKE ME CRY!" Jasper shouted, losing his self-control.

"YES!!" I shouted back, "Emmett that's brilliant! Not only that, but I'll put in some tomatoes!!"

Jasper paled, but tried to act tough. "You might as well not waste the eggs! I'm not hungry anyway!"

"Oh… do we even have eggs?" Emmett chimed, giving me the pout again. I let out another sigh… he was good, and unfortunately right. We had no eggs.

"Probably not." I sighed again… "but didn't you have some Eggo waffles in the car?"

Emmett perked up, "We're going to college, you need microwavable food to survive! Of course I have waffles! And hot-pockets!"

Wow… we all needed more sleep. We weren't usually this moronic, not even this early in the morning… were we?

We all got up and stumbled into the bathroom, pausing only to grab our bathroom thingies and check for the girls. They were nowhere to be seen. I grabbed my contacts sulkily and washed my hands. After I put them in and made myself presentable (barely) AN: hahahaha… Barely presentable? Yeah right Edward. Yeah right. I cleared out to let Emmett's morning grooming ritual take place. The boy takes forever to get ready in the morning…and somehow never ends up looking half as presentable as Jasper, who's in and out in ten minutes… there's a moral in there somewhere…

The kitchen was a nightmare, but I had expected that from our hasty tour the day before. The sink worked… sort of, after you waited for the gushing brown gunk to clear. The refrigerator, however, was dead, I suspected the stove would blow up if I turned it on, and the cupboards were currently hosting a family of mice. Honestly, if I wasn't so hungry, I wouldn't have eaten here for fear of salmonella. But I was hungry. Very, very, hungry. Very hungry in the realm of, I will willingly eat Jasper if I don't have some food soon. Even if his hair is alive. And might eat me. Please don't kill me, hair!! Nooo…!! Heheheheh….

Okay, note to self, more sleep. Lots more sleep… and waffles… lots of waffles…

Emmett gasped. "Edward…you brought the Nutella… right?!" AN: to those of you who don't know the joy of Nutella, buy some. Now. It rocks.

Jasper swiveled his head towards me, his hazel eyes growing wide. "Edward… don't fail me."

My lip quivered. It was just too much. I couldn't reply in words, so I hung my head in shame.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Emmett howled. "I am tired. I am hungry. And there is no Nutella for my waffles?! The world cannot possibly be so cruel."

I stamped my foot. That. Was. It. Grocery store. Soon.

"Well… I guess we can have… plain waffles…" Jasper trailed off timidly.

We both turned to glare. Emmett actually growled. I will willingly admit I was scared for a moment there. Okay, two moments. But really. It wouldn't kill us… much. We would have to make do.

"Emmett, where are the waffles?"

"In the bag." He trudged dispiritedly into the bedroom, returning a few moments later with the box of Chocolate Chip Eggo Waffles. The world seemed much brighter now.

There was, thank god, a working microwave, although the viewing screen was smeared with gunk I did not want to identify. We placed seven waffles onto a chipped (but cleanish) plate from one of the non-rodent infested cupboards. Emmett stood in front of the microwave while they revolved around and around and around. Jasper ran back into the bathroom to finish getting ready, and I hunted around for another plate and some silverware. I managed to come up with two spoons and a knife. That would have to do.

When the waffles came out, Jasper and I devoured ours immediately, but Emmett took a single bite and frowned.

"It's not the same." There was a beat, and then a rather unnerving smile spread across his face, "Wait…. Wait for it… Yes! Guys, I have had an epiphany!"

He then proceeded to rush out of the room without informing us as to what this 'epiphany' was.

Jasper turned to me without a blink of his eyes. "Our morning rituals have been disturbed. It's a sign."

I sighed; in all honesty I wasn't in the mood to deal with superstitions. I was saved from having to think of a reply by Emmett running back from our room to the kitchen, holding two bars of hazelnut chocolate and with a mad gleam to his eye.

"I have a solution! Behold, my genius at work!"

"What genius, Emmett? The genius that got us stranded in a telephone booth last year?" Jasper snapped. "Those girls all laughed at us!"

"Or the genius that has never figured out how to work a payphone?"

"They don't accept euros! I don't get it! Why can't they just accept euros?!" Emmett growled, and I had a brief moment of wondering why Emmett had euros in the first place… but then dismissed such thoughts as irrelevant as he turned to the two chocolate bars in his hand. "Now, watch and learn boys… watch and learn."

He unwrapped the chocolate and placed it in a dented bowl before shoving the… ensemble into the microwave. He then set the timer for 60 seconds and watched its progress like a hawk.

"Um… Emmett, what exactly is the epiphany?"

"Nutella. Hazelnut chocolate. One and the same!"

"Uh, I'm pretty sure they add other stuff—"

"Hazelnut. Chocolate. That's all that matters."

"Okay, Emmett, sure."

When the little machine beeped he grabbed the bowl and started stabbing at the chocolate inside with his spoon. It smooshed easily. He then scooped it up and spread it on his (now cold) waffles. "TA-DA!!" he stuffed an entire waffle into his mouth. "Mwoklate!! Hottt!! But," he gulped "Nutella-y goodness" He smiled like a little boy in a candy store. Which was what he was really… Emmett + emotional status of a seven-year-old + chocolate happiness. That was the Fundamental Theorem of Emmett…ness.

I needed coffee. But the machine was broken. Very broken. It was, in fact, now modern art. Life sucked.

"Edward…" Emmett whined after stuffing his face with another two waffles. "I'm still bored."

"Emmett…" Jasper even copied the pout, "I still don't care."

This was going to degenerate quickly. I racked my brains… "Cards! I have cards! Do you guys want to play Egyptian-Rat-Screwy-Hamster-Fudge-Kill-The-Rabbit?"

"Yes!!" Emmett gave his first genuine smile of the day. "I love that game!"

"Emmett, you do know there's a penalty, right? You can't just keep slapping the deck… that's what 'Kill-the-Rabbit' means." Jasper murmured patiently.

Emmett snorted. "Whatever. Still best game ever."

I laughed. "Okay, but how about we get dressed first? We don't want to give the girls a peep-show… unless Jasper and Alice have something planned they're not telling us?"

Although… that blonde… was gorgeous. And so was Isabella, in a less 'do me now' way.

I trotted back to the room and quickly changed, we met up in the living room, on our side of the… abyss.

Emmett grabbed the plank and dumped it on our side of the chasm. No sense in giving it away. And the girls probably wouldn't be willing to leap over the gulf. We settled down to play on the dumpy sofa that slouched on the west wall, right near the door to the kitchen.

After only about a half-an-hour, the girls came out. The blonde turned and started walking up the north-south hallway to the other bathroom off the master-bedroom. Alice and Isabella settled down with blankets and… was that a portable TV?

Lucky bitches. I would about kill for some television right now. And some cutlery. And a shower. And coffee. And a new apartment. I wanted my old room back…

They had only been there for a few moments when a bloodcurdling shriek tore through the air. I fell off the couch- luckily, with no one but the guys seeing- as the girls ran off, taking the portable TV with them. Curses. After a few moments, during which we all stood still and stared at each other, they reappeared.

And boy, how did they reappear. Alice and Isabella were holding up the corners of a blanket, making a moving curtain from under which the blonde's (what was her name?) absolutely luscious lower legs protruded. They shuffled in an odd sort of waddle-walk towards the bathroom. I could barely breathe I was laughing so hard, and Emmett and Jasper were not much better off.

"Wow… Rosalie has some NICE legs!" Emmett wolf-whistled. Rosalie… so that was her name! Brilliant.

"Mhmm…" I agreed whole-heartedly, my imagination running away with me. Jasper was quiet- he was probably thinking about Alice.

Wait, Alice! That boy had some serious explaining to do.

"Jasper—" I turned towards him, but then the singing broke out.

Come on boy I've been waiting for somebody to pick up my stroll

Emmett looked… there was no other word for it: hungry. There was a slightly desperate gleam to his eyes and he gripped the arm of the sofa with both his hands.

Well don't waste time, give me a sign, tell me how you wanna roll

He stood up as if he were in a trance, jumping over the entirety of the hole in a single leap. He paused outside the bathroom door.

"Emmett!" I hissed, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm doing what she is telling me to—"


I want somebody to speed it up for me then take it down slow
There's enough room for both

"Shit…" He reached out and grabbed the handle, trying to turn it.

"GO AWAY!" came the triple voices from inside. Emmett's eyes widened and he practically flew back to our side.

"Emmett, man, what the hell got into you?" Jasper asked, actually concerned for our friend's sanity. (The little of it that he had, anyway).

"Dude. All three of them. In the bathroom. Together. Singing…showering…"

My eyes widened. Holy hell.

Beside me, Jasper slipped off into daydream land. He breathed out a long slow sigh. "Mmm… Alice"

"What?!" I gasped, startled out of my… a-m-a-z-i-n-g reverie. "Oh… what were you doing out with her last night? Hmmm?"

"Edward! Not that!" Jasper blushed. He actually blushed. "Geez, I just met her yesterday!"

"Yeah, well the hickeys sitting on your neck say otherwise, my friend."

"Oohhhh…. Jazzy got some action!! Jasper and Alice sittin' in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes—"

"Emmett!!" Jasper protested, turning three more shades of red. This was fun: I enjoyed watching him squirm. "We were just—she—there wasn't—I can explain!"
I calmly crossed my legs and folded my hand on my knee. "Please, do."

"Uh… um—well she—and then—but it… well… I guess I can't explain."

"Not good enough… you're the psychologist here… how does she make you feel?"

"Amazing. There's no way to describe her… Alice… she just awakens a part of me that I never felt before."

Emmett drummed his fingers on the sofa arm and turned to me with a grin and his brows raised. "Hmm, which part I wonder?"

"Oh god! Not like that you perve!" Jasper looked honestly horrified.

I couldn't resist. I had to say it. "Please, Emmett, it's not like he hasn't felt that before."

He hit me.

"Worth it" I chimed, earning another whack. "Totally worth it."

It was only 9.27 AM, and it had already been a very long day.

Just perfect.

A/N: it's two for the price of one!! YAY!!

Tequila: summer… yay… sleep…

Justin: No Tequila… you've got to stay awake or else we can't finish this AN!

Tequila: but… but… my teddy is CALLING ME!!

Justin: Teddy can wait, she'll be right there for you when you're finished.

Tequila: you know, Lilac can get very impatient sometimes!

Justin: sighs Well then, finish the AN and you can get back to her sooner, okay?

Tequila: fine. REVIEW PPL or I will hunt u down and EAT YOU…

Justin: There we go…. G'night Teckie!

Tequila: sleep tight, Super-Justice-Justin

Justin: don't let the bedbugs bite…

Tequila: BEDBUGS?? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

Justin: sighs damn it…