Author's Note: Don't question what's behind the door.
The koopas stood in silence for several minutes. Looks of confusion and bewilderment was written all over their faces, as several toads threw tumbleweed at them. Koopley was the first to snap out of the trance.
"I'm sorry," he said, "What was that? I don't think I heard you properly."
"You're my father!" he shouted ecstatically. It was like Christmas morning for him. The koopa reached inside his shell and pulled out a picture of a younger Koopley, who looked exactly the same as he did now.
"You look exactly like him! It has to be you!" he said. Kooper ran to him with his arms open and embraced the old koopa.
"Even though you smell like stomach acid right now, this is the happiest moment of my life!" he said with tears swelling in his eyes. Either the smell was that bad, or this really was a heartwarming moment for him.
"Ugh!" Kooper grunted, as he felt his lungs burning, "What is that smell? Wait, don't answer. It doesn't matter." He continued to hug him affectionately.
"…um, who are you?" Koopley asked uncomfortably.
"Oh, right," he said, backing off, "You wouldn't know." He coughed like he was going to make a speech.
"You see, my mom went to Shiver City-" Koopley's eyes seemed to bulge instantly. He covered his ears and took a couple of paces away from the group.
"No!" he shouted, "Could it be?"
Flashback Mode: START!
A pale Koopley stumbled out of the Sperm Bank of Shiver City. He seemed to be in shock, as he muttered incomprehensible jargon. A little while later, a young female koopa with a red ascot walked into the bank.
Flashback Mode: TERMINATE!
"Shiver City has a sperm bank?" Goombelle asked, "That's…fairly disturbing." Nearby, Koopie Koo was comforting a broken Koopley, who was in the fetal position, rocking back and forth.
"All I wanted to do was start a checking account," he mumbled, "but they gave me magazines!" He burst out sobbing.
"Shh," the female koopa consoled, as she patted his shell, "It's okay now. Everthing's going to be okay." Meanwhile, Koops confronted his half-brother.
"I guess that makes us brothers," he stated casually, "My name's Koops." He held out his hand for a handshake, but Kooper just looked at him. A brief moment of silence occurred before his face twisted into a smile.
"Okay," the blue-shelled turtle chuckled, shaking his hand.
"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Koops asked. His offhanded remark seemed to have offended him.
"Nothing," he replied nonchalantly, "just…" It looked like he was about to say something more, but he stopped.
"…just what?" Koops asked. Kooper hesitated to answer.
"Well," he sighed, "It's just that…you're…" He bit his lip.
"Are you sure you're my brother?" Kooper asked.
"Huh?" he asked.
"You just…don't look like me or my dad," Kooper remarked. Through the few brief touching moments he met Koopley, he decided to call him his dad.
"You think I'm adopted?!" he said, "Just so you know, I get my looks from my mother's side!"
"…sure," the blue-shelled koopa said. He smirked and walked away toward his father, who was back on his two feet now.
"I'm sorry dad," he said, patting him on the shoulder, "I know we just met, but, alas, I have work to do. This must be a tear-jerking moment for you, so if you want to give me a goodbye hug, go right ahead." He opened his arms to him, but he made no such movement.
"Your silence speaks volumes to me!" Kooper cried, embracing him once more. He let go abruptly and brushed himself off.
"Sorry for that little outburst," he said, "I couldn't help myself." He coughed and turned his attention to Koopie Koo.
"Say, we've never really finished our conversation," Kooper said to her, "How about we talk over frappès?" His quick change of attitude was baffling, but, none the less, she was flattered.
"Oh, um, well…" she sputtered. Koops answered for her.
"No way in hell!"
"…I'm sorry, but who are you to answer for this lovely young dame?" he said, looking over to her, "whose beauty may even surpass that of a goddess."
"Stop hitting on my girlfriend!" Koops shouted angrily. Kooper almost gagged, but he tried to maintain his composure. In the end, he looked at the green turtle with a flabbergasted expression.
"…girlfriend?" he asked. Kooper glanced between the two koopas, sizing them up.
"…really?" he asked.
"What, do I look like I'm related to her?" he asked angrily.
"Now that I think about it, yeah," Kooper replied, "...and along with the fact that you're a…well, loser. I'm sorry, but it's the bandage on the bridge of your nose that really does it." Koops mouth gaped open from that comment.
"All right," he said, "I've had enough. You come here uninvited, you accuse me of incest, and now you're calling me a pathetic loser! Let's go! Right here, right now!"
"In all fairness, I didn't call you pathetic yet," Kooper foreshadowed.
"You think I'm kidding?" Koops asked, grinding his teeth.
"Well, you don't really look like much of a powerhouse," he said.
"Hey! I helped save the world!" the koopa argued.
"…big whoop," Kooper said callously, "you still look pathetic." The koopa looked up, noticing his remark.
"Now...I just called you pathetic," he remarked, making his premonition true. Koops furiously charged at the blue-shelled koopa and proceeded to punch, kick, scratch, and bite him.
"I...AM NOT...PATHETIC!" he shouted, pounding his head into the ground, "AND ASCOTS...ARE STUPID!"
"Stop!" Koopie Koo yelled. She and Goombella pulled him off of Kooper. The blue-shelled koopa scrambled to his feet and glared at Koops.
"Okay, now it's on!" he said huffed angrily, "No one makes fun of my ascot and gets away with it!" Kooper went into his shell and started spinning. His rotations became faster with every turn, to the point where smoke emitted from the ground. Suddenly, his shell bursted into fire. All of their mouths dropped from this predicament.
"HOLY CRAP!" Koops shouted. They all ducked as the koopa's shell shot over them and landed near a toad kid, where the boy caught on fire.
"Waah!" the child screamed. He started running around. Kooper popped out of his shell carrying a cocky grin.
"Yeah! What now!?" he hollered, "Who's looking stupid now!?" The back of his head met with a brick Goombario had managed to throw. Needless to say, he instantly lost consciousness.
"Are you insane?" Goombario growled to the body, "You could've hurt someone."
"Wahh!" the toad shrieked as he passed by. Goombario ignored the inferior's cries of terror and proceeded to kick Kooper's body out of the area. He looked up at the four half scared to death spectators.
"Sorry for the fuss," he said. There was a noticable change in his appearance.
The reason why he wasn't so intimidated with Goombella's presence was because of his ingenious plan to not where his hat. By doing so, he could easily be mistaken for one of the rabid goombas wandering the countryside. He was surprised that he hadn't come up with it sooner, since it was so simple. In fact, it would've saved him a lot of trouble in college, as, he was forced to hide in trashcans, wastebaskets, garbage cans, dumpsters, and any other type of waste disposal unit you could think of everytime he got a whif of her, but now, he wouldn't have to worry about that, as, Goombario felt fairly confident that this disguise was enough to trick her if she ever came back into his life again.
"Goombario?" the girl goomba asked.
"Shit."
Author's Note: Kooper's rude, delusional, and insane. Koops has a short fuse. Shiver City has a sperm bank. Go figure.