Snowdrops Are For Hope

By: pnaixrose

Disclaimer: I don't own DNAngel or its characters.

Chapter 4: Bonding

Risa took a look around at her old room. It hadn't changed. It seemed that no one had even touched it. But to her surprise it was dust free and well maintained. It was probably the maid's doing. She had found out that they still have the same maid that they had had all those years ago, but now she only comes once every other Saturday.

At least she wouldn't have to sleep in a dust filled room.

The girl dragged her luggage through the door and plopped it onto her bed with effort. Then she stood there awkwardly, unsure what to do next. Imagine that... feeling awkward in your own room.

Risa sighed and sat on the bed. Her room. It was so familiar yet so foreign to her. It was probably because she had tried to erase every memory of her past, even this very place. But they still lingered. And now that's she was back, they haunted her even more.

Dark. She had spent so much time here thinking about him. And even now she thought of him. Why couldn't she rid him from her mind? It had just been a silly, old crush!

But it had been her first real crush. He had been her first kiss. And you can never forget any of your firsts.

Riku was lucky. Daisuke had been her first love. And he was her only love.

A perfect couple.

At dinner there had been mild pleasantries. Not much else. A lot of forced smiles and forced conversations. They had also discussed some wedding things even though Riku hadn't spoken much and hadn't volunteered any ideas or suggestions. Risa knew that Riku wanted the perfect wedding. It was what any bride to be wanted and usually the bride was the one who controlled every element of the wedding. That's why it was weird for her twin not give her input in the suggestions but Risa guessed that it probably had to do with her coming here. If this was how her sister was going to act, this job would be much harder than any other job she's done.

Well, she'd just have to get through this month. Then she wouldn't have to come back here ever again.

No more Daisuke. No more Riku. No more Dark. No more pain. Or at least, less pain than what she felt now sitting in this goddamn room.

Her eyes caught sight of her old desk and for some reason she started towards it, as if on impulse. She opened the drawer and there they were. Her tarot cards. She used to predict so many things with those dumb, old cards. Her future with Dark, when she would finally be loved back by him. A couple of times, it had told her that her love would be returned. But it lied. These damn cards were stupid.

She pushed the drawer closed, refusing tears to escape from her eyes. No. She wouldn't do this. If she cried now, she would never be able to get through this month of hell.

Quickly throwing on some pajamas, she grabbed her toothbrush and some toothpaste and practically ran out to the hall towards the bathroom. Right after brushing her teeth she'd go straight to bed and try to calm herself down. Maybe she'll even get some sleep. Probably not though. Not in that room.

As she passed Riku and Daisuke's room, she heard voices getting louder and louder coming from inside. Oh, no. Were they arguing? An argument a month before their wedding?

Daisuke sighed, watching his wife pace back and forth in front of their bed. "Riku, please. Calm down."

His fiancée threw her hands up in the air in frustration as she glowered at the man sitting on the bed. "Calm down? You're telling me to calm down!"

"Oh, Riku. I don't understand why you're so worked up. She's your sister. You two are really close!" he replied.

"We were," she retorted, running a hand through her short hair. "I just...I just don't want her here, okay? You knew that, Daisuke. You knew that and you still brought her here." Her brown eyes narrowed as she turned to him suspiciously. "You and Risa...you're not hiding anything are you?"

The man raised his eyebrows. Did his own wife-to-be not trust him?

She suddenly realized how stupid that sounded and collapsed on top of the bed, face first, burrowing it into the blankets. "I know it's wrong to not trust your own sister. And I know that she was troubled when she betrayed me. But I just can't. I can't trust her."

Daisuke looked at his soon-to-be-wife sadly and picked her up so that she could cry on his shoulder. And indeed, the tears soon came. He tried to soothe her, patted her back, and rocked her back and forth. It didn't seem to be working. "This is why I brought her here, Riku," he whispered into her hair. "I know that you miss her. I know that even through all that you still love your sister. And it hurts me because it seems sometimes that you look empty, half-complete. I don't want you to be like that. I don't want you and Risa to never talk again."

"But how can I trust her?" she said through sobs. "She had everything! She had everything, could get anyone she wanted, and still she chose to try and take the most important thing from me!"

Daisuke shushed her loudening sobs, pulling her closer. "Riku...that was the past. She was lost back then. She was lost and heartbroken because of Dark. It wasn't her fault. It was in the past."

Riku looked up at his ruby eyes tearfully. "Daisuke...I can't forget the past that easily. I can't forgive her that easily..."

Risa's eyes shadowed, overhearing their entire conversation through the bedroom door. A wave of hurt rushed through her. Her hand was clenching the toothpaste so hard that the top popped off and toothpaste sprayed all over the hallway. But Risa ignored it and ran back towards her room, trying to forget what had been said in Riku and Daisuke's room.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

It was three o'clock in the morning and still her eyes refused to close. Her brain refused to sleep.

Her heart refused to stop throbbing with pain.

She simply sat there on her bed in the darkened room. She had been like that for the past few hours and hadn't even moved a muscle.

Okay, so she wasn't surprised about her sister hating her, refusing to forgive her. She had expected it. After all, if she were in Riku's shoes, she probably wouldn't have forgiven herself either. But hearing Riku actually say it...it really did hurt. They were sisters. They were twins. They had counted on each other since their parents had constantly been away from home. And they had been best friends despite their many differences.

But Risa had broken her trust. She had ruined their entire relationship.

But at least now she knew she had one thing in common with her twin. They both refused to let go of the past.

Sighing, she finally rose from her bed and headed to the door. Padding through the hallway and down the stairs as silently as she could, she was heading towards the kitchen to get a glass of milk. Maybe it would help her fall asleep.

Suddenly in the darkness, she felt a hand grabbed her arm and she jumped in fright, ready to scream. But she found that a hand was already covering her mouth and she struggled, scared to death.

"Calm down!" a familiar voice said with aggravation.

Heart racing, she stopped in mid-struggle and peered into the darkness as the hand slid off her mouth. A flash of blue caught her eye. It was only Hiwatari-kun.

"Y-You scared me half to death, dammit!" she whispered loudly, trying to clam herself. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I heard a noise. I suppose you can't sleep?"

"No," she replied softly as she looked away.

But Satoshi had already caught that look in her eyes. Something had probably happened. Or maybe it was the whole situation altogether. Whatever it was, he knew that she was hurting inside. And hurting badly. There was an awkward pause in the air before he gave a slight grunt and walked away toward the living room.

Not really knowing if he wanted her to follow or not, Risa decided to follow him into the living room which was only a room away. There was a bright fire mildly lighting up the huge room. He had probably started it before she came downstairs. Silently, they both took a seat on the couch, well spaced from each other.

She glanced at him as he looked into the fire and noticed that his glasses had been taken off. He looked...different with them off. Much older than usual. Much...handsomer. But then again, maybe it was only because she hadn't seen him in a long time. Yeah. That was probably it.

As if he knew that she was staring at him, he suddenly said, "Something wrong?"

She shook her head and looked away, staring at the fire eating up the logs. Silence filled the atmosphere as the only sound they heard was the fire and the crickets. It seemed to be like that for hours.

Suddenly, Risa spoke. "Do you...do you know what happened? Why I left?" Satoshi almost didn't hear the girl. She was speaking in a very low whisper.

He didn't respond and only looked at her face, gleaming against the fire's glow. She had a faraway look in her eyes and a depressed smile on her face. He didn't know what to say. What can he say? Should he tell her the truth? That he knew all about what had happened?

"I betrayed Riku. I betrayed my sister." She just kept right on talking as if she were talking to only herself. "I tried to take away the one and only thing she had so much passion and love for."

Her shoulders started quaking and that sad smile was slowly fading. Satoshi didn't know what to do. He had never been in this situation before.

"I remember...I was so caught up with Dark. So heartbroken and alone. So much confusion. He was gone. I was depressed. But he didn't want me when he had been here anyway but I still loved him." A tear fell from her eye. She could no longer help it. Even though she had sworn to herself that she wouldn't cry, here she was, crying. Here she was...remembering. "D-Daisuke told Riku and I about...how he was Dark. That it was in his blood and all that." She looked down at her lap. "It was so confusing – it still is. I couldn't – I can't comprehend it. All I knew was that Dark was Daisuke somehow. Dark. My Dark. I-I lost it afterwards. Daisuke seemed different to me. I couldn't be around him without seeing Dark in his place. I don't know what was wrong with me."

By now she was rambling and crying her eyes out. Satoshi's muscles twitched as he listened to her watery story. He wanted to help her somehow. She had been so lost back then...and still a little lost today.

"O-One day, Daisuke came over to meet Riku or something but she hadn't arrived home yet. Next thing I knew it, I was...All I saw was Dark and...I..."

She cried openly now, yet tried to keep her voice hushed as to not wake anyone who was asleep. Risa couldn't say what happened next, but she remembered it all too well. She suddenly found herself on top of Daisuke on the couch, kissing him fiercely, even going as far as trying to unbutton his clothes. But in her eyes, it wasn't Daisuke, it was Dark. Instead of bright, scarlet spikes of hair, it had been midnight purple locks. Instead of cheerful, ruby eyes, it had been dark, mysterious, and seductive. Yes, she had gone insane. She knew that now. Dark had been Daisuke in a way she would never understand. She just hadn't realized the fact that Dark was no longer there...or rather...she denied it.

She remembered Daisuke struggling against her but not wanting to physically hurt her at the same time. Risa had ignored it.

So much shame came with that memory. So much regret. She knew she had problems when it concerned Dark. Kissing him...but being rejected. The fact that he wasn't really human. The fact that he was Daisuke, her sister's boyfriend. She knew she wasn't strong enough to hold in all of that. In the end, she wound up unintentionally betraying her beloved sister's trust.

Hearing the sobs of the woman next to him, he sat there silently. He hated it when people cried, but he never did anything about it except maybe scoff and walk away. This time, it...actually hurt him to see this woman cry. He knew what had happened next in the story. He didn't even have to listen to the rest of her story. Riku walked in on the two of them and all hell broke loose.

Satoshi knew everything about this situation and actually pitied Harada Risa. She had been confused, hurt and lost. She was blind to the fact that Dark was simply gone. Now, her actions had consequences that left her feeling alone and full of guilt. He knew how it felt to be alone. Oh yes, he knew all too well. They were alike in that sense. But in another way, they were different.

Back then, she had been yearning for someone to love and for that person to love her back. It had led her to be very open with people, especially with Dark. In the end, Dark rejected her and being such an open person, it hurt her. She had poured her love for him while he had just discarded her.

As for himself, Satoshi was never open. He was a loner, which almost made him a tad bit scary and intimidating. It turned out that being completely alone didn't benefit him. He didn't have anyone to turn to, to make him feel wanted. Satoshi didn't value his life because there wasn't anything in it except pain and anguish and especially because he had been cursed with Hikari blood, which meant having Krad inside him. Being alone hurt him just like being open had hurt Harada Risa.

The two sat there awkwardly in front of the burning flames as Risa sniffled. Satoshi didn't know what to say or do. He's never been in this situation before and never really liked to see girls cry. But he still wanted to help this girl. He truly did. It was weird feeling the need to help someone. Satoshi rarely did anything good deed for anyone, after all.

"I'm sorry, Hiwatari-kun..." Risa said all of a sudden. "I've placed you in an uncomfortable position. I didn't mean to start rambling and then crying like that. I've tried to put it all behind me, I really have–"

A warm hand was placed on her shoulder and she looked at the man next to her with shock. Was Hiwatari, out of all people, showing compassion for her?

"You talk too much. Sleep, you definitely need it."

Still a little surprised, Risa realized that she was indeed tired. Before she knew it, Hiwatari had gotten off the couch so she would have room to sleep. In less than five minutes, her eyelids were closed and she was breathing evenly.

Satoshi looked at her for a second longer. Harada Risa had it bad. She loved someone who had rejected her. She had broken her twin sister's trust. She had had to live with these feelings for a very long time. And now, she was back where the problems had started.

"Harada-san, why do I feel so compelled to help you...just like last time...?"