Yes, I've been away for a while. And yes, I know, Unfairness, Part II is up next. But, as this obviously follows no timeline of anything whatsoever at ALL (really? huh.), I figured what the heck? I'll post it now.

XP

Disfrute!

Storming the Black Gate

"Sam and Frodo have no chance!" Gandalf stormed, his gray robes snapping with each movement.

Aragorn paused in a very kingly fashion. "Not unless we help them."

At this point, it is necessary to explain that Legolas had informed the group earlier that he had a brilliant plan that, per usual, would save them all. He had specifically requested that nobody suggest anything until they had heard his plan of brilliance out- and, of course, approved it with many lusty stares (on the non-smellies' part) and wistful cheers (smellies could participate). Gimli glanced accomodatingly at Legolas, who was intently watching a fly humming by the open window. The dwarf poked Legolas, waved a hand in front of his face, shrugged and decided to adlib.

Legolas, as a master of speech, would have fain had a hissy fit had he heard Gimli's dialogue.

"Of course, Aragorn. We must help them. What plan have you devised?" he waited for the elf prince to say his coveted line.

Normally, Gimli would not have bothered so much with Legolas' wishes, but waspish elves' petty revenge is something to be feared...even by a dwarf.

Legolas, as a master of speech, fain was fascinated...with the fly, obviously. The insect was circling round the ceiling. Around, and around, and around…

"Perhaps a…" Gimli prompted.

Around, and around…

"A…"

Now it was bumping against the doorpost and buzzing confusedly. Legolas had to hide a perfectly white smile.

Gimli gave up.

"A jackass with a tights wedgie."

Pippin snorted, and had to bury his face in Gandalf's cloak. Aragorn bit his lip in a very kingly fashion before reprimanding Gimli again, for that truly was not so courteous.

Merry joined Pippin in smothering his laughter with the grey folds of the wizard's cloak. Gandalf coughed. He was ticklish. Eomer, who until this time had been ignoring the whole proceedings, rolled his eyes and returned to ignoring and glaring through the window at Faramir, who was daring to converse with his sister.

Legolas was working on his second page of notes on his examination of common house fly habits, which would no doubt prove invaluable to posterity. Who knew that having compound eyes could be such an advantage? It could even have benefited the Elves, had they not already been so wondrously flawless and unequaled in all ways and manners…He subconsciously stroked his flaxen hair.

Aragorn had just finished outlining the details of his plans (complete with blueprints and a chronological guide as to the exact placement of each soldier mid-battle, including but not limited to one in the outhouse and three waiting outside), which had met with united approval when Legolas deemed his extensive research had come to an end. Noticing the crowd still gathered near him, he gracefully opened his sublime mouth and delivered his genius idea to the tragically inferior beings.

He was, clearly, unaware of how the light reflecting in his blue/purple/brown eyes gave him a passionate, warrior's appearance.

At the sight of the mad elf, Pippin edged away.

"A diversion."

All conversation halted. Aragorn slowly lay his pointer down- in a very kingly fashion, of course.

"Pardon?"

Legolas, being the longsuffering elf everybody knew him to be, obliged.

"A diversion."

Gimli promptly whipped out a Westron/Adûnaic dictionary that conveniently also had the Common Eldarin and all its dialects, Dunlending and Khuzdul translations as well as a Haradrim cross-reference and an essay on Old Entish, whatever good that would do. Eomer checked the table of contents and noted with great disgust that Rohirric had been confined to a footnote.

The dwarf read aloud.

"Hm, let's see, shall we? Diversion: a distraction, normally an action the only purpose for which is to divert attention from a more important happening." He closed the book. "Yup, I'd say that that's what Aragorn's trying to create. Might be wrong, though, you never know. The poor lad might actually think that storming the Black Gate will work. Don't let's tell him he's wrong, okay?"

Legolas worked his jaw soundlessly, unable to come up with a single intelligent response. Rather strange, considering he was him.

Didn't they realize that that was the plan?

Gandalf slapped the elf on the back, winking conspiratorially. "You'll keep it a secret for us, Legolas, won't you?"

Somehow, Legolas, got the distinct feeling the wizard was mocking him.

He wiggled his jaw again, experimentally. It still wouldn't work. Nobody would realize that such a brilliant idea was his, not Aragorn's. The man was merely a Ranger with a few quality perfumes poured on him to drown the smell.

The feeling that he was being made fun of was furthered when Merry clambered on a table to plunk his Rohirric helmet on the elf's head. Pippin swirled a cape about himself, attempting to pin it to Legolas shoulder's, but only succeeding in hooking one end to Legolas' kneecap, and getting another end stuck in his curly hair. The poor, misunderstood elf prince screeched and limped around the room as quickly as possible to avoid Pippin's attempts to rearrange the cloak, quite ungrateful for the Valar's interference in letting him speak again.

Eventually, with some difficulty on the hobbit's part, the befuddled elf found himself crowned and be-cloaked and being introduced as:

"Captain Obvious!Legolas"

Hope you enjoyed, after such a long hiatus. I have one more chapter almost finished, and about two more ideas in the works. Please feed my poor, starved kitty muse with raving reviews and intellectual ideas!

Or just a 'I think this line is stupid (insert stupid line here)' works. -.^ Lova you alllllll!