Chapter 3: Learning to Wake Up

The mood was somber at best when Riku had reached Yen Sid's tower. Merlin and Yuffie were on their way back to Hollow Bastion to update the communicators with Cid and possibly invent something else high-tech that would be useful for their upcoming battles against Xemnas. Cloud and Leon offered to help Riku train back at Yen Sid's. Riku accepted the offer. After all, if getting through the barrier was this rough, it would just get worse as they made their way to the fortress.

He would need to get better, keep his heart strong. Riku would repeat this in his head, would chant it feverishly as he slept, the command ever present on his lips. Nothing could slip, he couldn't let temptation take hold. And even if a stem of it surfaced, if he ever felt so much as a tug he would immediately imagine Sora and that would usually calm his frantic heart.

Thinking hard about his friend, Riku now felt nervous as he opened the front doors of Yen Sid's humble home. There would be a punishment. He had failed to bring Namine back, not to mention drugging his best friend. He cringed at the thought of Sora's facial expression, with blue slits shooting into his very core. Those blue, deep eyes. They were always the worst.

Well, you deserve it. All you can do is soak it in, be honest, and hope that he's not too disgusted to talk to you. Riku swallowed before entering, already running multiple apologies and sentiments though his head. He almost went past Yen Sid only to stop and realize that he was passing Yen Sid.

Yen Sid, a man who rarely left his office. Yen Sid, who was currently blocking something from view. Yen Sid, whose tall frame was next to shattered specks of glass that layered the floor in precarious sparkles. Oh, God, what happened now? Riku walked up slowly to the powerful wizard, already tense with worry. "Yen Sid? Is something wrong?"

"Nothing is amiss as far as my needs are concerned. However," Yen Sid turned around, facing Riku. "Sora has put himself in what appears to be a deep sleep."

Riku's eyes widened. Again?! "Let me see him."

Yen Sid sighed. "You may observe, but you must not touch him." He stepped aside, allowing Riku to see finally.

Riku took another step forward, frowning at the light bruise on Sora's left cheek, his paler skin, and his chest seemed to be bleeding again (Would the wound ever heal?). Riku tilted his head, eyeing the shattered mirror directly in front of Sora. "Did he do that?"

Yen Sid nodded. "It appeared to be against his own will. He had called for help, but the moment I appeared before him he was already unconscious."

Riku blinked. "His hands look okay, and his legs. How did he do it?"

"The mind is a powerful thing," Yen Sid muttered while picking up a piece of glass with long, fragile fingers. "Perhaps he is trying to tell us something. Maybe, subconsciously, he wants help. This could very well be a representation of his heart."

"I see . . ." Riku leaned down, resting beside Sora's body, and chuckled bitterly. "Why are you always asleep at times like this?" He laughed some more, blinking away the sour tears that threatened to fall. "You really are a lazy bum, Kairi was right about you."

Yen Sid's robe flowed across the floor, shimmering like water as the he reached the steps. "Be careful. I believe in about thirty minutes he should return. His disposition may be unstable, it's best that you keep yourself calm."

Riku nodded. "Right." After the wizard had left his sight, Riku took in a deep breath, then he grabbed Sora's hand.

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Kairi lifted her head, starring warily at Namine with heavy eyes. Tears swelled up inside her eyelids, but Kairi held them in. Sucking in more air for courage, she blinked before glaring defiantly at her current roommate. "That's not going to work on me."

Namine stared back, her face devoid of all emotion. Another lapse, Kairi thought as she saw the other girl's eyes protrude, hollow and empty. It's weird, ever since that panic attack she had earlier she's been blanking out from time to time. I wonder what's wrong with her. And how does she know Riku?

Kairi frowned and straightened up as much as she could in her chains. "Who are you? How do you know Riku?"

Namine's eyes flashed before focusing, breaking out of the lapse. In the next second Kairi was screaming and stomping with her feet wildly. Her breathing became labored while her pupils turned into small, opulent holes from panic. "No . . . no, stop! P-Please!" She closed her eyes, voice desperate. "Please . . .?"

Namine blinked, voice eerily calm. "What do you mean stop?"

Kairi huffed, still keeping her eyes shut. "It's not real, it's not real! Stop it!"

"How do you know it's not real? What are you seeing, Kairi?" Namine tilted her head, smiling.

"You know exactly what I'm seeing. You put them there." Kairi finally opened her eyes, only to squeal loudly in fear. She moved her feet in wild motions, flailing at invisible assailants to the normal eye. But it was all real for her, all too real for her.

Namine shrugged. "It's a simple really. I don't understand why so many people are afraid of spiders. Isn't it time you got over that?"

Kairi growled, cheeks glowing from a mixture of both shame and embarrassment. "Just stop it! Now!"

"Why should I?" Namine's smile grew, but her eyes were glazed and hollow.

Kairi watched in horror as Namine's body disintegrated, transforming into millions of spiders. All were black widows, grotesque in their appearance, and they moved like distorted versions of human zombies. Kairi screeched as they all headed towards her, forming with the daddy-long legs that were already traveling up her arms and legs.

She screamed. Her throat protested as her screams were choked off into gags; the spiders were crawling into her mouth. Her whole body shook in violent spasms before aching in small bursts of agony when tiny fangs stabbed into her legs and arms. She could feel the strong teeth dragging, injecting harmful liquids into her bloodstream.

She wanted to cry, wanted to shake them off, wanted to curl into a corner or hide under a blanket. She wanted warmth, wanted freedom to move, wanted them all to just go away. She could feel the poison moving. No! She wanted it out, out, out!

And then . . . gone. It all went away, all gone. Kairi collapsed against the wall while her hand hanged limply from where it was still chained. She used her only free hand to cover her mouth, but the resistence didn't help as she vomited, croaking up in her throat with a gurgling sound as the contents of her stomach left her. And I thought drowning was worse than this? She shook her head, trying to get rid of both nightmares as she spat out the frail aftertaste of spiders.

Namine giggled, a soft tinkling sound. "You're so strong, Kairi. I can see that I'm going to have to dig deeper."

Kairi flinched, keeping her eyes on the puke. "Why?"

Namine's smile disappeared. "I asked you before, if you could take me away. You refused."

"I don't know what you mean! I don't know how, I don't know anything!" She broke off into sobs, ashamed of her own weakness. Please, not another one. Not another nightmare.

"I'm sorry, Kairi." Namine sighed before rubbing her own forehead, narrowing her eyes in deep concentration. "Now . . . let's see if your fears get any interesting past age ten."

Kairi shivered and moaned lightly, shaking with desperation and overflowing tears. Who is this person and how in the world is she doing this? She barely had time to contemplate over the infuriating question before falling into the next dream of repressed memories.

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Journal Entry 4

Sometimes, it's hard to hold a grudge. Hard to hold in anger.

Anger itself is a heavy emotion. There are so many sides to anger: irritation, annoyance, rage, caustic desires, etc. I think what most people forget is how much energy it takes to truly stay angry. I mean, I know I'm pretty bad at complaining and whatnot, but even I have my limits. I'm simply at the point where I almost don't care. I just want to go to bed and sleep it all off.

The problem is I already am asleep. We're still in this weird "World-of-dreams" or whatever the heck Sora calls this place. It's hard to stay mad at the top of a tower with a sunset to keep you company and ice cream (of course).

Impossible. I just . . . can't. I can't do it. Not in my favorite place. Not here, holding an ice cream pop and watching the sun paint the sky lavender and orange. And Sora knows this, dang it! Ugh . . .

And look at him now! He's just sitting next to me looking at the sun with that goofy grin. Oh, and did I also mention that he looks like Xion? Yeah, the freakin' lunatic. "Look, Sora, I don't know what your angle is but if you keep hiding your face that's not going to stop the beating I give you when I figure out this mess," I say, glaring at him because I'm too lazy to get off my butt and beat him now. And again, as I said before, I'm freaking tired.

Sora rolls his eyes then turns towards me. "I'm not hiding, I'm doing this for you."

"Really?" I spat this out with as much sarcasm that I can in a single word.

"Yep." Sora stands. "See? You remember Xion a little more, right?" He poses, placing his hands on his hips in what I would have considered cute (on Xion anyway) if the situation wasn't so wrong. "And now you know what she looks like. So, commit this stuff to memory!"

"Excuse me? I'm in a dream! I can't write anything here!"

Sora waves his hands, as if I said the world was square. "Relax, you'll figure it out. Anyway, since we still have some time what about I show you something?"

"Or, how about you get me out of here before I kick you off the tower." Screw being tired! I'm going to make a point.

"Aww, you wouldn't hit Xion, would you?" He jumps in front of me, smiling lightly.

I take in his heart-shaped face, round chin, smooth outline, pixie-cut black hair, the organization coat . . . I feel like crying now. This isn't fair, he just can't . . . he can't do this!

I breathe in deeply, closing my eyes to work up enough conviction to move. I erase all thoughts of her from my mind and focus only on him. Sora, Sora, Sora, Sora, Sora, Sora. Then I slap him on the cheek as hard as I can.

His face moves to the side in a sharp jolt of movement while the sound of the slap reverberates throughout the open space between us. The background morphs, buildings turning grey, ground rising up to meet me. The sky shifts from a red rainbow to a dark, purplish color.

I shiver as my limbs soak in the cold air with only my shirt and pants to shield me. My organization coat falls to the floor, shattering in black dust. "Wha?" I gasp, looking around at my surroundings before turning back to Sora.

He looks like himself now, except his hair is a lighter brown than I remember. His skin is extremely pale and his eyes are a mixture of brown and blue, complete with a hollow film of shock. He blinks once, bringing a hand that's as white as a sheet up to the red splotch of skin on his left cheek. "That wasn't very nice," he says, voice all low and creepy sounding.

I back away from him slowly, trying to hide the fact that all of this is freaking me out. "Sora, what did you do?" I glare at the bloody circle located at the center of his chest. God, that's still there? "This is you, right?"

Sora's eyes narrow and it's almost impossible for me to keep a straight face as he stares at me. "You can see me." He states it like it's a fact, but from the tone of his voice I can tell he wasn't expecting that at all. I wasn't supposed to see him like this, he was hiding from me.

A chill passes by my back and I turn slowly. A black cage stands behind me, encased in mountains of spiralling black flames. I can make out someone in there. It's hard to see with the black bars in the way, but the figure's body is also black as well. I keep staring at the thing (or is it actually a person?) before it looks up, eyes wide and yellow. "Hello, Roxas." His voice comes out in a hiss, dark and mocking.

I open my mouth to speak, but then Sora's cold hand instantly blocks any sound from leaving past my lips. I flinch as he whispers in my ear. "Time to go."

What do you mean? I close my eyes wind comes from no where, throwing me up into the sky in the middle of a black abyss while my right hand heats up. It burns, burns, burns.

I shudder and moan, opening my eyes but I can't see anything. There is nothing around me, nothing at all. No substance or any sign of life, just this rich, deep blackness. But my hand is still burning.

"Sora."

A voice calls and then the skin on my right hand starts peeling from the burns and I'm screaming loudly. Air rushes up my face and then I feel like my body is being pulled two different ways at once. It stretches and compresses, and then I'm drowning in black, in misery, and it's so cold, cold, cold, cold, cold . . .

"Sora!"

Something is touching my face and now it burns too. The pain is too much, the darkness is too much, it's all too much. I whimper as I feel a finger twitch. I try to speak but all of a sudden my throat clogs up and it's like my lips are sealed.

The voice is clearer now, enough for me to put a name to it. "Hey, Sora. It's okay. You'll pull through, you can fight this. You've always been strong enough."

"No. No," I manage to force this out of my sore throat. The darkness, it's finally leaving. The sence of nothingness I felt before is being replaced by warmth, rich soothing warmth. It doesn't hurt, doesn't burn. But my chest aches now, and my hand . . . my hand . . .

"You can do it, Sora."

The burning presence covers my entire chest, and then I open my eyes. I mean, I really open them. It takes a few seconds for me to recognize the broken glass, the green tiled floor, the battered mirror, and then . . . "Riku?" I croak out, wheezing the name in a single breath before coughing. I glance warily at my hand, seeing his fingers clenching tightly around it, like he's afraid I'll slip away. He's the one who burned me. But that pain is what brought me out of wherever I was. I squint and sit up, trying to ignore the involuntary shudders clinging to my back.

"Hey, take it easy." Riku leans me back on the ground, still holding my hand. I want to pull it away, but I can't find the strength. I can barely move my eyes back to his face, but I do. I fight to see him, fight to stay conscious. It's hard to admit, but I'm a little scared of sleeping after all that. Afraid to sleep. Afraid to return back to the nothingness. I shiver.

Riku rubs my forehead and the burning touch gives me enough incentive to look at him more closely. Riku's emotions are as clear as always in the depths of his Iris', the mixtures of blue and green that come together ominously to create vast oceans of turquoise. I don't need to see the slight downtown of his lips or the tightness of the skin at the corner of his eyebrows. Not even the tense lines that form his muscular arms or the way his teeth naw into his bottom lip, drawing blood.

He's nervous as all hell. I know he has a right to be, I should be angry with him about something. At least, I think so. I frown as I try to remember why I was angry at anyone to begin with, but he must have thought that I was directing the frown towards him. He speaks in rushed intervals. "I know, I know. You have every right to be mad at me, and I don't blame you. But you have to understand, Sora, I had to leave you here. I had to do this for you, for all of us."

The moment he says 'Sora' exhaustion seeps in. Crap! You know what, I'm done with it. I'll let this slide, Riku. Okay? Time to play a truce, kay? I'm just not in the mood. "Don't worry about it."

"Really?" His voice is so incredulous that I almost laugh.

I nod and shrug to cement this kind, rare act of forgiveness (yes rare, he ain't getting away with this a second time). "I just want to sit on something comfortable and talk. About nothing, about everything. Just . . . I need a distraction."

"Right, of course. Yeah, we can do that." He bites his bottom lip again as something akin to worry flashes in his eyes.

Why do I have a feeling that my life has just been screwed ten times over? "Something you want to say now?"

"Yeah, well, ah," He clears his throat, an obvious stalling gesture that's so unoriginal that I almost contemplate taking it all back. "The mission didn't really go as planned."

"What? What do you mean?" I sit up now, ignoring the pain in my chest and throbbing hand so he can get the full effect of me narrowing my eyes. "What the heck, Riku. Just spit it out."

He blinks and looks down, letting go of my hand. For some reason, this just makes me more irritated. I cross my arms and sigh. "Namine isn't here with us, is she?"

Riku has the decency to look me in the eye before shaking his head. I decide to let him suffer under my death glare for about five minutes as I spin a few somewhat violent ideas in my head. I then take a break from glaring at him and rub my own eyes, then I look at my knees. "Riku?"

"Yeah?"

"Come closer . . ."

I hear him hesitate before he leans forward slightly. His face is a above mine, then I grab him by the hair, yanking him down to my level. His surprise prevents him from pulling away as I raise my fist, aiming it for one of his treacherous, pained eyes. I'm about 75% of the way there when my hand freezes in position.

Roxas, please.

Shut up!

Please.

Sora, so help me if you don't let me do this . . .

It's not his fault! It's not his fault I'm sick or injured, it's not his fault that Namine was captured! The hell, Roxas! Beating him up will solve nothing! So shut the hell up and drop your fist!

Make me, Sora. Go ahead, take control. You've done it before, you're doing it now. Go ahead and stop me. I can do this all day.

Roxas . . .

Like I said, all day. I don't care if I pass out or what. I'm just going to keep fighting until this douche learns that he can't just take advantage of you like this.

I'll give you nightmares.

You think threatening me is going to work?

I've seen your entire life, I hold the rest of your memories. I know everything that bothers you, everything that makes you upset, everything that makes you smile, laugh, cry, yell . . .

It only takes a little push. If you lay a finger on Riku, on any of my friends, then I will personally make sure that you suffer.

"Sora?"

That's right, Riku is still here. He hasn't moved, and I've probably had my fist raised for about two minutes. I drop my hands, feeling the aftershocks of rage rolling through me. But it isn't really me. The anger seeps into me from Sora and suddenly my lips move on their own and I'm watching everything from the inside. "Go away, Riku," Sora says through me.

The hurt in his eyes is cut off by his own hair as he slowly stands. He looks as if he wants to touch my shoulder or something, but Sora's facial expression keeps him from trying. He walks up the stairs methodically, chest held high and looking straight ahead.

When he reaches the top Sora bursts into tears, causing me by default to do the same.

End of Journal Entry

Well, didn't really mean to take so long with this one but . . . eh, stuff just happens. School ain't making anything easier at the moment.

I'd like to thank all the readers who helped make this possible, especially xxIAmTheSkyxx, XionTheBlackRose, Heart'sgem, FlightfootKeyseeker, Zeki-Kiryuu-kun628, and superstoyboi124. All reviews and criticisim has been much appreciated.