Okay, we're back with more and it's a longer chapter! These are going to keep getting longer once we move into Final Season territory. On that note, in case you missed it, we have a release date for Episode 3, Broken Toys! 15th January and I am super excited! At the moment we're at 6 favourites and 10 follows, which is neat!
Review replies:
Jestalnaker94000: again, thank you for your kind words! And we have learned a little something, but I did have to make a minor tweak in the last chapter. It's really small; basically, the pair learned a little bit about each other over the last few weeks, and Clementine's quizzing was more just to keep Alex conscious more than anything (poor planning on my part, oops... thank goodness for the replace chapter option!). And as for what's about to go down, you're about to find out. Enjoy!
And without further ado, this is the part where I leave and let the chapter begin. Enjoy!
Alex
We're so screwed. We're trapped with a swarm of walkers snapping below our ankles and one of us is dead. I step away from the edge of the shelf, my back to the front of the store, and I'm greeted with a look of disgust from Clementine, as if this is all my fault. I feel a knot tighten in my throat as I realize that our relationship is potentially irreparable after this. A brief thought flits across my brain: the possibility of hitting the road when we get out of this.
If, I correct myself.
Ellie is on the set of shelves across the aisle, staring at the spot where Daniel was, unmoving, unspeaking, disbelieving. I shoulder my rifle and rub my eyes beneath my glasses; a sign of stress. I rub my hands down my face and push my glasses up my face and begin rubbing my chin.
"Well?" Clementine spits venomously, the tone of her voice making me sick to my stomach. "What's your next big plan?"
"Fuck off," I mutter.
"Or what? Are you going to make me jump across the aisle or-"
"I said fuck off!" I scream as I step up to her, the two-inch difference in height certainly making a statement now. She takes a step back but doesn't flinch, her face like thunder. "I get it! I fucked up, but you can't act as if you haven't done anything stupid since this all started! You can't say that you haven't been responsible for other people's deaths! I know you haven't! Why is Lee dead, Clementine? Why did he get bitten? Because he went looking for you, because you ran off with that stranger!" I watch her jaw tense slightly, but I'm so mad I don't even consider stopping. "Yeah, my memory's still working, in case that little test in the storeroom didn't convince you! I listened to everything you said when I was recovering. And who else is dead because of you? Your carelessness killed Omid, Clem! And Sarita? In the middle of a herd, what possessed you to cut her hand off?"
"You shut your fucking mouth."
"And what about Kenny?"
I receive an angry yell as a response along with a swift punch to the face, one so hard I bite the inside of my cheek. Blood floods my mouth. She steps back and raises her gun at me. I feel the fire leave my brain. It's replaced by a dark emptiness, futility. She told me her lowest moments and I just used them against her. She trusted me, and I pissed on it. Her face shows how hurt she is, and a single tear runs down her face. I notice her finger is poised on the trigger, ready. I stare down the barrel. I've been in this position so many times and normally this sight consumes me with nausea. Now I feel nothing but acceptance and welcoming. I spit out a sticky spray of blood across the aisle, which the walkers seem to revel in, the snarls getting louder and more frantic.
"Do it," I utter lowly, feeling the warm blood ooze down my chin as I talk. I refrain from pulling a face as the metallic taste plays on my tongue. "I don't care anymore," I continue weakly, "I have nothing. You know I've watched my family die right before my eyes. I've had enough of this shit. You'll be doing me a favor."
Clementine trembles with anger. She struggles to hold her weapon steady, even with both hands. Her face is flushed red with burning rage as more tears begin to spill down her cheeks, dripping off her face and trickling down her neck, soaking into her shirt collar. Likewise, the blood seeping from my mouth is doing the same. I can feel its warmth creeping down my throat and gathering at the base of my neck.
I see her eyes dart to the side of me for a split second, before snapping back to me. She fires.
Clementine
I... have no words. My past is something that haunts me constantly, all the familiar and friendly (and some not-so-friendly) faces visiting me in my dreams, tormenting my sleep, plaguing my thoughts. It all stays bottled up inside my head and I never breathe a word of it to anyone. Until Alex came along. She stood out compared to everyone else. Her trusting face looked worn by the trying times of this hell the world has become, but also looked fresh, and joyful, equipped with a warm, cheery, good-humored grin. That grin greeted me from across the tent every morning and instantly raised my spirits.
But she pushed me. For years I've fought with myself to control the guilt, to convince myself that it wasn't my fault that all those people died, that I wasn't responsible. For a while, it worked. And in a single rage-induced outburst, all that work was picked apart, its tatters falling from my brain and catching in my throat. My eyes are swimming with tears as I register what I've just done. I collapse to my knees and start to sob as the emotional wounds, freshly healed, split open again. Lee, Omid, Kenny, it's all my fault. She's right.
I look up at her. She's standing there, shocked beyond all belief, unable to process what just happened, that she's alive. I fired to the side of her, the bullet striking another store window. The impact caused the glass to splinter everywhere, the broken pieces littering the store floor and concrete outside. The sunlight filters into the dingy store, lapping at its heels.
I had to fire that gun. I hoped it would make me feel better, but it hasn't.
I hear voices outside. I look up and see a few people, armed, gather near the broken window and cautiously peer inside. They're some of the guys who came with us.
"Hey!" I hear one male voice shout. "They're in here!"
Alex's head snaps behind her to face the shout. The walkers do the same and shuffle away from below us, towards the rest of our group. Gingerly, Alex turns back to face me, offering an outstretched hand to help me up. I don't take it and instead climb to my own two feet, holstering my pistol as I do so. Her arm guiltily shrinks back to her body. More of the walkers saunter away from us, and I hear the occasional pop and rattle of gunfire from out front.
"Guys," Alex says, her voice barely audible, not because of the sound of the walkers, but because she can barely get her words out, "we need to get moving." And with that, she sits over the edge of the shelf, twists, and lowers herself down. Ellie and I follow in silence, dropping to the store floor. I straighten up and draw my knife. Alex presses on, nearing the front of the store entrance, which is clogged with walkers. She omits a sharp, piercing whistle, and the rear wave of walkers sluggishly turn to face us. She grips her knife and lunges towards the first walker with a yell, driving the blade into its head. Another shuffles to me, and I kick its leg out from beneath it and it tumbles to the ground. I pounce and I kill it, my knife sinking into its soft skull. I yank it out and move onto the next walker. And the next. Ellie dispatches walker after walker too, following closely behind Alex.
I peer over to Alex, who is ploughing through the walkers, her front covered in their dark, putrid blood, mingling with her own that is stained into the collar of her shirt. Her eyes dart behind me for a split second, and before I can even turn around, she lunges towards me, and then past me. She tackles a walker to the ground and stabs it. Alex leaps to her feet and places a gentle hand on my shoulder without saying another word.
Watch yourself, the hand says. Seems like she's still watching me, looking out for me, despite all that just happened. Even though I could have easily killed her. The fact that, for a split second, she probably thought I had. I shrug her off.
She pulls away, hurt, and continues killing walkers, except the next one she kills in an interesting way, a way she's never done before. She sweeps a leg out from beneath it, letting it crash to the ground before stabbing it. I never showed her how to do that, not in the way Jane taught me. That girl is full of surprises. Yeah, like using all your dirt against you, I think.
The three of us step through the store doors and meet the others, having picked through a hefty wave of walkers from both sides. I feel the anger drain from my body, leaving a slight bitterness behind. I feel drained. Alex is breathing deeply beside me, still not saying a word. One of the guys, Otto, a man in his early twenties who was studying at a nearby university for a semester, only to be stranded here instead of in his native Germany, steps up.
"Guys, what happened? I thought you weren't going inside the store?" he says.
"Jason locked us in," I reply angrily.
"He did?" Otto replies, his brow furrowing. "He told us to go on a perimeter sweep. We didn't see him do this."
"Then look at the side door. It's chained shut, from the outside!" I retort, still angry.
"Wait a minute," Ellie speaks up, "where is Jason?"
The group have no idea where the fucking coward has gone.
Clementine
We return to the camp with eight people instead of the ten we originally departed with, and it's immediately noticed. We all grouped together before the four leaders of the New Frontier and explained what happened and why everything fell to shit. David says they'll send out a search party to find Jason, then he takes one look at Alex and decides it would be best if we didn't go. We are dismissed, and the meeting is over.
I return to my tent, AJ in my arms, to find it's empty. I place AJ on my camp bed and sit beside him. I bury my face in my hands as I reflect on what happened today; I snapped and Alex lashed back, and it was not a reaction I was expecting from someone who is normally so gentle and caring with everyone she's encountered so far. The anger was unlike anything I'd ever seen from her. Pure rage, pure frustration, pure venom. And I can't get it out of my head. I sigh deeply but it comes out as a choked sob instead. Everything she said... is she right? Is it all my fault?
I take more time to recall the shitstorm today turned out to be: Alex nearly split her head open, we were trapped in a walker-packed store, Daniel died, Alex pushed me, I pointed a gun to her, and despite that, Alex still looked out for me. The last point stands out to me more than the others. People dying is, sadly, a huge part of how things are now. And I'm used to people blaming me for it too. Christa... I could tell she blamed me for Omid's death. I could see it in the way she looked at me, the slight hint of disgust in her face. I could hear in the way she said my name, and how it played across her tongue as if she was drinking something vile. Her bitterness faded over time, but I could still see it, like how a wound heals but the scar still remains.
I look around and suddenly realize Alex's stuff is gone. The book she normally keeps on the broken table isn't here. A thick, dog-eared paperback novel with yellowing pages and a worn spine, she read a bit of it every night before bed. Sometimes I'd come in late and find she was reading it to AJ, who took great delight in hearing all the different voices and accents Alex would make as she read. I had no idea what the book was about, but Alex briefly explained it was British Victorian literature, with way too many characters enclosed within. Some nights I would listen along with AJ, to her stupid voices and crappy accents, but it was her native accent, a standard American accent with a slight Tennessee twang that made its appearance in short, sudden bursts, was something I could have happily listened to all night. It came out more whenever she spoke to anyone from the south, which was entertaining. I would pick her up on it and she would deny it. But the angrier she got the more it would come through. These silly little arguments would make me laugh so hard I would cry.
She can't have gone far. Maybe there's still time. I exit the tent and spend the next five minutes frantically asking people whether they've seen Alex, while trying to ignore AJ poking my face, only to be told they haven't seen her since we got back. Finally resigning, I return to the tent and crash onto my camp bed, bouncing AJ on my knee. He's lost interest in my face and wants to crawl around on the camp bed instead, so I let him.
Earlier was so shit. What we both did wasn't fair to each other, but it's not worth losing each other over this. As the realization of Alex's departure sets in, I feel a hole open up in my chest. I feel hurt again, betrayed, abandoned. I feel my heart sink as the thought that she's gone becomes very real. That dumb smile, pale face with the slightly sunburned cheeks, the glasses with the grimy lenses, the crappy jokes, light-hearted banter, the hair flicks, the spectacle-repositioning... gone. My partner-in-crime, gone.
My thoughts are interrupted as I hear the sound of rustling paper and chewing beside me. My head snaps up to look. AJ is sat there, happily chewing on a piece of paper. Where did that come from?
"AJ, let go," I say as I wrestle it out of his mouth, the little shit clamping his teeth down harder on it. I finally pry it from him and he giggles slightly. I unfold the slightly saliva-covered piece of paper and read Alex's small, scrappy handwriting, ignoring the teeth marks on the page.
Clementine,
Where do I even begin with this? I'm an ass.
You opened up to me and I used it against you.
I let you down and I hurt you.
No matter how many times I say this, it won't express how bad I feel, but...
I'm so, so, fucking sorry.
You don't have to believe it.
You don't even have to forgive me.
But in the unlikely event that you do, I'll be at the nearby stream if you want to come and find me.
We need to talk.
Or you can shout at me, I totally deserve it.
Alex.
I read the note again. And then a third time. Without a moment's hesitation, I scoop AJ up and get moving.
Alex
Today... what a mess. A man is dead because of me of my stupid idea. To top it all off, I've hurt someone I care about dearly. I'm sitting at the bank of a small stream, watching the water trickle by. The trees nearby are bare, their leaves littering the ground I'm sat on. Thankfully, it's a dry day so I'm not perched upon soaked ground. It is, however, pretty cold, and I feel the winter chill tickling against the back of my neck. My head is starting to hurt, and its throbbing is sending hot waves of pain across the right side of my skull. I massage my right temple with my hand in the hope that it will provide some relief. It doesn't.
I let out a weighty sigh, made visible by the cold. I watch the wispy vapor seep into the air before vanishing. I pick up the novel that I've been trying to read for the last half hour, the headache making it impossible to concentrate. I flick through its pages, noting how thick this book is. I land on the final page and look at its number: 897. As if I'm going to finish this book before die.
"Hey", says a voice behind me. Clementine. An excited infantile squeal follows. AJ. I can't summon to courage to speak up, let alone look at her. I hear her sit beside me, to my right. I still don't look, instead I'm fiddling with the ring around my neck. We sit in silence, with the exception of AJ making the odd sound here and there as he fidgets in Clementine's lap. At least, I think he is, my peripheral vision can only see so much. Clementine makes no effort to silence him, letting him do his own thing instead.
"How's your head?" she finally asks. I clear my throat before answering.
"It hurts," I mumble, still looking straight ahead.
"No surprise there, it looked like quite a nasty fall." I don't answer. I don't know what to say. 'Sorry' won't cut it. "What happened with Daniel..." she continues, "... that wasn't your fault. I shouldn't have made out as if it was." She pauses for a moment. "We always think that we're doing what's best at the time, but sometimes it doesn't go to plan. I know that better than anyone. I'm sorry." As if beyond my control, my head lifts up to look at her. Her sweet face with a soft smile and sad eyes. AJ looks at me with a cute, smiling expression and outstretches his tiny arms towards me.
"You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for Clem," I say. And I really mean it. I have no hard feelings towards her.
"But-"
"Ah-ah!" I interrupt along with an outstretched index finger. I raise my eyebrows and feel a small smile play on my lips. Clementine cocks her head at an angle as if to say Really? before rolling her eyes and shaking her head. "Hear me out. You trusted me with a lot of personal stuff over the last few weeks, and in a matter of twenty seconds, I used it all against you. It was uncalled for, it was vicious, and I am so, so sorry. It takes a lot to make me lose my cool, but when I do, I completely lose my shit. It's... dangerous... it-"
"What happened in there," she interjected, "it was rough. We didn't have many options. Your call was the best one, and I'm sorry for acting as if it wasn't. It got heated, emotions ran high. What I'm trying to say is... I forgive you," she says sweetly, the sadness in her eyes fading away. "Besides, I shouldn't have pointed that gun at you. I was mad, and I didn't know what I was thinking."
"I deserved it."
"You deserved the punch, nothing else."
"It was a good punch."
"Thanks."
We sit in silence again, listening to the breeze, the birds singing. My cheek also kills, and I probe the ragged flesh with my tongue, inspecting it. A slight metallic hint still lingers. AJ keeps pointing to me and looking at Clementine.
"I think he wants to be with you," Clementine offers softly.
"Are... are you sure?" I ask. I'm still not that comfortable with babies. "What if I accidentally let go of him? He might roll into the stream and get whisked away, never to be seen again..." I express my concern, deliberately over-the-top and exaggerated to get a laugh or two out of Clementine.
"It'll be fine," she affirms, lifting AJ over to me as she laughs. My heart... "He loves being with you." I take the toddler and place him in my lap, which he seems to take great delight in.
"Hey there, buddy," I say softly as AJ grabs the tip of my nose. "O-okay then... give me back my nose, you little shitbird. It's mine, not yours. You have your own nose! See?" I gently pinch the tip of his nose with a thumb and forefinger, which AJ seems to think is the funniest thing in the world. Clementine laughs her amazing laugh, and I feel myself turning into a puddle of goo. Dammit, I can feel my face burning up too. She's literally perfect and I don't know what to do with myself. I nervously bounce AJ on my knee and give him a little tickle. He squeals with delight and I burst into laughter. He's such a cute little kid, it's just a shame that he's not talking. He seems like he'd be a cute, chatty little dude. I look over at her, with a smile that ask Am I doing this right? to which she nods.
"See, you're a natural."
"Beginner's luck, Clem, beginner's luck. I could still drop him."
"For your own safety, I strongly recommend that you don't." We laugh again, and I feel my face start to hurt. Not just from the excessive smiling, but because the inside of my cheek has been ripped to shreds and is causing me a lot of discomfort.
She shuffles a little closer to me, to the point where our shoulders are touching. I feel my mouth dry out with fear, with excitement. My heart is thumping so loud in my chest, I fear she will be able to hear it. I somewhat hope she will. It could be my confession. Why's your heart beating so loud, Alex? It's because I like you, Clem. Should I say something? I may not get another chance, and there's no time like the present. Yeah, nice one Alex, spend the rest of your short, miserable life humiliated, that's a smart move too. Moron. The words are there, playing on the tip of my tongue, screaming to be spoken.
"Clementine..." I utter weakly, the use of her full name getting her complete attention.
"Yeah?"
"I..."
"What?"
"I..."
Come on!
"You...?"
"I... think we should head back." I hear myself finally say, defeated. Fffffffffuck.
Clementine
A month later...
I'm crouched beside an unconscious Lingard and a very, very sick AJ, holding a syringe in my hand. It's night and it's cold, with an even more bitter chill threatening to close in as the night progresses.
"Shit," I whisper to myself, watching the rest of the New Frontier gathering by the main campfire. Of course the medicine would have to be a shot. This is going to hurt AJ and he'll probably cry as soon as I inject him. I'll get caught instantly. Alex is back at our tent, most likely reading her book. I haven't told her what I'm doing because I know she would disagree with it. Instead, I told her I was going for a little walk with AJ.
When AJ first got ill, I took him straight to Lingard, and before long, the fuckers just gave up on him, saying there was nothing they could do. Alex did little to console me, saying that we would figure it out, but to defy New Frontier would be stupid. I suggested stealing from their supplies, insisting that they wouldn't notice, to which she asked if I was, quote, "fuckin' stupid". Not stupid, just doing what any mom would.
She pleaded with me not to do it, so I said I wouldn't. I was going to do it either way, but I wasn't going to tell her. And here I am.
"Hang in there, Goofball," I whisper to AJ, whose little face looks pained and miserable. He's clearly suffering. "This is gonna get you better." I insert the syringe into the little vial of medicine, the name of which Alex doesn't even know I came into possession of. The perks of being near what used to be a med school, I guess. I measure out the correct dosage and remove the syringe, listening all the while. I give it a little squeeze to make sure everything's working properly, yet I hear a shuffling from the camp bed beside me. I feel my jaw drop slightly as Lingard comes to. Shit.
"Clem," he says as he sits up slightly. He clearly doesn't have it together. I reckon he barely knows where he is.
"Doctor Lingard? What's the matter with you?"
"I'm... I'm fine..." he says, but he certainly doesn't look it. Heavy, red-tinted bags have formed around his eyes and his speech is slightly slurred. He sits up a little more and spots the syringe in my hand. Shit. "Clem, please don't," he pleads. "The vancomycin, that's the last of it. It'll be wasted on AJ. I told you, it could save someone's life if used right. It's too valuable to throw away."
"It's the only thing that can save him," I try to reason.
"Except it can't," he says with a sad shake of his head. I scowl at him. "I'm sorry, Clem. I tried everything. I... I really did." His speech is sounded more slurred now.
"This will help him," I insist. "It better."
"Nothing can help your boy now." Lingard stops and sighs. "Oh Clem, put the drugs back, before anyone finds out you took 'em." I look across at the anguished face of AJ, screwed up into a permanently solemn expression. He needs this, more than anything. "You know what they do to thieves here. There's still time."
"I have to try." I'm doing this. I grab hold of AJ's arm, and he recoils, trying to wriggle out of my grip. He lets out a small sound of fear, of uncertainty.
A male voice rings out from nearby; "What the hell was that?"
"Come on Goofball," I say reassuringly, "I need you to be brave for me now, okay?" He stops wriggling, but still looks at me as if to say Please don't do this to me. I shush him before saying, "See, it's not so bad." I stick the needle into AJ's arm, and he instantly jolts with the pain and starts crying.
"AJ!" I whisper frantically. "Shh!" Shit, shit, shit!
"What the hell is this?" David's voice demands from behind me. I grab AJ, who is still crying, and try to make a run for it, only to be blocked off by Ava.
"I told her it was a bad idea," Lingard slurs at David. More people more away from the campfire and watch me, their faces furrowing with anger, disbelief., betrayal.
David looks over at the pitiful Lingard. "You fucking high again?" He walks over to the doctor and grabs him up by the arm, pulling him roughly to his feet. "Pull yourself together before the others see you. Deal with the damn kid." David turns to me, cradling a bawling AJ. I notice that small flecks of snow are starting to fall, and I can feel the air getting colder. It could be the weather, it could be fear, I'm not sure. "What the fuck were you thinking?" he yells angrily. "You were told those drugs couldn't help him. How could you be so stupid? So selfish?"
"You stopped trying to help!" I shoot at him. "I couldn't just sit here and watch AJ die!"
"We stopped because he was a lost cause! That waste? That'll cost someone's life down the road. Someone in this camp! Someone who contributes to our survival!" David continues, waving an angry finger at me.
"C'mon David, she was just trying to help her kid," Ava reasons.
"We helped enough!" David yells back. "We should have left him in the woods a week ago!"
"But look! It's helping!" I plead pathetically. Anything to make the situation better.
"It doesn't work that way, Clem," Lingard says patronizingly. "You bought him a peaceful moment, nothing more."
"Get your fucking hands off of me!" yells a voice from nearby. I peer behind David, and everyone looks to the source of the shout. A guy has grabbed Alex by the collar of her jacket and is aggressively dragging her towards us. She swings an uncoordinated fist towards him, but she can't quite connect the blow, so she thrashes around instead. They reach where we are, and with a violent shove, he launches Alex into the dirt beside my feet. She mutters something along the lines of "fucking asshole", but I'm not sure.
"Alex!" David yells at my friend, who is still on her hands and knees on the ground. "Tell me you didn't know about this! Tell me that this had nothing to do with you!" She slowly stands and turns towards the man, her face like thunder: fearless, defiant, terrifying.
"We planned this, together," she says flatly, a lie, covering for me. "It was all my idea. You all gave up on AJ, a small, defenceless boy! And for that, fuck all of you!"
"We opened our arms to both of you; made you one of us!" David continues, getting angrier and angrier. "This is how you repay us? By stealing?! By putting yourself before the group?" He scowls at both of us and shakes his head disapprovingly. "You're done here. Both of you. You two broke our rules!"
I've had enough and decide I should take Alex's example. "You know what? Alex is right; fuck you," I spit. "And fuck the New Frontier!"
"You already did!" David continues, getting angrier. "That's why you have to go."
I look across at Alex, her challenging expression evaporating into one that says Why didn't you listen to me? It hurts.
"Maybe we should give them another chance?" Lingard offers.
"Don't fight me on this, Paul. You know what Joan would say if she were here. I'm sorry girls, but you brought this on yourself."
Screw this. "Alex, we're leaving," I say lowly. "Come on AJ, we don't need this place anyway." I take hold of Alex's arm and turn away from them, preparing to leave.
"Uh-uh," David says behind us, "he stays." At the same moment, Ava and another guy block us from leaving.
"Get out of my fucking way," I threaten. "Right now."
"Clem," Lingard says, "he's in no condition to travel."
"Let him go, Clem," Ava backs him up. "He'll only drag you down out there."
Without another the word, they close in on us, pushing us closer to David.
"Back the fuck up!" Alex yells, pushing against the guy. But it's like flicking paperclips against a tank; ineffective. I feel them closing in, tighter, tighter, until I feel a vice-like grip on my shoulder. Ava lunges for AJ and I'm unable to leap for him. She wrestles him out of my grip, which is followed by Alex's scream of "Fucking bitch!" A blow follows, but I don't see who lashed out or who got hit until after I'm thrown to one side.
"No! You monsters!" I scream angrily. I stand my ground, preparing to lash out of them, but one look at the pitiful Alex, makes me think better of it. She's back in the dirt again, with a string of bloody drool seeping out of her mouth. As she staggers to her feet, she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, leaving a crimson smear against the pale skin of the back of her right hand and her cheek. "What about this?" I plead, feeling my eyes fill up with hot tears. I lift my shirt sleeve to show the brand on my arm. "What was it all for? Don't forget, we're part of this group!" I choke, feeling the urge to cry seep into my voice, making it sound weak and pathetic.
"Not anymore," David says flatly. So, this is it. I screwed up and I should have listened to Alex. I'm the reason we're in this mess. I'm the reason we're being cast out of our home. But they have no right to take AJ away from me! From us! How dare they!
"Let them say goodbye," Ava suggests to David. "We owe them that much at least." My vision is swimming now, a messy blur of different colours and shapes.
"Fine. You heard her," David says.
"Go on, Clem," Alex says beside me with a flat voice. I feel her hand on my back as she nudges me forward.
David says, "Say what you need to say, and then go. Please don't make me regret this."
I step forward to AJ, who is in Lingard's arms now. He lifts his tiny hand out to me and I take it.
"I love you, Goofball," I utter, trying hard to stop my voice from cracking. Lingard lowers AJ to my level and I place a small kiss on his head. I feel more tears coming on as I sob, "I love you."
"Come on, Clem," David's voice rings behind me. He places a hand on my shoulder and he pulls me away from AJ. He does the same with his free hand for Alex. I wipe the tears from my eyes as we walk. A tiny infant voice rings out behind me and something inside of me dies.
"Cleeeem!"
Alex
Here we are, driving. Just the two of us. The car is deathly silent without AJ. I haven't spoken a word since we got booted out of New Frontier. Clementine has stopped crying now but sits in the passenger seat beside me in a numbed silence. We're both hurting because of AJ and I should be fuming because Clementine didn't listen to me, but I don't feel the anger stirring up inside of me. I feel the sharp pangs of grief settling in my chest. Although relatively unsafe, I drive with my glasses propped up on my head, because my hot tears keep fogging up the lenses. I guess it doesn't matter. Everything is unsafe now. I focus on the road the best I can, resting my hand on the stick shift as I do; a habit of my brother's. Mom hated it so much. Every time he did it when she was in the car, she basically threw a shitfit. Both hands had to be on the wheel.
"Aren't you going to say anything?" Clementine speaks up, interrupting my thoughts and startling me.
"What d'ya mean?"
"I fucked up and you haven't said a word since. You should have at least shouted at me or something."
"What would that have achieved, Clementine?" I ask her. She says nothing, so I continue. "Yes, you should have listened to me, but you had what's best for AJ in mind and I can't fault you for that. Right now, we're both hurting, and me shouting at you isn't going to change anything or make it better. All we've got is each other and we need to stay strong now." I feel a cold hand rest on mine that's resting on the stick shift.
"Thanks for being there for me, Alex."
"I'm always here for you. Don't you forget it."
We drive for a little longer, still in silence, before deciding to set up camp for the night. We get a fire going and we sit beside it. It's almost like the night we met. Almost. And, just like that night, it's fucking freezing. Clementine shivers and suffers in silence beside me. She's got her jacket that she normally leaves tied around her waist on and she's still struggling.
"Come here, Clem," I offer, gesturing with my hand for her to scoot over to me. "You're freezing."
She looks at me, at first to say Are you crazy? but I can tell that she feels the biting cold and thinks again. And I don't believe my luck. She actually moves over to me. And I haven't got a clue on how to position myself. So I leave my arm suspended in the air like a dork as she snuggles into me, her arms wrapping around my middle, her head resting on my shoulder. I feel my heart start to thud in my chest, threatening to burst out. And... she's going to hear it! No!
"See?" she says cockily, "This isn't so bad, is it? I don't get why you were so reluctant last time. Maybe you wouldn't have nearly died."
I shake my head and say nothing, feeling a goofy grin plaster my face. "We'll sort this out, Clem. We'll get AJ back, but first, we'll need to get to this community and find our feet. It'll be okay, I promise."
Clem doesn't respond, and I hear her gentle snoring. I mentally thank Ava for the supplies and the directions to Prescott. Hopefully everything will work itself out. I listen to the nearby river churning as I take watch. It's only a few feet away and the sound is almost deafening at first, but then it gradually becomes white noise. It's relaxing and therapeutic, and it's not something I experience often. Maybe tonight won't be so bad.
Clementine
Alex wakes me up.
"Whuh?" I murmur sleepily, only for Alex to put a finger to my lips, silencing me.
"Don't. Make. A sound."
The urgency in her voice makes my eyes snap open. I sit up slightly and watch about five walkers shamble along the road we were camped next to. I notice the campfire is out, the nearby ground flooded with water, an empty water bottle discarded beside it. Given how wet the ground is this time of year, there was no way Alex could kick dirt onto it instead. The walkers move by, painfully, slowly, their snarls ringing out into the night air. We both watch, not even daring to breathe, trying to stay as low as possible. In a single, fluid, silent motion, Alex premptively draws her knife and I follow her lead.
Alex shuffles on her feet, readjusting her position.
Snap.
I watch as her eyes widen as she realizes she accidentally stood on a stick. She mouths "fuck" as we watch the walkers turn their heads to face us. She springs to her feet, ready to take them on.
"Let's go!" she yells and strides up to the group of walkers. I follow and pounce on the first, Alex simultaneously taking out another. The following three are bunched up really close together. If either one of us attacks, the other two will easily get us. We need to split them up. I look at Alex and before I can even open my mouth, as if she can read my mind, she says, "Split them up."
The clump of walkers converge onto Alex, who is slowly backing up. I run up behind the group and start shouting and hurling insults, anything to get their attention. None of them react to me, closing in on Alex. Even from behind and using the element of surprise, if I attack one, I'll still be too close to the others. I feel helpless. There is nothing I can do that isn't risky. I try getting closer, but they still ignore my distractions, focusing on Alex instead. She continues to back up, holding her knife steady.
"Clem!" she shouts over them. "If you're gonna do something, do it now!"
"They're not reacting to me!" I yell back, watching her helplessly. And then I see it. The river... and its current looks unbelievably strong. Believe me, I know, I got swept up in one like this a couple of years ago. I barely survived. "Alex! Watch your-"
Alex stops at the edge of the river, cornered. I can't help but watch as the three walkers lunge at Alex, the mass of human and walker tumbling into the river and getting swept away by the current faster than I can even blink. I run to the edge as they fall, hoping I can do something to prevent this. It's hopeless.
They got her. They fucking got her. She's gone. Alex is gone. AJ is gone. I'm alone. I lose everyone I love and watch everyone I care about die. My life is trapped in this endless cycle and I don't know what to do anymore. I fall to my knees and start sobbing, my tears racing down my face and splattering onto the ground beneath me, my cries echoing into the night sky. The fresh wound of grief is torn open even more and I continue crying uncontrollably.
In a single night, I have lost everything I loved and cherished dearly. I crawl back to the extinguished fire and sit there, numbed, for hours. Finally, I search through my bag and produce a small photograph of myself, Alex, and AJ on the night Alex was branded, taken with the instant camera that was once her brother's. We're smiling, and you can see Alex's bandages as she's rolled her sleeve up to her shoulder. Her smile isn't at all pained, as you would expect from the ordeal she endured, but genuinely happy. AJ is sat on my lap, not sure what's going on, looking up at me for reassurance, pointing at Alex.
I find myself break into a grin while tears simultaneously flow down my face again. I realize that Alex is gone, and that I'll never see that dumb smile again, nor the pale face with the slightly sunburned cheeks, the glasses with the grimy lenses, or hear the crappy jokes, or endure the light-hearted banter, or watch the hair flicks, the spectacle-repositioning... it's all gone. My partner-in-crime, gone. This time, for good.
Something tells me to turn the photo over, and I can't explain it. I find writing on it, which I never noticed was there before. I read the familiar, scrappy handwriting on the back. It says:
To Clementine, my savior, my lifeline.
You saved my ass and I can't thank you enough.
You're the best and you make being alive great.
-Alex
I break down crying, helpless, alone, defeated.
Alrighty, that's it for this time. Next time we're finally at the point of The Final Season. I'm super excited to start working on that! If you liked this, drop a review to let me know what you think. If you're new here and want to follow this journey, stick it on your alerts list!
Until next time!
Subtle.