AN – So after the aftermath of last chapter and with considering everything that is going on I didn't want you guys to think the absolute worst and give up on the story. Believe me after this chapter you'll understand it was never nearly as bad as you all imagined.

Again, I am looking for a beta so please PM me if interested.

Also please leave reviews, I really love any chance to improve as a writer and I love reading what people's thoughts are on how they think a plot will go or even how it should go. I got a surge of story alerts from last chapter so I all know you are reading. But please don't be shy I love hearing from you all!

Chapter Four
Clarity

"Clarity. That clear and perfect moment where times stands still and everything that didn't make sense, does. But before there is clarity there is denial; all the signs we pretend not to see, all the things we tell ourselves can't be and all the feelings we pretend not to have, all melded together until it's one messy ball of confusion."

"Meredith, where are you?" He asked, becoming frantic. He knew; he had a feeling, he only wished he was wrong.

"Derek…please help…I feel-"

The line went dead and his heart felt like it was in his throat. He leapt up from bed and threw on some clothes.

"Derek what is going on?" Addison demanded.

"It's Meredith…something is wrong…she…Addie I-uh-I have to go." Derek hurriedly explained and he was out the door before Addison could even respond. A woman calls him in the early hours of the morning…A woman that wasn't her.

He ran down the steps of the Brownstone and got straight into his car. He could feel his blood pumping in his ears.

He quickly dialed Amy's cell – he had no idea where the party even was.

"Come on, come on, pick up, pick up, pick up."

Loud music thumped into his ear. "Hello." She answered.

"Amy where is Meredith?" Derek practically demanded.

"I-I don't know I've been looking for her too…wait why are you calling me about Mere?" She felt a sick feeling rise up in her stomach.

"Mere called me, she wasn't making sense. Amy something is wrong, she asked me to help her and the line went dead. I need to find her, what's the address?" Derek demanded as he pulled into the dark streets.

"West Campus Dorms, 600 West 113th Street." She rambled out. Her hands began to shake.

"I'm on my way, I'll call you when I arrive…Amy, keep looking for her." He urged her.

"O-okay." She agreed and Derek hung up. He gripped the steering wheel tightly – his mind racing. He steered through the dark streets, thankful that there was no traffic at this time in the morning.

Derek knew where he was going – it had only been a space of months when he was here attending medical school. West campus dorms had always been where the biggest and most out of control parties were.

He made it to the campus in record time. Parking a few blocks away, he locked the car and ran down the street towards the entrance. Upon entering he called Amy again.

She answered on the first ring. "Hey, I am at the back common room, I haven't found her yet…Derek I have asked and looked everywhere…What if-"

"Don't even go there…look, I'm looking for you now." He hung up as he spotted her across the room near the bar. Amelia looked like she was about to be sick. Derek placed his hands on her shoulders. "Amy, who did you last see her with?" He tried not to be demanding, but his fear for Meredith outweighed all pleasantries.

"I-I don't know, she was dancing with some guy…but I never saw his face." Amelia was shaking, as she ran a hand through her hair. She was scared, terrified even. She looked around and he could see recognition in her eyes. He followed her gaze to a blonde dancing with a bottle of booze in her hand. "Lucy!" She called over the loud music as she approached her. "Lucy!" She yelled again trying to get her attention.

Lucy was really drunk – Derek could clearly see as she staggered towards his sister.

"Amelia!" She squealed arms up in the air as she grinded down her dance partner. Classy. Derek sarcastically thought.

"Lucy…I need you to focus…," Amelia asked as she grabbed her face between her hands to get Lucy to look at her. There was a look of contented bliss on Lucy's face and Derek recognized it from the many times Amelia had worn that very same expression. Lucy was high. "Have you seen Meredith?" She questioned. Lucy frowned as if trying to remember.

"Meredith…Mer-e-dith," She slurred out. "Oh yeah…the hot blonde." She giggled. Amelia shook her shoulders, she needed her to be coherent.

"Lucy focus!" She scolded her. "When did you last see her?" She asked again.

"He was alllll over her….or she was all over him?" She questioned herself, a frown gracing her features.

"Lucy!" Amelia yelled at her. "She's in trouble!" Amelia grabbed her arm and pulled her away from the crowd and into hall. Derek followed; his patience was wearing thin as he ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

"Oh…well she was with Gabe Davidson…," she slurred, becoming unsteady on her feet. She pointed down the hall to the stairs that led to the dorms. "I saw him…take her to his room…no he said that." She choked before vomiting all over the floor. Derek was torn he couldn't leave the girl heaving on the ground but he had to find Meredith. Amelia lent down and pulled back Lucy's hair as she started vomiting into a nearby trashcan. Lucy spluttered, the vomit appeared to sober her just a little. "He's on the third floor…not sure which room number." She coughed.

"Go," she urged Derek. "I'll make sure she doesn't choke on her own vomit…just find Mere."

/ / /

Derek felt like everything was moving in slow motion as he ran up each flight of stairs until he reached the third floor. He spotted a girl coming out of her room and he made a beeline for her hoping she would know which one of these rooms belonged to this prick.

"Do you know which room is Gabe Davidson's?" He asked her hurriedly. She nodded and pointed to the door just across from him. Derek tried the handle but it was locked. He lent his ear to the door and heard muffled sounds – someone was definitely in there. He knocked on the door.

"Fuck off! I'm busy." A gruff response answered. Fuck you, asshole. Derek stood back and shoulder charged the door, once, twice and then he burst through.

His heart was in his mouth. There she was, unconscious and half-naked on the bed while Gabe was leaning over her, cock in hand ready to penetrate her. Derek grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and threw him into his closet doors. Gabe found his footing and charged. Derek pulled his fist back and connected with Gabe's face. Derek pulled him up by the scruff of his neck and he just saw red, he punched him in the gut and then threw him out into the hall.

"This how you get your kicks you sick bastard!" Derek shouted as he kicked him in the stomach.

"She wanted it, she practically begged me." Gabe coughed out.

"She's unconscious, so I highly doubt that," Derek spat as he kicked him in the balls. Gabe howled on the ground as pain seared through his body. "Listen, cause I will only say this once. Don't you ever lay a finger on her again; if you do I will find you and a black eye and bruised junk will be the very least of your problems." Derek had that look in his eyes and Gabe knew he meant every word. Just like that the tables turned – now Gabe was the one who was terrified. Gabe scrambled to his feet and ran back down to the party. If it weren't for Meredith lying unconscious in the room behind him he'd have beat him black and blue.

Derek immediately began checking her out. Her chest was rising and falling – he sighed in relief. He picked up her hand and checked her pulse, timing it against his watch. She was within normal range. He saw a plastic cup of booze on the bedside table and picked it up. He saw lipstick on the side and the cup was almost full as if only a few mouthfuls of the booze was drunk. The colour of the lipstick matched Meredith's – he surmised this was the drink and it all fit. She was drugged, but thankfully hadn't consumed enough for it to have long term effects or heaven forbid be fatal.

Derek kneeled on the bed beside her and stroked her cheek. He was still so angry, but not at her, never at her. Even in her clearly vulnerable state, she was beautiful. He needed to get her out of here.

"I got you Mere…I got you," Derek murmured. "You're going to be okay." He promised her.

Derek searched the floor and found her tights, underwear, purse and shoes. He gently redressed her. Stroking her hair one last time he reached for his cell and called Amy.

"Did you find her?" Amelia asked, frantically.

"Yes, I have her, meet me outside." He murmured and he hung up. Derek leaned down and picked Meredith up bridal style and carried her downstairs and then out of the building.

Amelia's hand was covering her mouth when she saw her brother carrying her friend. A tear leaked down her face. She didn't want to say it – she didn't want to think it.

"Was she…" She trailed off. No. she couldn't say it.

"No…I got there in time," Derek reassured her. "She was drugged, but she's going to be ok, she didn't drink enough of the drink to feel the full effect, she just needs to sleep it off." He explained to her. "Can you reach into my pocket and grab my keys." Amelia nodded and fished them out of the back of his jeans. Derek carried Meredith to his car and gently placed her lying down on the back seat. Amelia stepped in and laid Meredith's head in her lap and took her friend's hand. She felt responsible for this – she felt like she should have been a better friend. Derek opened the driver's side and started the engine. He didn't know where she lived so he headed to his own apartment he shared with Mark. He pulled up on the side of the street and got out. Amelia got out as well and Derek picked Meredith up again. She didn't stir. He took the elevator up to his floor and gave Amelia his keys. Derek burst the door to his apartment open with a loud thud. He dropped Meredith's belongings and her shoes on the side table near the door.

The loud noise jarred Mark from his slumber and he made his way outside cautiously. He saw Derek carrying a woman with his sister in tow.

"Derek what the hell?" Mark groaned. On closer inspection he realized the woman he was carrying was Meredith. "What happened?" Mark questioned as he followed Derek into his room as he placed her gently on his bed.

"She was drugged." Amelia explained – still shaken by the night's events.

"Shit." Was all he could seem to manage to say.

Once Derek had Meredith settled in his bed he turned to his sister who was just staring at Meredith as if almost catatonic.

"Amy, grab some of my clothes and go take a shower." He softly spoke to her. Her head jerked up and her eyes met his and she shook her head.

"I should be here with her." She muttered.

"Amy I think you are in a bit of shock, you'll be no good to her until you have a shower and get some rest." Derek wrapped his arms around his baby sister and kissed the top of her head. Despite all Amelia's demons, and the hell she had put them all through, especially their mother, he loved his sister dearly. Derek glanced up to Mark, asking him without words to take care of her. Mark nodded and ushered Amelia out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Derek knew Meredith needed a bath, but he didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable if she found out he had undressed her. Her shirt was long enough to cover her so he removed her tights and all her jewellery. He then went to his bathroom and wet two washcloths. He returned to Meredith and used one to remove the makeup from her face and the other he ran over her arms and legs to hopefully make her feel a little comfortable when she wakes. He pulled the blanket over her to keep her warm and began checking her vitals again. Just to be on the safe side, he went to his work satchel and pulled out his penlight to check her pupillary response. Both were equal and dilating normally.

The rush of the night's events and the lack of sleep began to creep up on him and he realized just how exhausted he was. He began to nod off but was jerked awake when Amelia came back into the room freshly showered and wearing one of Mark's shirts.

Amelia touched Meredith's hand before sitting down at the end of the bed. She was looking down at her hands.

"I feel like this is all my fault." Amelia choked out.

"Why?" Derek asked, shocked that she would even think of blaming herself. Amelia stared up at her brother, tears welling in her eyes.

"I haven't known Meredith long, but she's quickly becoming my best friend. She gets me, you know. I feel like I can be myself and she accepts me with no question and no judgment. Friends look out for one another and tonight," her voice faltered. "I feel like I failed her." Amelia wiped the tears from her face as she looked down at Meredith.

Derek crawled down the bed and pulled his sister into his side. Amelia laid her head on his shoulder.

"This isn't you fault." Derek rubbed her back trying to reassure her.

"Feels like it is." She sniffled.

"Are you the one that drugged her?" Derek chided her.

"No." She choked out.

"Did you ever abandon her willingly throughout the night?"

"No." She murmured.

Derek nodded and went on, "And the moment you lost sight of her, what did you do?"

"I started looking for her." She said.

"See?" Derek hugged her tighter. "You aren't responsible, in fact you did everything right. It's not your fault and neither is it Meredith's, the only blame lies with that sick asshole. Look, a part of me wants to tell you to not go to wild parties like that…but the truth is, sick pricks like Gabe are everywhere, no matter where you go and as much as I worry about you, I don't want you to stop living your life because of guys like him. All I want is for you and Meredith to protect yourselves as best you can from guys like that and know that no matter what, even when I am pissed at you, I am always here for you." Derek lent his head against his sisters. Ever since their father's death he had always been the closest to Amelia, even when she was making him want to pull his teeth out.

"I know that, even when I hate you, you've always been there. Truth is, if she had called me instead of you, I'd have called you anyway." Amelia admitted.

"I'm glad to hear you say that." Derek murmured and he was because if it had just been Amelia in that room trying to fight that prick off, he shuddered to think what might have went down. "You should get some sleep it's after four." Amelia lifted her head from Derek's shoulder and nodded. She reached for Meredith's hand and gave it a final squeeze and she left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.

Derek laid back down next to Meredith and the exhaustion from before quickly set in and he fell into a peaceful slumber.

/ / /

Derek was awoken as he felt the bed move. He opened his eyes to the daylight flooding through the windows and Meredith stirring beside him. He sat up on his side and took her hand in his rubbing reassuring circles with his thumb on the back of her hand. She moaned.

"Shh," he soothed her rubbing up and down her arm. "You are ok, you're safe." Derek reassured her.

"Derek?" Meredith moaned as she opened her eyes, blinking repeatedly from the brightness. Derek was never more grateful in his life to be able to stare into her beautiful orbs.

"Yes." Derek confirmed it was him. She sat up slowly, trying to gather her bearings. She quickly realized she wasn't in her bed and that Derek was indeed lying beside her.

"Where am I?" She asked, turning to him, a frown crossing her features.

"This is my apartment, I brought you here with Amelia early this morning when I got a call from you that you needed help," Meredith's face was blank. "Mere you were drugged last night," Derek rubbed circles on her back. "You don't remember any of this do you?" He questioned.

"No." She whispered.

"I'm not surprised, that's just how date rapists like it." He said bitterly.

"Oh…no…I wasn't, was I?" Meredith's hand covered her mouth in shock.

"No, I stopped him before he could," Derek tipped her head so he could see her face. "As soon as you called me I came after you." Derek tucked a strand of Meredith's hair behind her ear.

"Thank you." She said, her voice shaking.

"You're welcome. Are you ok?" His eyes bored into hers, trying to ascertain her exact state of mind.

"I feel a little nauseous, but I'm ok, just grateful you stopped him. It was Gabe wasn't it? He's the last person I remember being with." She surmised. She remembered dancing with him and he got her a drink, then after her mind was blank.

"Yes, and I kicked his ass for you." Derek's voice darkened at the sound of that assholes name. Meredith attempted to lighten the mood.

"Aw, my knight in shining…whatever." She grinned, squeezing his hand.

"I think its 'armour' Mere." He deadpanned.

"Whatever." Meredith shrugged in feign nonchalance, then she giggled. Derek knew he could never get tired of that giggle or her smile, or her for that matter and then it hit him. He sighed, his good mood dampened a little. He rolled off the bed away from her.

"I'm going to make some breakfast." Derek explained, offering a small smile to her. But she could tell something was off.

"Derek?" She questioned to his retreating form. He turned around, but he didn't meet her eye.

"Hmm." He murmured in response. She knew what it was about – she had never been so attuned to a person like she was with Derek.

"Forget about what everyone else thinks, forget about what you think they expect of you and think about what you want, and when you figure that out, go for it and don't look back. There are no guarantees in this life, so you might as well do what makes you happy." She told him. It took him by surprise, like she winded him – but in a good way. She was right after all. He shook his head slightly from side to side, bemused by this incredibly intelligent woman.

He nodded before saying; "There are fresh towels in the bathroom if you would like to have a shower." His voice held a new edge as he spoke, something had changed, but she wasn't sure what.

"Thanks." Meredith nodded as she slowly rolled off the bed and padding her way to the bathroom, very much appreciating the idea of a hot shower.

Derek left the bedroom and walked into the kitchen. He was met with the smell of frying bacon and saw Amelia cooking breakfast.

"Morning." He murmured, pouring himself a cup of black coffee.

"Hey," she smiled. She pointed to a bowl of fruit. "I cut up fruit for you so you can't complain." She jeered.

"Funny," Derek remarked sarcastically. "Mere's up, she's ok, nauseous, but ok, she doesn't remember anything from after she must have started getting dizzy from the drug," Amelia looked relieved to hear she was at least awake. "She's showering now." He finished because he knew she was going to ask.

"I'm glad she's awake and I'd really like to cut Gabe's balls off." Amelia viciously cracked an egg into the pan as if to demonstrate her point.

"Well I didn't make him a girl, but I kicked him in the balls…amongst other things." He trailed off at the end, not wanting his sister to know that he was so close to beating the shit out of that prick.

"Good, hope you gave him a black eye too," Amelia said savagely. "Hard or soft?" Amelia asked him, referring to the eggs and effectively chasing the subject.

"Soft please," He responded while opening the morning paper. "Just don't give me food poisoning." He teased, glancing up over the top of the paper. Amelia scoffed and threw a tea towel in his face.

"I'm sorry, am I interrupting." Meredith smirked as she walked out of Derek's room. Derek smiled inwardly as he noticed she was wearing a pair of his sweats and his Bowdoin t-shirt. He found himself appreciating just how good she looked in his clothes.

"Not at all, just telling my sister like it is." Derek said throwing the paper onto the couch behind him.

"In other words he's being an ass," Amelia joked as she flipped the eggs. She turned to Meredith. "How you feeling?" She asked.

"I'm fine. Just a headache, and I feel a little nauseous and weak, but mostly fine," she assured her popping down on the barstool next to Derek. Meredith took a bite out of some dry toast and swallowed. "Hopefully next time we go out I won't be such a drama queen." She joked in an attempt to make light of the situation. Derek and Amelia exchanged looks. Meredith sighed at their exchange putting her hands up. "Seriously guys I am fine. Embarrassed? Yeah. Grateful to the both of you? Absolutely. But I'm not about to go all catatonic and start staring at the wall, so lighten up will you." She admonished and then dug into her breakfast. Derek couldn't help but chuckle. Meredith Grey was truly one of a kind, he mused as he finished up his breakfast.

"I have to go do a couple of things before lunch, Meredith stay here and rest, the drug is not out of your system yet and I want to keep an eye on you. Amy you probably should go home soon before Ma sends in the cavalry." Derek instructed them both. Amelia rolled her eyes at him but she knew he was right.

"Derek, I don't want to impose, you've done enough already." Meredith protested.

"You're not imposing and I am not asking. I'll bring back some lunch when I come back and I expect to see you resting." He ordered, grabbing his keys from the sideboard and his coat from the closet.

Derek hopped into his car and started the engine. He took a moment before merging into traffic.

Go for it and don't look back. He mused out loud. This was his clarity. Meredith gave him that clarity. She was like a breath of fresh air and suddenly he was able to open his eyes and see his life for what it really was and he wasn't happy with what he saw – he also knew exactly what he needed to do.

He didn't relish what he had to do – but it's what needed to be done.

Derek pulled up at Addison's and used his key to unlock the front door. He took a deep breath before entering, and then went inside.

Addison was pacing back and forth in the living room, looking as if she hadn't slept at all. Relief crossed her features when she saw him standing there.

"Derek." The relief however, was only fleeting. It lasted long enough to find out her boyfriend wasn't dead in a ditch. The anger was what replaced that relief.

"Addison." He put his hands up to try calm her down. He knew he should have called but from the moment he got the call from Meredith he hadn't thought of anyone but her.

"No Derek, you don't just take off like that and not call, I have been going out of my mind with worry thinking all kinds of things, from accidents to you being dead." She ranted.

"Addison-" Derek began but she cut him off.

"It's not just this, don't think I haven't noticed you have been distant for months now. This whole time I have made excuses to myself like, you were stressed when we took our last exams at Columbia, the stress of being an intern, but above all I have told myself you are just nervous about taking the next step in our lives – but that all changed early this morning. I am out of excuses Derek." She continued to rant, her eyes beginning to glisten with tears.

"Addison, I-" Derek tried to interrupt again, but she wasn't having any of it.

"No Derek," She puts her hand up. "I am not done, I'm not even close to being done. Since this morning I have seen everything I have been pretending to not see and I want to know why Meredith Grey calls you and you are out the door with little to no explanation." Addison defiantly brushes the tears about to escape her eyes away. Her expression became so bone-chillingly cold. "Derek, another woman called you at 2 AM this morning." She stated, her voice eerily calm and even.

"Yes, another woman called me at 2 AM this morning and we need to talk."

"Then it hits you, the clarity, one second you are in denial and the next you see everything as it should be and in that moment the world stands still. It's beautiful even in its chaos because clarity is the truth and the truth is rarely pretty. But it's in the truth we are finally free."

AN – Yeah I might be feeling a little existential in those voiceovers. Oh well. So I updated so quickly because I really didn't want to leave you with an awful cliffhanger especially because of all our broken McDreamy hearts we are all nursing.

My plan is to update at the very least once a week, but admittedly you might get lucky with more than one update like this. Every time I get sad I start writing more with this story, I find myself smiling when I do. I read about current GA stuff and I just want to curl up in a fetal position.

Addressing a few thoughts on this chapter. Firstly, the reason I didn't get the cops involved with the drugging is simply because Derek was more worried about her well-being and this issue will be raised in the future between them.

Second, I didn't write exactly how Meredith ended up in Gabe's room, aka the part she doesn't remember, this is for a simple reason, often times people who are drugged with date rape type drugs often don't remember what happened and I think if she doesn't remember its more dramatic for the reader to not know as well. I as the author know exactly how it played out and maybe I'll share later on if anyone really wants to know.

As for why Derek didn't take her to the hospital. That's pretty clear, he determined she hadn't taken enough for it to be fatal and wanted to protect her privacy and not have her be the gossip of the hospital. If at any second he thought she was in any life-threatening danger he wouldn't have let her sleep it off. I speak from experience here I have been drugged before and like Mere in this chapter, I was lucky I didn't consume enough of the drink for it to be fatal but it was enough to have me pass out as when you injest rohypnol it makes your drowsy. I was really lucky one of my friends noticed right away and took me home. It scares me even to this day that some sick fuck wanted to hurt me.

As for the end, well I think you all have a rough idea what is happening but you can now obviously really see the doubts Derek has had have been long standing, Meredith isn't the cause she's just the clarity he so sorely needed.

Anyway let me know your thoughts I'm already into writing next chapter. Please leave a comment I really enjoy reading them and I like to respond to them as well.

Mel