Hello-hello, I've got chapter four for you. After this, we'll get to the "real" story, which is the coping and dealing. Thanks for hanging in there and enjoying the story. Special thanks to everyone, who followed or put the story to their favourites.

To RueJabberjay, this is NOT a SYOT-story. There will be other tributes in the story, but they won't really be my main focus and won't take up much space. If you want to suggest a name for them, I'm up for it, but they have to match the character. Sorry to disappoint.

Fourth chapter: Truth

Eventually, Effie closed the door and leaned against it. On one hand, it was for supporting her, on the other hand, it was about making sure no one could escape the room anymore. Afterwards, she sighed.

The following minutes, nobody said anything. The only thing that had happened was Katniss sitting down on the bed next to Haymitch. They were teaming up to defend themselves in the upcoming conversation. Two against one was unfair, but Effie was in the best place for this discussion. She had all the trumps in her hands.

But Effie didn't start that conversation. She didn't consider it her duty to do so. Haymitch and Katniss owed her an explanation and she was willing to give them all the time they needed to do so. She watched them struggling and it calmed her down. Effie wasn't furious or angry anymore; she wasn't even sad. She felt strong enough to face the worst. It was the steady breaths, she took which gave her that power and the fact she still leaned against the door.

It took an eternity for Haymitch to finally speak, but he couldn't look up while doing so. Effie was relieved about it. That way it was easier for all of them. He spoke slowly, every word he formed seemed like a hurdle, "What Peeta said is true but he left things out. Yes, we were able to vote for one last Hunger Games. Yes, Peeta, Annie, and Beetee voted against them. Enobaria and Johanna for them. It was down to Katniss and me."

He looked towards Katniss who nodded to encourage him to go ahead. She assured him with her gesture that he was doing ok, "Katniss voted for them so it was down to me. I had the deciding vote. I took my time and- … followed the Mockingjay."

He paused to let the words sink into Effie. She didn't respond because there was still no explanation for his decision. It was still his turn to speak, "I followed the Mockingjay because I knew she didn't like Coin either. I didn't know what plan she had in store. All I knew was that Coin wouldn't be in charge in the new Panem when I followed Katniss. So to me, these Games were never supposed to happen."

There was the explanation and it was good one too. But Effie couldn't shake the feeling that the explanation sounded too made-up. That was the reason she started digging deeper with an inconvenient question, "You would have said the same back then? You didn't want revenge?"

Haymitch hesitated, but said with a firm voice, "No."

"Really?", Effie had to challenge him. She had to know for sure this explanation wasn't to just smooth her feelings, to keep her calm, to not upset her anymore.

That Effie questioned his answers drove Haymitch crazy. He wasn't composed anymore, when he asked, "What do you want to hear, Effie?", he lifted his head to look at her, "That part of me wanted this?"

"Did a part of you want this?", Effie was finally ready to ask the question she wanted the answer to.

All Haymitch could do was sigh, "Eff-…"

His answer let her feelings built up inside her again, Effie tried shrugging them off and kept her calm voice. She dared him, "Just say it."

"Yes, maybe, I don't know. … Maybe some part of me wanted revenge. But I never wanted you in there.", he looked at Effie, who still looked at him challenging, he repeated himself, "Never."

He rested his forehead against a hand, looked down at his feet, he started to shake his head, "You really think I want you in there?"

Effie shrugged again, she couldn't shake her suspicious behaviour off so easily. Haymitch had always been one big mystery to her. She was never sure what was going on his head. They hardly spoke clearly to each other. It was always full of well-hidden hints and ambiguities.

"You can't be serious about that.", Haymitch sounded disappointed, "After everything-"

She cut him off, "Of course not. I-". Now she buried her face in her hands and afterward removed the hair out of her face, "It's hard to process." She sighed and stepped in front of Haymitch, kneeled down and brought a hand up to his cheek. They locked eyes immediately. "But it was before."

"You're not mad or angry?"

She exhaled deeply, how could she be mad or angry with the man who obviously struggled with his decision himself, "Like I said, it was before, Haymitch, before all of this happened.", and she didn't mean the games by that but her family, "It was before you had a reason to let go of your anger."

He smiled at the woman who never stopped to surprise him, he put a hand over hers on his cheek, he placed a kiss on her inner wrist and confirmed, "It was before."

She smiled at him as well, but it faded quickly when she turned towards Katniss, who whimpered, "Effie, I-" She was trembling. Effie took Katniss' hands in hers and let them rest in Katniss' lap.

"I won't be angry with you when I'm not with Haymitch. It wouldn't be fair. And it's not fair either to make you responsible for something you didn't agree to. You did agree to Games with kids, right?", Effie tried solving the situation the best way she could.

She saw Katniss nodding and checked if Haymitch confirmed it, which he did with a nod. "Well, then it's not your fault that this is happening." Effie tried to sound somewhat cheerful. Seeing the positive in the negative situation.

Katniss cried, but she couldn't brush the tears away because Effie held her hands still tight.

"It must be hard for you to be reminded of all of this. Of the horrible time. Of the people you lost.", she paused, before she said, "Of Prim." They hardly ever spoke about the games, even less about Prim. It was a sore spot. They all tried focusing on other things in life, like the future.

Effie understood Katniss' behaviour. It brought back a lot of memories for her, most of them were bad ones. If Effie wouldn't have had her soon to be death on her plate she would be devastated because of the memories of that time.

Katniss cried harder, which made Haymitch put his arm around her shoulders. Effie tried calming her with words, "But you're safe this time." Effie needed Katniss to be strong, confident. The path in front of them was long and challenging. They needed everybody at their strength for this.

Katniss shook her head at Effie's saying, which made Effie arguing, "Yes! Katniss, you won't go in the arena this time."

She kept shaking her head, which made Effie looking helpless up to Haymitch who sighed and drew Katniss closer to himself. "You want to talk alone?"

Katniss nodded, they still shared a special bond that neither Peeta or Effie understood. They called it a Seam-thing.

Effie closed her eyes while she pulled her hands away from Katniss', but Katniss put her hands instead around Effie's neck to embrace her, "Effie." How Katniss could transport so many emotions by just saying her name amazed Effie. It meant "I'm sorry" and "thank you" and everything in between.

Effie enjoyed the hug because it gave her as much power as it gave Katniss too. Words weren't needed, especially with Katniss, so Effie decided to whisper just two, "My girl." It meant a lot to Katniss. Effie only referred to Daphne and Poppy as her girls.

Effie then placed a kiss on her temple and let go of the embrace.

"You are ok going down?", Haymitch reached for Effie's shoulder, he had a worried look on his face.

The emotions overcame Effie once more, she tried to swallow them down She stood up. Eyes bright, chin up, smile on. She was used to playing a part. "I'll be fine.", she lied to reassure them both. All she needed was a hug from her girls.

She went behind them to fetch the book that was still lying on the bed. She passed Haymitch, brushed over his arm, shot them a reassuring smile and left the room before checking herself in the mirror next to the door. She removed the dark circles under her eyes, which were caused by her tears and the non-waterproof mascara she had used today.

As soon as Effie left the room, Haymitch got up and stood in front of Katniss. He said with a demanding voice, "What's up?"

Katniss was no longer vulnerable and more determined: "We can't lose her."

"I know."

"We have to do something about it."

Haymitch studied her, he didn't know what she had in mind, "What are you thinking about?"

"I'm the Mockingjay, this should be worth something."

Haymitch smiled at her words, he knew what she was thinking of. He should have thought about it himself. He would get the phone immediately. A call to the Capitol was overdue.

It wasn't until late in the evening Haymitch and Effie had some time talking alone. Wordlessly they made themselves ready for bed and crawled under the sheets. Effie kept crawling until she was snuggled against his side. Her head rested on his shoulder. She absent-mindedly ran her right hand over his chest, drawing patterns. Haymitch in return was going through her hair.

"We have to talk, sweetheart.", Haymitch stated suddenly.

Effie tensed a little and sighed. She knew it was necessary,

"So, I was thinking-", Haymitch started, but was interrupted by Effie, "Stop! I can't do this, Haymitch."

It left Haymitch irritated. He thought her sigh was her way of giving him her approval, "Why not? We have to eventually."

"Yes, eventually, but not now.", Effie stressed the words.

"Look, sweetheart, it won't get any better or more comfortable if we wait for this.", Haymitch argued.

"I know.", she sighed again.

"So, why not?", he dug deeper.

"Because I'm not prepared for this."

He groaned, "No one could be prepared for the talk that we are about to have."

Which made her sigh all over again. She explained, "I don't mean emotionally prepared, I mean I'm not prepared. I have not make up my mind about everything. There are important topics that we will tackle. We need to discuss a lot about the future and I don't want to forget anything. It should be a proper talk."

"What is there to think about? It's easy.", he claimed.

"It's not!", Effie said firmly and pushed herself up. She looked down to him and spoke with a reasonable voice, which was much calmer, "Besides, you know me well enough to know that I'm all about lists and schedules. You have to give me that time. I'm not like you. It took all my energy to hold up for the girls. It's easier for you, you're always the grumpy one, they didn't notice a change today. But I'm the happy and cheerful one. Keeping that up while you're awful on the inside is hard. So forgive me for not having time to make plans and arrangements for this."

She paused and laid back down on his shoulder, "Give me a few days, please. To mourn, to- to mull it over, to make up my mind about how we should handle the situation."

Haymitch wasn't satisfied, but granted her her wish. In the end, she was the one going into the games, so he had to play by her rules.

They fell silent again, still drawing patterns on each other's skin. Haymitch brought his hand to her right shoulder and sighed, "I talked to Plutarch."

Effie closed her eyes.

He waited for a response from her, but she didn't stop him when he continued, "I asked him a lot of questions.", he paused again, he waited for her to give her approval to his story telling.

"What questions?", she whispered.

"Why. Why now. Why you.", Effie tensed a little at the last one, Haymitch continued anyways, "He told me that there are still a lot of people angry about the games and angry with the government for not punishing enough. They had to do something. Paylor's team would have even split up if she didn't grant the games. Apparently, the plans were set a year after the end of the war. They took so long to get established because rebuilding Panem came first."

"Sounds economic to me.", Effie tried to comprehend the information.

"At least they did something right about that."

"And the no kids thing.", Effie reminded him.

"Yeah, that too.", Haymitch agreed and fell silent again.

"Is Plutarch in the pool of possible tributes as well?"

"No.", Haymitch kept his reply short.

"Oh, I forgot, he's too old.", Effie remembered the new regulation of being between 18 and 50 to participate in the games.

"That and he was pardoned because of his involvement in the rebellion.", he paused, he was rather hesitant to say the following, but he had to eventually "He told me there was a vote about you too."

Effie reacted exactly the way he had expected, she looked hopefully up to him, waiting for him to form the words of salvation. But there was no salvation. The hope was going to get destroyed all over again. Haymitch decided to speak slowly, crashing the hope gradually and not ripping it fast off like a band aid, "They considered your imprisonment. It was sharp, but they decided you shouldn't be excluded."

Effie sighed, her head fell back on Haymitch's shoulder, he drew her closer. "Well, I suppose that was predictable. I wasn't a rebel. I believed in the games, I didn't know it any other way, I was brainwashed. It wasn't until the Quarter Quell that I started to hate them, but for an entirely different reason. I was about to lose at least one of my victors.", she rolled her eyes, which were already filled with tears, "My victors, I was still selfish. And now, I get what I deserve."

"Eff.", Haymitch sighed, he couldn't oppose to this.

"What? It's true.", she didn't want to fight the facts because they spoke against her. She started crying again.

"Hey, hey. It's ok, there have been enough tears for today.", Haymitch couldn't handle them anymore, "Are there even any left in you?"

Effie opened her eyes. She thought about something to reply. In that process, her eyes fell on the clock on his nightstand, "It's three minutes before midnight. Am I allowed to cry, then?", she wiped the tears away.

Haymitch chuckled, but remained silent.

Effie cleared her head and switched topics. "How are you holding up anyway? Crying is my way of coping, I know you too well and I'm sure you will want to go to town first thing tomorrow to get some liquor. But I ask you not to do so, please."

"I am actually thinking about it.", Haymitch confessed.

"I need you sober for this.", Effie argued.

"I know."

"Smash something instead or scream. Don't get drunk.", Effie requested.

"I'll try to fight it."

Effie couldn't ask for more. He had been sober for almost seven years. It had been a hard process getting him there, but his will to be there for his girls made him push through. Nevertheless, Effie would have an eye on him.

They fell into a comfortable silent again, drawing patterns and just being in each other's arms.

Suddenly, Effie sighed again, she raised her voice just enough so Haymitch could understand, "I love you."

Haymitch never said it back and he wouldn't do it now. He did what he usually made as a reply, he drew her closer and placed a kiss on the top of her head. He let it linger longer than usual, which made Effie lift her chin up. She smiled at him. He put his lips on hers and pulled her on top of him. The kiss was gentle and at the same time intense. They forgot what they would have to tackle in the future because all that counted was now.

Effie broke the kiss and looked at him. They smiled at each other. Haymitch didn't push her to go further and left control with her. She went through his beard, she got used to the stubble over time, even liked them when they were short. She placed a light kiss against his smile, which made it only grow bigger.

It encouraged her to go on. She put her lips on his, first soft and innocent. As soon as she opened her mouth to let his tongue in, she let herself fall into the kiss and pressed herself hard against him. She broke the kiss to come back for air. Haymitch chuckled, "There's gonna be a lot of sex."

Effie didn't disagree and just responded by kissing him again.

Thanks for reading. (:

The announced talk will take place in a few chapters. What are you hoping for them to talk about? Drop me some ideas, maybe I can work them in somehow. (Teaser: I had an absolute blast writing it!)