Renji wasn't sure whether he should feel extremely lucky or extremely unlucky. His chances of dying were significantly lower in the Urahara Shôten, but he was also far more likely to spoil his clean record by committing murder. Why is it always me? What have I done to deserve-

"Oh, Pineapple, come here, please!" What have I done to deserve not even being able to finish a thought?

"I swear, Hat-n-Clogs, if you're calling me to tell me to scrub one more toilet or anything nasty at all, I'll-"

Kisuke opened his fan. "Nothing of the sort! I just want to ask you a little favor, if it isn't too much."

Renji snorted. "Sure. The last time you asked me for a favor it ended with me getting blackmailed into doing all the dirty work around here. No way." He crossed his arms and scowled for emphasis.

"If you do it, I'll take a week off of your slave labor I mean service time." Kisuke offered quickly.

"What do I have to do?" An offer like that seemed too good to be true.

"Oh, it's easy! All you have to do is go talk to your captain and ask him why Rukia-chan isn't a vice-captain yet. Piece of cake!" Yep, too good to be true.

"What?! Oh, HELL no! He'll kill me! If I have to choose between certain death and putting up with you for an extra week, I'd rather live, thank you very much!"

"Two weeks." Death or Urahara. Death or Urahara. Kisuke's infuriating grin settled it.

"Deal."

Ichigo was having a fairly normal day at home with his sisters and Rukia. He had just escaped an argument with the latter, and was grateful to have gotten away with only minor injuries. But does normal ever last? What do you think?

"ICHIGO!"

"Renji, what the hell?!" Ichigo yelped, scrambling up from his bed.

"Entrance by window is better than entrance by door in a cop costume*, right? Come with me."

"You can't just barge into my room on a Sunday morning and tell me to come with you! Where are you going, anyway?" demanded a disgruntled strawberry.

"We are going to go talk my captain into letting Rukia have a promotion. You're my backup. Oh, and it's probably a good idea to have Bankai pre activated in case I need to use you as a human shield," Renji explained as casually as he could, keeping the tension out of his voice.

"We're going to do WHAT?! Did you not see what happened the last time I 'talked' with Byakuya? I nearly died!" Ichigo said, outraged and terrified at the same time by the memory.

"That was your own fault! Honestly, what did you think would happen when you went to ask Byakuya if you could date his sister?" Renji retorted.

"It doesn't matter whose fault it was! Releasing Bankai was uncalled for!"

The pair had reached the Senkaimon and passed through to the Soul Society a few minutes later. Renji took a deep breath.

"Okay, I'm going in. Just wait outside until it sounds like I'm in trouble. And for the sake of your own life, try to stop leaking spiritual pressure by the gallons!"

"Yes, sir," Ichigo said sarcastically. Renji took a few more deep breaths before reappearing in Rokubantai.

Byakuya didn't need to look up to see who it was, but gestured to the paperwork lying on the vice-captain's desk. The two fell into a silence that was broken by Renji in two minutes.

"So, uh, captain," he started nervously. "Did you know that Rukia and I made a bet a while back about who would get to the rank of vice-captain first?"

Byakuya didn't like where this was going. "No, I did not know that. I'm afraid I don't see why you're bringing this up now. You won the bet, didn't you?"

"I lost the bet, captain. Thanks to you. That is sonot fair." It was true. Back in the academy when they made the bet, each had bet that the other would make it to vice-captain first. When Byakuya had made it impossible for Rukia to have a seated position, she won by default.

"That is the consequence of gambling. I still fail to see your point in bringing this up."

"Because I'm about to lose another bet! The one where I said we would become vice-captain within a year of each other. The anniversary of my promotion is next week, remember?"

Senbonzakura?

I hate you.

"Scatter-"

"Hey there, Byakuya, I was just stopping by and thought I would drop in and-" Renji had to compliment Ichigo's sense of timing.

Somehow, Byakuya managed to ignore the blatant use of his first name. "If this is about Rukia-"

"Well, yeah, it actually kind of is… No, no, no, I don't mean like that!" Byakuya sheathed his sword with a glare. "But don't you think Rukia would make a vice-captain? I mean, she did defeat that guy, what's-his-name. Aaroniero? Without you breathing down her neck."

There went that vein again. Renji tried to signal Ichigo to leave, but he either didn't see or ignored him.

"You have to admit have a point. I mean, come on, Byakuya, you gotta-" Last straw. No one used Byakuya Kuchiki's first name twice in a conversation, much less a conversation about a topic he loathed, and got away with it. By now even Ichigo could see the danger.

"Uh…"

"Bankai. Senbonzakura Kageyoshi."

Ichigo and Renji wasted no time. The Senkaimon was open in the courtyard. They took it at a run.

*This joke stems from the Bleach OVA, the Sealed Sword Frenzy.

A/N: You know the drill. Thanks a lot to everyone who reviewed: Yunagirl22, ikutoJS, EternityStrike, xXxMiserableLoveFairyxXx, skymaster23 (You're right. It's fixed.), Sk8rnerdbleach, Neverwinternightsgirl777, and darklover.

Oh, and by the way, I'll take requests for people to come and torture Byakuya. ;)