Chapter 4: Heartbreak and Healing

*****Not Much Later*****

The ringing of his cell phone woke Xander up. "Ahn," he mumbled. The phone kept ringing. "Ahn," he said again. Finally, he turned and saw her empty spot. He reached for his phone.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Xander Harris?" a female voice asked.

"Yes," he said. "Do you know what time it is?"

"It's four in the morning," the woman replied.

"Way too early or late for calls," Xander said.

"Do you know an Anya Jenkins?" the woman asked.

The question jarred Xander fully awake and reached for the bedside lamp to turn it on. The bright light hurt his eyes, but he answered, "Yes, she's my fiancée. Why?"

"There has been a car accident, sir. You need to come to the University Hospital right away," she said.

"Anya is home with me," he said, looking around the room. "Hold on a minute." He put the phone down. "Anya!" He waited for her to come, but she didn't. Frowning, he finally saw the note left on her pillow.

Xander, my incredible lover and devoted fiancée,

I got up way too early, unable to sleep, so I'm off to work early. Bring me some breakfast when you get up.

Love,

Anya, the sexy and even better lover

Xander smiled a second and then horror filled him as he realized that she'd left the house without him. He picked the phone back up. "The University Hospital?" he asked.

"Yes, the one on Euclid Avenue," she said. "Second floor."

Xander dropped his phone and jumped out of bed, throwing on some pants, and grabbing a shirt. He ran to the bathroom to pee, splashing water on his face as he washed his hands. His shoes were by the front door, so he grabbed them and his keys and went out the door. Wesley lived closest, so he pounded on his door loudly.

"What's the bloody emergency?" Wesley said, glaring as he opened the door.

"Anya's in the hospital. The University Hospital down the street," Xander said.

He left Wesley processing that as he hit the stairs, banging on Buffy's door next.

"What's wrong?" Buffy asked, sensing the tension immediately.

"It's Anya. She's been in an accident," he said.

"Let me grab my keys and shoes," she said. Xander nodded and pounded on Cordy's door, telling her the same thing.

Xander was heading to the front door, not caring if anyone was following when Buffy stepped behind him.

"I'll follow with Wesley in five," Cordelia called out.

"Okay," Buffy said, grabbing Xander's keys. "I'm driving."

Xander didn't protest as his mind was in utter turmoil. "I should've told her what I was seeing," he said to Buffy. "She didn't know that it wasn't safe for her."

"A car accident doesn't mean she's going to die, Xander," Buffy pointed out. "We don't know anything yet."

Xander nodded, hoping she was right. They drove to the hospital in silence. Buffy parked in the ER parking, and they ran to the elevator. "She said the second floor," Xander said, pushing the button.

The nurse at the front desk wouldn't tell them anything. "I will get the doctor," she said and left.

Xander looked at Buffy. "I don't think that's a good sign, Buffy," he said, feeling sick.

Buffy reached for his hand, praying that he was wrong. Xander and Anya gave her hope for love and happiness. This couldn't be the end of their journey.

It was five minutes or so before a doctor came to them. "I'm Doctor Kirsey," the man said. "You are looking for information about the car accident victim Anya Jenkins?"

"Yes, I'm her fiancée. She has no living relatives," Xander said.

"I'm sorry to tell you that the hit from the oncoming car snapped her neck," the doctor said. "She died instantly."

"Where is she?" Xander asked, not believing it.

Buffy was crying as she pulled out her phone to call Cordelia.

"We're on our way," Cordelia said in greeting.

"Cordy, she's dead," Buffy said on a sob.

"What?" Cordelia asked, stunned.

"The doctor just told us her neck was broken. She died instantly," Buffy said. Xander was moving down the hall, following the doctor, so she followed him.

"Oh, God," Cordelia said. She glanced at Wesley and shook her head slightly.

"Can you call everyone? Will and Giles? I'll call Dawn later," Buffy said.

"Okay," Cordelia said. "Should we come to the hospital?"

"I don't think so," Buffy said. "I'll talk to you soon." She hung up the phone as they arrived at a room.

"She's in there," the doctor said.

"Thanks," Buffy told him as Xander stepped into the room. Her body was covered in a white sheet.

Xander slowly moved toward her still form, unable to process what had happened. Buffy stood next to him, reaching for his hand again. "Do you want me to pull the sheet back?" Buffy asked.

He shook his head and reached out, slowly pulling it back. When he saw for sure that it was Anya, his legs gave out on him. Buffy caught him and eased him to the ground as they both cried.

Several minutes went by until he gained control, wiping his face on his shirt. "I tried so hard to save her," he said. He looked up. "How could you let this happen, Odin? She didn't deserve this! I loved her!"

"I am sorry, Alexander. Her death was the natural order of things. Your sight did not make it happen, nor could you have prevented it," Odin told him. "It was a stupid, human accident, not supernatural."

"It shouldn't matter! Heal her!" Xander called out.

"What did he say?" Buffy asked, realizing that Odin was, in fact, communicating with Xander.

"I cannot heal death," Odin said. "Her soul is beyond already."

"I don't want to live without her!" Xander cried.

"Death is a part of life," Odin said. "You will see her again one day, fear not."

His presence withdrew from Xander's mind. Xander let out a horrible cry of anguish and rage.

"Calm down, Xander," Buffy said.

"He gave me the ability to see her death, but he won't do anything to help!" Xander said. "He claims that he can't heal death."

"He's powerful, Xander, but not all-powerful," Buffy said.

"Willow brought you back," he pointed out.

"She said it was because my death was supernatural," Buffy pointed out.

Xander stood to his feet again and looked down at Anya. Her neck was definitely broken, and there was cuts and abrasions on her face. He stroked her hair gently. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I should've told you," he said. He placed a soft kiss on her forehead—it was already cold. Then he straightened up.

"You ready to go?" Buffy asked. He nodded, and they walked out of the hospital.

The drive back to their homes was silent as neither knew what to say. "Xander, what can I do?" Buffy asked when they got inside the building.

"I don't know," he said. "I just need to be alone for a while."

Buffy hugged him tightly. "I love you," she said.

"I know," Xander said with a grim smile. Then he went to the stairs to his apartment.

*****Several Hours Later*****

Willow and Tara arrived. Both girls were in shock. "I finished the protective charm for Anya last night," Willow said, crying. "Why didn't I get it done sooner and overnight it?"

"You can't blame yourself, Will," Buffy said.

"We don't know that a charm would've protected her from a car accident," Tara pointed out.

"When is Giles arriving?" Cordelia asked.

"He should be here tomorrow," Buffy said.

"I just can't believe I didn't have a vision or something," Cordelia said, feeling guilty. "It just seems so wrong."

"It wasn't supernatural," Buffy said. "Xander has been seeing her death for weeks. It's part of the reason he wanted to leave Sunnydale. He thought the hellmouth was going to clear her."

"Seriously? Why didn't the dweeb say something?" Cordelia asked.

"He just said something to me a few days ago," Buffy said.

"I'm going to go check on him," Willow said.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Tara asked.

"Let me go alone and see how he is," Willow said.

"Make sure you asked him if he wants us to handle the arrangements for her," Buffy said. If Giles hadn't helped her when her mother died, she wouldn't have survived the ordeal.

"I will," Willow said. She went upstairs and knocked on his door, opening it without waiting for permission to enter. "Xander?" He wasn't in the living room, so she went into their bedroom. He was sitting on the bed, holding a piece of paper.

"Xander," she said again. He looked up at her, his face looking devastated.

"She's gone, Will," he said.

"I know," Willow said, her eyes filling with tears at this pain.

"This was the last thing she said to me," he said, holding up the piece of paper.

Willow sat down next to him, reading the note. It made her smile—it was so Anya. "There wasn't anyone like Anya," she said.

"No, there wasn't," he said. "You know at first it was just sex. She came to my room naked, and I was weak."

Willow grinned. "I can't say that surprises me. She did like sex," she said.

"But it wasn't just sex for long because she was so funny and loyal and brave," he said. "Her quirks were just so cute to me, and she didn't mind mine."

"And she loved money," Willow said.

Xander smiled. "She really did," he said. "She was good at making it. You should see her investment portfolio," he said.

"I guess after a thousand years a person learns how to work the market," Willow said.

Xander nodded. "When she figured out Wall Street, she was so excited," he said. "I couldn't help her because it was over my head. She was so proud."

Willow smiled, picturing Anya's enthusiasm. "Do you know if she had life insurance?" Willow asked, feeling crass for doing so.

Xander nodded. "Yes, she had one for both of us. All a part of her investment portfolio," he said. "I have the paperwork in her desk drawer in the spare room. It's her home office."

"We'll need to give the hospital a place to send the body," Willow said.

"I don't really care where," he said.

"Would you like us to find a place?" she asked.

"Sure," he said. "One place is as good as another."

"Okay," Willow said. She put her head on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Xander."

"Yea," he said. "What am I going to do without her, Will? I wanted to marry her."

"I know," Willow said, tears rolling down her face. "But you're not alone, Xander. I'm here with you and so is everyone else."

He nodded. "All I can think about is what Odin said to me about her. 'She's not your future.' He basically said that she wasn't good enough 'cause she used to be a demon. I'm so mad at him right now," he said.

"He's an ass," Willow agreed, wiping her face. "I'll have Tara tell Loki to find a way to punish him for this."

"I'd really like that," Xander said. Then he started crying again, and Willow hugged him.

*****Asgard*****

The All-Father stood next to Heimdall. "How is Alexander?" he asked.

"Do you not know?" Heimdall asked in surprise.

"He is very angry with me," Odin said. "I cannot connect to him."

"He is able to keep you out?" Heimdall inquired.

Odin nodded. "Yes. He is an incredible young man," he said.

"He is burying her today," Heimdall said. "His friends have surrounded him."

"I knew this would happen, but I didn't make it happen," Odin said. "How do I get him to see this?"

"You told him she wasn't the one, and then she died," Heimdall said. "Humans are very loyal, so he will not be quick to understand."

"I told him she wasn't the one because I knew she would die before the year was out," Odin said. "It was established. There was so many threats surrounding her that I knew it was only a matter of time. Not even leaving the hellmouth could stop what was to be."

"One day he will understand," Heimdall said.

"I wouldn't count on that, sir," Loki said, having been listening from the sidelines. "Tara told me that he wasn't just heartbroken, but he is very angry with you."

"I know," Odin said, looking sad.

Loki smirked. "I'm surprised that you care so much about the fate of these mortals. You have not ever shown such consideration," he remarked.

"With age comes wisdom," Odin said. "My son cares about Earth and the people on it. You have shown yourself to care about at least one of them."

"Well, Tara is special," Loki said, a touch defensively.

"And Cordelia?" Odin said with a smile.

"A few Midgardians are worth the bother," Loki acknowledged. "Most are not."

"Alexander is every bit as worthy as his friends," Odin said. "With Lady Cordelia and the slayer by his side, he will do much to guard his people. I chose him for a reason—he is worthy of my blessing."

Loki felt a hot flare of jealousy that another man would be so close to Cordelia. Still, he was powerless to do anything. Nodding to the All-Father, he turned away.

It was past time for him to find a way to be on Earth. As he was the God of Mischief, he would soon end his isolation.

*****Cleveland*****

Buffy hated seeing Xander so angry and bitter. There had been times when she felt a lot of anger for her life and events that happened. However, she hadn't experienced the bitterness that she was feeling coming from Xander. How was she going to reach him?

Feeling helpless, she decided to go for a walk to clear her head. When she opened her front door, she looked up in shock, surprised to see the man standing there.

"Bucky?" she said.

"I thought maybe you could use a friend right now," he said, feeling awkward.

Buffy stared wordlessly at him for a long moment. Then she hugged him.

*****The End*****

I'd appreciate a review if you have the time or desire. Either way, please check out the sequel to this story: "The Calm Before the Storm."