Rule #16: Never let your crime scene fall into the hands of anyone else—they will only sell tickets and contaminate it.
If you were hoping for a description, see any given crime scene, then add a ticket-selling clown with acute xenophilia.
Tony: AAH! THE HORROR!
Rule #17: Never buy pink ribbon for your crime scene. It may be cute, but it's also highly useful for strangling.
EDIT: THIS SCENE REMOVED FOR EXCESSIVE GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION INVOLVING A PINK RIBBON, ZIVA, AND AN AIR HEADED OVERLY PERKY CHEERLEADER-TYPE. DON'T EVEN ASK.
Rule #18: It's better to seek permission than ask forgiveness if you're thinking about Abby's comestibles.
Abby: YOU stole the cookies from my cookie jar. My superglue will get you. Then I will kill you in completely untraceable ways, or I will get Gibbs to take you apart into little tiny pieces, which I mill then seal into evidence bags that will subsequently be destroyed. Unless, of course, you happen to have replacements.
Rule #19: Do not lie to Ziva. Or Gibbs. Or Abby. There is no lie strong enough to withstand them.
*whimper*
Rule #20: Don't Gibbs-slap Gibbs. Ever.
In a moment of light-hearted fun, Tony is aiming for the back of McGee's head, narrowly misses, and hit Gibbs instead.
THREE MONTHS LATER:
Desolation and despair cover the earth and usher in the end of time.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
I am opening this series up to others. If you wish to contribute a scenario, either send it to me and I will publish it with its accompanying rule, or I will send you a rule and you can write a scenario to fit it. Either way, you will be given credit.
Thank you.