She came into work feeling confident but a little nervous. Nothing had happened between her and Will. Not really. It was just a simple conversation between friends. But she couldn't help wishing that there had been something more. Will needed a friend and she was his friend. She would be there for him no matter what, even if it meant helping to push him into the arms of another woman. If he loved someone else, really loved her, then all Alicia could do was support him. She would be his friend forever, even if she couldn't be the kind of friend that he had in mind.
She loved Peter and would always love him, even as much as she denied it. If she didn't love her husband, then she would have never agreed to let him move back in. It was strange, having him living under the same roof again. In her apartment. Their apartment. She would always love him, no matter what. But it wasn't enough. It would never be enough.
Her heart pounded while she moved about her office, gathering files (or at least pretending to), that pertained to her latest case. A thirty-two year old rape victim was suing her already imprisoned attacker for an unprecedented amount of money, to punish him even further, not only for the rape itself but for custody of the child that was conceived as a result of that rape.
Most women would have simply given up the child for adoption or worse, terminated the pregnancy, not wanting a child of a violent act to have to go through life knowing that they were not conceived out of love. But this woman was different. She was determined to keep her baby, no matter what. It was a brave decision for someone who had been through such a traumatic experience, but it made Alicia shudder just the same, thinking of how horrific the case really was.
A man performs one of the most violent acts imaginable on a completely unsuspecting woman and shattered her innocence (even if she wasn't a virgin at the time of the rape) and then gets custody of the baby? It was enough to make her physically ill. But she couldn't think about her client right now. She couldn't. the only person she could think about was Will Gardner. She tried to forget him, the conversation they'd had less than two weeks earlier, but it was becoming harder and harder as time passed.
No. This was wrong. This was so wrong. She and Will had been through so much together but they were through. They both knew that their relationship as lovers would never last. He had Tamara and she had Peter. That was how it was supposed to be. But she didn't count on the fact that Will had suddenly found that he was single. It was easier when she knew that he and Tamara were together. When he wasn't single it was easier for her not to feel this way.
In one fluid motion she rose from her chair, forgetting all about her client and the disturbing case; the one that she should be working diligently on. The court date was just days away and there were still so many things to do.
But at the moment she had more pressing things at hand.
She hurried to Will's office, her heart anticipating what might happen when she arrived. Her hand poised on the door she pushed it open and-
Disappointment sank into her as she froze at the sight. "Diane…"
Diane turned around, revealing an expression that Alicia simply could not read.
"He's not here." Diane said simply, as though answering a question that had yet to be asked.
Alicia stepped back, suddenly feeling like an intruder. "Oh… Well, do you know when-."
"He left about ten minutes ago." Diane explained, answering another question that had not been asked.
"Oh…"
"He looked upset but he wouldn't tell me-."
Alicia's heart sank even further. She should have known, should have been able to tell by the look on his face. The way he'd tried to convince himself, more than he was trying to conceive her that she had, against his wishes, falling in love with Tamara. And once again Alicia's tears became harder to fight.
"Okay." She said, willing her voice to remain steady.
Diane's eyebrows rose. "Alicia…" she began slowly. "Do you know why…"
"No." Alicia whispered. The word was a lie and she wondered why she'd found it so easy to lie to a woman with whom she trusted completely as a superior and a friend. It certainly was no secret that Will and Tamera had been an exclusive couple, so why should their breakup be such a taboo subject? He hadn't told Alicia not to tell anyone.
But this was different. It felt different; as though telling Diane about her earlier conversation about Will in which he'd confessed their break up would be equivalent to breaking his trust. And she would never do that. She cared about him too much.
"Alicia, are you all right?" Diane was asking now.
"Yeah, I'm just tired." Alicia replied truthfully. "I should probably go home. I can work on this stuff there."
Diane smiled as though it was the most natural thing in the world. And for Diane Lockhart, it was.
"All right." She said after a brief silence. "Drive safely."
Alicia turned on her heels and headed for her office to pack her things. She would definitely drive with the utmost of care.
She had a visit to make.