Finding That Which We Do Not Seek

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Pokemon, a creation of one Satoshi Tajiri, and is produced domestically (in the United States) by Pokemon USA/The Pokemon Company, and internationally by Shogakukan and OLM. I personally own nothing and make nothing by writing this. Please do not flame.

(Chapter 4- This Is Only a Test)

"Excuse me?" May asks just to make sure that she absolutely did not hear differently from this young man. "Did you say an exam?"

"That's what I said," Ollin affirms while walking up to May sitting at her desk and handing her a packet and a few pencils. Sensing some uneasiness on the part of May, her test proctor attempts to turn it in another direction by claiming, "You have nothing to worry about, trust me. This is just a fifty-question multiple choice exam which tests your aptitude as far as being a Pokémon coordinator is concerned. You'll have twelve minutes to complete these questions and you won't know your score until Contesta gives you the invitation to take part in the American tour. You got it?"

Slightly nodding, May admits, "As much as I'll get it, I've got it. Thanks."

"Excellent!" Ollin remarks before going back to his seat at the desk, placing a vane clock display on top of the desk and setting it for the time allotted for the exam. "Once again, you have only twelve minutes for this written portion and when I start the clock, I can't give you any further help or instruction with the exam as I am not to know of any of its contents. Is that clear?"

"Yes."

"Very well. If nothing else, May, your twelve minutes begins…" Ollin, unbeknownst to May, is at this point waiting for the right time to synchronize his own stopwatch in order to have a backup during any unforeseen circumstance. Once his is set, he simultaneously hits buttons on the large time display and his watch and says, "Now!" to let May know she can open her packet and start the test.

As Ollin takes his seat, May does exactly that and goes through the questions without much of a problem. The test, as Ollin told her, would not be too difficult. It was a simple test of her Pokémon knowledge and asked her about types, battle techniques, contest rules, procedures and the like.

Everything is going smoothly right now with the exception of one or two questions she's not completely positive about. Not willing to stress on such instances in what appears to be a run of the mill test, she just keeps going, as is her current plan, until the time runs to nothing. All is going well for her and May is feeling confident about the test…until she gets to question number forty-three.

'Which of the following attacks,' May ponders, saying the question in her head 'is most likely to cleanly split and separate rocks in half—what?' The question, while certainly not directed to her, got May's attention for all the wrong reasons. 'Those words,' she thinks while looking over them again. A quick look at the answers and she knows that of the four given to her, 'Iron Tail' is the only one that best fits the answer as Mega Punch, Fire Blast and Hyper Beam don't make nearly as much sense. Split and separate might have a different meaning to whomever else might see this exam question, or it could have no meaning at all, but May can feel it all coming back to her in an emergency meeting that her father called less than three months ago.

It was the meeting where everything changed and not for the better.

FLASHBACK

Opening the door to her house after several days traveling to Petalburg from the Kanto region, May says hello and is told by her father to come into the family room with her brother so they could have the talk he mentioned over the phone. Though not thinking much about it, May does find it quite curious that her mother, Caroline, wasn't mentioned as being in the room or being a part of this conversation. If this were truly an emergency family meeting, then wouldn't she be mentioned as one of the heads of household?

Her father, Norman, said that what they would be discussing was not a matter of life or death, but was also something that he couldn't reveal over the phone. When she enters the family room, Max and Norman stand up to give May a hug and to tell them that they love her.

"I love you both back," May replies before her father asks her to have a seat. When she does, she asks, "What's going on, Dad? Max, do you know anything about this?"

"I don't know anything about this," he honestly speaks. "I got the same call as you to come home."

"Well," Norman interjects, internally willing himself to go through delivering this difficult news, "I do think that you all should know about this and…the reason why your mother isn't here when I called a family meeting."

"Yeah, I wanted to ask about that," the thirteen-year old young male wonders, "because I just thought it was odd that we'd have a family meeting without mom."

"You both deserve to know what's going on, Max," he tells both of his children, "and you should know, first and foremost, that…everything is going to be okay. Your mother and I love both of you very much and struggled—really struggled long and hard, to figure out the best way to…break this news to you."

"Dad, what's going on?" Max asks, the concern clearly laden on his face as well as May's.

"Your mother…" he begins, shutting his eyes for a bit as if to force the tears back down the same ducts where they formed. "The reason why she isn't here is because she doesn't live here anymore and she will no longer be living here…and that's a choice she's made…"

"But why?" May suddenly asks as she begins to cry and fear the worst might have happened between her folks while she was off traveling. "And if she made that choice, why not stop her?"

"Because there was nothing left, May! There was nothing else anybody could do to save it! I didn't know it, but our marriage has been dead for quite a while," he answers, not wanting to yell at his daughter, but still quite wary of the seriousness of this matter, he let his emotions briefly take control.

Shaking it off, Norman seeks to continue with what he was saying, but before he can open his mouth, May comes back at her father, asking, "So does this mean what I think it means, daddy? Are you and mom…?"

"I'm so sorry, May," he interrupts, his emotions doing it to him again. "I'm sorry, Max, but this is why I asked you to come back home." Nodding his head while the tears win him over, he confirms the news. "Your mother and I are currently separated and will eventually…get a divorce."

"What?" May shrieks, feeling her worst nightmares imaginable coming true. Her family; the strong Maple family unit, was being shattered to pieces right before her eyes. The tears are imminent and once they come, a likewise tearful Norman and Max are there to console her and each other. They all join together in a group hug and for a few minutes, they just share their tears. "You can't be serious, Dad! You just can't!"

"May, I'm sorry," Norman reiterates while looking her teen daughter in the eyes. "I…I really need to tell you what led to this because once I saw the writing on the wall for what it was, I knew this wasn't as straightforward as the situation we find ourselves in as we speak."

"Come again, Dad?"

"Sit down, Max. May, I…" as his two kids sit down, he knows that this will require more will power than he's ever had to muster for anything else. "Don't take this the wrong way, you two. I can't change the past and now that I've gotten this time to look back, I saw many areas in my marriage where I didn't do my part and it only made sense for your mother to become disenchanted with me. Kids…you are old enough to hear this. The fact is your mother...she's in love with someone else."

"What?" the Maple kids question in unison. At this point, both May and Max have to wonder what will come out of their father's mouth next. Already, they've heard that their parents are having a divorce and that Caroline has already found someone else to love.

May has had more than enough of this piecemeal offering of bad news after bad news and asks her father, "Dad, what else? I don't know if I could…what happened between you two? What led to this, and just who does mom think is better for her than you, especially since you're the one who's actually been by her side all this time?"

"Sweetheart, as much as it hurts to say it after knowing her for over twenty-five years and being married to your mom for eighteen of them, I failed her and I failed us. I've been neglecting her for a long time. It wasn't intentional, but there's no excuse for it either. I'm ashamed that I did it, too, because it didn't have to happen at all. For over a year, I pretty much phoned in being a husband to my wife and…I have to look at myself in the mirror every day for the answer to why she no longer wants to be with me."

"But, Dad," Max interjects, "you said that mom is having an affair, right?"

"Yes, Max. That's right."

"Well, how can you possibly say that you're the one who failed if mom is out there with some other guy behind your back?" May questions. "I don't get it."

'Oh, what are they gonna say when they learn the truth? God only knows,' Norman wonders. Looking his children right in their eyes, he wills himself, once again, to speak the truth to his kin about their mother. "Kids, you…I'm not gonna lie. This is shocking, even for me." He's far from able to turn back from this story now so balling his fist, Norman admits," Your mother…is not seeing another man. She currently lives in Lavaridge Town with her new girlfriend; gym leader Flannery Moore."

"Are you kidding me, Dad?" Max questions his father, rising up from his seat while May just sits there, hanging her head in her glove-covered hands and starting to sob without shame. While this goes on, Max openly questions, "What's next?"

"That's it, son," he assures the young man. "I promise you…that's everything."

"So this means my mom is a lesbian? Is that what you're trying to say? Things were so bad that she left us for the granddaughter of a family friend who's almost May's age?"

"She didn't leave us, Max; she left me," Norman clarifies. "There's a big difference between the two. And, she hasn't gone as far as saying that she's gay, but she is with Flannery right now and…seems to really be in love her. I look at them and think that I could've done that, but didn't do it for stupid reasons like being busy with work or tending to some other public affairs with the government. Despite how much I abhor the idea of my wife being with someone else, no matter what sex they are, I'm not gonna bash her at all for this because she's her own woman and I can't keep her tied down to me if I'm not giving her what she needs like I should've done this entire time."

"Why won't you, Daddy?" May questions in the midst of her tears. "All the years that you've given her don't mean anything? They don't mean enough that you would fight for your wife?"

"May, believe me! I tried my hardest!" Norman contends. "It hurts me to know all this, but in her mind, I have nothing more to give her than what she wants and that's to no longer be with me." He sees his eldest child shaking her head while her head remains in a lowered position. It is a sight he hates to see even more than the images of his wife and her new girlfriend "Look at me, May. Please, look me in the eye and listen to what I have to say."

She does just that, though not right away; it takes about five seconds before Norman can see the red eyes of his only girl. She isn't well. Learning that her parents will get a divorce and that her mother has run off to be with a twenty-three-year-old gym leader will never do anyone's emotions a favor.

Though Norman isn't sure if his next words will help May, he knows that the whole truth has to be told. His kids will appreciate him for it and through this form of catharsis; he'll get his peace out to everyone relevant in his life. His parents already know this, and now it's down to his children.

Portions of his remarks have already been spoken to a point, but now comes an instance where Norman will have no choice but to admit to the main reason for why he's no longer with his wife. "May," he begins. Then he clarifies "You two, I'm going to be real frank here kids. I'm gonna call a spade a spade and say that…I'm a lousy husband and I failed. That's the bottom line, May and Max. It hurts to admit I wronged your mother and neglected her the way I did. So please don't make this harder for her and us than it already is. Your mother…she found something in someone else that I wasn't providing for her, especially since it's something I should have been doing."

"But, Daddy…"

"No 'buts', May!" Norman exclaims, making it known that nobody can talk him out of the idea that he was wrong. "I was falling down on the job! I can't accept any excuses from myself about this because that's not fair! Not to you, this family or to myself!"

"I don't care what you or anyone else says, Dad," May speaks, coming closer and closer to her father, "in my mind, you're still the best dad I could ever hope to have." Suddenly, she wraps her arms around her again continuing to cry out her frustrations, saying, "How could she do this to us?"

"May, I don't have the answer to that," he admits. "I don't have the answer to many things in this life. Just know that…love is something very powerful and very scary. When you find that special person understand that that's not the end but think about the people around you, as well. I'm not saying your mother didn't think about that."

"How could she with this mess that we have now? You're trying to say she gave all of this some great thought?"

"She's giving you this time, May!" Norman interjects. "Think about it! We both knew that this news was not the best thing in the world for the two of you to hear; not by a long shot. Despite that, we both agreed that it had to be told. Your mother knew that this would be your reaction, so she's going on your time and letting you decide when you want to talk with her."

"Will I have to go see her with…Flannery nearby?"

"I highly doubt it, sweetheart," May's dad assures her. "She gets that you probably don't want to see her right now, so this is what we agreed to together. It's not as if she's afraid of meeting you face to face. That's not the case, but she would rather all of us meet together with cooler heads, you know? Listen, May," Norman continues, lifting up May's chin and making sure she hears every word. "Remember what I've told you and Max when you were younger?"

"Yes," she solemnly replies. It's a conversation that she, her father, mother and her brother have had for many years. "You're gonna be tested in this life. How you perform in these tests will determine your character," she answers near-verbatim.

"That's right, May," Norman says. "You...you think you're the only one affected by this? Hardly, May. All of us are going through our own tests, including your mother. If you think that she's in a bed of roses right now, I'm here to tell you that you're wrong!"

May has had enough of this. Another instance of this behavior from her father and she might just crack. Pushing him away, she frankly asks him, "Why the hell are you defending her? She cheated on you! Are you trying to sugarcoat that?"

"No way! It's not like you don't have a right to be mad at her, May! I'm pissed off more than you could possibly imagine! I just don't want this to hurt our family beyond repair! That's why I keep a straight face; for the two of you. This is how we handle matters in an adult way. And if you want to know why I defend her, I'll tell you."

"Oh, I'd love to hear this," she sarcastically remarks. Max, off to the side, listens and thinks that his older sister will be admonished for such a remark, but it doesn't happen.

Norman, instead, explains, "Despite everything that she's done and everything that she'll continue to do, I still love your mother."

"How could you possibly love someone who clearly doesn't return the emotions and did you so wrong, dad?" May desires to know. "What could you possibly see in her that says 'love'?"

"You!" he unexpectedly exclaims. May and Max didn't expect that answer and neither did Norman, apparently, as he shocked himself with just one word. In spite of that, he continues, "It's you and Max that cause me to continue to have feelings for Caroline. She and I brought you two into this world. The fact that she gave me the two of you is enough for me to love her as long as I live. So it's true that you, May, and you, Max, are the reason why I stick up for her."

After Norman finishes with what he has to say in defense of his estranged wife, May begins to shake her head fervently. It would seem that she doesn't buy what her father's trying to sell her in his rhetoric. "I still don't get it," May relents. "If we use your example, then apparently mom didn't feel nearly as compelled to love you back."

"Don't you think you're being a bit harsh, May?" asks, of all people in this conversation, Max. Surprised to hear this come out of his mouth, May turns around and listens some more to the person who hasn't said all that much during this family meeting. "I mean, this is not something uncommon, unfortunately. People get divorced; it happens. We…I just get the feeling that mom never meant to hurt anyone by doing this. Sure, she knew it's a heartbreaker for all of us, but seriously what good way is there to tell your husband and two children that you're a lesbian? It…I'm glad mom and dad didn't dance around the issue here, I suppose. I think they know what we can take and I can certainly respect that."

"You're sticking up for her?" May questions, very surprised at Max's remarks. "Even after all of this, you're still gonna stand up for her and defend her?"

"No, May," Max quickly refutes. "Don't you get it? This has nothing to do with me or dad or anyone taking anyone else's side. I'm on the side of our family, first and foremost, and from the inside it appears that we're in quite a bit of turmoil. The last thing I'd want to do is escalate that by taking a side which, to be quite frank, is exactly what you're doing right now."

Max saw it. If only for a moment, it stared him right in the face and dared him to blink. It was the look May just gave him; a look of unbridled scorn equitable to that of a woman who's felt the harsh sting of mistreatment over a long period of time. "You're wrong," she informs him. "I love you, brother, but you're dead wrong."

The use of the word 'brother' in lieu of his name threw Max off, but only for a moment before the moment came and went. "But what I really want to know is what makes me so wrong?

"Dad wants us to not…become divided or flustered because of this, right?" Max questions. May nods her head and the thirteen-year-old continues, "Well, saying how dad shouldn't defend mom's decision to file for divorce is one major issue, where both mom and dad agreed to separate. Don't you think that that's going against the wishes of the heads of this family? Dad isn't stopping this…" Max needs to take a deep breath right now. The realization sunk in when his father told him the news, but having to repeat it over and over again breeds contempt deep within the recesses of his mind as it pertains to this matter. Nevertheless, he's determined to make this point to his sister. "Mom and dad both agreed to this, so it will happen. I'm angry at her just like you are, May, but…there's nothing I can do if both of them are saying that there's nothing left."

"But both of them haven't been saying this," May counters. "It's just been dad because my mother doesn't want to see me."

"I told you, May, that's not true!" Norman and his son say in unison.

"She does want to see you," Max reiterates, "but on your time! I would just like to sit down, talk to her and see what was on her mind. I may not get the answers to all of my questions, but perhaps everything shouldn't be told to me. Maybe I shouldn't know everything that went down. But you know one thing I do know?"

"What?" May asks, slightly annoyed.

"No matter what happens, I still have my mother and so do you! Perhaps there was a better way to handle matters, but hindsight is what it is. For now, though, I just look forward to talking to her and I think it would be a good idea for us to do it together."

"Talk to her to—oh, are you serious?" May inquires incredulously. "Talk to her because it will be good for her and she'll be comfortable knowing how I feel? Fuck no!"

"Hey!" Norman interjects.

"I won't give her the satisfaction," she continues unabated.

"I know one thing you won't be doing any longer," May's father speaks, quite perturbed at May's attitude at the moment. "I don't want to hear that language coming out of your mouth anymore. You're upset, and that's okay, but you can let that anger out in a much better way than cursing. You understand?"

Scratching her forehead and feeling those cursed tears arriving once more, May turns her head a bit, just so her dad doesn't have to see the tears and comment on them again. May figures that she'll have to affirm the words of her father or face consequences, so she answers him. "Yes. I get it."

"Good," Norman responds.

"I get that no one is seeing this sorry story for its craziness," May clarifies. Now pointing at her father and brother, she adds, "If you two stand up for her, then you should eventually fall for her. Two wrongs don't make a right; another thing you've always taught me and Max, dad. No way will I give that…whore the satisfaction of a hug and a kiss telling her that I love her, forgive her and understand when nothing could be further from the truth."

"May!" Max pleads with his sister.

She hears none of it and retaliates with the suggestion posed to her by her male family members. "Speak with her? Come around to her?" She scoffs and then comments, "What a crock of shit. I'm outta here. Enjoy your conversation, Max."

"May, please!"

Despite the pleadings of her father, May is fed up with talking and tells her family, "She can go to hell as far as I'm concerned."

"But she's our mom, May," Max argues with tears reforming in his eyes once more at the hurtful names May just called her mother. "She gave you life and no matter what she's done, that won't change!"

"Once again," she says, turning to Max, "it's on her shoulders now. She's made her bed, so why doesn't she just go to that home wrecker for understanding and togetherness?"

"Because we're still family!" he screams back to her. "We support one another through thick and thin and have each other's back just like mom has had mine and yours. That's what will keep this family strong; not holding grudges because real life becomes too much to handle."

Why is it, in May's mind that her family can't see where she's coming from? Why do they have to persist in having her fall in line and accept this so-called reality? It's really not working for May and she's reached a breaking point with Max claiming she can't face the news for what it is.

The truth is, though, no one can tell her she doesn't know what it is, especially her little brother, and she shows him this in the only way that comes to her. "You fucking liar!" she screams after slapping him across the face with her right hand and forcing him about six inches off to the side.

It shocked Norman to absolutely no end to see what has come about due to the anger of his children, more specifically his daughter. Despite it, blaming Caroline for this would not necessarily be fair. May, after all, did introduce violence into this equation when it was not welcomed. "May? Please, just calm down!" he begs his teen daughter. "Violence? Even you have to admit that this is too much!"

"Too much? Why don't you ask…her about what's 'too much', because I don't have to stand for this belly rubbing bullshit for another second. Why…you—you can't tell me this is anything but wrong! That's it! I'm done! I'm fucking done!"

END FLASHBACK

"Miss Maple," Ollin says from his desk. Getting up from his chair, he again says, "Miss Maple," causing her to raise her head.

"What?" she questions snappily.

Ollin is taken aback for a second before saying, "Your time is up, May. I have to collect your test."

"Oh!" she embarrassingly speaks before handing off the exam to her proctor. "My apologies. There's a lot on my mind right now."

"No worries," Ollin replies, blowing off whatever reaction May might have had to his reappearance. "A lot of people are on edge for this exam for different reasons. There's a lot on the line as far as this test goes, you know?"

"Yeah, I get that feeling," May says. Afterwards, she thinks 'More than most would know,' before Ollin goes back to the desk and reads off some material required of him as a proctor.

"All right, May. This will conclude part two of three in your qualification attempt for the American tournament. The final part is a simple physical combined with a few questions and afterwards, you will be given instruction as to how you will find out if you made the cut or not. Is that clear?"

"Yes, it is."

"Well, good luck to you," Ollin says, shaking May's hand after she gets up and giving her a card with what appear to be further instructions on where to go next in the qualifying process.

It's her hope that the physical and the questioning—any questioning can get her mind off reliving her most arduous 'test' to date.

A/N: I promise we're close to starting the trip. That's two chapters from now. Next chapter has Dawn going to the physician for a checkup and reliving a past story combined with an excited invitee spreading the news that she's going to America.

Until then, this is Rave!