"So do you agree to my terms or not?" said J.J. to the computer screen, blowing on his bubblegum. He was in the middle of a video conversation, while also tapping away at the keyboard writing some very complex code.

"I shall give you the answer in the form of a riddle…"

"Don't waste my time, Mr. Nygma," interrupted J.J., popping the bubble and glancing contemptuously into the camera before returning his attention to his work. "I'm a busy man. Yes or no will do."

"How can a fifteen-year-old boy possibly be busy?" demanded Nygma.

"Well, at the moment I'm hacking into the Batcomputer in an attempt to discover Batman's secret identity," replied J.J. "It's pretty heavily encrypted, but I think I've got through. I'm also working on the CIA database to see if they've got any info Dad can use to blackmail a few of his associates. Add that to the math homework I've got to do, and trying to find a girlfriend, that makes me a pretty busy man. I mean, I know you've never accomplished any of that in favor of making up obscure riddles, but that doesn't mean the rest of us can't have busy lives, does it, Mr. Nygma?"

"Well…"

"Hang on, I've got another call," said J.J., minimizing the window and opening another one. "Mr. Tetch. Hello."

"Sir, the snail will join in the dance."

"Excellent. Hold please." He reopened the window. "Mr. Nygma, another client has just accepted my terms, so I'm afraid we will not be doing business on this occasion. Please contact me in future if you have further need for my services, but the price will not be negotiated. That is all. Thank you."

"What…"

J.J. ended the call. "Thank you, Mr. Tetch, please send me the details and have the money in my bank account as soon as possible. I don't start work on a job until I'm paid. Pleasure doing business with you. Goodbye."

He hung up and returned his attention to the code, chewing on his gum.

"Have you found it yet?" demanded Arleen, striding into the room. Her brother turned to look at her. J.J. had obviously grown in twelve years – he had his father's thin yet strong build, and his skin was even paler, but that was more from avoiding the sun in favor of working on his computer than anything else. His hair was a darker green, not the bright green of his father's, and he kept it messy and untidy, but otherwise in appearance he had changed very little.

The same could not be said for his sister. Arleen's naturally blonde hair was dyed jet black with dark purple highlights. Her face was painted white, and she wore black eyeliner and lipstick. She was dressed in tight-fitting black clothing, associating herself with the Goth style, and of all the members of her family, she was the only one with a perpetual grim and unsmiling face.

"Patience, dear sister," replied J.J., turning back to the screen. "Rome wasn't built in a day."

"I'm not asking you to build Rome – I'm asking you to find out who Batman is," retorted Arleen.

"Some would attest that that's more difficult than building Rome," replied J.J. "After all, Mom and Dad have been fighting him for years and still have no clue who he really is. Probably for the best, though. It's probably going to be incredibly anti-climactic."

"I don't care. I just wanna know," said Arleen.

"May I ask why? Does it have anything to do with that picture of Batman covered in lipstick kisses underneath your pillow?"

Arleen glared at him. "How do you know about that?" she demanded.

He shrugged. "I thought you had stolen one of my gadgets so I went looking for where you might have hidden it. Turns out Mom thought it was a plate and ended up putting it in the dishwasher. Good thing I've got a steady income trickling in from the US treasury so I can afford a new one. They should really work on their online security."

Arleen shrugged. "Fine, I admit it. I have a crush on Batman, so I wanna know who he is. What's the matter with that?"

"Nothing. Just don't let Mom and Dad find out," retorted J.J. "And personally I don't see the attraction of some bully in a bat costume."

"Well, each to his own," said Arleen. "I don't see the attraction of Aunt Ivy."

J.J. pursed his lips. "Aunt Ivy is a handsome woman," he retorted. "And not our blood relation, so there is absolutely nothing wrong in finding her attractive."

"Except for the fact that she's more than twice our age," retorted Arleen.

"There's a sizeable age gap between Mom and Dad," said J.J. "I don't see the issue."

"It's kinda creepy," retorted Arleen.

"Well, you'd know a lot about that, wouldn't you, Elvira, Mistress of the Dark?" he snapped, turning around. "Why don't you leave me to my work and go moon over the flying rodent?"

"Kids, no fighting," said Joker, entering the room at that moment. "If you got aggression you wanna take out on someone, I'll find you some cops to mutilate. Dinner's ready."

"Tell Mom I'll be there in just a second," said J.J. "Oh, and Dad, here's the info you wanted," he said, reaching for a piece of paper by the printer. "If I were you, I'd tell Falcone if he doesn't want the world at large to know about his youthful indiscretions with his cousin's goats on their farm in Sicily, he should probably pay up."

Joker chuckled, taking the paper from him. "Nice work, kiddo!" he exclaimed, ruffling his hair fondly. He giggled, reading it. "I'll send him a message saying 'Heard that goats float your boat,' and see how he responds."

He laughed and J.J. joined in. Arleen did not, glaring at them with her arms folded across her chest. She was so sick of the laughter. Everything was funny to the rest of her family, but not to her. Why couldn't they take anything seriously?

"You ain't laughing, Princess," said Joker, beaming at her. "Why not? You got a real pretty laugh, sweetness."

"Dad, I've asked you not to call me Princess," growled Arleen. "It's babyish."

"Sorry, Leenie," he said.

"My name is Arleen," she snapped. "It's not a particularly attractive name, but unfortunately I'm stuck with it until I turn eighteen and can legally change it."

"To hell with that," retorted Joker. "Your Mom ain't ever legally changed her name. We ain't really ones for legal formalities, in case you hadn't noticed," he chuckled. "Anyway, names don't really matter, sweetness, you call yourself whatever you want," he said, patting her head.

"All right. From now on I'd like to be known as Leonora Ravensblood."

Joker stared at her. "I don't get it," he said.

"What?"

"The joke. In the name. I mean, you wanna change it to something funny, right? Like your Mom – Harley Quinn because of the clown character…"

"I don't want it to be funny," snapped Arleen. "Not everything in life is a joke, Dad! I just wish you could see that, and take things a little more seriously sometimes! My name is an expression of my inner darkness and pain and suffering."

"What pain and suffering?" asked Joker, eyes immediately narrowing. "You being bullied at school or something? You just say the word, Princess, and I'll take care of them for you."

"No, it's nothing like that," snapped Arleen. "Just my inner torment."

"Wish it was inner, so we wouldn't have to hear about it all the time," muttered J.J., turning back to his work.

"Look, sweetness, I know you like a lot of the dark stuff, and that's fine, whatever makes you happy," said Joker, smiling at her. "But I ain't ever been a serious kinda guy. Different strokes for different folks, right, Princess?"

"Dad, I said…"

"Yeah, yeah, sorry. Aurora, right?"

"Leonora!"

"Right. Just come to dinner," sighed Joker. They went down the stairs to the dining room without another word.

"J.J. said he'll be down in a second – just finishing up some stuff," said Joker as Harley emerged from the kitchen, carrying plates of food.

"I hope it's his homework and not more hacking," retorted Harley. "I mean, I guess it's healthy for a young man to have a job, and it's nice that he's so in demand, but it can't be good for his eyes to be on the computer so much, can it, puddin'?"

Joker shrugged. "I'm sure he's smart enough to know what he's doing. Anyway, I ain't complaining. He's got a respectable business at his age, he'll probably have his fortune made by the time he's thirty. Frankly, I admire him. Wish I had those kinda smarts at his age. Batman would be long dead by now if I did."

He chuckled, and Arleen bristled. She didn't like the way her father casually joked about Batman's death. She didn't like the way her father casually joked about anything, really. They had been really close throughout her childhood, but then Arleen had found herself drawn towards the dark and serious, and she didn't feel her father could understand that. So she shut him out of her life more and more. She didn't want to hurt him, but she didn't want to be a disappointment to him, and she constantly felt like she was. He had never given any indication of this, but she wasn't a genius like J.J., or a good fighter like Mom, and she just didn't share the family sense of humor. Of the entire family she felt like she was the only superfluous one, the only one who wasn't needed, who didn't belong, and who didn't fit in with the smiling, laughing, happy clown persona. She didn't want to end up disappointing him even more, so it was better he didn't know how far her attraction to darkness had gone. It was better he didn't know about Batman.

J.J. entered the room and sat down. "Got your homework done, J.J.?" asked Harley.

"Oh…yeah…sure Mom, it's on my list," replied J.J., slowly.

"I know it's boring, baby, but it's important for you to do well in school," said Harley.

"Why?" asked J.J. "Dad didn't finish school, and he's done fine."

"I said I don't remember finishing school, J.J.," corrected Joker. "That doesn't mean I didn't do it. I may or I may not have. And getting a good education really helped your Mom out in life."

"How?" asked J.J. "She gave up her career as a doctor to be your sidekick, a far more lucrative and enjoyable profession."

"Yeah, but if she hadn't trained as a doctor, she never would have met me," retorted Joker.

"And that was the best thing that ever happened to my life, aside from you kids," murmured Harley, gazing at him adoringly.

Joker pinched her cheek affectionately and continued, "And if she hadn't been my doctor, neither of you kids would be here. And she could only train as a doctor by staying in school. I admit it's pretty frustrating in your case, J.J., seeing as you're running your own business, but you never know what'll happen in the future, so you gotta seize the opportunities you got."

J.J. sighed. "I'll do it after dinner," he muttered. "I guess school's not all bad. I mean, there are some benefits. Like…" He paused, trying to think of something. "Like…um…" He turned to his sister. "Leenie, help me out here."

"There's Damian," murmured Arleen.

"Who's Damian?" asked Harley.

"Friend from school," said J.J. "More Leenie's friend than mine, really. Leenie and him are really good friends."

Arleen kicked him under the table, glaring at him.

"Oh? Special friend, is he, Leenie?" asked Harley. "Is it time we had the talk about girls and boys?"

"No, Mom, it's fine," snapped Arleen. "It's not like that anyway. We're just friends."

A phone rang at that moment. "J.J., I said no phones at the dinner table!" said Harley, sternly.

"Hey, the kid's trying to run a business, cut him some slack," retorted Joker. "Running a business means sometimes taking calls during dinner. You go do what you gotta do, J.J."

"Thanks, Dad," said J.J., smiling at him and standing up. "Sorry, Mom, I'll be back soon. Professor Crane, hello!" he said, answering the phone and running off.

"What about you, sweetness? How's school going for you?" asked Joker, turning to smile at Arleen.

"Fine," she retorted.

"You sure? Nothing wrong you wanna talk about?" he asked. "You just seem a little down, angelface."

"I'm just a depressing person, Dad," she snapped. "That's just who I am. Why can't you accept that?"

"Sorry, kiddo, didn't mean to offend you," he said. "You shouldn't take everything so personally, sweetheart. I don't wanna criticize you, baby, but it wouldn't kill you to lighten up a bit. You take everything so seriously, and there's no need. Life's one big joke, y'know."

Arleen suddenly grew angry. "Maybe to you it is!" she snapped. "But I don't find it very funny, all right, Dad?! I'm sick of everything being a game, or a gag, and I just wish you could take things seriously every once in a while, instead of everything being a goddamn joke!"

"Don't talk to your father that way!" shrieked Harley in the vision, at the same time Harley in reality shrieked, "Don't talk to your father that way!"

"Sorry, sorry, just got a little carried away," said the real Harley, as the vision stopped. The fortune teller was gazing at her in concern. "Y'know, like when you shout at the TV when you watch a football game…you get emotionally attached. I mean, they are my kids, after all. Keep going. I'll be good, I promise."

"If it's upsetting you too much…"

"No, no, it's fine," interrupted Harley, hastily. "I'll be quiet."

"I'm not sure I can resume it right where we left off…bit later in the evening, maybe," said the fortune teller, revealing Harley lying in bed with a book while Joker paced the room.

"I just don't know why she's acting the way she is," he said, turning to her. "It don't make any sense, not even to me."

Harley shrugged. "Teenagers. They're weird. It's all the hormones rushing around inside them – it blocks their brains and makes them act stupid."

"Yeah? So what's your excuse?" demanded Joker.

Harley giggled. "Aw, puddin', you're so funny! Anyway, it's natural for girls and their fathers to grow apart during their adolescent years. There's a lotta angst about boys and trying to shield them from the big, scary world…"

"Yeah, who is this Damian kid?" snapped Joker. "You ever heard about him before?"

"No, but if Leenie says they're just friends, I believe her," replied Harley. She smiled at him. "It's really cute how protective you are, though, puddin'," she whispered, putting down the book. "Nothing gets me revving faster than a good Daddy. You wanna be my good Daddy, puddin', and discipline your Harley hard?"

"Yeah, yeah, in a minute," he muttered. "I just wanna have a talk with Leenie first."

"I'll be waiting when you come back!" she called after him.

Joker knocked on Arleen's door. "Come in," she murmured.

He opened the door to see her sitting on the bed, playing with a knife. "Whatcha doing, Princess?" he asked.

"Practicing," she murmured. "And I've asked you not to call me that."

"Sorry, Leonora," he corrected. He saw that she was studying an anatomy book, making cuts through the page at certain images. "Y'know, if you wanna really practice, I can show you how to cut up a body tomorrow," he said. "It's a lot different in reality than theory. A lot more fun, too."

"Yeah…that'd be cool," she said. "I've done some practice on myself, but, y'know, I don't want it to scar so I can't do it very hard," she said, rolling up her sleeve.

Joker whistled. "Those are some nice cuts, baby."

"Yeah?" she said, giving him one of her rare smiles.

He smiled back. "Yeah. Clean, just breaking the skin, won't leave marks. You're good with a knife, kid."

"Thanks, Dad," she murmured. "I'm sorry…for yelling at you earlier. I just…" she trailed off.

"What, sweetness? You know you can always talk to me, don't you?" he said, gently. "You know you can always tell me anything."

"No, I can't," she whispered. "You wouldn't understand, Dad."

"You could always tell me and see," he replied. "I may not be a serious guy, but I'll always take what you say seriously, angelface."

She was silent. "I just don't feel…like I fit in," she murmured. "I mean, it's hard being the Joker's daughter. There are expectations, from the world, from you…and, I mean, J.J. lives up to them. He's smart and funny and he's doing really well in the criminal scene. He's doing what he's supposed to do, and nobody's disappointed in him. But me…I'm not like him. Or you, or Mom. I'm not…special."

"Of course you're special, Princess," he murmured. "You're my daughter. You're the most special gal in the world."

"I just…don't wanna disappoint you, Dad," she whispered. "And I know if you knew…if you knew the truth, you'd be disappointed in me. See, the truth is, I don't wanna make jokes or plan schemes. I don't even wanna fight Batman. I just wanna be…normal. And I know I never will be."

He shook his head. "No, you never will be," he agreed. "I ain't gonna lie to ya, kid. There are some things you're never gonna be able to change. You can't change the fact that you're my kid. You can't change the fact that people are gonna hate you and shun you for that. You only got two options. You can let them win, and you can live your life in hatred and self-loathing, feeling guilt for something that's not your fault and you didn't wish for, living in fear of people finding out who you really are and hiding away your personality. Or you can fight. You can be who you are, unashamed and unapologetic. You can be proud of your heritage and of whatever you're going to become. I know I'm gonna be proud of you, whatever that is. You couldn't disappoint me, sweetheart. The only way you could do that is by letting them win, letting the world beat you down, and letting them make you ashamed of me. And even then I'd understand if you did that. I'd understand and I'd try to be happy about it. But I wouldn't be. I'd be selfish and I'd miss you. Because I love you, kid. And me, I ain't like your mother. She's got the kinda love that's really selfless, self-sacrificing, doing anything for me and you kids. I ain't ever been capable of that. I ain't ever understood that – completely nuts if you ask me. I love you for a selfish reason. And the reason is I know you'll do me proud. I know you'll do the Joker name proud. Otherwise I'd love you selflessly, and that'd be crazy. And do I look crazy to you, sweetness?"

Arleen gazed at him with tears in her eyes. Then she hugged him tightly. "Nah uh, Daddy," she whispered. "You ain't ever looked crazy to me."

He smiled at her. "Things seem a bit less dark now, kiddo?"

"A bit," she agreed.

"You feel like smiling?" he asked.

She did. "That's my girl," he murmured, kissing her. "Night night, angelface."

He left her and re-entered his bedroom. "Now, I hear my Harley's overdo for a tune up," he murmured, shutting the door and grinning at her.

"That's right, puddin'," she breathed, pulling aside the covers. "I need a little oil in my gears. Maybe my big, strong mechanic could grease me up?"

Joker chuckled, climbing on top of her and kissing her. And then the clown horn went off.

"God dammit, it's that same phone!" shrieked the real Harley, breaking the illusion again. "And it's still ruining my fun!"

The fortune teller looked at her. "Sorry," Harley said. "It's just a little frustrating to know that we still get interrupted in the future."

"I can stop this if it's too upsetting…"

"No, no, I really wanna see more. If you can get it back, I'll be really, really quiet this time, I promise."

The fortune teller sighed, concentrating on the crystal ball. The vision resumed with Joker and Harley arming themselves and Arleen and J.J. watching them.

"But why can't we come fight Batman?" J.J. was asking. "We're old enough now that we can take care of ourselves, and we could be helpful. Leenie's good with a knife, and someone of my technical expertise…"

"I said no, J.J.!" snapped Harley. "What if something happened to you? What would I do? Don't you have any consideration for my feelings at all?"

"Of course I do, Mom, but we gotta grow up sometime, don't we?" asked J.J. "You can't shield us from the world forever. And I, for one, wanna join in the fight against the man who's been persecuting you since before we were born!"

"It's too dangerous, J.J.," retorted Harley. "And you're too young, and…tell them, puddin'!" she said, turning pleadingly to Joker.

"I dunno, pooh, maybe it's time we gave them a chance…" began Joker.

"No, it's not!" interrupted Harley, furiously. "It's too dangerous and they're too young! Tell them, puddin'!"

"Kids, it's too dangerous and you're too young. Listen to your mother," said Joker.

"But Mom…"

"No buts!" she shrieked. "Just go back to your rooms and go to bed! Goodnight! I love you!" She kissed both of them firmly and then stormed to the door. "C'mon, puddin'!"

"If there's an emergency, you can always get ahold of me through this," said Joker, holding up his phone and grinning. "See ya later, kiddies!"

The door shut. Arleen and J.J. stared after them, and then J.J. started laughing hysterically. "What's so funny?" demanded Arleen.

"Dad's cell phone," chuckled J.J., heading for his room. "It's got a tracking device in it. Get ahold of him, get it? He's letting us know how we can follow them."

"Won't Mom be angry?" asked Arleen.

"Probably," agreed J.J., grabbing his bag. "But are you really gonna pass up a chance to fight Batman? Seeing your hero in the flesh? C'mon, Leenie, it's gonna be loads of fun!"

Arleen gave another one of her rare smiles. "Yeah," she said, following her brother out the door. "Sounds like a blast."