I am officially proud of myself. I got the next update for this up and the update for one of my other Bella/Jake stories. :D It's because finals are next week and I no longer have anyhting to do. Score! Hope you like. Reviews are loved.
"Always hoping to find something quicker than heaven
To make the damage of her days disappear"
-Guinevere Eli Young Band
Why did I always find the need to see him? I constantly looked for different reasons to visit him. I know I was giving him the wrong idea. Jake wanted something more from me that I wasn't able to give him. He wanted to be my boyfriend and I do not think I will ever be ready to be in a relationship after he left me. Jake doesn't deserve someone who is broken. He deserves someone who could love him completely. Selfishly, however, I hoped he didn't give up on me. I needed him like the air I needed to breathe. He was the one thing keeping the hole in my chest from opening up. When I am with him, it almost feels as if the hole never existed. It almost feels like I am whole again and not damaged goods. And then I go home and it rips apart again. Jake shouldn't be responsible for keeping me whole. I hate to burden him with it when I can't make him happy. I can't be with him.
I almost cut my finger because I was so involved with my thoughts. Jake had been watching me make lunch for Billy and him and I knew he noticed me almost taking off a finger. Thankfully, he chose not to comment.
"Alright, Jake, tell Billy lunch is ready."
I had made a simple taco salad for lunch but both Billy and Jake looked at it like it was a five-star meal. I was more than happy to cook for these guys. They were like another family to me.
"Bella! This is amazing! Better than the take-out we usually order!"
"Thanks, Billy."
"Bells, it's awesome," Jake told me, shooting me his famous smile. I couldn't help myself, I smiled back just as big.
There was just something about Jacob that made my day brighter. That could make me seem like the happiest person alive. He was just so essential to my ability to live. Just like breathing. And when I was with him, the pain of the past seem to disappear. Like Jake healed me. I knew it wasn't healthy to think about him like that. Especially when I just couldn't give myself to him like that.
After lunch was over, Jake and I did dishes. We playfully threw soap bubbles at each other. When we finally managed to have everything cleaned up, Jake took my hand and we walked out the door.
"So, we are having a bonfire tonight. A lot of people are coming. The pack, some guys from the Makah reservation, some kids from your school, the elders...it'll be fun. How bout it?"
I wasn't too sure about this. If it had just been the pack, I would have been more than happy to go. But, could I really face the kids from school? Mike still had his crush on me, Angela and Ben had been nice, but the rest of them have been bitter towards me.
"Bells, honey, it'll be okay. You can hang out with me the whole time. That's why I want you there. To be with me," Jake said noticing the look of discomfort on my face.
And I gave in. I gave in to him because it was really hard to say no to him. Plus, I was already disappointing him when it came to the reality of what our relationship would never be.
"Fine."
"Yes! I'm so pumped now!"
I couldn't help but laugh at his over-excitement. He looked like a sixteen year old again, instaed of the hardened boy he had to become due to his role as protector.
"Come on Bells. Let's go to Sam's. Emily would like to see you again."
"Sure, sure," I managed to giggle out.
Was anyone else saddened by New Moon? I'm such a Team Jacob girl....sigh.....