Chapter 4 - A Familiar Stranger

March 1989

It has been two months since the day that I met Michael Jackson and although things are slowly returning to normal again, I know that my life forever changed that day. I have spent many hours analyzing that entire day over and over again in my mind, trying to make sense of all that happened and what it all meant. It was the conversation I had with Jess and Karina after the show that really started to pull things together in my head.

When the last song of the night rang out it's final note I just wanted out of there as quickly as possible. Nothing was making sense to me and I had to get out of there in order to think more clearly. In the stadium his presence was everywhere, like a thick cloud of smog surrounding me and impeding all coherent thoughts. My need to make a run for it, so to speak, did not go un-noticed by Jessica and Karina and the ride home was full of many questions that I, frankly, wanted the answers to myself.

"Do you wanna tell us what the hell happened back there?" Which part? What happened during the hour we all met with him? What happened during the goodbye we were alone for? What happened during "Dirty Diana"? What happened during "The Way You Make Me Feel"? Jessica's question was a loaded one. Where does one even begin to answer?

"What do you mean?" I asked her. "Are you f*cking kidding me right now? You know exactly what I mean." Her voice was raised and it oozed with annoyance at my avoidance of her question. I wasn't really avoiding it, well I mean I was hoping to, but honestly I didn't know what, specifically, she was referring to.

Karina spoke before I could answer, "Ali, you two really seemed to have quite the connection, huh?" I inwardly chuckled at this, I mean if you wanna call his erratic behavior a connection, then yeah sure go ahead. "I guess." I answered her with a sigh. "You guess? Alissa, did you not see all the gestures he made towards you during the show? What the hell happened in that room after we left? What did you do to him?" What did I do? ME? Jessica was now making me feel paranoid. Did I do something to him that made him choose to behave that way? I hadn't thought I did anything wrong but it was obvious that he saw something different. Did he think that me asking him for a hug was a "move" or something? Cause I was far from trying to put the moves on him.

"I didn't do anything to him." I responded defensively and Jess picked up on my tone. "Jeez, I didn't mean it like that. I'm just saying that clearly something happened in that room after we left and us inquiring minds want to know what it was cause he really was on fire during that show and it seemed that fire was directed right at you." "Yeah Ali, really, whatever happened between you two must have been something pretty amazing." Karina was right. What happened in that dressing room was pretty amazing, I thought anyway. I could still feel his hand tightly wound in my hair, his breath against my ear, his lips as they touched my cheek. It was a moment of pure bliss and I hoped that I would never lose the feeling because in that one moment I felt special.

"Well," I began, "it was something alright." "Well we need all the details so start spilling." Jessica said as we pulled into the parking lot of my apartment. Once we were inside and all seated comfortably I began to spill everything that I knew. Talking out loud about the days events had really helped me sort things out. The beginning of the conversation was between me and Jess, Karina just listened and took everything in, as she usually did.

"OK, well after you two left I thanked him again and then I uh...asked him for a hug."

"Wait, hold on, YOU asked Michael Jackson for a hug? That's a pretty bold move for you. You never initiate things like that with anyone, let alone the biggest superstar on the planet." Jess was clearly in a bit of shock.

"Yeah, I know, but it just kind of came out. I guess I figured that it was my only chance and I would really regret it had I not asked. I mean, being who he is and all, women everywhere would kill to have him alone in a room and I'm sure many would consider it a crime to not get a hug." I laughed and they both joined in.

"OK, so go on. You asked him for hug and then what?"

"He told me that I could of course have a hug and when we hugged the feeling was something I just can't fully describe. It was just um...well it was really nice." I decided that I didn't want to reveal every little detail and describe how much I felt to them for fear that they, or at least Jess, would think I was crazy. "Then his manager came looking for him so he walked me to the door and he said that he enjoyed the past hour with us and uh...that's about it. He opened the door, you two were there, and you saw the rest."

"Seriously? A hug, that's it? Either you're not telling us everything or you give some pretty damn powerful hugs cause a normal "nice" hug would not elicit that kind of reaction in a man, not THAT man." Jessica paused for a moment to think, then continued, "hmmm, did you kiss him?"

"Jessica," I exclaimed, "that's just ridiculous, honestly."

"Not really, not at all actually. Listen Alissa, we aren't stupid here, if that's what you think, we saw the way he was looking at you while he was on stage. We saw everything. The way he looked everywhere but the direction we...you were for most of the show. Then the way that he danced and sang as if only for and to you during "Dirty Diana". The winking and the pointing during "The Way You Make Me Feel". More importantly than all of that, we saw your reaction to everything. It was like you were having some internal battle with yourself ever since we walked away from the dressing room. Something big happened in that room. So are you really going to tell me that you never felt his lips the whole time?"

I really couldn't lie when asked a direct question like that. Of course, I didn't feel I was lying at all to them, I just wasn't divulging any more details than absolutely necessary. "Um...well uh...not exactly." I literally thought Jess was going to fall over in shock so I quickly continued before her eyes completely popped out of her head, "It's not like that Jess, it was just a quick, little goodbye peck on the cheek."

It took a few moments, but eventually Jessica calmed down a bit and she was able to speak again, "Really? That's all? Just a peck, on the cheek? Hmm...well I'm not entirely sure that's all that happened. I mean, you really make everything seem as though it was so casual, yet there was definitely a spark between you two. Now be honest here, do you like him, ya know, romantically?"

With a sigh I answered, "Honestly? I just don't know. I haven't really thought about it."

"Ali, what is there to think about? Either you think the guy is cute or you don't. It's really simple."

"Well of course he's cute Jess. Do you know how many women throw themselves at him? You didn't ask me if I thought he was good looking though. You asked me if I liked him romantically. That question is not rather simple at all. You know how I feel about men in general in that way."

"Yeah, yeah I know but this is no ordinary man. I mean it's Michael Jackson for God's sake."

"Jess, he's still a man. Isn't that what you told me last night? Besides what I feel doesn't really matter I'm not going to be seeing him again." Disappointment really began to settle in as I said that.

"You didn't give him your number? Are you crazy?"

"He didn't ask." Even more disappointment.

"So what? You should have found a way to make sure he had it, just in case. What if he wanted it and was just too shy to ask or something?"

"I really don't think that's the case. I'm sure you would love to see me run off with him happily into the sunset but honestly Jess, I don't think he liked me at all, let alone like that."

After remaining quiet for the majority of the conversation Karina decided to add her thoughts. "Do you wanna know what I think?" Yes. Yes I do. Karina was always so wise beyond her years. Both of their thoughts and opinions mattered to me, but when Karina spoke things just made so much sense. She was like the light bulb in my head, her words always seemed to make things click for me.

I nodded my head, so she continued. "Well for starters I think that the whole thing seems rather surreal. Who would have thought we would be having this conversation tonight? Yet here we are. Alissa, it seems rather obvious to me from everything that I saw tonight and listening to you now that there is a strong connection between you and Michael. You both like each other but you are both overwhelmed and frightened. I don't know anything about his personal life but just the surface of who he is, is enough to make him scared. He is a very public figure who has to be careful of the people he lets into his life. You on the other hand, I know about your past, so I know why you are scared of what you are feeling. I know that you feel you are un-lovable because of the men you've had in your life, but Ali, I've told you so many times before that those men didn't deserve you. They were far too immature to appreciate all that you have to offer. You are a good person and one day you will find someone who is deserving of your love because they give it back to you with all the force and passion that you give. If you shut all men out though, you will never find it. I know it's hard to take the chance because you don't want to suffer from another broken heart and believe me, we also don't want to see that but we don't want you to give up on finding love either. Now, when you speak of Michael there is a sparkle in your eye that I've never seen before. There is something there that you just can't ignore it Ali."

There it was. The nail hitting the head. Karina was right, as usual. There have been two men in my life that I loved with all that I had yet when it came down to it they didn't love me in return. The first man was romantic and affectionate but he could really make me laugh too. We had so much fun together and he made me feel genuinely loved. He would write me sweet love notes and buy me cards that expressed his love. It was all a great act though, for deep down he never felt that way. How could he, when he was giving his love to every other girl in town at the same time? I really gave him every last inch of me yet it was not enough for him. The fairy tale I thought I was living was just a big lie and I was too blind to have seen it. The second man I loved was faithful to me and he did make me laugh as well but he was not romantic at all. In the beginning he was, but of course as time went on his "true self" became clearer to me. Romance, intimacy, affection are very important to me. There are just some things a relationship cannot live without and, for me, that's it. Well, this man refused to express his supposed love for me no matter how often I told him that I needed it. In all the time I was with him the words "I love you" never escaped his lips. I felt that if he loved me he would tell me because he knew that's what I needed to hear yet he never did, so I'm left feeling that he never really loved me either. Due to my experiences with love I find it very difficult to trust men. I have vowed to be far more careful with my heart. I want to really know a person, who they really are deep down, before I allow them inside the walls that protect my heart. Trust is not something I can just give, it has to be earned. Michael has made me feel things that I never thought I could feel for someone so soon and I don't know how to deal with that.

"Karina, you may be right about how I feel and why I feel that way. It's just hard for me to believe that Michael feels the same. If he did like me he had a strange way of showing it, that's for sure. He ignored me completely through most of the show and then he seemed angry with me during "Dirty Diana" but then "The Way You Make Me Feel" it just completely threw me off. He was being...well he was being playful."

"Well did you ever think that maybe he's just as torn as you? We don't know anything about his past just as he doesn't know yours. Maybe someone hurt him too and he's just as confused by what he feels for you as you are about what you feel for him." Hmm. Very interesting point. I guess I hadn't looked at it that way. I suppose it could explain his hot and cold projections.

The talk with my girls helped me realize a lot of things. I realized that Michael was really a special person, a man that was beautiful on so many levels and I longed for the chance to get to know him better. Sadly though, none of it mattered now. It's too late. Tomorrow I will go back to work, back to my normal life and he will go back to doing what he does best, dazzling millions of people throughout the world. I had no way of ever being able to contact him and he had no way of contacting me.

...

As I said things were relatively back to normal. I returned to work and things were going well. The last thing Karina said to me that night was, "Where there is a will there is a way. Be patient, I'm sure Michael will find a way to reach out to you soon. He will see that he can't ignore the way he feels either." After that night I had really hoped that Karina was right. Once I carefully considered everything she said I decided that I did want to hear from him. I was still scared, naturally, but I wanted to see where things would go. How could I deny the way I felt around him? There was something special about him and when I was in his arms I felt safe. I felt like all the fear and all the hurt just melted away at his touch. Even if we were only friends I wanted him in my life. I really believed that we were destined for more.

Yet now here it is two months later and I have heard nothing. No sign of him at all. As time passed by I began to feel that we were really only meant to have that one night. The experience had really opened my eyes to a lot of things. I started writing songs again and was still actually considering seeing how far my talents could take me. I also learned, more importantly than everything else, that I cannot completely give up on love. I just need to be more cautious but maybe there is someone out there for me. Someone who can return my unconditional love. Michael made me feel special, if only for a moment, and I've realized that I cannot blame all men for the mistakes that others have made. It seems to me now that Michael's purpose in my life was just to open my eyes and look at things differently. Instead of looking at being a performer as a way for people to hurt me he showed me I should look at it as a way to help others. Instead of looking at men as being selfish and incapable of feeling love Michael showed me that there are men out there who care about others more than themselves, men with all the love in the world in their hearts. I will always be grateful for the things Michael taught me and without even realizing he did.

My one evening with Michael was special and it was like our own little secret. Some of my co-workers knew about my birthday present from Jess and Karina but I never told them EVERYTHING that happened, well all except one. Kevin was one of my best friends, in fact aside from Jess and Karina he was the only one I ever confided in. We have been friends for years and he has always been there for me, even throughout my failed relationships. Many people always ask why him and I never had a relationship because of how close we are. Well, with Kevin it's just not like that. We're just friends and we both like it that way. I've never looked at him romantically before and I don't think I ever could. He's far too good of a friend to let romance ruin things.

I told Kevin everything about that night with Michael. He knew how anxious I was to hear from Michael so he was really surprised when I told him that I had come to the conclusion that it wasn't going to happen and that I was actually OK with it. Kevin seemed more upset that I would never see Michael again then I think I was. He figured if I saw Michael again he would get to maybe meet him. Kevin was a fan, not an obsessed fan, but a fan. He had an appreciation for the supreme talent that only Michael possessed. Kevin was my friend though and though he hoped things would turn out differently he accepted the way things were. He even accepted how I felt about it and let the subject go completely.

The three friends I had, the only three in the world who knew the details of what happened that night, had let it all go and so did I. We all went back to our normal lives just as we were meant to. Things would never be completely normal, though. How could they be? I shared a magical moment with an even more magical human being and no matter how long I lived I would never forget it. I just have decided not to dwell on it. I don't want to live my life in the past anymore. I want to live in the present and even dream of all the wonderful things my future may bring me. That was one more thing that Michael taught me, indirectly.

The drive into work this morning was just as crazy ever. Ya just gotta love morning rush hour in L.A. Thankfully, I still managed to arrive on time though. I really loved my job, it was now one of the few things that stood between me and pursuing a career in the music business. I knew that I couldn't do both no matter how much I would want to stay here.

As I walked in I noticed Kevin sitting at the front desk talking to a man I had never seen before. Based on his attire I assume that he is a new guy who's dressing to impress. His appearance stands out to me a bit though. Most of the male employees at the hospital are clean shaven yet this man has a full beard and mustache. I don't know why that strikes me as odd but it does. Kevin and the new guy appeared to be involved in a very active conversation so I decided to wait to say my morning hello to Kevin and went to the nurse's station to take a look at my charts for the day.

While getting ready for lunch I finally ran into Kevin. "Hey there you are."

"Hi."

"Busy day for you?"

"Yeah, you could say that. We got a new guy working at the front desk and Carly called out today so there was no one to train him. So I guess they figured there were enough nurses on staff and decided to sacrifice me so that I could train him." Carly was the woman who normally worked at the front desk, she would have been the one to train the new guy. Kevin had worked the front desk before he began as a nurse so he was the only other person on the staff that could train someone to work the front desk.

"Wow. That really stinks."

"Eh, it's not so bad, I guess. He's a pretty nice guy actually. So it's not too horrible."

"Well, that's good then. So who is this guy?"

"I don't know too much about him. His name is Chris Scruz, he's from the east, I forget which state. This is actually his first job at a hospital, can you believe that? He seems to know what he's doing though. He's catching onto everything really quick."

"Really, he's never worked at a hospital? I'm surprised then that this hospital hired him. Usually they want one hell of a resume."

"Yeah I really don't know how he got the job exactly, but hey, he seems like a good guy and he's doing a good job so far, so I'm not complaining."

"Well I guess that's all that matters then, right?"

"Right."

"Well hey listen, I'm about to run out for lunch, you wanna join me?"

"Nah, I wish I could, but I gotta take care of more things here but I'll catch up with ya later."

"OK, well have fun with the new guy. Teach him well." We both laughed before saying goodbye.

It was really strange to me that they would hire some guy that never worked at a hospital before. I've never heard of that, not here anyway. I don't know why, but things in my head just weren't adding up about this guy. The looks, the way he managed to get hired, it was just all very strange.

As the day was drawing to a close, I was standing by the nurses station finishing up the last of my notes in my last file, when I felt a very strong presence behind me. "Hello" said a soft deep voice. I turned around to stand face to face with the new guy. His hair was a sandy brown color that matched the beard and mustache and the cut was kind of shaggy. He wore glasses with thin oval frames and was dressed in a red dress shirt with a black tie, black slacks, and black penny loafer dress shoes. He looked very professional. "My name is Chris. I'm new here." "Hello Chris. I'm Alissa, it's nice to meet you." I extended my hand to shake his but he didn't take it. Instead he just looked at it and hesitated then looked around as if searching for a way to escape. How rude. Not a good way to make friends on your first day of the job. Was there something wrong with my hand? Why would he not want to touch me? It's not like I was going to bite him.

I looked over to my left and saw Kevin approaching. "Hey, I see you two met." Yeah if you wanna call it that. I just simply nodded my head. Chris seemed to be really nervous and I couldn't understand why. "Um...I uh...I have to go now, but it was a pleasure uh...meeting you. I'll see you tomorrow." With that Chris took his leave and I was left alone with Kevin to explain Chris' rather odd behavior.

"What was that guy's problem?" I asked Kevin. "What do you mean?" he answered with a question of his own. "Well I put my hand out to shake his and he wouldn't take it. He just looked at my hand for a long moment and then looked around like he was looking for some distraction." "Huh...who knows, maybe he was just nervous or something. He does seem to be kind of shy." Being nervous just would not explain why you wouldn't shake someone's hand. I mean, when you meet someone for the first time it's customary to shake hands and if someone extends a hand to you it's considered rude to not take it. "Being nervous or shy is no excuse to refuse a person's hand Kevin. It's just plain rude." "Yeah I know what you are saying but give the guy a chance. He's new and I'm sure he'll come around." Kevin always tried to see the good in people, it was one of the things I loved about him.

That evening I was soaking in a relaxing bath and thinking about this mysterious new co-worker of mine. I honestly do not know why this man is occupying so much of my thoughts. In the long run, does it really matter how he got the job? Does it matter that he rejected my hand when I offered it to him? It really doesn't, yet for some strange reason it really bothers me and I can't let it go. Normally, I am not a very forward person, I'm more laid back but I decided that at work tomorrow I would call him out on it. I had to know why he acted the way he did. Perhaps there was a logical explanation.

After my long, hot bath I decided that I would watch some TV. There was nothing on, as usual, so I just flipped through the channels until his face caught my attention. The line under the picture, "Jackson fires manager" struck me as odd. When I met Frank he seemed to be very protective of Michael, like he genuinely cared about his well-being. The news reporter said that the reasons behind Frank being let go were unclear at this time. Today was just full of strange events.

...

Michael's POV

February 1989

"Listen Mike, I'm telling you this is a bad idea. You don't know what you are doing." Frank was really starting to upset me. I really had an issue with people telling me what to do all the time and telling me what I knew or didn't know. "Excuse me? Perhaps I have allowed you too much freedom with how you speak to me in the past Frank, but no more. You will not speak to me that way anymore." I really had had enough. "This girl has made you completely irrational. If you think, for one moment, that this little plan of yours is going to work in your favor, you are sadly mistaken. It will blow up in your face in more ways than one, trust me Mike, we've both seen this before." My blood was really starting to boil now. How dare he speak that way, to me. He was the one that didn't know what he was talking about.

"I am not going to just sit back and watch you destroy your life. We have worked too hard for you to just throw it all away over some girl." "WE? In case you haven't noticed people don't come to the shows to see Frank DiLeo, they come to see Michael Jackson. I worked hard long before you were around and I will continue to work hard long after you are gone. You are far from irreplaceable Frank, remember that. I am going to live my life the way that I want. My life is my own, it is not for you to decide, end of discussion." I stood up to leave the room as I was just too disgusted to even look at him any longer. When I reached the door I turned back to him for the final time. "Oh and one more thing. Don't ever speak to me that way again or else..." He cut me off before I could finish. "Or else what? What are ya gonna fire me?" He chuckled sarcastically. "Yes. That is exactly what I will do." "Are you f*cking serious? You are going to fire me over some girl...some...some groupie?" Bad move. "That's it, you are done. Get out and don't come back." "Really? You are firing me?" He looked shock but I didn't care. I was serious, I wanted him out. I've had enough of his controlling me and I was not going to deal with it anymore. I gave him one last look showing him just how serious I was with the heat of my eyes, "Yes. Now, please see yourself out." With that I left the room and didn't look back.

Ever since that night in January I felt like a new person. Something in me changed that night. I decided then that I was going to take control of my life and do only what I wanted to do. My whole life has been spent making everyone around me happy, it's what was expected of me. Until I had a small glimpse of real happiness, for myself, I didn't realize how truly unhappy and lonely I have been. From the outside, it seems as though I have everything a person could want. Although I am thankful for everything I have been blessed with there is still something missing. I had a very, very small taste of it that one night and it's haunted me ever since. I want more of it. I have a hunger that only one person can satisfy and I won't give up until I have her.

...

Alissa's POV

When I arrived at work in the morning I walked right up to the front desk where Chris was sitting next to Carly, who came to work today. I was going to confront him about the day before. It wasn't something I would normally do but for some reason it was eating me up and I had to resolve whatever the problem he had with me was.

"Good morning. Chris, I was wondering if I could have a moment?" I tried to sound as friendly as possible so that Carly wouldn't catch onto anything. Carly, after all, was the hospital gossip. She knew everything about everyone, so one needed to be extra careful around her. "Um...yeah sure." Chris had a puzzled look on his face but got up and followed me into the break room. Luckily, for us, there was no one else in there so we could be alone.

When I turned to face him I was surprised to see him standing tall and confident, not at all like he'd been the day before. When I first met him, Kevin was right, he did seem nervous. Now, however, he seemed calm and in control. Before I could speak and give him a piece of my mind he began, which caught me off guard. "I wanted to actually speak with you as well. I'm so sorry for my rude behavior yesterday. I had just got done cleaning up some soda, that I spilt, and my hands were sticky. That's why I didn't want to shake your hand. I was embarrassed about the whole thing. I really should have washed my hands before introducing myself to you but I saw that you were getting ready to leave. Kevin had spoke so highly of you so I wanted to meet you myself and didn't want to miss you. I'm so sorry if I offended you at all."

Wow. Do I feel like an idiot. All that worrying that this guy had a problem with me and there really was a logical explanation for it. "Oh no not at all. I understand. It's no problem at all." I couldn't let him think that I was really upset over it. I felt embarrassed enough without him knowing the extent of my over-reactions. I couldn't let him know anymore than he may have already picked up on.

"Let's start over, OK? I'm Chris Scruz and I'm very pleased to meet you." He said with a warm smile as he reached out his hand for mine. His smile caught me off guard for a moment, but I reached out to place my hand in his. "It's nice to meet..." I froze when our hands met. A strange, yet familiar, feeling washed over me. Suddenly, I felt this surge of energy rip through me like lightning. It was something I had only experienced once in my life. As I looked up into his brown eyes, feelings began to surface within me that I had finally put behind me. The man before me was someone I had never met and as I stared into his eyes I wondered how could this complete stranger seem so familiar?