"How low can you go before you can't turn around?" - Against Me!
There was a sound like rushing water in Spencer's ears when he become conscious again. He was on his back on the floor, vaguely aware of two hands holding his head. He opened his eyes and was looking up at Morgan. Morgan's lips were moving but Spencer couldn't comprehend what he was saying. Time seemed to be in slow motion. He did pick up on the fact that Morgan looked freaked out. What had happened? Why was he on the floor? He tried to move but Morgan's grip tightened on him. The sound in his ears was lessening and the other agent's voice was starting to fade in.
"Don't move. You hit your head. Just lay still, okay?" His voice was calm and controlled, like how they'd been taught to talk to victims. Spencer pushed the thought from his head. He wasn't a victim. He had control.
He felt the sensation of something warm running down the side of his face as he became aware of the throbbing ache that encompassed his right eye. Spencer tried to control the panic rising in him. He was trying to remember why he had stood up in the first place. He moved his eyes around, trying to look beyond Morgan and around the apartment. He could see the opened drawer just beyond his friend and he started to panic all over again. He started to resist the grip Morgan had on him and began to maneuver himself so he could sit up.
"Hey, hey. Spencer, calm down." It was Morgan again. "Look at me." Spencer tried to look anywhere but at him as the grip on him tightened and kept him from sitting up. "Look at me, Reid." Spencer finally gave in and stared up at him. This day is just getting better and better, he thought cynically. He felt the burn of tears start in his eyes and he swallowed hard, trying to get the feeling to go away. He was relieved someone finally knew and he was terrified someone finally knew. He realized Morgan was talking again.
"We'll figure this out but right now I need you to not move. Paramedics are on their way."
"What happened?" Spencer managed to choke out. He words were still slurred and the pain in his head was making him nauseous, or maybe it was the liquor or the dilaudid. He didn't know. He could hear sirens in the background.
"You passed out and fell into the table. You stopped breathing for a minute." Morgan told him as he seemed to wince at the last sentence. The sirens were louder now and he figured the paramedics were almost there. He just wanted to close his eyes and sleep. It was getting harder to keep them open. If he could just rest for a moment...
"Reid!" The loud sound jolted him awake and he felt himself take a gasping breath. Had he stopped breathing again? He concentrated on taking breaths in and fighting the dizziness that made him want to close his eyes. Every time he was on the cusp of giving in, the loud sound of Derek's voice jolted him out of the fog. The next thing he was aware of was the sound of the door opening and someone yelling but it was mixed in with the sound of Morgan calling his name. He heard furniture being pushed around then suddenly felt hands on him. He tried to figure out what was happening but he was drifting in and out of consciousness.
"...large bore IV...I don't know how much...positive loss of consciousness...shallow resp..." Words swirled around Spencer's head and he tried to make sense of who was saying them and what they were saying. As he opened his eyes, he realized he was able to focus them. He could see two paramedics standing over him, working quickly but accurately. He knew he had a neck collar on when he tried to move his head and couldn't. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Morgan standing behind the paramedics, arms folded, watching them work on him.
His mind was starting to clear and Spencer knew if he had any chance of staying in the FBI, he couldn't let himself be taken to a hospital. It might already be too late for all he knew. He wanted as little of this mishap documented as possible.
"Stop." He called out, bringing his hand to the neck collar and grasping at the clasps that held it closed. One of the paramedics reached for his hand and pulled it back. Spencer tried twisting it out of his grip.
"Sir, you need to lay still." The paramedic said to him. Spencer shook his head as best as possible. He could feel the buzz of adrenaline start and it was becoming much easier to speak and move.
"I don't need any medical attention. I want to refuse medical attention." He was still trying to free his hand. Once it was, he hurriedly reached over to start removing the IV in his other arm. He jumped slightly at the sharp pain as he ripped it out, tape and all. Now he had both paramedics holding his hands down.
"Stop. I don't need this." He said as he struggled to free himself again from the hands holding him down. It was as if a fight or flight response had taken over him and if he couldn't run, he was going to fight.
"Sir, I need you to stay still. We will restrain you if you don't cooperate." The same paramedic told him. The other was busy holding a gauze pad to the now bleeding site where the IV had been. "You may have a head injury and are showing signs of alcohol poisoning. We need to transport you to a hospital for evaluation."
"No, I'm not going." Spencer began. " I want to refuse-" Morgan cut him off. Spencer hadn't seen him move but now he was kneeling and leaning over him.
"Reid, you're going. You probably have a concussion at the very least. You stopped breathing."
Spencer felt a wave of guilt knot up in the pit of his stomach. He hadn't meant for any of this to happen. Why did he have to answer the door? Why did Morgan have to show up? This would all be fine if he had just been left alone. He just couldn't let them take him anywhere.
"I'm feeling much better now. This isn't necessary. I want to refuse medical attention." Spencer repeated. He watched Morgan close his eyes and shake his head. He tried not to care.
"Sir, you do understand by refusing medical attention you are going against what is best advised for your health?" Spencer's eyes darted to the paramedic. He heard Morgan start to protest.
"Wait, you're not going to just let him stay here, are you?"
"Under state law, if a victim is conscious and refusing treatment, we legally cannot take them against their will. Unless they are a clear danger to themselves or others." The paramedic said to Morgan. Spencer bit his bottom lip as he listened. There that word was again. Victim.
"He is!" Morgan yelled at the same time Spencer piped up.
"I'm not!"
The paramedics started to remove the neck brace from Spencer. Spencer brought his hand to his neck and rubbed it before starting to sit up with the assisatnce of the paramedics. He felt light headed for a moment but it passed after a moment. Once he was up, he turned his head from side to side, gently testing to see if it hurt. It ached but he was pleasantly surprised it didn't hurt more. He stole a side glance at Morgan who was standing off to the side with his brows creased in a scowl. Spencer looked back at the paramedics.
"I need to ask you a few questions ad do a standard exam before we can leave." He said, looking between Spencer and Morgan, a slight tone of trepidation in his voice. Morgan looked away fixing his eyes somewhere on the wall behind Spencer. "Let us help you over here to the couch." Spencer nodded and let the paramedics help him up and walk the few steps to the couch. Once he was seated, Spencer looked at the paramedic.
"Alright. Go ahead." Spencer said, licking his dry lips and trying to control his speech so make sure he didn't slur any words. It took about ten minutes of having to follow a light with his eyes and the paramedic feeling around his neck and head before everything seemed to check out as normal. Spencer watched as the paramedic stood and started reading from a clipboard.
"Okay, the exam was normal. Just a few more questions. Are you feeling like you want to hurt yourself or others?" He said in a clinical rehearsed tone.
"No. Not at all." Spencer told him. It was true. He didn't want to hurt himself. He just wanted to forget and make all the shit stop.
"Are you hearing or seeing any voices or images that you think may not be real?" That questions threw Spencer for a minute. Was hearing and seeing Hankle not normal? No, it wasn't but he wasn't ready to admit that.
"No." Spencer said, bringing his hand to his eye to rub it, trying to soothe the throbbing. "I just drank too much. I'm sorry you guys were dragged out here." He snuck a glance at Morgan, who just stood stone faced watching the scene before him. Spencer was lying through his teeth and he knew Morgan knew it. The paramedic nodded and the other started to pack up the gear they had spread around them. Spencer sat in a moment of shock. He wasn't being dragged to the hospital. He wasn't going to have blood tests run that would show what he had been doing. He felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders and he finally felt like he could breathe again.
The paramedics handed him paperwork to fill out and he lied on most of it and hoped that it wouldn't filter back to the bureau. His eyes scanned the pages, reading it quickly to see what had been written and while he scanned over phrases like loss of consciousness, acute alcohol intoxication, possible concussion and confusion, the words overdose or narcotic weren't on the paperwork.
Spencer sat on the couch while he watched the paramedics talk to Morgan. He heard bits and pieces of what they were saying and from that he gathered that they wanted someone to stay with him for the next twenty four hours to make sure he didn't start acting funny because of his supposed head injury. It seemed like hours but was only a matter of minutes before the apartment was empty except for him and Morgan. Spencer couldn't quite read the expression on his face. He thought he saw concern but it could have been annoyance. He looked around the apartment. The coffee table was still askew from being pushed out of the way and he saw a faint trace of blood on the corner where he must have hit his head. He felt the pressure of someone sitting next to him. Spencer couldn't bring himself to look at him. He'd already caused too much commotion for one day.
"That was stupid, you know." Morgan said quietly. "You probably do have a concussion."
Spencer sat silent, not knowing what to say. His head was starting to feel clearer and he attributed it to whatever saline had been pumped into his veins. He moved his eyes to the end table and saw the drawer was closed. He wanted to know how much had been said when the paramedics were called but he wasn't about to ask.
"I'm not leaving." was the next thing Spencer heard from Morgan. Spencer sighed. He could see the the pack of cigarettes still on the table and oddly, he craved one with the hope it would calm him down. He stood up and Morgan jumped up along with him.
"Reid?" he said, hesitantly. Spencer ignored him and slowly walked toward the coffee table, only wobbling once. "Reid, what are you doing?"
Spencer grabbed the pack and pulled one out. The lighter was laying on the floor and he bent over to pick it up. Blood rushed to his head and for a moment, he was light headed. He knew Morgan was still near him, probably ready to catch him if he fell or stumbled or whatever.
Spencer struggled to open the window and after a couple attempts he felt Morgan behind him and watched as arms extended around him and lifted the pane open.
"Thanks." Spencer mumbled as he lit the cigarette and leaned against the wall next to the open window. Morgan stood across from him. Spencer could sense that he wanted to talk but he just couldn't. His brain was still trying to process everything and he didn't know where to begin.
"So..." Morgan began but Spencer cut him off.
"Not now. Just...not right now." Spencer turned away from him again as he looked out the window. He watched the wisps of smoke from the cigarette disappear into the air and he wished he could do that. It would be better than the inevitable conversation he knew was about to happen.
But he wasn't a wisp of smoke.