A/N: Another update for you all. Lawandorderfan96 - thank you so much for the encouragement, it means a lot to me. Also, I'm glad you all seemed to like the detail I put into describing how she felt afterwards, and I'm hoping to carry it on in the rest of the story. In response to Paula100's question: At first, her hands were bound and so she would not have been able to wear clothes, and once she had managed to free her hands, she was already completely focused on covering herself up and getting the hell out of there. Another thing is that, after something like that happens to you, you're not really thinking straight, and having to go to your room and dress yourself can seem way too much - you just want to cover yourself up with whatever's readily available and get out as fast as you can. Anyway, send me a review to let me know what you all thought, because I'm really looking forward to seeing what you all make of it. I hope you like this one as much as you seemed to like my last update.
Once she had actually reached Elliot's apartment building, she suddenly wasn't sure what exactly she hoped to achieve by being there. Reassurance? Someone to listen? Someone to just be there?
Maybe you should just go.
But I need him.
He'll want to know what happened.
He'll make it OK.
He can't make it OK.
Of course he can, he always can.
He won't understand.
He'll believe that it wasn't my fault.
Please, everyone will know that it was your fault.
No, no, he'll understand, he'll believe me.
Not once he knows what really happened, he'll say that he does but he'll be so disappointed in you.
No, I know he'll understand, he'll help me, he'll make it better, I know he will.
How?
Because he has to, he has to...
She hesitated and then pressed the buzzer for his apartment before she could change her mind.
Maybe he's out. Maybe he's still asleep. Maybe he's in the shower. Maybe-
There was a click and she heard his voice at the other end, sounding tired and confused. 'Hello?'
He doesn't know it's you. There's still time to run. 'El...' Her voice got lost somewhere in her throat. She cleared her throat and tried again. 'El, it's me.'
There was a long silence at the other end of the line. 'Liv?'
'Yes, I...' Olivia's voice caught.It's OK now, Elliot's here. She bit her lip and nodded before she remembered that he couldn't see her. Idiot. 'Yes, yes it's me.'
She heard him try to stifle a yawn. 'What are you doing here? It's 7am on a Saturday...'
Make an excuse and leave. It's still not too late. He never has to know. She swallowed, trying to shake off the lump in her throat. 'El, can I come up?'
There was another pause, and then a sigh. 'Of course you can.'
She heard the door buzz and she pushed it open and started up the stairs. Oh shit, she'd forgotten that she was wearing a see-through curtain. For some reason, even though she'd just walked miles through the streets in it, the idea of letting Elliot see her like this was more than she could bear. Come on. It's Elliot. You trust him. Anyway, it's too late now.
He was standing in the doorway of his apartment waiting for her and she saw his eyes widen in shock as he took in her battered face, matted hair and bruised neck. 'Jesus Christ, Liv, what happened?' He saw her face crumple and she began to cry. Oh no. 'Liv?' He looked down and suddenly saw her broken wrist and the blood streaked down her inner thighs. 'Oh my God.'
She cried harder. 'El, I... I...'
He took a step forward and tried to put his arms around her.
GOD, LIV, YOU ARE SUCH A TEASE.
'NO! Don't touch me!' She flinched away from him, pulling the curtain even more tightly around her. Oh God, why can't he help me, he's meant to make it all better, what the hell is wrong with me...
Elliot silently cursed himself. Come on, Elliot, you know better than that. It's Liv, but you still have to try and think objectively. 'Liv, it's OK, come on.' He offered her his hand and she looked up at him hesitantly. She still looked terrified. 'It's OK, Liv, it's me, it's El.'
You don't know that he won't try to hurt you. Her eyes widened and she shook her head. NEVER, EVER LET THEM GET YOU ALONE. 'No, no, no...'
He sighed. 'Liv, I know you're scared, and I understand, but I promise you, I am not going to hurt you, OK?' He smiled reassuringly at her. 'It's me! It's Elliot! You trust me, remember?'
I can't trust anyone. 'Mmmm...' She glanced down the hall at the stairs, trying to work out if she could outrun him if she had to. I shouldn't have come.
'Liv... please, just let me help you. I will do anything I possibly can to make this OK.' What a stupid thing to say, Elliot, you know that there's nothing you can do to make this OK. 'Liv, it's OK.' He held out his hand again.
Yes. I do know. It's Elliot. Out of everyone in the world, I know that he would never hurt me. I've always known that and I always will. She smiled for a second, chewing her lip nervously, and then finally took his hand and let him lead her into his apartment.
'It's OK, Liv, just sit here.' He smiled reassuringly at her. Shit, you're trained for this, why can't you remember what you're meant to do now? 'I'll, uh, go and get you a robe or something.' Am I meant to do that? Oh God, I can't remember...
Olivia perched awkwardly on the edge of the couch and hugged her knees tightly to her chest, staring at the picture of Elliot with his daughter Maureen at her graduation on the far wall. She had the same picture at her apartment. It was a running joke that she told everyone about it as proudly as if it were her own daughter. She'd even... she'd even told...
I'VE COME UP HERE, I'VE SPENT THE WHOLE NIGHT SITTING HERE AND LISTENING TO YOUR STUPID WHINING AND BORING STORIES...
Leave me alone, please... Oh God, where had Elliot gone? He was meant to protect her, why wasn't he here? '...El?'
YOU DON'T REALLY THINK THAT I'M GOING TO LEAVE WITHOUT GETTING SOMETHING BACK, DO YOU?
'El? Elliot?' She tried to swallow back the panic in her voice. 'Elliot?'
OH, I GET IT, YOU WANT TO PLAY...
'NO! ELLIOT! ELLIOT, WHERE ARE YOU?' she screamed, breaking down into heavy sobs. 'ELLIOT, HELP ME!'
He ran back into the room carrying a dark red bathrobe. 'It's OK, Liv, it's OK, I'm here!' He quickly draped the robe across her shoulders and sat down on the floor opposite her, watching her grasping at the thick towelling fabric and pulling it down to cover herself. 'I'm here now, Liv, and I'm so sorry, I should never have left you.'
She chewed her lip and nodded, staring at the floor. She was shivering violently as she tried to burrow deeper into the fabric of the bathrobe, clutching a swathe of it in her fist and using it to wipe her eyes.
He cleared his throat. 'What happened?'
She looked up at him, wide-eyed and with tears streaming down her face. 'El, why did you leave me?'
I don't know Liv, I'm so sorry, I should never have left you and I will never, ever forgive myself. OK, Elliot. Focus. He tried again. 'Liv, can you tell me what happened to you?' Let her tell you herself, in her own time.
She opened her mouth and then shook her head. He can never know.
Elliot sighed. 'Did someone you know do this to you?'
She shook her head silently, tears running down her face. I was so stupid, I didn't know him and I still let him into my home...
'Where did it happen? Was it outside the precinct? Was it on the way home?'
'I...' I wish it had been. How terrible is that? I wish I had been attacked in the street by a faceless stranger with a knife and a ski mask. I wish that I had just been dragged into some dank alleyway to be assaulted. Maybe then I would feel less stupid. I don't deserve anyone's sympathy. I'm not a victim. I was attacked in my own home by someone I willingly invited in. I allowed this to happen to me. She cleared her throat. 'It...'
He smiled reassuringly at her and offered her his hand. She sat and stared at it, but didn't take it. 'Come on, Liv, it's OK. Where did it happen?'
She swallowed, biting down hard on her lip. 'It... it was in my apartment.'
Elliot's mouth fell open in shock. 'Jesus, how the hell did he manage to break in?'
'He...' I let him in. I brought this on myself. I brought him back to my apartment. I invited him up. I flirted with him and I kissed him and then... 'He... he...' Olivia lurched forwards and gagged, her head between her knees. 'He...'
'Liv, it's OK, it's OK.' Without thinking he reached out and put his hand on her shoulder, and she flinched as if she had been burned. Shit. 'Liv, it's OK, it's OK.'
'NO, NO, IT'S NOT!' It all poured out in a disorganised, frantic rush. 'I let him in, El, I let him in, and then...' She retched again, her shoulders shaking as she cried. 'Oh God, I let him in...'
YOU LET ME UP TO YOUR APARTMENT, YOU CAN'T SAY NO NOW...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO... She pushed her head further down between her knees and finally threw up. 'Noooo...'
'Liv, it's OK, it's OK.' Elliot sighed and pulled her hair back off her face, holding it back as she heaved. 'Liv, it's OK, I'm here, it's OK...'
'El, it was my fault, El!'
'No, Liv, it wasn't, it was not your fault, do you hear me?'
She looked up at him, her eyes red and puffy and tears streaming down her face. 'But El... it was...'
'Liv, it wasn't.' His voice was kind but firm. 'How did you get here?'
She wiped her mouth. 'I walked.'
'From the Upper West Side?' He looked at her feet again. The soles were cut to shreds, some stones and small shards of glass still adhering to them. Jesus. 'OK, Liv, I have to take you to the hospital.'
Her eyes widened and she tightened her grip on her knees. 'NO!'
'Liv, you-'
'NO, EL, NO, IF I DO THEN EVERYONE WILL KNOW!'
'Liv, you know that they can't tell anyone. No one else ever needs to know if you don't want them to.'
'But I deal with them every day, I take all the real victims in, and they know me, and I'll be the SVU detective who let herself get... get...' She shook her head. 'No, no, I can't...'
He smiled sadly at her. 'Liv, come on, you know that you need to go. They need to clean you up and do a rape kit.'
'El, I don't want to...' She started to cry harder. 'Please, I don't want to...'
He sighed. 'Liv, you have to.' He put out his hand again and she finally took it. 'Come on. I promise I'll be with you the whole time, and any time that you've had enough and you want to leave, we'll leave. Can you do that for me?'
I don't know. She sniffed and wiped her eyes. 'OK, El.'
He smiled at her and squeezed her hand. 'That's my girl.'
A/N: I'm already well into the next chapter, so I should have that posted pretty soon. It has a more in-depth look about how Elliot feels about what has happened, as well as how Olivia feels. I hope you all liked this one, and send me a review to let me know.