SLASH. WARNING. You have been warned. Major JackXDavid, minor Sarah pining
for Cody.
Thanks to all who review!
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I didn't know what else to do. I watched her dirty, tattered shoes as she stalked off, black footprints left in the dust of snow on the sidewalk.
It wasn't true, was it? I wasn't being lead around like.. like a pet, was I? Cody was wrong, wasn't she? Why did it matter what she thought, I asked myself. She's just a dirty coal-miner from upstate, what difference did her opinion make? And even if her opinion did count, she was certainly in the minority. Lots of boys talked to me, except the newsies who knew I was Jack's girlfriend, so I must be doing something right.
I went back to Tibby's to finish my soup and really think. I smiled at the heat as I stepped into the restaurant; the warmth strung my snow-chilled cheeks, even if I still felt a cold pit in my stomach.
Cody said that I was a.. a piece of good-for-nothing fluff. Why? I help my mother keep my house clean and I look after my little brother. I even paid for lunch! So what if I didn't work for those two dollars? That was why Papa gave them to me; I'm good at handling money. And it IS improper for a woman to work outside the home, unless she's a teacher or a nurse, maybe. A girl is supposed to grow up to be a good wife and mother, and a good wife and mother is at her best when she's at home, taking care of her husband and children! It's a perfectly honorable profession, even if you don't get paid any money for it. That's what a REAL woman is, I thought confidently. Real women don't try to be men.
And what about Jack? Jack certainly didn't think I was good-for-nothing fluff. He told me how pretty I looked, when I asked. He said he liked the way I curled my hair, and he liked the way my blue calico dress brought out the color in my eyes. He even complimented me on my cooking one time. I smiled in satisfaction and drank down the rest of my soup.
What Cody said didn't matter when you put it up against what Jack said. Jack was a good, solid man, with a warm heart and a gentle hand. Cody was a dirty girl, with coal dust under her nails, and strong arms... and long hair.... And pretty eyes... and high cheekbones... and nice hips...
"What am I thinking?!" I scolded myself. Thinking about Cody that way! Girls don't think of other girls that way, no matter how boyish they are! It's just wrong!
But it's true, isn't it? I asked myself. She does have pretty eyes and nice hips, doesn't she? And she has a very nice figure, too-- a narrow waist and square shoulders, round breasts and a long, white neck... I blushed as I imagined her, and then darker when an image of her stripping off her overcoat and reaching to embrace me came to my mind.
And Cody really is so strong, I thought. When Jack holds me, it's like Papa, but if she held me... with those powerful arms... It would be like a prince, wouldn't it? I hugged myself at the thought. Yes, that's what it would be like. A prince, with long golden hair- once she washed it. But her lips would be soft, wouldn't they? She might have the arms of a prince, but she'd have a princess' soft kiss...
KISS!?
"Oh, God.." I grabbed my coat, stood up and ran for the door. I had to stop thinking such unnatural things, such awful thoughts. What would Cody say if she knew? What would Jack say?
Jack... I had to see Jack. He was always so dependable and knew so much more about the world than I did, certainly he'd have an answer. I put my coat on and ran down the street as quickly as I dared, toward the Lodging House.
When I reached it, all the lights were out. I let myself in and shook the snow out of my hair and coat, and I wondered if maybe David had gone on without me and Jack had gone wherever it was all the rest of the newsies were.
I waited for a minute to see if anyone would come down, but strangely there seemed to be no one here. They'd said David's wallet was near Jack's bunk, hadn't they? I headed up the stairs.
As I approached the Newsies' bunkroom door, I started hearing voices from inside. I thought they might be burglars, so I pressed my ear against the door and listened.
"Oh.. we can't-- not here, are you craz-- aah!"
"What? A li'l danger don't give youse the shivahs?"
The voices seemed to dull down into wordless sounds, but I couldn't just walk in. I listened a little longer, until I realized that the voices were too familiar... one of them was definitely David.. but the other... it sounded.... but it couldn't be! That was wrong! It was perverted! It was just sick!
It was Jack.
I considered just turning and running, but I couldn't. Jack, my boyfriend, was cheating on me with my brother... how could I just let that go? How could I just ignore the deception, the lies? But most of all, how could I let David get away with that! Of all the horrible things a man could do to his sister; it was improper and harlotry for a woman to seduce away a sister's man, how much worse was it for her brother?! I stood outside the door, gritting my teeth in anger and hurt and disbelief. It was just wrong, in the eyes of God and the community! If they were doing what I thought they were doing, I'd never let them hear the end of it, I'd kick and scream and demand to know why they would do such a horrid thing to me! What possible reason could they have--
"David... I love youse, David..."
My heart sank into my shoes. That was Jack's voice. And it was laced with heavy breathing and kiss-swelled lips, I could hear it. Carefully, I managed to push the door open, just a little bit.
I could see them clearly. They were sitting on Jack's bunk, facing each other, with David half-straddling Jack's lap. Their coats were hung carelessly on the mattress and David's fingers curled tightly into Jack's hair. The only light came from a single dim lantern, the candlelight flickering across their cold-stung cheeks. They were kissing, passionately and lovingly, and Jack's arms were so tightly wrapped around David's back it seemed he'd never let go. In the silence, broken only by the occasional labored breath and the sounds of cold hands warming up against warm skin, it seemed so.. perfect.
I felt bad for watching, but I couldn't tear my eyes away. This wasn't some image of depravity and lust and sickness and sin... It was two people in love, that was all. Everything else was just scenery. Part of me wanted to kick and scream and say that Jack and David were lying to me this whole time, but a larger part understood; it was bad enough that David could only sell papers as an after-school and weekend job now. If Papa had known about this, he'd have put a stop to it long ago, I was sure. But I didn't understand why, having seen it with my own eyes.. After all, isn't love the most beautiful thing about life? Falling in love, being in love, expressing your love?
I went back downstairs and began to think about Cody. What if my feelings for her meant... I could be falling in love with her? What if I was attracted her, just like I was attracted to Jack? What if.... what if being with Cody could be more satisfying than being with Jack? Maybe love was the key to it all... I knew I wasn't in love with Jack, not the way David seemed to be. I could never kiss Jack with so much passion and feeling. But.. maybe I could kiss Cody like that.
If she didn't hate me.
I sat down on the last stair and began to cry.
Thanks to all who review!
===========================================================================================================
I didn't know what else to do. I watched her dirty, tattered shoes as she stalked off, black footprints left in the dust of snow on the sidewalk.
It wasn't true, was it? I wasn't being lead around like.. like a pet, was I? Cody was wrong, wasn't she? Why did it matter what she thought, I asked myself. She's just a dirty coal-miner from upstate, what difference did her opinion make? And even if her opinion did count, she was certainly in the minority. Lots of boys talked to me, except the newsies who knew I was Jack's girlfriend, so I must be doing something right.
I went back to Tibby's to finish my soup and really think. I smiled at the heat as I stepped into the restaurant; the warmth strung my snow-chilled cheeks, even if I still felt a cold pit in my stomach.
Cody said that I was a.. a piece of good-for-nothing fluff. Why? I help my mother keep my house clean and I look after my little brother. I even paid for lunch! So what if I didn't work for those two dollars? That was why Papa gave them to me; I'm good at handling money. And it IS improper for a woman to work outside the home, unless she's a teacher or a nurse, maybe. A girl is supposed to grow up to be a good wife and mother, and a good wife and mother is at her best when she's at home, taking care of her husband and children! It's a perfectly honorable profession, even if you don't get paid any money for it. That's what a REAL woman is, I thought confidently. Real women don't try to be men.
And what about Jack? Jack certainly didn't think I was good-for-nothing fluff. He told me how pretty I looked, when I asked. He said he liked the way I curled my hair, and he liked the way my blue calico dress brought out the color in my eyes. He even complimented me on my cooking one time. I smiled in satisfaction and drank down the rest of my soup.
What Cody said didn't matter when you put it up against what Jack said. Jack was a good, solid man, with a warm heart and a gentle hand. Cody was a dirty girl, with coal dust under her nails, and strong arms... and long hair.... And pretty eyes... and high cheekbones... and nice hips...
"What am I thinking?!" I scolded myself. Thinking about Cody that way! Girls don't think of other girls that way, no matter how boyish they are! It's just wrong!
But it's true, isn't it? I asked myself. She does have pretty eyes and nice hips, doesn't she? And she has a very nice figure, too-- a narrow waist and square shoulders, round breasts and a long, white neck... I blushed as I imagined her, and then darker when an image of her stripping off her overcoat and reaching to embrace me came to my mind.
And Cody really is so strong, I thought. When Jack holds me, it's like Papa, but if she held me... with those powerful arms... It would be like a prince, wouldn't it? I hugged myself at the thought. Yes, that's what it would be like. A prince, with long golden hair- once she washed it. But her lips would be soft, wouldn't they? She might have the arms of a prince, but she'd have a princess' soft kiss...
KISS!?
"Oh, God.." I grabbed my coat, stood up and ran for the door. I had to stop thinking such unnatural things, such awful thoughts. What would Cody say if she knew? What would Jack say?
Jack... I had to see Jack. He was always so dependable and knew so much more about the world than I did, certainly he'd have an answer. I put my coat on and ran down the street as quickly as I dared, toward the Lodging House.
When I reached it, all the lights were out. I let myself in and shook the snow out of my hair and coat, and I wondered if maybe David had gone on without me and Jack had gone wherever it was all the rest of the newsies were.
I waited for a minute to see if anyone would come down, but strangely there seemed to be no one here. They'd said David's wallet was near Jack's bunk, hadn't they? I headed up the stairs.
As I approached the Newsies' bunkroom door, I started hearing voices from inside. I thought they might be burglars, so I pressed my ear against the door and listened.
"Oh.. we can't-- not here, are you craz-- aah!"
"What? A li'l danger don't give youse the shivahs?"
The voices seemed to dull down into wordless sounds, but I couldn't just walk in. I listened a little longer, until I realized that the voices were too familiar... one of them was definitely David.. but the other... it sounded.... but it couldn't be! That was wrong! It was perverted! It was just sick!
It was Jack.
I considered just turning and running, but I couldn't. Jack, my boyfriend, was cheating on me with my brother... how could I just let that go? How could I just ignore the deception, the lies? But most of all, how could I let David get away with that! Of all the horrible things a man could do to his sister; it was improper and harlotry for a woman to seduce away a sister's man, how much worse was it for her brother?! I stood outside the door, gritting my teeth in anger and hurt and disbelief. It was just wrong, in the eyes of God and the community! If they were doing what I thought they were doing, I'd never let them hear the end of it, I'd kick and scream and demand to know why they would do such a horrid thing to me! What possible reason could they have--
"David... I love youse, David..."
My heart sank into my shoes. That was Jack's voice. And it was laced with heavy breathing and kiss-swelled lips, I could hear it. Carefully, I managed to push the door open, just a little bit.
I could see them clearly. They were sitting on Jack's bunk, facing each other, with David half-straddling Jack's lap. Their coats were hung carelessly on the mattress and David's fingers curled tightly into Jack's hair. The only light came from a single dim lantern, the candlelight flickering across their cold-stung cheeks. They were kissing, passionately and lovingly, and Jack's arms were so tightly wrapped around David's back it seemed he'd never let go. In the silence, broken only by the occasional labored breath and the sounds of cold hands warming up against warm skin, it seemed so.. perfect.
I felt bad for watching, but I couldn't tear my eyes away. This wasn't some image of depravity and lust and sickness and sin... It was two people in love, that was all. Everything else was just scenery. Part of me wanted to kick and scream and say that Jack and David were lying to me this whole time, but a larger part understood; it was bad enough that David could only sell papers as an after-school and weekend job now. If Papa had known about this, he'd have put a stop to it long ago, I was sure. But I didn't understand why, having seen it with my own eyes.. After all, isn't love the most beautiful thing about life? Falling in love, being in love, expressing your love?
I went back downstairs and began to think about Cody. What if my feelings for her meant... I could be falling in love with her? What if I was attracted her, just like I was attracted to Jack? What if.... what if being with Cody could be more satisfying than being with Jack? Maybe love was the key to it all... I knew I wasn't in love with Jack, not the way David seemed to be. I could never kiss Jack with so much passion and feeling. But.. maybe I could kiss Cody like that.
If she didn't hate me.
I sat down on the last stair and began to cry.