{Apollo POV}

Haiku's are wonderful, aren't they? Out of all the immortals Ares and Hermes love them almost as much as I do. I can tell by their screams of happiness whenever I come up with one.

Hermes always tells me, "Why the heck did they make you the god of poetry? I wish I can go back in time and beat their heads over with the sky Atlas has to hold up."

"Apollo if you don't stop saying haikus I will tie you to a chair and duck tape your mouth shut. Then I will line every single one of your living kids up and have my kids beat the crap out of them," Ares loves to compliment me.

"Oh stop it. You don't need to clap." But to tell you the truth I love it when they clap.

"I'm bored, "Ares and Hermes both said. This gave me an idea.

I went through all of Percy's stuff looking for something I needed but never found it.

"What are you looking for?

"Money," I said.

"I got Percy's credit cards, social security, a few debit cards, and if you kill him he has a wicked life insurance policy." That's Hermes for ya.

I got dressed and opened the front door. It was really breezy outside.

"Apollo, why are you naked?"

"I'm not naked."

"Yeah you are."

I looked down to check. "OH MY GOD. You are so right. Let me go put some clothes on."

Once fully clothed I returned to the door. Right before I stepped out into the cold hard world I turned towards Ares, "I saw you peek," and took off outside.

You'd be surprised. The outside is just like the inside but with no roof. I never knew that.

I looked down at my to-get-list:

Straw

3 Phones

Peanut Butter

4 Girls

"Off to the farm we go," I said while doing a heroic pose. It just so happened that I was standing in the middle of the road so I walked up to a car, opened the driver's side, and pulled an old lady out of the car, "You're way too old to be driving," then I got in but I made sure to pay my respects, "Go die somewhere it's almost your time to go."

I drove for a while until I saw a gigantic floating pig. Now some might say that I'm dumb but just to clarify everything I already knew pigs could fly.

It was located on the top of a really tall building. I got out the car and ran inside the building.

Inside there was a woman at that gave me a strange look like she was constipated or something but I'm sure she was just checking me out.

"Can I help you with something, sir?" She had a sexy voice.

I turned on my manly charm, "Well, foxy lady, I was wondering if you had some straw here." The ladies love it when I turn my charm on.

"Excuse me?" She was a blonde so naturally she wasn't too bright.

"S-T-R-A-W. DO YOU HAVE ANY STRAW?"

"I still don't understand," she said.

This was going to take a while.

{Ares POV}

"Dinner is served boys." Percy just finished setting the kitchen table.

"Wow! Percy, if you were a girl I would make hundreds of little babies with you if you cooked like this every night." Hermes was getting a little too excited.

"No thank you," Percy had a disgusted look on his face. He looked around, "Where's Apollo?"

"I don't know," Hermes replied.

"I don't care." I really didn't.

After a few minutes we heard the front door open and speak of the devil, it was Apollo.

He was dressed in a cheerleader's outfit and was wearing a wig. In his arms were three inflatable girls, a jar of peanut butter, and three toy phones.

"What's up?" He acted as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

"What did you do?" Percy sighed.

"I just went out to get some stuff." Apollo threw all of Percy's credit and debit cards at him.

"Oh no," he said. Poor Percy.

"Today Ares and Hermes were bored so I thought I get some entertainment." I like entertainment.

"What'd ya get?" I hope he got want I think he got.

"First, I went to this place called Tiffany's Farm," when he said that I immediately began to doubt.

"Isn't that the company that sells packaged bacon?" Percy asked.

"Yeah. I went to them for some straw. I mean, they had a giant floating pig on top of their building, and their company is named Tiffany's Farm. What farm with floating pigs doesn't have straw?"

I was extremely confused. "You were looking for straw, as in hay?"

"Straw, as in straw you drink with. Idiot." How ironic.

"Did Zeus drop you on your head when you were small?" Percy was appalled at Apollo's stupidity.

"Yep, and he would beat us whenever he got drunk. Since they didn't have any straw I held them all hostage but then I had to pee. They didn't have a restroom either!"

"Where did you get the rest of the stuff?" His story wasn't making any sense to me.

"I got everything from Walle-mart, except for the inflatables. I got these from somewhere else, if you know what I mean. I meant to get four but the place didn't have enough so I dressed up like a cheerleader."

There was a long awkward silence.

"Soooooooo, you two want to join us in the other room? Sasha likes it when you put peanut butter in her special place." He was referring to one of the dolls.

Percy, Hermes, and I looked at each other for a moment as if we read one another's mind we picked up our food and chucked it at Apollo.

He ran out the room and said in a girly voice, "You guys are so mean! Me and the girls will go have fun with peanut butter by ourselves!"

{Apollo POV}

Bastards!