This chapter is in Edward POV, in case you didn't realise the last chapter was in Bella POV. For the people who review, I'd just like to mention that I do respond to your reviews and thank you so much for them! I do not own Twilight, please read and review!
Thoughts of her would not leave my mind. Her scent, her soft blush, her endearing clumsiness. Every time I closed my eyes, her face would come to mind.
I didn't care if I was going mad, as long as I got to spend eternity engulfed in her memories, they could take me anywhere.
We had recently moved to Cornell, after Carlisle and Esme realised that being in Alaska made no improvement to my current depression.
Life had lost its colour; my existence had lost its reason. Even the stars of reason that existed in my universe of life had lost their sheen. I was on the verge of being sucked into a black hole and I didn't know whether I could stop myself from falling in.
My whole family tried to wake me up again from the trance I had fallen into, but I couldn't see them through the haze of memories, I couldn't hear them through Bella's voice.
The days passed so slowly, before I met Bella, years seemed to pass y in the blink of an eye.
These days, however, a second seemed to feel like ten years. I couldn't even pass a second without being reminded of my Bella… and it was killing me inside.
Would she be safe? God knows how much danger she can attract! Jasper and Alice had left, the pain that had consumed me was too much for Jasper to handle. He had told me before he left that he couldn't handle being around the pain because he knew that he had caused it.
I don't know how many times I told him that it wasn't his fault, that it was me. I had been so stupid as to think that a human girl could be around us and not get hurt. And know, because of my foolishness my whole family had been split up.
It hurt Esme and Carlisle as well, they weren't used to being without their whole family. It wasn't the same without Alice's constant chatter, and even though she talked to us over the phone, it just wasn't the same.
Everything was my fault; I had been the idiot that decided that, guess what? My love is true and pure that I can save her from anything.
But now I had decided that true to my love, I should save her from everything.
That meant me. She shouldn't be forced to spend her whole life with a soulless monster like me. I knew she believed that I did have a soul, but I knew the truth.
How could someone like me have a soul? I fed on the blood of others; I killed others for my own existence.
When I was finally free of this wretched existence, I was sure that I would be sent to the seventh circle of hell. I could not, no scratch that, I would not let my beautiful, kind and caring Bella to ever experience that.
Sometimes I wondered whether my decision to return to Forks after that first torturous Biology lesson had been the right one. Look, where I was now, pining after a girl I would never have.
I stared into the mirror of the bathroom I was currently standing; I saw none of the beauty that Bella supposedly saw every time she looked at me.
I wanted to slam my fist into the mirror, to see the cracks like spider webs through the glass, most of all I wish I could smash my face, mainly so I wouldn't be able to see the monster that was my reflection.
Instead I studied my features, I studied my features and tried to find the monster me, to find flaws in myself so I could prove to myself that Bella was wrong, and that I wasn't beautiful or lovely or anything else she had ever called me
I saw myself for a truly was; a predator that only lurked in the darkest of dreams. My eyes had turned coal black, and yet they were as inviting as they were when they were golden, my skin seemed paler, if that was possibly, and if a behavioural expert were to look at me they would say that I was a defeated man.
I was defeated; I had lost the love of my life, the love of my existence because of what I was.
I wanted so many things, I often wondered whether the decision that I had made was the right one. I wondered how Bella was doing. I wondered if Bella had found another man that could love her the right way.
A surge of anger ran through me after the last thought. It quickly died down though; I had no right over Bella. I had left her, not the other one.
I felt a wince of pain as I remembered her face. I pushed back those memories. I cursed my memory, I would never be able to forget her, or her face, or her scent. There were times when my senses were not a blessing but a curse. This was one of those times…
As I walked back to my bed, I thought about all the things I wished for, I wondered about and the things that kept me thinking all the time.
I wished I was six feet under the ground like I should be, I wished I was a mortal man, I wished I could have been human, I wished I could have a soul, I wished Bella had never loved and I her, I wished I had ran away that Biology lesson, but most of all I wished I could be with Bella.
You know what I realised? That I'm better at writing angst that i am at writing angst. That's just weird... Anyways, just thought i would say that Insert Title Here and A New Day, A New Beginning have both been put on hold for a while as i re-write them. Frankly, they've been written pretty badly. Please read and review and have a good day! And I'm sorry for the short chapter.