Chapter 3

Three weeks later

"I need you car keys." He said, using the same gruff tone he always uses with her.

She doesn't take it personally that he doesn't ask her nicely. She just silently handed them over and bites her tongue from advising him he shouldn't leave. She knew there's a chance that he won't be coming back every time he leaves, but he does.

He always comes back and she can't help but wonder why.

He comes and goes like a ghost. A man haunted; looking for lost things. She lets him be for the most part and he ignores her for the other part, only listening when she nags him about eating because he forgets sometimes. He has his good days and his bad days. Of course, more good than bad. His good days consisted of him only drinking for half of the day while his bad days consisted of him drinking the whole day followed by passing out on the living room floor.

Even though he drinks, the nightmares still come through. The screaming always came first. The painful sobbing afterward. He doesn't seem to remember the next morning, but she thinks he does and is too prideful to acknowledge it whenever she brought it up during breakfast.

The next night is quiet and she's shocked to see he was nowhere in sight when she went to check on him. He's gone for five days and on the fifth day she's silently begging for Castiel's help, but there was no need because he returned that same night.

He looked surprised to see her on the couch, waiting. She stood up as soon as he stumbled through the door. Her anger melted as she stared at him. Concern coming onto her expression as she noticed the blood on his shirt and hands. She stepped forward, pausing when he spoke.

"It ain't my blood." He said softly.

She stopped and her face suddenly hardened. She was trembling with rage and she stepped away from him, frightened by the feelings he invoked inside of her. She swallowed. "I'm going to bed." She turned away from him. "Try not to get blood all over the place."

She slammed her bedroom door closed and collapsed face first onto her bed, tears falling

from her eyes. She had thought he was dead; disappearing without as much as a trace. It scared her and the rage she felt boiling inside of her from his irresponsible absence scared her more. She cried to herself, empty hazel eyes flashing in front of her closed lids.

Dean was halfway down the hall, moving toward her room before he realized what he was doing with a frown. He turned, and made his way toward the bathroom to strip and wash the blood and sweat off of his body. The vampires had been harder to track than usual. But once they were found, he chopped them up easy. He tilted his head back, letting the hot water pelt his face.

He had been so close.

He ran his hands through his hair before resting his hands on the wall in front of him. He could feel the vampire's hands around his throat. He had felt his life slowly slipping from him. He was so close to giving in. But, he didn't. He fought on. He switched the water off and reached for a towel. He wiped the steam from the mirror and stared at the haggard stranger in front of him.

His eyes, once alive showed nothing. They were empty. Dead. He ran his fingers across the beard he didn't bother to shave. He looked haggard. Much older than his thirty one years. He exactly like his Dad had after his mom had died and he started to laugh; laugh so hard it made his ribs hurt. The laughter soon turned to hysterics. Tears flooded his eyes and he shoved his fist into his mouth as he cried.

Dean gritted his teeth in anger. 'Soon.' He thought to himself. 'Soon this nightmare will be over.'

Grace is surprised to see him sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of coffee the next afternoon. She ignored him and moved to make herself a cup of tea instead. She could feel his eyes on her as she moved about the kitchen. She reached for the sugar and slowly stirred, forcing herself not to turn and face him.

"I'll be-I'm going out again tonight."

She tensed at the sound of his voice, quiet but loud in the stillness of her kitchen. She slowly turned to face him, her expression neutral. She silently questioned the painful twinge in her heart as she looked at him, sitting at her kitchen table looking lost and haggard. "It's dangerous for you."

He shrugged. "I don't care." He answered softly.

He won't meet her eyes, but she can hear the lack of harshness in his tone. That was different. She sipped her tea. "Will you be careful?"

He doesn't answer her this time, only continued to stare into his coffee as if it held the secrets to life itself.

She shook her head at him. "Why do you come back here?" she asked the question she had been wondering for the past few weeks. "When you leave, why come back here?"

He looked up at her this time and she once again found herself lost in his gaze. "I don't know." He answered truthfully.

She nodded once and moved to leave the kitchen. "I have work to do."

He came back the same night bloody and bruised, but mostly unhurt. He's surprised to find her waiting for him. She doesn't say anything to him as he stumbled through the front door. She simply goes into her bedroom and closed the door quietly.

She doesn't ask about the blood on his hands and he pretends not to hear her crying each time she closes that door.

It's a week later that Dean found himself in a warehouse in downtown Cleveland, hunting a Shape shifter. It had been sloppy and he gave up defending himself as the Shape shifter beat the living crap out of him.

He closed his eyes and waited for the final blow as the shifter reared it's fist back once again.

"Ahh!"

He opened his eyes, shocked at the image of Castiel burning the shape shifter up from the inside out. Ashes and dust fell over his face as he stared up at Castiel with wide eyes.

He barely had time to scramble away as Cas suddenly stepped forward, leaned down and touched his shoulder. "Wha-"

He felt nauseous and dizzy and he doesn't have to open his eyes to know Castiel had transported him somewhere.

"If you think you've been alive these past few weeks because of your mere hunting ability, then you are a fool Dean."

Dean opened his eyes to glare up at the Angel who stared down at him with a blank expression. "Fu-" He trailed off and glanced around, his eyes widening as he realized where they were.

St. Mary's Convent.

There's a flash in Dean's mind and he can see himself, or his body standing over Sam, his hand around his throat. He shook his head and slowly stood up. "Why'd you bring me here?" He asked quietly.

Castiel ignored his question and spoke his words carefully, softly. "I have seen people struggle in this cruel and unfriendly world. I've seen humans starving, freezing, stricken with illness, and yet they have the courage to move on. To live." He tilted his head to the side. "But yet you try to throw your life away as if it means nothing."

Dean swallowed and glared at him. "I asked you a god damn question! Why did you bring me here?"

Castiel suddenly stepped forward, his eyes blazing with anger. "Do not take the lord's name in vain!"

Dean barely flinched. "Why'd you bring me here?"

Castiel held his hands out. "This is where it began and this is where it ended." He turned to look at Dean. "It is real." he said. "It has happened."

Dean closed his eyes briefly and he could see the shocked gasp fall from his brother's lips as his hands brought Michael's sword through his chest. Those aren't his memories. "It wasn't me." He said quietly. He shook his head. "It was Michael. Sam was-wasn't himself."

Castiel nodded once. "Yes." He said.

Dean opened his eyes. "I wasn't suppose to remember this." he said softly. "I wasn't suppose to live through this. Why am I still alive?"

"You said yes." Castiel said simply. "You fought for heaven. You sent Lucifer back into perdition. You-"

"Michael did those things!" Dean cut in angrily. "Not me!"

Castiel stared at him. "Do you believe it was that simple Dean?" He stepped closer. "You said yes. After everything. At the end, you still said yes." Cas touched his shoulder. "You wish to know why you are still alive. Because you said yes. Because in the end, you did what was right. Because you are a good man Dean. Because you are righteous. Life is your reward. It is God's gift to you."

Dean growled and grasped Castiel by his trench coat. He back him up until he heard the satisfying crack of the Angel's back hitting the plastered wall of the convent. "To hell with his gift!" Dean growled. Castiel's eyes widened, then narrowed and if they were in another time, Dean would have found this actual reaction from the Angel hilarious.

"Hypocrite." He hissed. He tightened his hold on the Angel's clothing. "You tell me life is my gift? What kind of life is it when everybody I cared about is gone? You come here and preach to me like I'm the luckiest guy in the world! It's real easy to stand there and tell me I'm lucky. You got your heaven back. You got your precious father back. What the hell do I have huh? Everyone I love is dead!"

Castiel's face softened for the briefest of moments before sliding back into that expressionless mask. "Life is-"

Dean cut him off. "You say life is my gift one more time and I swear I'll punch you."

Castiel blinked at him. "You'll break your hand."

Dean stared at him for a long moment before pushing the Angel away with a small breath. He turned his back on the Angel. "I was finished." He repeated softly. "Ready to just lay down and die. Everyone is gone. Sam and Bobby were the only two left and they're dead."

"They are not."

Dean froze at those words. Heart hammering inside his chest, he slowly turned to face Castiel. "Cas," He said softly. "If this is your idea of finally gaining a sense of humor, this is not the time nor the place."

Castiel gave him a confused frown. "I do not understand."

"Dean rolled his eyes and stepped forward. "Bobby and Sam?"

"They are alive. Robert Singer is in a hospital here in Maryland."

Dean couldn't quell the hope he felt swelling inside of him. "But I saw him go down, Sam-Lucifer-" He trailed off.

Castiel nodded. "I healed him." He said simply. "After Michael defeated Lucifer, he was immediately called back to Heaven. I was no longer cut off. I healed him and left him at the hospital."

Dean nodded taking this information in. "And Sam?"

"He is lost." Castiel said and Dean frowned.

"You mean metaphorically or-"

"When Lucifer was cast back into Perdition Sam was still alive. Just barely, but alive. Your wounds were mortal." Castiel explained. "I had to heal you and get you to safety."

Dean glared. "So you chose me over my brother."

Castiel looked confused. "I had my orders." He replied. "You were my number one priority."

Dean shook his head. "You should have left me!" He growled.

"I could not." Castiel said. "I came back for Sam as soon I knew you were safe. When I arrived back here, he was already gone."

"Wait a minute," Dean said. "When you say gone you mean.."

"Someone or something had taken his body." Castiel turned away from him. "I have been searching, but I cannot sense him anywhere. Someone very powerful is blocking me from seeing him. But I know he is not dead. I would sense it." He looked back at Dean who was eyeing him strangely. "You cannot go searching for him."

Dean snorted. "The hell I can't." He turned to leave, pausing when Castiel spoke again.

"You have a bounty on your head Dean Winchester."

He shrugged. "Nothing new."

"Demons still walk this earth." Castiel said. "They are out for blood. I cannot protect you."

"Oh and your daughter can?" He asked with a frown. "Thanks for telling me you had a daughter Cas, which is all kinds of wrong by the way."

Castiel shook his head. "You are no good to your brother dead."

Dean paused his shoulders dropping as he realized the truth in those words. He glanced back up at the Angel. "Take me to Bobby."

Dean stared down at the man he considered a father with a mixture of sadness and relief.

"He is just sleeping." Castiel assured.

Dean stepped forward. "Bobby?" He whispered.

"He cannot hear you." Castiel explained. "It is safer this way."

Dean nodded and swallowed. "Does he know that I'm…"

"No." he answered. "For his own safety." Castiel glanced up. "We must go."

Dean frowned. "Wait just-" He trailed off as he realized he was back in Cleveland and standing in front of Grace's home. He sighed and glanced over at Castiel. "You're an ass you know that?"

"I will continue the search for your brother." Castiel said, ignoring the insult. "You will stay here until I tell you it is safe."

"And do what?" He asked, turning to face the Angel, only to find that he was gone.

"Dammit!"

Grace looked up from the book she was reading as she heard the front door being opened. She placed the book down and stood up as Dean stepped inside. "Are you…." She trailed and gasped when he turned to face her. She can see the instant change before he even opened his mouth. The hope in his eyes mixed along with the sadness.

"Hi." He greeted her simply.

She didn't say anything, just simply moved toward him and wrapped her arms around him in a comforting hug.

Dean tensed for a moment before hesitantly wrapping his arms around her. He soaked in her comfort, tears embarrassingly pooling in his eyes.

TBC